Swan's Movie Commentaries

[Cole416]

OH NO NOT THE CHOCOLATE BAR!

[Cole416]

That face is so cool.

[Swan]

Xoc would be a really hard name to pronounce.

[Cole416]

This guy is so screwed~!

[Swan]

Practical effects in the heezy fosheezy!

[Cole416]

Lol is this supposed to be a horror/comedy?

[Cole416]

plot twist!!!

[Swan]

Lol is this supposed to be a horror/comedy?

I feel like it's more a lighthearted ode to Halloween more than anything.

[Cole416]

Wow that scene was awesome!

[Swan]

4+ Great movie.

Thanks for doing the commentary buddy.

[Cole416]

Oh wow it's over already?

[Cole416]

idk, I wish there was more. I guess it's better than it being too long. I was ready to give it a 4 but I feel like it ended too early. 3.5

[Cole416]

Thanks for commentating with me! :)

[Swan]

DEAD SILENCE AKA BETTER THAN CITIZEN KANE

http://i304.photobucket.com/albums/nn187/bdfolsom/MV5BMjEyNDQwMTQ3OV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMTY5MzI0MQ._V1_SX640_SY720__zpsauheerju.jpg

With cole416!

[Cole416]

I f*cking hate puppets, so i'm taking a huge risk here :p

Ready when you are :)

[Swan]

Play at :17

[Cole416]

played!

[Swan]

PLAYING.

[Cole416]

i hate puppets so much i am shaking

[Swan]

OMG AMBIENT MUSIC IM ALREADY SCARED

[Cole416]

dude im actually terrified

[Swan]

It's not so scary. The puppet is just going to eat your insides.

[The Gunslinger45]

Clearly the better than Citizen Kane line is a reference to something I missed. And I am guessing it is at CR's expense for an argument in one of the hall of fame threads. Or am I wrong?

[Cole416]

can these credits get any longer jesus?

[Swan]

Clearly the better than Citizen Kane line is a reference to something I missed. And I am guessing it is at CR's expense for an argument in one of the hall of fame threads. Or am I wrong?

Nah, was just a joke because the movie is so bad and Citizen Kane is always called the greatest movie ever. Not a slight to anyone or reference to anything.

[Swan]

OH MY GOD HE BONKED HIS HEAD!

[Cole416]

OMG SHADOW

[Cole416]

OMG PACKAGE

[Swan]

It's not a doll, it's a puppet.

[Cole416]

I can tell the acting is the strong-point in this movie

[The Gunslinger45]

Nah, was just a joke because the movie is so bad and Citizen Kane is always called the greatest movie ever. Not a slight to anyone or reference to anything.

Ah, I see now. And yes this was a terrible movie.

[Cole416]

OMG MOUTH OPEN PLOT TWIST

[Cole416]

Man she is so unattractive to me

[Swan]

The puppet's going to move or something.

[Swan]

Jamie's going to be dead under the sheet or something.

[Cole416]

STOP WALKING OPEN THE DAMN THE BLANKET

[Swan]

I suck at predictions.

[Cole416]

SUUUUUUUUUUUPER SLOW MO

[Derek Vinyard]

I actually like Dead Silence a lot more than Citizen Kane and it's not a joke and btw Swan I work all night tonight so maybe tomorrow for the Insidious commentary ??

[Swan]

I actually like Dead Silence a lot more than Citizen Kane and it's not a joke and btw Swan I work all night tonight so maybe tomorrow for the Insidious commentary ??

Might work. :)

[Cole416]

GET OUT

[Cole416]

are they gonna explain what made the noise?

[Swan]

are they gonna explain what made the noise?

What noise?

[Cole416]

why would I need an alibi? uh... are you dumb?

[Cole416]

What noise?
Her voice

[Swan]

Her voice

Yes, when they reveal the twist.

[Swan]

Scaring you yet, Cole?

[Cole416]

Scaring you yet, Cole?
i was covering my eyes

[Swan]

i was covering my eyes

http://media.giphy.com/media/Ic97mPViHEG5O/giphy.gif

[Cole416]

This seems like the intro to a porno

[Cole416]

*ignores phone calls from dad*

Why didn't anyone tell me you had a stroke?

