Suspect's Reviews

That's 16 more years experience in movies than you.
Clearly, because a person watches the same bad movie, with the same bad acting, with the same hypocritical plot, and the same suckiness whenever they comment on it they are CLEARLY copying off of someone else's opinion. BUT, when someone praises Batman Begins as the end all and be all of existence THEY are original in their thoughts AND NOT following the stupid dissenters!

And guess the **** what, it's plagiarism, mutha****er!
When the smoke rises I will stamp your carcass with the bat symbol.

__________________

I just thought the Solaris comment was random.

__________________
"A laugh can be a very powerful thing. Why, sometimes in life, it's the only weapon we have."

Suspect's Reviews

The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy (Garth Jennings)





"Don't Panic...Guide is an acquired taste"


When Arthur Dent learns that a friend of his is actually an alien with advanced knowledge of Earth's destruction, he is transported off the Earth seconds before it is exploded to make way for a new hyperspace motorway. And as if that's not enough, throw in being wanted by the police, Earth II, an insane electronic encyclopedia, no tea whatsoever, a chronically depressed robot and the search for the meaning of life, and you've got the greatest adventure off Earth.

What is the meaning of life, that is the ultimate question that men seek and in Guide, we get an answer. Unfortunatly we don't understand the question. Although for now on i'll by more attention to the number 42.

Guide is full of british humour, which to some is not funny and don't get it, but to others is the greatest thing since sliced bread. In guide, it lies somewhere in between. Right from the beginning we see dolphins singing, because they know that the end is coming, and before the earth is destroyed, the dolphins are saved. Funny? Well, I guess it all depends on your sense of humour.

In Guide it's the zany off-beat way it presents itself that makes it what it is. Whether the main character become yarn or flowers, you look at the screen with an odd questionable feeling. You don't know what's going on and ask yourself are you actually watching this taking place on screen? The quirky zany off-beat style is littered throughout this film, and if you can appreciate it and like it, then you'll enjoy yourself a lot better, other-wise this film is just a treat for the eyes.

The film has lots of unique visuals, I especially liked the team re-creating Earth II. Whether it be filling up the ocean or painting the mountains. All seeing this fly by on a train type creation. This is all happening after you fly through the galaxy on this small little thing.

When you have to stay true to the source, you have many people that will be judgemental. Especially since you have to cram so much material into a 110 minute film. I never read the books, so I can't tell you how true to it the film is. I can tell you that there are alot of inside jokes from the book though, which will either hit or miss, depending on if your a fan or not.

Sam Rockwell stole the show as the president of the galaxy. He brings a unique style to every role that he does, and here is no different. When you let Rockwell go over-the-top and have fun with his character, you know he will go to the extreme. In guide we see him having so much fun with the material that you beg for him to be on the screen more.

Jennings had the hard task of taking on this immense epic, since this his first outting, I have to say he did a good job. If Guide had an more established director behind the camera, it could have been in the style of Lord of the Rings. But what we get here is just a fun good time, nothing wrong with that either, but when the movie is direct with it's intentions it shouldn't be all fun and games.

7/10

i didn't want to watch it seeing as how i read bad reviews and i read the first book ( i'm gonna do the others to )

__________________
http://www.last.fm/user/diezelpower/

Felt really let down by Hitchhikers, I loved the tv show in the 80's, although it hasn't aged well.
Sam Rockwell was the highlight of the movie for me, I do like him as an actor, always watchable, but ultimately Hitchhikers didn't push the right buttons for me ( and I was brought up on British Humour!!! )
Personally I felt the film tried too hard for the Wow factor, and as such something was lost in the process, however, the guy in the next row had the most annoying fake laugh throughout the whole movie, and try as I might it did make it hard to concentrate fully on the film ( lucky for him, I'd taken my chill-pills and he didn't end up wearing his popcorn!!! )

__________________
Hey Pepe, would you say I have a plethora of presents?


Toga, toga, toga......


Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbour?

I wasn't that impressed with the movie, thanks for your review.

__________________
Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship.
Buddha

House of Wax (Jaume Collet-Serra)





"Admit It, You Wanted To See Hilton Die Too"


A group of friends on their way to a college football game falls prey to a pair of murderous brothers in an abandoned small town. They discover that the brothers have expanded upon the area's main attraction... the House of Wax. And created an entire town filled with the wax-coated corpses of unlucky visitors. Now the group must find a way out before they too become permanent exhibits in the House of Wax...

Chalk up another film for the remake list of classic horror movies. Although in this installment, there is a lack of one, Vincent Price. Instead we get who todays teenagers think are hot. If Paris Hilton running across the screen in her underwear is what hollywood deems as a horror movie these days, then we are in trouble.

