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Well after recently revisiting the original Star Wars trilogy and writing a review for The Empire Strikes Back I felt I was about time that I finally subjected myself to the prequels. It wasn't a pretty picture
Plot - The film begins as two Jedi, assigned as ambassadors to resolve a trade dispute, arrive in orbit of the threatened planet Naboo. When the situation turns violent, the Jedi, along with PadmeAmidala (Portman), the planet's queen, flee Naboo in an attempt to reach the capital world of the Galactic Republic, Coruscant. There they hope to find a peaceful and diplomatic end to the dispute. Along the way, the ship must stop for repairs on the planet Tatooine. It is there that the Jedi encounter Anakin Skywalker (Lloyd), a young slave boy who is unusually strong with the Force. When the group returns to Naboo, they realize that the situation is much worse than they had at first thought: the evil Sith, ancient enemies of the Jedi, have returned
I don't know what George Lucas' home life is like, the kind of relationship he has with his kids etc, but I'm just going to posit a theory. Had his family wanted to have George sanctioned as mentally incompetent and gain control of his fortune, then The Phantom Menace would surely have been Exhibit A in the trial. What an absolutely woeful, ill-conceived mess it is; full of brutal dialogue, clumsy direction and some story decisions that truly boggle the mind. With Lucas having now relinquished the reins to the Star Wars franchise, you might understand someone else making such bold, sweeping changes to the series' mythology but from the man who created it himself? It's not often you see someone s*it all over their own creation, but here is perhaps the best example you are ever going to see. In fact I'm just surprised that this isn't The Phantom Menace - A film by Alan Smithee. You would imagine that surely once it had been completed Lucas would identify what a complete atrocity it was and attempt to distance himself from it as far as possible.
“A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. Turmoil has engulfed the Galactic Republic. The taxation of trade routes to outlying star systems is in dispute. Hoping to resolve”....... zzzzzz.....zzzzzz......zzzzzzz. Oh god I'm already bored! Even if you were to completely ignore the original trilogy and the expectation of thrills that they brought, how can you possibly make a film with the wonderfully evocative title of Star Wars and all that hints at, and yet deliver something so mind-numbingly boring! Though at least that opening crawls provides a warning of what you're in for. What we basically have is a film whose main issues are trade unions, taxes and picket lines. Just because you place the proceedings in space doesn't do anything to raise the level of interest. Watching a series of characters going over these issues again and again makes for a bit of a snoozefest. And even the breaks away from these discussions rarely do anything to raise the level of excitement. When we make it on to Tattooine the film seems to forget that it's a space flick. It feels like we are marooned there for an absolute age as the film gets completely bogged down; the storyline of having to get parts for their ship isn't exactly a thrillride and feels more like a short mission objective from a video game. During this stretch the film should also drop the title of The Phantom Menace and just rename itself Herbie Goes to Tatooine as it really does dedicate itself fully to the pod race. It does actually provide one of the film's rare moments of interest however, with the pod race and its visuals receiving a thumbs up. They are however hurt by the frequent, supposedly hilarious interruptions of the race's colour commentators.
I can avoid the elephant in the room no longer. Jar Jar MOTHERF*CKING Binks!!!!! While I've occasionally invoked the name of old Jar Jar on here in a very negative light, to be honest I didn't really remember my experience of him. I was just going along with the crowd. While I have seen the film before it was some 14 years ago and I remembered absolutely nothing about it, Jar Jar included. And I've got to he honest, I didn't think he could really be that bad. Surely the amount of hate and derision that is thrown at him had to be over-the-top and unjustified. Right? Well no, the character somehow managed to live up to the 'hype.' Not just the worst thing in the world of Star Wars, but one of the worst things I've ever seen inflicted on any film ever. How could Lucas possibly have envisaged him as being a good idea. His goofy, clumsy character is laughably bad while his dialogue is truly brutal, all topped off by the fact that he comes across as pretty damn racist. I can only imagine that it was written by a five-year-old child. That certainly seems to be the only intended audience for the character. Just cringeworthy. And the really bad news? There's a whole race of the damn things!!! Even on visual terms he's quite the flop, looking like something more at home in a Playstation game than a major movie. And I'm not talking PS3. Or even PS2. I'm talking about the old-ass, retro original Playstation. Jar Jar's movements are particularly bad, the character seemingly having no weight or grounding at all as he just bobs along on the surface, at no point coming across as anything close to convincing. He does work in one single respect however. He made sure that I kept watching the film, that I couldn't turn it off. Though not in the fashion I'm sure Lucas was aiming for. The character was so awful that it created a car crash-like situation. It was such a disaster that I couldn't take my eyes off him. It was like peering at a horrible pile-up in a macabre nature, checking to see if you can spot a decapitated head.
