+16
For all the bullsh*t I have to deal with, I think my favorite thing about myself is that generally, I'm very happy and optimistic. Whenever I remind myself of my schizophrenia and social anxiety, I quickly remember - you know what, at least I don't have depression. My friend has bipolar and mainly deals with the depression side of it, and it sucks seeing him go through heavy bouts of extreme sadness. I feel a lot for people with depression, I've come to understand just what that means as much as anyone without depression can. But I'm almost the opposite - too happy. And I mean that in a positive way.
This happiness is something that has arisen over the last few years. I used to be very uneasy about life, I remember a time when I was petrified of death. What I mean is, I've had my fair share of sadness just like anybody. But eventually my outlook became a positive one. I've become a very upbeat individual inside and with that, I've built emotional calluses from all the outward negativity. It takes a lot to bring me down now.
Of course, there's a lot of room for improvement. But one of the cool things about living life for most of us is, as long as you try, you're only going to progress as a person and get better. At least, I hope that's the case. I feel I'm a better person than I was a year ago, and a far better person than I was five years ago, and infinitely better than I was ten years ago. And I feel I'll just keep getting better and better.
I don't know if/when I'll be proud of myself as a person. I think I'm already proud of my good traits, but I don't think I've accomplished enough to be truly proud of my entire being. I'll be proud of myself the day I make an amazing piece of music, or get married, or have a child. But most of all, the day I reflect and realize my social anxiety is over and done with - that's probably the day I'll be proud of myself most of all.
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