When you think of a teen horror movie you think of a bunch of kids who get lost and are killed by a pyscho, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, House of 1,000 corpses and so on. House of Wax is no different in that sense of the word, but it does stand out from the rest of the bunch. Serra is able to keep suspense throughout this film, whereas other seem to fizzle out.

Wax doesn't throw horror at us from the start, instead it takes a good 30 some odd minutes before we get the scares that we would expect. Serra manages to slowly get the creepy feeling into the viewer, as we see the town and get the errie feeling from that very moment we see it.

Chad Micheal Murray and Elisha Cuthbert lead the cast in every sense of the word, as they are the only watchable characters. Jon Abrahams has too little screen time to make an impression. Of course Paris Hilton nails the role perfectly, because she is infact that in real life, so there is no stretch for her. For us, or at least speaking for myself, she was only eye-candy. When she bites the dust, and eventually they all do, minus the leads (come on it's a horror movie, you had to see it coming) I got a warm feeling of satisfaction.

The one villian, Vincent, obvious ode to Price, was quite creepy, with his long black hair and wax face. A Micheal Myers type feel to it, for the new wave of horror movies.

The gore is here and it is good, we actually see it up on the screen. Too many horror movies feel the need to cut away right before and only show the characters reaction, in order to get the PG-13...here we get Serra using the R title to it's extent.

The film tries to hard with it's "shocking" ending, but one can see it coming from the very start, which brings the film down because it does take itself seriously. If it had a little bit more fun with itself, then the camp could have settled in and we would have enjoyed ourselves a lot more.

The climax of the film has the House of Wax melting with our killers and teen like characters in it. I was impressed with the whole execution of it, it worked really well while keeping the suspense and horror. Although in the end, Wax just passes by as another teen remake of an old classic horror film, this will be forgotten, even if it's better then the trash that it's forgotten with.

5.5/10

UNDEAD (The Spierig Brothers)




"In The Style Of Bad Taste, UNDEAD Is Pure Camp"

In Berkeley, Australia, a meteor shower transforms the locals into flesh eating zombies. Wityh the zombie population growing a group of survivals must fight against the zombies and try to escape to another town. However, they find out that there is more to this zombie chaos then meets the eye.

When you watch a film that has zombie fish jump out and attack someone. You can't take the film seriously...especially when the person punches the fish back to the ground. UNDEAD tells you this from the start, with it's goofy death scenes and pure camp feel.

The Spierig brothers, wrote, directing, edited, and did all the special effects for this film, on a limited budget. It's easy to see that these guys have some talent, and with a bigger budget, more useful resources and a good cast, they can probably pull off some great movies in the future.

While watching Undead, you can see where the influences came from, there's a touch of Evil Dead here, and some Bad Taste there, which all blend to give us a good time. Unlike Bad Taste and Evil Dead, UNDEAD goes further into the comedy/camp style. In UNDEAD, you can forgive it for the plot, the acting, and everything else that doesn't make sense because all the movie wants to do is have fun.

Unfortunately for the plot in UNDEAD, it isn't sure in what direction it wants to go, it will splash guts at you in one second, then show you a bare fat ass in the next. It doesn't know whether it wants to be a zombie film, or an alien film.

I can forgive all the actors in the film, except for the lead male. Marrion, the triple wielding shotgun hero of the film, gives all his lines in strict monotone, which gives Bill Murray in Broken Flowers a run for his money.

The film is Austrailian, so maybe some jokes will hit and others miss, but the characters for the most part make them work, especially the cop. When compared to the films it tries to emulate, in falls flat, but as a low-budget, comedy/zombie film it manages to please.

6.5/10

Marrion pissed the hell out of me.

And as for House of Wax, i just love Elisha Cuthbert

__________________

Chicken Little (Mark Dindal)




"Chicken Little is juvenile, with only a few jokes for adults"

After Chicken Little causes widespread panic, when he mistakes a falling acorn for a piece of the sky, the young chicken is determined to restore his reputation and earn respect from his father. But just as things are starting to go his way, a real piece of the sky lands on his head. Chicken Little and his band of misfit friends, Abby Mallard aka Ugly Duckling, Runt of the Litter and Fish Out of Water, attempt to save the world without sending the town into a whole new panic.

With Chicken Little, Disney has it's first chance to prove itself as a company that still has the magic, that it did when the whole 2-d animation was big. With juggernauts such as Dreamworks and Pixar, Disney finds itself in a whole new ball game with CGI films..without the aid of Pixar.

Running under 80 minutes, Little zips across the screen quickly and with the zany movement throughout the entire film, you'd wonder if Mark Dindal knew what he wanted this film to be. It's hard to keep track what is going on in the first 10 minutes because there is so much chaos happening on the screen. If you are not paying attention, you'll miss some jokes that poke fun at pop culture movies.

Chicken Little, like Monsters INC, creates it's own world, full of animals and how they would live...even the kind of cars they would drive. While all this is wonderful to see with the crisp animation of the film, it doesn't stand out all that much to make the viewer happy...unless they're under the age of 12.