Though it's not just with Jar Jar that Lucas reveals his agenda to make a goofier, more childish film. So many of the characters are just silly little creations with goofy voices, whether it be the amphibian faced neimoidians, Sebulba or the droids. Speaking of which I would say that the droids make for a really poor man's stormtrooper, but that would be an insult to poor men the world over. Though I've got to admit that during their big battle with Jar-Jar and his fellow Gungas my allegiances did actually lie with the droids. I let out a little cheer every single time one of those damned Gungas went down for the count.
I've seen and heard people that grew up on the original Star Wars trilogy say that with this movie George Lucas raped their childhood. I had always assumed they were being absolutely ridiculous. While it may remain a rather tasteless remark I can now see where they are coming from. I cannot imagine how disappointing this would have been to people who grew up on Star Wars. After waiting for 22 years this is the best Lucas could do? I'm aware that some of the truly die-hard fans queued for days so that they could be amongst the first to see the film. The disappointment and pain they felt must have been extraordinary. It can not have been anywhere near as good as they were hoping for, as bad as they perhaps feared it would be and even worse than they could possibly have imagined. Being a geek has become rather fashionable these days, what with geek chic and all that. This is the kind of film however that makes you embarrassed to be a geek. Had I seen this at the cinema I'd have slumping further and further down in my seat in an an attempt to hide and I'd have tried to sneak out of the cinema unseen afterwards. I think I'd be less self conscious walking into my local store and buying a whole stash of hardcore pornography.
Considering its sizeable $115 million budget it's really baffling to see how cheap the film has a tendency to look. With that kind of financial backing it's quite an achievement to deliver something that frequently looks so tacky. By supposedly improving the effects with the introduction of state-of-the-art CGI the majority of the characters look so much worse and much more fake than any puppet or costume from the original trilogy ever could. Not only did they look better but they had so much more charm and character to them. Even practical effects such as the homes on Tatooine have a tendency to look really cheap and cardboardy. And the attempts at having actors interacting with the computer animation are just dreadful. The film stands as an interesting marker for the level of technology at the time of its inception. The CGI does undoubtedly deliver some great eye candy when it comes to creating ships, cities, worlds etc. However when it comes to trying to portray actual living, breathing characters it comes up considerably short. It really does show both the abilities of the technology of the time, as well as its limitations. Although that being said, Phantom was released in the same year as The Matrix. Although when you compare the two that really is quite hard to believe. Especially when you take into account that Phantom's budget was close to being twice as much as The Matrix. In comparison Phantom's bright, day-glo coloured world of childish 'fun' seems pretty pathetic and silly against the grittier, noir-tinged world of The Matrix. It just comes off as looking like a cheap fantasy mini-series on the Syfy channel.
Alongside Jar Jar the other major downfall of the film lies in the casting of Jake Lloyd as young Anakin Skywalker. I'm not going to rip into the young kid however. He wasn't even 10 years old at the time of filming and clearly he didn't have any acting talent whatsoever. So what exactly was he supposed to do? No the real blame certainly lies at the feet of Lucas. If you're going to place such focus on the character surely you should hire an actor who actually has a shred of talent. Or attempt to mine some kind of performance out of him through his direction. Or at the very least don't lumber him with some truly groan-inducing dialogue; “are you an angel?”