[Cole416]

Bates motel

[Swan]

You know, as silly and over the top it is, I always liked the twist in this movie.

[Cole416]

Lets keep the doll out that you think is connected to a murder. Smart.

[Cole416]

lol

[Swan]

No, it can't be!

[Swan]

Cole, just a word of warning, whoever watches this movie will have a puppet appear in their room that night, staring at you the entire time.

[Cole416]

i hate puppets

[Cole416]

why do people have puppets? the thought of them just creep me the f*ck out!

[Cole416]

smart, go when it's dark af not broad daylight

[Cole416]

DRIVE YOUR CAR GET OUT OF THERE STOP GETTING SPOOKED THAT'S GONNA MAKE IT WORSE

[Swan]

why do people have puppets? the thought of them just creep me the f*ck out!

I never figured it out either, really. Guess they're kinda cool...

[Cole416]

WHY WOULD YOU GET OUT OF THE CARRRR

[MovieMeditation]

I would've joined this if I could find the DVD, so I could pop it in, but it has gone missing.

Oh wait! You get it? Pop it in? Puppet in! No? Anybody?

Okay. Just continue your commentating then... There is too much of a dead silence in here to crack jokes... Okay seriously, I'm done now.

[Cole416]

I never figured it out either, really. Guess they're kinda cool...
Nope. Nope. and Nope

[Swan]

This movie is very dull.

[Cole416]

Im addicted to shaving too

[Swan]

Mary Shaw
Her only doll
Was named Paul
He wasn't tall
And had no balls
But had a lot of gall

[Swan]

I think that kid played Paul in It Follows! Holy sh*t!

[Swan]

I think that kid played Paul in It Follows! Holy sh*t!

I was right.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1507857/?ref_=tt_cl_t1

[Cole416]

This movie sucks lol

[Cole416]

I was right.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1507857/?ref_=tt_cl_t1
Terrible actor

[Swan]

Terrible actor

Your face is a terrible actor.

[Cole416]

All of the actors in that film outside of Maika Monroe were bad. She actually did a great job.

[Swan]

:nope: Great movie.

[Zotis]

Which movie are you watching/commentating on atm?

[Cole416]

Which movie are you watching/commentating on atm?
Dead Silence

[Swan]

Which movie are you watching/commentating on atm?

Dead Silence. I knew it was bad but I thought it would make for a fun commentary. I didn't recall it being so dull.

[Zotis]

Can't be worse than Child's Play. :p

[Cole416]

Dead Silence. I knew it was bad but I thought it would make for a fun commentary. I didn't recall it being so dull.
This is boring, this isn't even "so bad it's good"

[Zotis]

Keir Gilchrist isn't that bad an actor though.

[Swan]

This is boring, this isn't even "so bad it's good"

Sorry Cole. My bad.

[Swan]

Keir Gilchrist isn't that bad an actor though.

Thank you. Cole is whacky tobaccy.

[Cole416]

Sorry Cole. My bad.
Oh no it's fine. It's fun to commentate on though

[Zotis]

Thank you. Cole is whacky tobaccy.

Yeah, I've noticed. :D :p

[Swan]

At least it has a cool theme melody.

[Cole416]

Oh wait I thought he was the long haired dude that got laid and died in It Follows. I guess the guy who she ends up staying with at the end wasn't that bad.

[MovieMeditation]

Can't be worse than Child's Play. :p
Child's Play is awesome!

[Zotis]

Child's Play makes The Grudge look good.

[Cole416]

Reminds me though... We should do a commentary when "The Gallows" inevitably gets put on netflix. It looks so bad that it might be fun to commentate on lol

[MovieMeditation]

Child's Play makes The Grudge look good.
Oh no you didn't!

[Cole416]

OMG PERFECT DOLL

[Swan]

Child's Play makes The Grudge look good.

