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Sorority Row

Sorority Row

I try to give horror movies the benefit of the doubt, meaning I go into them doubting they will be any good hoping to be surprised. I rarely am surprised moviegoers. Lately most horror movies include a building, usually a house where people are trapped or going to be trapped. Sorority Row painfully follows this formula.

A better title for this movie might have been "I Know What You Did Last Semester Sister". A group of senior year Sorority sisters devise a prank that goes horribly wrong, vow never to tell the secret, then are stalked by a killer that apparently can kill people without ever arousing suspicion by police, investigators or the Fire Department(!).

In the middle of a crucial scene where walls are ablaze and timbers are falling all around, one character says to another, "We have to leave, the house is on fire." I include that quote not as a spoiler, but as a sample of the script and blocking this young group of actors must endure.

Of course this is Rumer Willis' big movie! It's a shame because you know Demi and Bruce have connections in Hollywood. I can imagine Rumer asking her parents if they liked the film and them lying, saying, "Well, you were good!" We'll have to wait to see if this Hollywood silver spoon will shine with enough polish.

I thought that women-in-peril horror films had at least graduated from dumb, topless, screaming heads to topless, smart, independent victims that give the menace a run for its money. Obviously the people behind Sorority Row are lazy homosexuals; one split-second female topless shot is all you get straight guys. Sorry.

So, you have a horror movie with about six beautiful young actresses, one tiny topless shot, no original kills (although one involving a bottle of alcohol is passable), no original story, no original twist, bad acting, Carrie Fisher making good on a promise to someone in Hollywood (I have to say a little respect has been lost for her), and an ending so ridiculous you want to strangle the theater manager for selling you a ticket.

So, what about Rumer? Well, she definitly has her mother's voice. the verdict's out on her acting ability, given that co-star Megan Elizabeth Wolfley as sorority sister Audrina Patridge does a superb job with what's given her; watch her MoFo's, she's going to be a star; she channels Kim Catrrall in this stinker--you'll swear it's a younger Samantha from Sex and the City!

What bothered me about this film is that they completely abused the 9/11 release date. Has 9/11 become this marketing cash cow? It almost seems disrespectful to overly promote a horror movie on that date.

Nothing good here MoFos. If you have a choice between Sorority Row and The Final Destination at the theater, pick The Final Destination, it's a good bet the formula will be familiar to you and the film makers make it worth your while.