In fact that whole sorta romance that the film is attempting to hint at between Anakin and Portman's Padme is just ill conceived and really awkward, not least down to the fact that he's a little kid and there's like 10 years in age between them.
Well after so much criticisms let's try and find some positives. Eh........eh.........oh I've got one!
I've always had a bit of a lazy eye, but after the amount of exercise it got from watching this film I wouldn't be surprised if I had cured it. I have honestly never rolled my eyes so much in my entire life. No seriously. Even if he didn't make a great contribution to the film it was a nice moment when Yoda is reintroduced to us, while despite the character he gets Samuel L Jackson makes an impression just as a result of his natural charisma. And then there is Darth Maul. While he perhaps doesn't get enough exposure to make it possible to call him a saving grace he is certainly one of, if not the highlight of the film. Visually he is a very evocative creation, it's just a shame that he isn't given enough screentime to really develop the character. His inclusion also allows the film to deliver it's one truly stand-out moment, the lightsaber duel between Maul and the team of Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon. With great choreography it's just about the only occasion where the film really soars to the kind of exciting and thrilling heights of the original trilogy. The double sided lightsaber? Freaking awesome! Shame I can't say the same about anything else in the film.
It's actually tough to try and figure out what about Lucas' contribution deserves the most criticism. Is it his truly awful dialogue? His direction in which he apparently only cares about the effects and has zero interest in his cast? Some of the directions that he decided to take the series in? I mean midi-chlorians? Really? Midi-f*cking-chlorians?!!! He removed so much of the mystique of the Jedis with that move. I loved thinking of them along the same lines as Shaolin monks; individuals who were just able to tap into a higher form of thinking and abilities. I wouldn't have been totally against Lucas trying to introduced a scientific element to explain them, but midi-chlorians? As a director he seems about as far removed from being an 'actor's director' as is humanly possible. He really does seem to only care about all of his precious special effects, taking absolutely no interest in the cast which unsurprisingly results in a series of stiff, stilted performances. And his dialogue? Holy crap it's bad! So many of the lines are just cringeworthy. Oh and all of that clumsy exposition about issues such as midi-chlorians! It would have been less jarring had the film just paused for a break every now and then, and instead had Lucas pop up in the bottom corner of the screen to explain things like the guy that provides sign language for the deaf.
The sad thing is that The Phantom Menace could have been a great film with just a few very minor tweaks. Hiring a director who could actually direct for instance. And a writer who can actually write. And a child actor who can actually act. And employing special effects which were actually good. And killing Jar Jar Binks after twenty seconds of screen time. And not having the future Darth Vader called Ani all the time......(4 hours later)......and dumping the midi-chlorians idea. And disposing of the fart jokes. And actually giving a damn about the characters. And not having Greedo shoot first. I know that last one isn't from this film but screw you George, we know Han shot first!
Conclusion - Wow. Just wow. This really is one of the worst films I've seen in a long time. In fact it's probably one of the worst films I've ever seen. Certainly if you discount films that were so bad they managed to make it all the way back round to become somewhat enjoyable in their ineptitude. The Phantom Menace however was just bad. Really, really bad. I appreciate that the film had the unenviable task of trying to provide the set-up for the immense, sprawling story that was to follow but good god it's so dull!!! Had it not had the original trilogy to rely on it's hard to imagine that anyone could really have cared for Star Wars as a franchise is this had been the first instalment. What had once been childlike in its sense of fun and wonder is not just childish. Awful!