Pay no attention to MM, he likes Quarantine. :p

[Cole416]

that jump scare lol

[Derek Vinyard]

Dead Silence = 4

https://sp.yimg.com/ib/th?id=JN.ymdoAFBSNdU3o55K56qHsQ&pid=15.1&P=0

[MovieMeditation]

:( To hell with all of you...

[Cole416]

BTW Swan, what did you rate You're Next?

[Swan]

:( To hell with all of you...

I'm just giving you sh*t brother. And always will. :D

[Cole416]

Dead Silence = 4

https://sp.yimg.com/ib/th?id=JN.ymdoAFBSNdU3o55K56qHsQ&pid=15.1&P=0

http://asset-2.soup.io/asset/0854/6117_2db9.jpeg

[Swan]

BTW Swan, what did you rate You're Next?

It varies between 3 and 3.5

[Cole416]

It varies between 3 and 3.5
Wow that's one of my favorite horror movies! :(

[Cole416]

OMG MARION!

[Swan]

Wow that's one of my favorite horror movies! :(

Dude, I'm a big fan of it! I'm glad you like it. Last time I watched it, I gave it 3.5 I think, which for me means "really good".

During the horror HoF, a lot of people ragged on it for some reason, which is very sad. It's a very underrated movie. I have no complaints about it really. If you read the commentary HK and I did for it, you'll see I have nothing but praise for it.

[Cole416]

Lol that kind of reminded me of Saw for some reason.

[Cole416]

Why would they keep having kids with the curse? So dumb.

[Swan]

Why would they keep having kids with the curse? So dumb.

Cause they dumb.

[Cole416]

Dude, I'm a big fan of it! I'm glad you like it. Last time I watched it, I gave it 3.5 I think, which for me means "really good".

During the horror HoF, a lot of people ragged on it for some reason, which is very sad. It's a very underrated movie. I have no complaints about it really. If you read the commentary HK and I did for it, you'll see I have nothing but praise for it.
I thought it was pretty humorous which was a nice change. It had a very original twist to the home invasion subgenre

[Cole416]

I was expecting more puppet murder. Glad I wasnt scared sh*tless.

[Cole416]

inb4 main guy is about to die and cop shoots the bad guy/puppet

[Zotis]

I still haven't seen You're Next. It does look interesting though.

Swan, you should see the movie Black Rat.

[Swan]

I still haven't seen You're Next. It does look interesting though.

Swan, you should see the movie Black Rat.

I'll have to see if I can get a hold of it. Thanks for the rec. :up:

[Zotis]

Also, A Blood Pledge is my favorite Korean/High-School horror. It's not scary though. It's more about telling an interesting story with a horror theme.

[Cole416]

This part is actually pretty interesting.

[Cole416]

They could have gone without that screeching noise, it would have been a nice jumpscare without it and with just that creek.

[Swan]

The dolls are moving OH MY GOD!

[Cole416]

Lol wtf

[Swan]

Woweeeeee

[Cole416]

Was that the twist?

[Cole416]

lol not really

[Cole416]

Im not even gonna ask how he came out of that unharmed.

[Swan]

If you can't find the dummy, the dummy is probably you.

[Cole416]

If you can't find the dummy, the dummy is probably you.
cool story

[Cole416]

dummies dont faze me anymore

[Cole416]

you hear that swan? you dont faze me!

[Swan]

Here comes the silly twist.

[Zotis]

I would watch this if Christopher Lambert was in it.

[Cole416]

lol

[Cole416]

the intro credits were scarier than this movie

[Cole416]

1

but for teh lolz 3

[Swan]

0.5 There is nothing redeemable about this movie. I give it half a point because I think the twist is humorously fun, but honestly, it's not even enjoyable to watch. It's just boring, for the most part. There are plenty of worse movies out there, but because it's so incredibly dull, that makes me dislike it more than any of those.

However, I'm glad I had someone to watch it with me so I wasn't bored out of my mind. Thanks Cole!

[Cole416]

Thanks for doing this, Swannie! I was expecting something good though, my Godmother who is an extreme horror buff said that this is one of her favorite guilty pleasures because she hates dolls as well.

