Social life gone downhill...

Not sure if this is the right place to put this, it's something that's been bothering me for a while now. I'm generally a very social person. I used to have multiple groups of friends from different lines of my life and I would almost always be out and about with friends doing whatever. There would rarely be a night that I would stay in, my social life was that great.

Fast forward to today. I am perfectly aware that life changes and things change between people. I'm now 20 and I feel like my social life, compared to what it used to be, is absolutely ****. Majority of my friends have girlfriends and are practically settled down at the ripe age of 21. I've got a couple single mates, one of which is pretty much my bestfriend, we hang a fair bit but never have anybody else to kick it with due to everybody else sort of disappearing.

I decided that I would stop making massive amounts of efforts of sorts for a good 2-3 months, and in that period I was testing whether or not people still made an effort with me. Well I've dropped off with so many of my friends in the past few months that sometimes they don't even respond to my txt messages or phone calls. My time is generally spent playing cricket, working and at uni. In my downtime I'm barely ever out with friends. The last 4 saturday nights I've had nothing on and I've literally been drinking with older people down at my local sports club to fill the void of not really having a social life. I try to organise things with people, often to no avail. I love going out to bars, clubs and pubs and the like. I used to be out every weekend, nowadays I'm only ever out for special occasions like birthdays. I get a long with people well, have good social skills but I want to have that connection with a group of friends I used to have at this point last year.

I have many friends, but none I am really close with aside from one. I have gotten fairly close with another guy recently, but he's on the verge of getting married and I don't really see a future in the friendship. I am a single guy, frustrated because I feel like I should be making the most out of life instead I'm left most nights feeling frustrated with my lack of social connections. I have major insecurities with women so I think for now getting a girlfriend is out of the equation until I work on these insecurities. To some I probably have a great social life but it doesn't feel adequate enough for me.

Do any of you guys ever feel the same? Sorry for the long, boring, whingey post. Sometimes a forum is the best place to express oneself.

EDIT: I don't think facebook is helping. Seeing everybody out and about gets me even more frustrated. I might take a break from it and see how it effects my mood. I have a lady talking to me right now who I'm pretty sure likes me but all she talks about is how great her social life is and whatnot.

Just sounds to me like your life is changing.

It's nothing to be worried about. Folks rarely go out every single night... myself, I go out once a week. That's it.
I wouldn't worry about the night either. When I was younger it was every Friday night and every Saturday night. By Sunday morning I was skint.

Have a look around on the web, look for singles bars, clubs you can join etc. Any hobbies? There may be hobby groups near where you live.

You don't have to go to a pub or nightclub for socialising... you can spend an evening with people who are into the same hobbies. Painting, sports like pool or, as you said you play Cricket...

Sounds like your social circles are changing like mine did. I went from twice a week, every weekend, drinking and pub-crawling. Now I go out on Monday night and that's it.
Embrace it and go with the flow. At some point, you'll find a good circle of friends who are like-minded.

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I don't need a social life. Try torturing people on an internet forum with Whoopi Goldberg pictures, humiliation via Young Guns, threats of anal invasion with lard, and calling everyone a dumbass when they vote incorrectly in a song tournament. That'll relax ya.

True... AF. has joined a movie forum, he's obviously a fan of movies.

Hang around on here for a few weeks and get into the movie world.


I joined here almost two years back and my knowledge of films has expanded extensively. Now when I do go out, I've become the go to guy when people want to know about movies, reviews and cinema releases.
In a way, my social life has improved as it gets people talking to me about things I enjoy.

Rodent really has become a lot more knowledgeable of many movies he had never heard of since he joined here. In fact, last week when I tried to call his Young Guns Hotline Number to have a question about Young Guns answered, the operator told me it was disconnected. Rodent's moving on.

SC has become more knowledgeable too... he now has an even bigger list of films he hasn't seen.

I think Facebook could be the problem...but not in that way. I think one of the goofiest things about it is how it filters out a lot of the boring nights at home, so that it looks like everybody but you is out having fun.

Go out and be social if you want it, but not because you have some notion of whether or not you "should" be. I guess it's possible for someone to recognize they're antisocial and force themselves not to be, and that's true enough, but that's counteracting an extreme. If it's just not as active as you'd like, or not as active as other people seem to be, then I wouldn't worry about it a lot.