Little is a hit for kids, with the lead character being a cute little warm and cuddly thing they will want to have as a toy. All the other characters are extravagant, Runt of the Litter is always paranoid and singing, so kids will love him. Little is a little too juvenile, and tries to balance itself out with pop culture references to War of the Worlds, Raiders of the Lost Arc, Wizard of Oz and even Aliens.

The story isn't all too pleasing because the alien part seems a little forced and out of place in this film. It tries to send out a message about family values, with the father and son figure, buts kids will be too busy laughing at it's kiddie jokes that they will probably miss it.

The voicing is first rate, with Zach Braff leading the team as chicken little himself. Many adults will hear the voices and have fun trying to figure out who they belong too, such as Joan Cusack, Patrick Stewart, Fred Willard, Adam West, Catherin O'Hara, and finally Garry Marshall. Every one does a great job and highlight the film.

The jokes in Little are mostly hit or miss, and when it hits, it hits little. I did chuckle a few times, but at no point did I laugh out loud. The kids will no doubt enjoy it, with it's animal characters being the crowd favourite. Without Pixar, Disney may fall flat, but for now Chicken Little is a decent start to a string of films that will try to showcase that Disney might not need Pixar all that much.

7/10

Thanks for the reviews

Man With The Screaming Brain (Bruce Campbell)




"Bruce relies on his physical comedy now more then ever."

Man with the Screaming Brain is a story of greed, betrayal and revenge in the a small Bulgarian town. William Cole, wealthy industrialist, winds up with part of his brain replaced by that of a Russian cab driver Yegor. The two couldn't be more different, but they share one thing - both were killed by the same woman. Brought back to life by a mad scientist, William and Yegor form an unlikely partnership to track down their common nemesis.

Bruce Campbell returns to the B horror movie genre that gave him his cult status, this time not only in front of the screen, but behind the lens. Unfortunatly for this time around, the laughs don't deliever and Campbell has to resort to what he does best to try and fill the gap in this film.

As a fan of Campbell, who has the movies, the books and the action figures, I was hoping for another hit to add to my collection. Although, after seeing this film before the purchase, I am glad that I don't have the "pleasure" of adding it.

The film first goes wrong in the story, which at first sight, seems like harmless fun but turns out to be boring drawn out dribble. Which is a sad thing to say because it was written by Mr. Campbell himself. The comedy never really hits, it only makes us scratch our heads. It seems that Campbell ran out of things that are funny and resulted in giving the audience what we've already seen...him fighting himself.

Ted Raimi, the brother of Evil Dead director Sam Raimi, is undoubtably the highlight of the film. He brings a freshness to it and an entertaining time when the film really needs it. It helps if you are a fan and have been following these stooges from Evil Dead to Xena, which is why I felt compelled to like this film.

Campbell's experience as a director, from directing episodes of the TV series Hercules is apparent. Campbell makes the film work well enough, even with the low-budget. In the end, there aren't as many things going for this as one would hope for, but the fans of Campbell will stick behind it no matter what, unfortunatly for this fan...I won't.

4/10

Ummm might give this a miss. thanks for the review

Rollerball (John McTiernan)




"One of the worst movies ever made"

Johnathan Cross, a lover of extreme sports, is recruited to star in Rollerball. The players are on Rollerblades, trying to bring a heavy metal ball into a high goal. Also, there are motorcyclists around to bring momentum to the players. Oh yes, and there are no rules in the game. During his skyrocketing career, Johnathan has to experience what Alexi has found out: Blood brings more viewing pleasure to the audience. In a final game, Johnathan and his team have to fight for mere survival.

Back in 1975, James Caan brought us a brutal movie in which you can literally hear every bone in the players body break. Now, John McTieran has brought that film to us again, for a new generation. With stars like LL Cool J, Rebbeca Romijn and Chris Klein you would expect it to be a pretty bad remake, but this is not the case. Rollerball does the unthinkable and gives Psycho a running for it's money as the worst remake ever created by man.

Chris Klein in every film he has been in manages to make it look as if he has no range at all. His soft voice and good looks can only go so far, and in a movie where you need to beat the living hell out of another team member, you want someone that can at least yell and make a sound beyond a bird chirp. LL Cool J is only hear to bring the film a "cool" hip look, he's suppose to be the I don't give a damn, James Dean character, but it doesn't fly. Rebbeca Romijn, well, she has a nude scene, but when it's covered in the dark, you wonder why she is even in the movie to begin with.

Rollerball is suppose to be a bloody entertaining film, but McTeirnan at no point manages to show us anything entertaining. The entire game sequences seem uninspired and drawn out. When it goes for a shock, it misses and misses completely. I'm still wondering if LL Cool J's character is dead or alive, but apparently it's not important to the story. LL Cool J probably knew that this was going to be garbage and left the movie, leaving the film crew to make his character disappear. I don't blame him.