[Swan]

Yeah, I know plenty of weirdos who like this movie for some reason. :p

[ursaguy]

I've never seen this. I'm scared of puppets, like legitimately phobic in a psychological way. Moderately fun read though.

[Swan]

Thanks ursa. :)

[Cole416]

I've never seen this. I'm scared of puppets, like legitimately phobic in a psychological way. Moderately fun read though.
Hah thanks. It got pretty weird but I think they could have made it a LOT better. The plot wasn't all that bad..

[Zotis]

My condolences to you both.

[ursaguy]

The Rotten Tomatoes rating was in the 20s, so I don't think I missed too much.

[honeykid]

Aw. I've had this sat on the shelf since it came out and I've still not watched it. I'd have done this if I was about.

[Swan]

FINAL DESTINATION

http://i304.photobucket.com/albums/nn187/bdfolsom/download_zps1qakfljp.png

With MovieMeditation!

[Funny Face]

I still think about the first two movies every time I get on a plane, take an elevator, stand next to a propane BBQ, and or drive past a logging haul.

[MovieMeditation]

Sorry for the hold up!

I'm here, ready whenever!

[Swan]

Play at :08

[Swan]

Playing.

[MovieMeditation]

Playing. HERE WE GO!

[Swan]

OMG SPOOKY SOUNDS

[MovieMeditation]

Creepy opening scene. I always thought this music was so damn creepy. Great composing!

[MovieMeditation]

The Stifler himself is in this movie!

And Candyman of course!

[Swan]

Let's go to France.

[Swan]

The Stifler himself is in this movie!

Yes, but the important question is, is Stifler's mom in the movie?

[Swan]

Directed by James Wang. I mean Wong.

[MovieMeditation]

Yes, but the important question is, is Stifler's mom in the movie?
true. but I think not. :(

but their teacher is pretty fine. Doesn't reach Stifler's mom level though!

[MovieMeditation]

Been such a long time since I've seen this! Been meaning rewatch it for so long.

[Swan]

It's a fun movie, but like you, I haven't seen it in a long time.

[MovieMeditation]

"you got your whole live ahead of you"

*creepy and slightly frightened look*

DAM DAM DAAAM!

[MovieMeditation]

180 - the lucky number!

[Swan]

It's 1:80 o'clock.

[Swan]

A teen jock knowing who Hitchcock is? Unrealistic!

[MovieMeditation]

Damn. This movie has every cliché character ever lol

[MovieMeditation]

A teen jock knowing who Hitchcock is? Unrealistic!
the character's name is in fact Hitcock, I doubt he knows jack sh*t about the actual Hitch! :D

[Swan]

the character's name is in fact Hitcock, I doubt he knows jack sh*t about the actual Hitch! :D

Oh. They named a character Hitchcock............. CLEVER SCREENWRITER.

[Swan]

She cute.

[Zotis]

The only Final Destination movie worth watching is the one with Mary Elizabeth Winstead in it.

[MovieMeditation]

The creepy coincidences continue! Aaaargh!!

[Swan]

The only Final Destination movie worth watching is the one with Mary Elizabeth Winstead in it.

Psh, I bet you watched the first and crapped your pants.

[MovieMeditation]

Imagine how uncreepy these scenes would be if the main character wasn't so damn paranoid! :D

[Swan]

Why is he paranoid? Is he just afraid of flying?

[MovieMeditation]

Why is he paranoid? Is he just afraid of flying?
That's one thing, he's superstitious too, as we saw in the beginning. Just a f*cked up kid in general. :p hah

[MovieMeditation]

Here we go! AAAAAARGH!

[Swan]

OH MY GOD ITS GONNA CRAAAAAASH!

[MovieMeditation]

OH MY GOD ITS GONNA CRAAAAAASH!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6caQKpaymfM

[Cole416]

wat u watchin

[MovieMeditation]

I love how crazy that plane crash was. Everything was so insane haha I loved it!

... and here goes the real thing. damn!!

[Swan]

wat u watchin

American Psycho.

[Cole416]

2 ditchers in one commentary? Why is this still going on?