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Year of release
1999
1999
Directed by
George Lucas
George Lucas
Written by
George Lucas
George Lucas
Starring
Liam Neeson
Ewan McGregor
Natalie Portman
Jake Lloyd
Ian McDiarmid
Pernilla August
Liam Neeson
Ewan McGregor
Natalie Portman
Jake Lloyd
Ian McDiarmid
Pernilla August
Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace
Plot - The film begins as two Jedi, assigned as ambassadors to resolve a trade dispute, arrive in orbit of the threatened planet Naboo. When the situation turns violent, the Jedi, along with PadmeAmidala (Portman), the planet's queen, flee Naboo in an attempt to reach the capital world of the Galactic Republic, Coruscant. There they hope to find a peaceful and diplomatic end to the dispute. Along the way, the ship must stop for repairs on the planet Tatooine. It is there that the Jedi encounter Anakin Skywalker (Lloyd), a young slave boy who is unusually strong with the Force. When the group returns to Naboo, they realize that the situation is much worse than they had at first thought: the evil Sith, ancient enemies of the Jedi, have returned
I don't know what George Lucas' home life is like, the kind of relationship he has with his kids etc, but I'm just going to posit a theory. Had his family wanted to have George sanctioned as mentally incompetent and gain control of his fortune, then The Phantom Menace would surely have been Exhibit A in the trial. What an absolutely woeful, ill-conceived mess it is; full of brutal dialogue, clumsy direction and some story decisions that truly boggle the mind. With Lucas having now relinquished the reins to the Star Wars franchise, you might understand someone else making such bold, sweeping changes to the series' mythology but from the man who created it himself? It's not often you see someone s*it all over their own creation, but here is perhaps the best example you are ever going to see. In fact I'm just surprised that this isn't The Phantom Menace - A film by Alan Smithee. You would imagine that surely once it had been completed Lucas would identify what a complete atrocity it was and attempt to distance himself from it as far as possible.
“A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. Turmoil has engulfed the Galactic Republic. The taxation of trade routes to outlying star systems is in dispute. Hoping to resolve”....... zzzzzz.....zzzzzz......zzzzzzz. Oh god I'm already bored! Even if you were to completely ignore the original trilogy and the expectation of thrills that they brought, how can you possibly make a film with the wonderfully evocative title of Star Wars and all that hints at, and yet deliver something so mind-numbingly boring! Though at least that opening crawls provides a warning of what you're in for. What we basically have is a film whose main issues are trade unions, taxes and picket lines. Just because you place the proceedings in space doesn't do anything to raise the level of interest. Watching a series of characters going over these issues again and again makes for a bit of a snoozefest. And even the breaks away from these discussions rarely do anything to raise the level of excitement. When we make it on to Tattooine the film seems to forget that it's a space flick. It feels like we are marooned there for an absolute age as the film gets completely bogged down; the storyline of having to get parts for their ship isn't exactly a thrillride and feels more like a short mission objective from a video game. During this stretch the film should also drop the title of The Phantom Menace and just rename itself Herbie Goes to Tatooine as it really does dedicate itself fully to the pod race. It does actually provide one of the film's rare moments of interest however, with the pod race and its visuals receiving a thumbs up. They are however hurt by the frequent, supposedly hilarious interruptions of the race's colour commentators.
I can avoid the elephant in the room no longer. Jar Jar MOTHERF*CKING Binks!!!!! While I've occasionally invoked the name of old Jar Jar on here in a very negative light, to be honest I didn't really remember my experience of him. I was just going along with the crowd. While I have seen the film before it was some 14 years ago and I remembered absolutely nothing about it, Jar Jar included. And I've got to he honest, I didn't think he could really be that bad. Surely the amount of hate and derision that is thrown at him had to be over-the-top and unjustified. Right? Well no, the character somehow managed to live up to the 'hype.' Not just the worst thing in the world of Star Wars, but one of the worst things I've ever seen inflicted on any film ever. How could Lucas possibly have envisaged him as being a good idea. His goofy, clumsy character is laughably bad while his dialogue is truly brutal, all topped off by the fact that he comes across as pretty damn racist. I can only imagine that it was written by a five-year-old child. That certainly seems to be the only intended audience for the character. Just cringeworthy. And the really bad news? There's a whole race of the damn things!!! Even on visual terms he's quite the flop, looking like something more at home in a Playstation game than a major movie. And I'm not talking PS3. Or even PS2. I'm talking about the old-ass, retro original Playstation. Jar Jar's movements are particularly bad, the character seemingly having no weight or grounding at all as he just bobs along on the surface, at no point coming across as anything close to convincing. He does work in one single respect however. He made sure that I kept watching the film, that I couldn't turn it off. Though not in the fashion I'm sure Lucas was aiming for. The character was so awful that it created a car crash-like situation. It was such a disaster that I couldn't take my eyes off him. It was like peering at a horrible pile-up in a macabre nature, checking to see if you can spot a decapitated head.
