Meatwadsprite's Slow Review Thread

Golgot, Meatwad and Yoda the little exchange above The Road review had me laughing my ass off. You guys should take this act on the road.

Sincerely,

A lover of comedy

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Louise Vale first woman to play Jane Eyre in the flickers.

There were more than a few people who, apparently, didn't think the book could be filmed in a way that did justice to the book. Most thought that it'd come off as a very dull or boring film which wouldn't engage the viewer.

Meatwadsprite's Best of 2009


Crapper Worst - Public Enemies



Michael Mann is a director who puts a lot of attention into the look and sound of his films, which is a giant surprise because this film looks and sounds like crap. Even if you appreciate the poorly done handy cam approach for it's realism, you'd be hard pressed to defend one of the worst sound designs of all time. Characters voices fade in and out, gunshots go from too loud to too quiet. Public Enemies is literally broken and I haven't even touched the core of the film itself (all shooting) ... oh it's bad ... oh it's real bad.

Runner Ups



(Dod Sno, Baader Meinhof Complex, Bruno, 9, Paranormal Activity, Men Who Stare at Goats)

Biggest Disappointment - Watchmen



It's hard to tell where a Watchmen film could have gone wrong. The source material is just that good. Well let's start with the terrible acting, over glorified action scenes, mega inappropriate soundtrack selections, amatuer screenplay, amd the anti-mosaic direction. There wasn't a lot of hope since the begining when it was handed to Zack Snyder of all people, but when the teaser came out and the interviews with Snyder talking about how faithfull the film was to the book, it was really hard to not get excited for Watchmen. This movie is a monumental disapointment, the novel is cinematic in every way but Snyder's way.

Runner Ups



(Achilles and the Tortoise, Public Enemies, Men Who Stare at Goats, The Road, The Lovely Bones)

Funniest - Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs



Runner Ups



(In The Loop, Black Dynamite, Funny People, Bad Lieutenant : Port of Call New Orleans, Up in the Air, Big Fan)

Best Animated Film - Ponyo on a Cliff by the Sea



Miyazaki delivers another heartfelt masterpiece of animation. Like his best films, it's wonderous visuals are backed by an equally powerfull score by master composer Joe Hisaishi. It's the best visual/audio ride of the year, see it, be blown away, and as always watch it in it's original language.

Runner Ups



(Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, Fantastic Mr. Fox, Up)

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Best Visuals (Non-Animated) - The Lovely Bones



That Non-Animated means not entirely animated . One thing there wasn't a shortage of this year was marvelous eye candy. While many films did great things with CGI, The Lovely Bones seamlessly sewed it into equally amazing standard cinematography.

Runner Ups



(Tetro, Watchmen, Inglourious Basterds, District 9, Where the Wild Things Are, Avatar)

Best Original Music - Joe Hisaishi for Ponyo on a Cliff by the Sea



Hisaishi's Ponyo score fits perfectly into the aesthetic of the film while standing alone on it's own merit. Primarily the main theme just recurs in Ponyo, but each time it returns is distinct from the last time you heard it. In each form it's unique and effective - the playful light version , the heavy wondrous version, and the rapid audacious one (there's even a kiddy sing along one for the credits).

Runner Ups



(Clint Mansell for Moon, Michael Giacchino for Up, Osvaldo Golijov for Tetro, Karen O for Where the Wild Things Are)

Best Acting Performance - Melanie Laurent



In a movie bursting with top notch performances, Laurent's role as "most normal" could have simply been neutral, but she gives something fully realized and full of brilliant subtleties. Her performance is all encompassing, she is fragile and powerful, she is caring and manipulative, she is romantic and violent.

Runner Ups





(Sam Rockwell in Moon, Sharlto Copley in District 9, Patton Oswalt in Big Fan, Jeffery Dean Morgan and Jackie Earle Haley in Watchmen, Vera Farmiga in Up in the Air, Tom Hardy in Bronson, Christoph Waltz and Sylvester Groth in Inglourious Basterds, Jeff Bridges in Crazy Heart)

Film of the Year - Inglourious Basterds



This is the type of movie Tarantino built his name on. Unlimited intriguing dialogue, an amazing collaboration of actors, very intentional visual style, short spurts of gruesome violence, and an attitude that is very much it's own. He even brings the best part of his Kill Bill movies (great music from obscure films) to the playing field. What's more is his screenplay was even better than the final film screenplay. Inglourious Basterds is a movie that I will be watching again and again for years to come.

Runner Ups



(Ponyo on a Cliff by the Sea, Funny People, The Hurt Locker, Big Fan)

Full List of my 2009 Ratings

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs the funniest? Maybe if you were ten.

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"Don't be so gloomy. After all it's not that awful. Like the fella says, in Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love - they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock."