This is all doubly true if you're at school still, and it's taking up a lot of your time. That's a perfectly good reason to be distracted.

As for women: I'm guessing that's the main thing here, and the social life is just a means to that end.

You can't really force friendships, they're luck of the draw. Good friends are few and far between. With the good ones, you may not see them for months, and then pick up right where you left off.

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Under-the-radar Movie Awesomeness.
http://earlsmoviepicks.blogspot.com/

That's true. I'd say I have one person was a genuine friend. Been through hell together the two of us and been through some awesome times too, yet when we first met we didn't like each other. Now we're like Brothers.

True friendship makes itself.

My MoFo life is going downhill, this is my first post in five days. I can practically only get on during Fridays, if that. I've been trying to throw out my responsibilities in real life and settle back in here, but it's so hard. What do I do?

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Take a Gap Week and get MoFo-ing.

I think faking my own death for a week or so would be an efficient way to be able to escape

Keep your chin up mate, what you need to do is examine what it is about you and these other individuals who aren't making the time for you; what are the differences between them and me. What do they want to do, that is or isn't aligned with my wants, what am I looking for in a friendship that I am not seeing in these copious amounts of friends I have (going off of what you were saying as you had acquaintances, they just no longer respond). What were the qualities in this soon to be married man that interested you for a friendship, that you don't see in other people? Maybe your just maturing, as you say you hang with an older crowd at pubs, as opposed to other 21 year old peers? What kind of events/activities are you arranging, that come to "no avail"? Is there anything that conflicts with the group activities you put together and the individuals personalities that you invite?

Hell mate, I'm 30 and I hardly have any friends lol, no joke, I have as many truly good friends in my life as I can count on one hand. When I was younger, my god I knew everyone, I did everything, etc,etc,etc, but as you grow older (not saying you, just with time), personalities, needs, desires, etc, all change. Maybe you have just reached a point where you just want more. Going off of the short things you mentioned, it seems like you are looking for a more mature audience i.e. married man, older friends at pubs, etc to spend time with. Do you have a girlfriend? etc, I'll stop typing now, but just food for though, just keep doing what your doing and don't isolate yourself. Fish N' Chips!

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Silencio

If your social life gone downhill then mine gone down the abyss, or I mean never was outta there. You don't need to worry. Just finish your weird relationships and try to find a girlfriend.

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Look, I'm not judging you - after all, I'm posting here myself, but maybe, just maybe, if you spent less time here and more time watching films, maybe, and I stress, maybe your taste would be of some value. Just a thought, ya know.

Keep your responsibilities in your real life and get the hell out of here.

Thanks for the response. I guess what bothers me the most is that I share little to no friends with the motivation I have (to basicaly go out and do things, see the world).

I'm a pretty easy going guy, and have a simple outlook on life and often have that care-free attitude when it comes to everyday life. I feel like that guy at the party who's the single one surrounded by married people and is annoying and a nuisance. Um for the most part I try organize things like nights out, which can involve pubs/clubs but I also try to do other things like go and watch sports and go to the movies.

Just to say hypothetically I wanted to head down to the local and have a few beers, it would take a whole lot of effort on my part to arrange that and get a friend or two down. It's like I have to convince people to hang with me, and most of them are busy yes, I'm busy too. But I always seem to have time for people and others don't.

I'm fully aware that my life is changing, and I'm probably living in the past a little. If you met me in person you wouldn't know I was feeling this way. The qualities in the guy soon to be married is that he lives literally around the corner from my house, has an attitude where he isn't dominated by his girlfriend and doesn't suck up her ass, and also keep in contact pretty regularly through seeing him and phone.

I guess I have an image of what my life should be, and what it isn't. And losing this mindset is pretty hard. Took the day off facebook today, and I'm feeling great. I'm going to try and let things come to me, I have a few parties ahead this month so will likely be seeing a lot of old faces and be out and about quite a bit. Whatever happens, happens.

Yoda,what do you do for life? ))

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"Anything less than immortality is a complete waste of time."

Pretty much a perfect example, me talking to someone I used to be really good friends with.

Me:
What you doing this weekend?

Him:
Quiet one boss. Went out lastweek!
What are you doing?

Me:
Mm not sure yet, lets catch up or some ****? I have the rest of the week off plus next week!