The 2014 MoFie Award Ceremonies

Best New MoFo Acceptance Speech



Thank you, thank you. Please, sit down. You're too kind.

*Ahem*

I'm nervous speaking in front of large crowds like this, so please bear with me. I know I should have prepared a speech, but despite all my shameless campaigning, I really didn't think I would win. I'm at a loss for words. The Best New MoFo award means the world to me. I guess I could stand up on this stage and try to be cool or, you know, make balloon animals or something like a typical clown, but for once I'd like to be genuine and heartfelt so that I can properly express my gratitude to all you wonderful people.

I've neglected to mention this information to anyone, since I'm a little bit embarrassed by it, but I think it demonstrates just how much time, effort and commitment I put into this forum. A few months ago I was forced to find a new place to live, since the owners of the home I was renting were getting a divorce and splitting their assets. The situation was sprung on me out of nowhere, but luckily a family friend had a place available to rent that was affordable for my meager income. The house reminds me quite a bit of my childhood home. It's located out in the country on a road that is mostly pastures, woods and farmland. My neighbors are horses and deer. In almost every way, it's a huge upgrade compared to the place that I was previously renting.

Unfortunately, there has been one major drawback: a distinct lack of internet availability. I've seen Godoggo mention before that she lives in a similarly rural area, so I messaged her last summer, asking her for help, but even her limited internet options are unavailable to me. I had two choices: dial-up or satellite. Obviously, satellite is the preferred option, due to much greater speed, but it also costs an arm and a leg, and there are numerous drawbacks: a rigid data cap limit, an inability to stream due to the latency, only certain hours of the day that I'm allowed to use it; plus the companies I contacted required a very expensive installation charge and a binding contract.

Forced with no other option, I went with dial-up.



Since the beginning of August, while the rest of you operate in the modern age, watching movies online and receiving information at the click of a button, I've been beaming my thoughts to you through 1996 technology. I'm essentially a caveman using two cans connected by a string. It takes me over ten minutes sometimes just to load a damn .gif, yet I haven't let this technological handicap affect my involvement with the forum. I know how important presentation is. After all, that's why I wore this dashing tuxedo tonight. Nobody wants to read a wall of text, so I make sure to pepper my reviews and movie tabs and other posts with pictures and animated .gifs so that my posts look more visually appealing, even though it takes me a long time to do so. And in an effort to get one or two people to laugh, I'll take thirty minutes trying to find the perfect picture to poorly photoshop my head on someone else's body just to punctuate a punchline. Is it worth it? Probably not, but I get a kick out of it, and if others do as well, then that's all that matters to me.

I worried that dial-up would turn me into Gideon58 and that I wouldn't respond to posts until three years down the road. Fortunately, that hasn't been the case. I'm unable to watch videos, so I miss out on some things, like Weeman's award-winning Brave Little Toaster video, for instance. When I'm browsing the forum and catching up on what I've missed since I last logged in, it can be very time consuming. Threads that are filled with images, like the Movie Tab or Rate the Last Movie You Saw, sometimes take an eon to load, but I patiently sit and wait because I'm eager to see what people have been watching. I'm also a firm believer in +repping users based on effort. I can't express how annoyed it makes me when I see someone receive +14 rep for only posting a rating and a screenshot of Goodfellas, while someone on the same page takes the time to write down their thoughts on a lesser known film and only receives +3 rep for their trouble. So if it takes me five minutes or ten minutes for the page to finish loading, I sit and wait and fiddle my thumbs so that I can +rep that person because I feel that he or she deserves it. I also --



HEY ORCHESTRA, SHUT THE HELL UP! YOU ARE NOT GOING TO PLAY ME OFF THIS STAGE UNTIL I'M DONE SAYING WHAT I HAVE TO SAY! I SWEAR TO GOD, TUBA PLAYER, I WILL COME DOWN THERE AND STICK THAT INSTRUMENT SO FAR UP YOUR ASS YOU'LL BE FARTING MUSICAL NOTES FOR MONTHS!

*Ahem*

Now where was I? Oh yes . . .

I know that I'm not as prolific as many members. My post count isn't as high. But even before I had dial-up, I put a lot of effort into my posts. Anything worth doing is worth doing well, in my opinion. I enjoy writing and I enjoy watching movies. Naturally, it makes sense to combine the two. This forum gives me an outlet to do so. However, I never realized just how badly I craved a place like this. None of my friends or relatives are as interested in movies as I am. Typical discussions consist of me asking what they thought of a film, with them shrugging in response and offering nuggets of wisdom like, "It was okay," or "So-and-So was good in it." This forum and, more specifically, the members here, have instilled in me a greater appreciation for cinema as a whole. I thought I watched a lot of movies, but many people on here put me to shame. Since joining, my watch list has quadrupled. I've been introduced to movies and directors whom I had previously never heard of. By reading the intelligent discussions and the well-written reviews that occur on an almost daily basis, I've discovered a previously unknown sense that allows me to watch movies with a keener eye. I've also discovered a lot of things about myself and my own taste in movies by writing about what I watch and what I liked or disliked about that particular motion picture.

I've lurked in the shadows of a lot of forums, and I've even joined a few, but I've never seen a forum that is as welcoming, as warm, as fun, as engaging, as encouraging, as informative, or as involved as this beautiful place here. I'm amazed by the diversity, the kindness and the collective knowledge of the members here. We have people here from all over the world. People with wildly varying tastes and backgrounds. And I feel that every single member brings his or her own unique flavor to the table, adding to this amazing concoction that we call Movie Forums. Every now and then a new member comes along and it's obvious that he or she is already braced for a fight, too used to the combative nature synonymous with the majority of internet forums, but this place is different. It really does feel like a family here. Sure, people bicker from time to time, get their feelings hurt, suffer their little spats, but that's what happens in every family. Unlike other forums, however, members here go out of their way to make a person feel welcome, to make a person feel appreciated, to be helpful and to listen with an open mind and not judge a person for being a little out of the ordinary. Even when people disagree on a movie or a topic, the discussion is almost always amicable, unlike every other forum I've seen where disagreements quickly devolve into name calling.

I've come to view you people as friends. And I've come to view Movie Forums as my online home. We are the island of misfit toys, drawn together through a shared loved of cinema. I'm not sure how I got by without this place for so long, because it's already become a major part of my life. The discussions, the conversations, the jokes. The various games and the countdowns and the tournaments. I love everything about this place. Yes, you eat up a lot of my free time, but it's worth every second, because you've made my life more fulfilling and entertaining as a whole.

Thank you for welcoming me into your family with open arms.