[Swan]

2 ditchers in one commentary? Why is this still going on?

We only ditch commentaries when you're participating. :D :D :D :D

[MovieMeditation]

And here comes Christian Bale! I just luv American Psycho! This scene ma favorite of all time!

[Swan]

And here comes Christian Bale! I just luv American Psycho! This scene ma favorite of all time!

Personally, I hate it. This movie - American Psycho - is really bad. Christian Bale is a terrible actor.

[Swan]

She believed him. Oh my gwash.

[Cole416]

I reported both of your posts for blasphemy..

[MovieMeditation]

Personally, I hate it. This movie - American Psycho - is really bad. Christian Bale is a terrible actor.
Yeah, well, should we just double-ditch this commentary then?

[MovieMeditation]

Lol, anyways, so far I still like this movie, it seems.

I mean for what it is, it's doing a pretty good job at it. Can't wait for the bathtub scene, that sh*t is intense!

[Swan]

Yeah, well, should we just double-ditch this commentary then?

Let's change it to Final Destination. And let's start 25 minutes into the movie.

[Swan]

Lol, anyways, so far I still like this movie, it seems.

I mean for what it is, it's doing a pretty good job at it. Can't wait for the bathtub scene, that sh*t is intense!

Yeah, it's still good. It's pretty standard in terms of craft but the concept makes it loads of fun.

[MovieMeditation]

Yeah, it's still good. It's pretty standard in terms of craft but the concept makes it loads of fun.
Yeah, I know what you mean. It goes through many clichés, it takes many easy routes, but the concept is unbeatable! And, imo, there's a few stand out scenes that really makes it worth it. But let's see how I feel once we get to them...

[MovieMeditation]

His friend has such a creepy voice and way of talking, seriously.

[Swan]

His friend has such a creepy voice and way of talking, seriously.

He'd be a good Joker.

[Cole416]

fd4 was pretty good but the rest were ok

[MovieMeditation]

He'd be a good Joker.
Damn, that's very true.

[MovieMeditation]

fd4 was pretty good but the rest were ok
Looks like Cole would make a pretty good Joker as well.

[Swan]

The water is gonna getcha!

[MovieMeditation]

Despite how unrealistic it is, I respect how realistic they made the scene. If that makes any sense at all.

[Swan]

A vision, or whatever.

[MovieMeditation]

That girl looks like one of my classmates from high school.

[Swan]

The sculpture represents how he makes her feel.

Well, that's one weird-looking dildo.

[MovieMeditation]

Candyman, Candyman, Candyman...

[Swan]

If you switch the first letters of Tony Todd's name, he becomes Tony Todd.

[MovieMeditation]

Candyman. Serial killer in the daytime, coroner at night. ironic.

Lol but anyways, Tony Todd basically lived off of this franchise after his past success.

[Swan]

"I'll see you soon."

THAT MEANS HE'S GOING TO DIE. GET IT?

[MovieMeditation]

They cheated on death! Damn, such skanks...

[Swan]

Nine Inch Nails.

[MovieMeditation]

Can we pause it for a min. My copy is ****ing with me, I need to make quick change.

[Swan]

Okay. Paused.

[MovieMeditation]

I paused at sparkly water.

[Swan]

I paused at 49:19, blood just hit teacher's face.

[MovieMeditation]

I paused at 49:19, blood just hit teacher's face.
Okay, I'll get to where you're at.

It should only take a minute... But technology man, you know...

[MovieMeditation]

Okay, had to go fire up the old dvd. Apparently everything suddenly ****ed up. I'm sorry for that.

Ready whenever! Just say it!

[Swan]

Play at :16

[MovieMeditation]

playing

[Swan]

Damn, for some reason the audio isn't working. PAUSE AGAIN.

[MovieMeditation]

paused

[Swan]

Hmmm, I don't know what's going on but the audio isn't working on my computer. I tried a YouTube video too and that wasn't working either...

[Swan]

Nevermind got it working. Where you at?