Not even the professional himself, Jean Reno can save this film from the ultimate horrible experience that we all will endure from seeing this film. In a film about violence in sports, you would expect to see some, but when you have a PG-13 rating, you know that it was targeted to make money and nothing else.

I can't understand why someone would want to see this film, the final action sequence is yet another let-down in this horrible tripe. The only thing that this film has going for it, is it's 97 minute length, so if you do have the unfortunate experience of sitting through it, it will be over soon enough.

0/10

Cheers for the Screaming Brain review. Bit sad you rate it so low, though i'm still going to see it!

BAD TASTE (Peter Jackson)



"Aliens, Action, Gore...need I say more?"

A team from the intergalactic fast food chain Crumb's Crunchy Delights descends on Earth, planning to make human flesh the newest taste sensation. After they wipe out the New Zealand town Kaihoro, the country's Astro-Investigation and Defense Service is called in to deal with the problem. Things are complicated due to Giles, an aid worker who comes to Kaihoro the same day to collect change from the residents. He is captured by the aliens, and AIDS stages a rescue mission that quickly becomes an all-out assault on the aliens' headquarters.

When Peter Jackson hit it big with Lord of the Rings, everyone wanted to know what his previous film list was, what they got was a string of obscure films like Meet The Feebles, Dead Alive and Bad Taste. Prior to his LOTR fame, his most successful film was about a kid that went to the past and two ghosts.

Bad Taste is a horror, comedy, action, alien invasion, splatter film. That manages to give exactly what you would expect, a "gorific" fun time. The realism of the film comes from the fact that the film had such a low budget, and it's a skillful act to make a great film out of nothing, Jackson and Raimi did this the best.

This is just a film to have fun and enjoy, don't think to much about it, all you need to understand is there are aliens, and there are the guys who must kill them. Where there is a lack of plot and story, Bad Taste makes up in gore and fun. I wouldn't say that the gore is as bloody as Dead-Alive, but here it is a little bit more realistic, unlike the cheesy tounge in cheek style of the equally great Dead- Alive.

Jackson instead of his usual cameo appearance in his films not only plays one of the leads in the film, but an alien. While I don't see many oscars coming his way for acting, it was funny to see him play a character who's a little nuts. Due to a piece of his brain falling out. As well as an alien, with absolutely no dialogue.

While it's not a flat out comedy, there are numerous funny moments, the funniest one that stick out in my mind would be the sheep...it is just so random. If you have enjoyed Jackson's previous works like Meet the Feebles and Dead-Alive, then Bad Taste is a great way experience.

8/10

Darkness Falls (Jonathan Liebesman)



"Typical Rushed Horror"


When he was a young boy, Kyle claimed that while he was sleeping, he accidentally woke up and saw the Tooth Fairy, who tried to kill him. Since then, he was considered crazy by everyone in town, except for his childhood girlfriend, Caitlin and her younger brother. But now, Hell is coming back as that black haired, winged creature of doom that Kyle described is coming back to town. And she's not leaving without Caitlin's brother...

This film had a really good opening, but the movie fails to keep the momentum of that opening throughout the rest of the film, or my interest for that matter. This movie goes very wrong, very fast, after the opening and it starts with the main character, this person could not act to save his life and it didn't help the film to get other actors who are as entertaining as a piece of wood floating down a river. I've seen better stuff done in direct to video titles.

The tooth fairy is one of the worst horror movie monsters to come to screen and I wish that the mystery behind this creature could have been more mysterious. Just like The Creepers in Jeepers Creepers, the filmmakers decide to tell us everything about it's past and reveal everything about it to us, which makes it not scary. MYSTERY is SCARY, when will filmmakers learn that for a horror movie? The film is unbelievably short, and for this film material, that's a good thing, the credits run 11 minutes so that it could get a theatrical release. I don't know whether to laugh, or cry.

This is a movie that will make you yawn and laugh at how bad it is, it is one of those RUSHED Hollywood TYPE MOVIES that come by quickly and leave quicker, this film should never of came at all.

2/10

Great reviews, thanks

It's my good fortune (or misfortune) to remember the original BBC series. I loved the original series. But I was much younger and the zany mind of Douglas Adams was all new to me. So, was the original version that much better (crude effects and all) or was it a matter of exuberant youth (mine)?

Probably, I'll have to remember Hitchhiker as a wonderful experience that can't be repeated (for me.) And the 16 and 18 and 22 year olds of today will have to find their own Hitchhiker.

__________________
My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.

Hey Suspect, are you taking a leaf out of my book, 0/10, 2/10, I thought it was only me that was that harsh!
Haven't seen many of your recent reviews, must be getting picky in my old age!