I guess I have a soft spot for a guy kicking his way into a random family's home and violently headshotting them with snowballs.

To be fair, that YouTube clip was pretty funny.

That clip should be funny, but it isn't.

The Secret of Kells 2010



Look at how gorgeous that frame is. One could assume the whole movie is spectacular just because of it's beautiful art design, but in the end it's not enough.

The story told is your place-holder fairy tale. You know the characters within the first minute of their appearance and you'll know exactly what's coming in the near future of the movie. Although Kells will take it's time and let you absorb it's atmosphere (which isn't all that wonderful).

It truly relies on the sights to keep you entranced. There's nothing wrong with the flat, overly detailed, textured environments - rather the bland, stiff moving characters. What's worse is at the soul of these plain figures, is hardly anything to distinguish them from the scenery. Surprisingly enough, the English dub for this film is very well done.

Little reason to be checked out.

Shutter Island 2010



Wow this took a long while to actually get released, even after it was marketed for release it was pushed back. The finished product doesn't shake movie history, but it's polished, well acted, and best of all fun.

Dicaprio is at the center of this conspiracy fueled, isolation, atmosphere thriller. He carries the film with his character, he makes you feel for his situation - while Scorsese makes it fun, makes it look and sound great. It's got all the technical prowess you expect from the man, big wide shots of the island, dark cramped interiors, and plenty of bad weather.

What's wrong with this island ? The script is really quite simple. The dialogue is excellent, but the huge turnaround twist doesn't really add a layer to the rest of the movie - it's just a unique way to end the madness.

Was it suppose to? It wasn't Avatar, nor was it marketed as any type of film like that. It just seems weird to me to include that line.

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"A laugh can be a very powerful thing. Why, sometimes in life, it's the only weapon we have."

Suspect's Reviews

They worked on it long enough.

Nice reviews! Thanks meatwadsprite!

2010 Ratings

January

The Spy Next Door
Exit Through the Gift Shop
Best Worst Movie

February

Shutter Island
A Prophet
Ajami
The Ghost Writer
Cop Out

March

The Secret of Kells
How to Train Your Dragon
Alice in Wonderland

April

Kick-Ass
The Square
The Girl With the Dragon Tatoo
Red Riding : 1974
Red Riding : 1980
Red Riding : 1983
The Good, the Bad, the Weird

May

Iron Man 2
Mother
Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives

June

Toy Story 3
Winter's Bone

July

Inception
Love Exposure
The Kids Are All Right
Despicable Me
A Town Called Panic

August

Scott Pilgrim vs The World
The Other Guys
The Expendables


September

Animal Kingdom
Machete
Buried

October

The Social Network
Red

December

Outrage
127 Hours
True Grit
Black Swan
Summer Wars
The Kings Speech
Blue Valentine
Another Year

Explain yourself!

I kind of did in Movie Tab. Just so many clichés on top of clichés on top of other clichés.

• Vikings kill dragons (who are harmless) in fear of them
• Scrawny little kid who wants to be respected and finds out "hey look dragons are harmless"
• Makes it a secret of visiting the dragon
• Typical love interest
• Typical ending
• Typical everything

I just failed to find a single original idea in the whole movie.

Couldn't you find many clichés and archetypes in Lord of the Rings and Star Wars? I've always found that it isn't the amount of clichés, but how the story is told and with how much enthusiasm and love.

Personally, I found much of the film refreshing. Especially the sequence where Hiccup first makes contact with the dragon; where he draws in the sand. How was that a cliché? No words spoken, but their actions were what made the scene magical.

LOTR and Star Wars (more so) do have clichés, but they also bring a lot of fresh material to the table and as films paint a picture that is very much their own. I felt this movie just conformed to every rule set.

As it turns out, I feel the same way about Superbad.

Well, actually, both LOTR and Star Wars follow the exact archetype of most epic film: an unlikely hero takes on an overwhelming responsibility. And in the end, they overcome the odds. How are either films different in their storytelling? What fresh material do they bring, specifically? Both Tolkien and Lucas simply told the stories with enthusiasm and a lot of heart. That's where the difference lies.

That is not necessarily true. How many times have you seen what happened to Hiccup in the end, happen to any other animated character? That was fairly daring for a children's film. I'll also note that most animated films would've given the dragon a voice of some sort; instead, they kept him voiceless, relying totally on his actions.

I'll agree that How to Train Your Dragon is, for the most part, cliché, but playing into conventions isn't always a bad thing (shown emphatically by both LOTR and Star Wars). In fact, I thought it would've hindered the film if they had tried to be completely unique. It just wouldn't have felt right. This doesn't always work, but when a film is told with such zest, it proves to be contagious.

Anyway, I'm not trying to argue or anything. Nor am I trying to change your opinion, meat. So, sorry that you didn't care for it. At least we both liked Shutter Island....