[MovieMeditation]

Nevermind got it working. Where you at?
I realized my dvd copy is shorter, so I'ma go by what's on screen if the timecode doesn't fit. I'm at the scenes after the sparkly water and after he talked with his dad and there's a news cast coming one with a black dude. I'm right there, when we see the television screen.

[Swan]

Okay. Play at :22

[Swan]

Playing.

[MovieMeditation]

Playing. AGAIN. :D

[MovieMeditation]

I hate when some cuts are shorter, I hope I don't miss anything too good, like awesome gore scenes! My version is 1:33:57, compared to the original 1:38 or whatever.

Anyways, here comes the teacher!

[Swan]

Haha, mine is 92 minutes and 32 seconds. :p

[MovieMeditation]

Well, despite of the teenage drama and silliness of the entire scenerio, I think the movie generally does one thing right - the death scenes and the tension/build-up in them (well, except if you are hit out of nowhere by a bus... but that's clever too! :D).

[Swan]

I'll be right back. Don't pause.

[MovieMeditation]

I'll be right back. Don't pause.
You can't leave during this awesome death scene!

[Cole416]

He's gone for good

[Swan]

Yo. Sorry.

[Swan]

This. Song. Is... terrible.

[MovieMeditation]

He's gone for good
What are you still doing here you psycho?

[MovieMeditation]

Who's next! aaaaaaarrgh!

[Swan]

Who's next! aaaaaaarrgh!

You're Next, if Cole gets his way.

[MovieMeditation]

You're Next, if Cole gets his way.
https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/34/c8/13/34c813637d9d9daa105ffa3e062ebeca.jpg

[MovieMeditation]

Ding-ding. Next stop. The final destination.

[Swan]

Close one.

[MovieMeditation]

Stifler loves getting head. Except when done this way.

[Swan]

Stifler got the coolest death.

[MovieMeditation]

When comparing to the beginning, I kind of understand his paranoia now though. I would be too lol. :D

[Swan]

When comparing to the beginning, I kind of understand his paranoia now though. I would be too lol. :D

Psh, who would be paranoid going through what he's going through? Psssssssssh

[MovieMeditation]

But I love how the director keeps on insisting on making everything scarier than it is. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Here? Not so much.

OH MY GOD! HE'S EATING A CAN OF TUNA!

[Swan]

But I love how the director keeps on insisting on making everything scarier than it is. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Here? Not so much.

OH MY GOD! HE'S EATING A CAN OF TUNA!

Yeah. I admit, it's pretty hilarious and clever.

[Swan]

I am finally destined two watch three movies four times in a row, including The Final Destination, which I've only seen five times.

[MovieMeditation]

Damn he has been jerking off a lot!

No wait, it's just news papers. Dammit.

anyways, HURRY UP! RESCUE THE GIRL BE THE HERO!

[MovieMeditation]

close call.

[Swan]

Prediction: They somehow make it out alive and beat death.

[MovieMeditation]

Never liked this "climax" much. But hey, whatever!

[Swan]

Never liked this "climax" much. But hey, whatever!

Cliche movies never have good climaxes. They're always cliche action-y climaxes that have predictable outcomes, unfortunately.

[MovieMeditation]

Cliche movies never have good climaxes. They're always cliche action-y climaxes that have predictable outcomes, unfortunately.
Yep. That said, I do like the way they end off the film! That's great!

But this... it's just a little too much, a little too silly, a little too cliché, stupid and far out overbloated.

[MovieMeditation]

I wasn't joking when calling him the hero who saves the girl. This is on some superman type of sh*t right there.

[Swan]

I'll always be with you.

Hey, he's Jesus!

[Swan]

Wait... he didn't die?

[MovieMeditation]

This ending haha, I kind of love it. It's perfect for the film anyhow.

"so who's next?"

SLAM!

[Swan]

That was a good ending!

[Swan]

3+ Solid movie. Cliche, mostly predictable, nothing too special... but saved by a fun concept! Gets a plus for the ending.

[MovieMeditation]

Thanks for commentating with me, Swan! I don't know how to rate this.

I'm at 3+ or 3.5-

More the former though, I think. There's a few things it execute greatly and then there's some elements that really stink.