Though it's not just with Jar Jar that Lucas reveals his agenda to make a goofier, more childish film. So many of the characters are just silly little creations with goofy voices, whether it be the amphibian faced neimoidians, Sebulba or the droids. Speaking of which I would say that the droids make for a really poor man's stormtrooper, but that would be an insult to poor men the world over. Though I've got to admit that during their big battle with Jar-Jar and his fellow Gungas my allegiances did actually lie with the droids. I let out a little cheer every single time one of those damned Gungas went down for the count.
I've seen and heard people that grew up on the original Star Wars trilogy say that with this movie George Lucas raped their childhood. I had always assumed they were being absolutely ridiculous. While it may remain a rather tasteless remark I can now see where they are coming from. I cannot imagine how disappointing this would have been to people who grew up on Star Wars. After waiting for 22 years this is the best Lucas could do? I'm aware that some of the truly die-hard fans queued for days so that they could be amongst the first to see the film. The disappointment and pain they felt must have been extraordinary. It can not have been anywhere near as good as they were hoping for, as bad as they perhaps feared it would be and even worse than they could possibly have imagined. Being a geek has become rather fashionable these days, what with geek chic and all that. This is the kind of film however that makes you embarrassed to be a geek. Had I seen this at the cinema I'd have slumping further and further down in my seat in an an attempt to hide and I'd have tried to sneak out of the cinema unseen afterwards. I think I'd be less self conscious walking into my local store and buying a whole stash of hardcore pornography.
Film Trivia Snippets - He may have become one of the most iconic elements of all the prequles, but Darth Maul only speaks a total of three lines throughout the whole film. In fact Benicio Del Toro was originally set to play Darth Maul but left the film after George Lucas removed most of the character's dialogue. /// Sets for Phantom Meance were only built as high as the top of the actors heads, with CGI creating everything above and beyond that. Liam Neeson is so tall however that sets where he would feature had to be built to a higher level, costing the set crew an extra $150,000 in construction. /// While filming scenes in which he was involved in lightsaber duels, Ewan McGregor actually made his own lightsaber noises. It was noted and corrected during post production. /// When Fox released the first trailer they did so with strict instructions that it not be shown before a certain date. When a Canadian movie theatre accidentally showed it a day early, they lost the rights to show the movie. Harsh! And during the first week of the first trailer's release, many theatres reported that up to 75% of their audiences that had paid full price for a movie, then walked out after the Star Wars: Episode I trailer had been shown. /// Even though she had been around for a few years now Natalie Portman was still very young. So young in fact that she had to miss the film's premiere party in New York because she had to go home to study for her high school final exams. /// When fully dressed and in make-up, Natalie Portman and Keira Knightley resembled each other so much, that even when Knightley's mother visited the set she had trouble identifying her own daughter. /// On the casting front Kyle MacLachlan was considered for the role of Qui-Gon Jinn, while Kenneth Branagh was originally considered for the role of Obi-Wan Kenobi. /// The communicator that is used to Qui-Gon Jinn is actually a redecorated Sensor Excel Razor for Women.
Alongside Jar Jar the other major downfall of the film lies in the casting of Jake Lloyd as young Anakin Skywalker. I'm not going to rip into the young kid however. He wasn't even 10 years old at the time of filming and clearly he didn't have any acting talent whatsoever. So what exactly was he supposed to do? No the real blame certainly lies at the feet of Lucas. If you're going to place such focus on the character surely you should hire an actor who actually has a shred of talent. Or attempt to mine some kind of performance out of him through his direction. Or at the very least don't lumber him with some truly groan-inducing dialogue; “are you an angel?”
In fact that whole sorta romance that the film is attempting to hint at between Anakin and Portman's Padme is just ill conceived and really awkward, not least down to the fact that he's a little kid and there's like 10 years in age between them.Well after so much criticisms let's try and find some positives. Eh........eh.........oh I've got one!
I've always had a bit of a lazy eye, but after the amount of exercise it got from watching this film I wouldn't be surprised if I had cured it. I have honestly never rolled my eyes so much in my entire life. No seriously. Even if he didn't make a great contribution to the film it was a nice moment when Yoda is reintroduced to us, while despite the character he gets Samuel L Jackson makes an impression just as a result of his natural charisma. And then there is Darth Maul. While he perhaps doesn't get enough exposure to make it possible to call him a saving grace he is certainly one of, if not the highlight of the film. Visually he is a very evocative creation, it's just a shame that he isn't given enough screentime to really develop the character. His inclusion also allows the film to deliver it's one truly stand-out moment, the lightsaber duel between Maul and the team of Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon. With great choreography it's just about the only occasion where the film really soars to the kind of exciting and thrilling heights of the original trilogy. The double sided lightsaber? Freaking awesome! Shame I can't say the same about anything else in the film.It's actually tough to try and figure out what about Lucas' contribution deserves the most criticism. Is it his truly awful dialogue? His direction in which he apparently only cares about the effects and has zero interest in his cast? Some of the directions that he decided to take the series in? I mean midi-chlorians? Really? Midi-f*cking-chlorians?!!! He removed so much of the mystique of the Jedis with that move. I loved thinking of them along the same lines as Shaolin monks; individuals who were just able to tap into a higher form of thinking and abilities. I wouldn't have been totally against Lucas trying to introduced a scientific element to explain them, but midi-chlorians?
As a director he seems about as far removed from being an 'actor's director' as is humanly possible. He really does seem to only care about all of his precious special effects, taking absolutely no interest in the cast which unsurprisingly results in a series of stiff, stilted performances. And his dialogue? Holy crap it's bad! So many of the lines are just cringeworthy. Oh and all of that clumsy exposition about issues such as midi-chlorians! It would have been less jarring had the film just paused for a break every now and then, and instead had Lucas pop up in the bottom corner of the screen to explain things like the guy that provides sign language for the deaf.The sad thing is that The Phantom Menace could have been a great film with just a few very minor tweaks. Hiring a director who could actually direct for instance. And a writer who can actually write. And a child actor who can actually act. And employing special effects which were actually good. And killing Jar Jar Binks after twenty seconds of screen time. And not having the future Darth Vader called Ani all the time......(4 hours later)......and dumping the midi-chlorians idea. And disposing of the fart jokes. And actually giving a damn about the characters. And not having Greedo shoot first. I know that last one isn't from this film but screw you George, we know Han shot first!
Conclusion - Wow. Just wow. This really is one of the worst films I've seen in a long time. In fact it's probably one of the worst films I've ever seen. Certainly if you discount films that were so bad they managed to make it all the way back round to become somewhat enjoyable in their ineptitude. The Phantom Menace however was just bad. Really, really bad. I appreciate that the film had the unenviable task of trying to provide the set-up for the immense, sprawling story that was to follow but good god it's so dull!!! Had it not had the original trilogy to rely on it's hard to imagine that anyone could really have cared for Star Wars as a franchise is this had been the first instalment. What had once been childlike in its sense of fun and wonder is not just childish. Awful!