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Omnizoa's Avatar
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10-09-16
Originally Posted by CosmicRunaway
Yeah, inconsistent seems like a fairly accurate description of me.
I'm afraid it just wouldn't work out between us.
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Winner by Default
10-09-16
I've never really thought about it before (I just said that as a joke), but I do have pretty inconsistent taste in movies and video games. Or I'm just a bad judge of what I would or wouldn't like, which is probably worse.

As an actual person, the best description of me is actually "heartless bastard", based on a recent poll of my friends and family members. That's only partly a joke haha.



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10-09-16
Originally Posted by CosmicRunaway
I've never really thought about it before (I just said that as a joke), but I do have pretty inconsistent taste in movies and video games. Or I'm just a bad judge of what I would or wouldn't like, which is probably worse.
I try my best to discover and articulate the specific causes for my like or dislike of different things.

Originally Posted by CosmicRunaway
As an actual person, the best description of me is actually "heartless bastard", based on a recent poll of my friends and family members. That's only partly a joke haha.
Whereas I make a show of being concerned about morals, but in reality I just want to talk about eating babies.



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10-10-16


The Thirteenth Floor
Sci-Fi Thriller / English / 1999

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Sci-Fi Movie Countdown.

Originally Posted by CosmicRunaway
I've had The Black Hole on DVD for many years now, but I've never gotten around to watching it. I think I've seen The Thirteen Floor, but I don't remember anything about it. I think The Thirteenth Floor is supposed to be the better film though, so it might be a decent choice.
WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*
"They say that deja vu is usually a sign of love-at-first-sight." *smooch*

If I... stab you... do you promise to die?

You know that one plothole in Matrix Reloaded? You know, the really big one? The one so big you gotta be blind not to see it? So blind that your ability to fairly assess narratives goes entirely to **** if you fail to recognize it?


Yeah, that one.

I'm sure the smart alecs among you are pretty proud of yourselves for having "solved" this scene, "It's just Inception, Omni, it's a Matrix within a Matrix".

Congratulations numbnuts, you just put more thought into the movie than the writers were willing to because your theory is thoroughly ignored throughout the rest of the movie and it's sequel. There's no spinning top this time, folks, no lampshade to hang, no subtlety to unmask, this was a plotbeat with an immediately obvious payoff that never pays off. This is worse than a Sad Chekov, this Deus Ex Machina at it's worst. BOOM, unexplained superpowers, the day is saved.

Now that's pretty bad, but what if I told you that this exact same reveal was performed successfully already 4 YEARS EARLIER?

The Thirteenth Floor is that movie.

The Thirteenth Floor, despite shooting itself in the thigh at the midway point and failing to keep it's mouth shut the second time when the audience can figure the implications of a given scene, does what the The Matrix failed to do by introducing us to simulation, taking us out of that simulation, and then revealing that that too is a simulation.

The rules concerning the simulation in the movie are consistent which is the most important thing this movie needed to get right and it does that to a T, people temporarily inhabit the bodies of AI inhabiting the system and if they die in the system, they're ejected and the AI assumes their real bodies.



There's a missed opportunity to really talk about the ethics of dealing with sentient AI, but that moment when all of the disparate mysteries culminate in a single person in the real world affecting that bi-polar amnesia that has become a gradually established symptom of body occupance only to lead wordlessly to Main Guy mimicking Mr. Bartender's description of the letter and driving off the game map makes for a fantastic twist to the story and really just leaves movies like Matrix Reloaded looking like a whipped bitch by comparison.

WHAT? You couldn't have NOT known better, you just didn't want to alienate your dudebro viewers with more skeptic talk even though that's one of the only things that keeps your movie relevant today.

Now granted, Thirteenth Floor lacks the stylish action, the biopunk aesthetic, and the cyberpocalyptic setting that plays out in Matrix's corner. It's also far weaker when it comes to the dialog and performances, you'll get nothing on the level of Mr. Smith as much as Mr. Smith would probably improve any given movie he appeared in.

Even admitting that though, this was a nice tight little thriller. Not as deep and insightful as something like Looker and not as memorable as The Matrix, but as a demonstration of the skeptically-charged premise, it's a fair recommendation.


Final Verdict:
[Pretty Good]
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10-10-16


Secret Life of the Human Pups
Documentary / English / 2016

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
Sheer sickness of the mind.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*
"Some people drink, there's drugs, I mean, I would never do those things."

AH GAWD ****. ****. ****. ****. ****. ****. ****. ****. ****. ****. ****. ****. ****. ****. ****. ****. ****. ****. ****. ****. ****. ****. ****. ****. ****. ****. ****. ****. ****. ****. ****. ****. ****. ****. ****. ****. ****. ****. ****. ****. ****. ****. The ****. Why ****. ****. ****in'. ****. ****. ****.



You know, I was the goober that thought there was some worthwhile discussion to be had over one guy's arrest over possession of cannibal fetish fan-fiction.

THIS earns no such good will from me.

You can... pretty it the **** up with everything from gut-spillin' monologues, soft piano music, and a concerned narrator, but this doesn't rub me any different than that old German ****er who abandoned his wife and kids to live as a 6-year-old girl. This identity **** is gettin' way outta hand.

And you know what, if it was just one or two people who inexplicably had this really bizarre hyper-specific fetish in common, OKAY, FINE, GO BE WEIRDOS TOGETHER, but this entire documentary plays SUPER HARD into the whole "this is a community" thing, and the "this isn't about sex" thing, and the "this will always be a part of my soul" thing and GO **** YOURSELVES.

I imagine it's pretty easy to call me out as the bad guy from an extremely liberal perspective, but it doesn't take a whole lot of reasonable skepticism to start catchin' whiffs off these latex doggy gimp suits.

The documentary is profoundly inconsistent on a variety of points SUCH AS...

Despite Spot's ex explicitly stating that his "transition" is what ended their relationship (which why in the **** would I care about that), they keep flipflopping on the reason as if it's uncertain.

Their emphasis that it's "not about sex" also doesn't stand up to the open admission that it's born out of BDSM and their feeble backpedaling trips over the professed "feelings of pleasure" they get for obeying their master, and need I REALLY draw attention to the guys at the end with buttplugs for tails at the end? Spot even says he didn't win the stupid competition because everyone else was doing raunchy stuff and he wasn't "hard" enough. YEAH, Spot dressing up as a dog is just a gateway to harder roleplays, next time we see him he'll be taking whips as a ponyslave.

I can't even remember what else was inconsistent, I'm trying to block it out. I'm just incredibly suspicious of this instantly platonic defense, you got all these guys, men mostly for some reason (some offhand remark about women beings cats seems to assert gender roles upon the two entirely unrelated species) who belt up to do some of the most shockingly dull activities on the face of the planet like eating without their hands, pressing on squeaky toys, and playing fetch all with the convenient supervision of "handlers" who repeatedly insist that they don't do any of the dog stuff, they just "care" for the dogs.



I think you mean "ENABLE".

And in the case of the "sexual handlers", literally get off on torturing submissives.

WHY? Why just dogs? What is it about dogs? I didn't see anything demonstrated here that was natural to dogs, and in fact given that dogs are an almost universally domesticated animal EVERY SINGLE THING on display here were simply qualities we, as humans, have ascribed to dogs:

Playing fetch.
Wearing a collar.
Eating out of dish.
Sleeping in a cage.
Walking on a leash.
Obeying commands.
Chewing squeaky toys.
Pissing on lampposts.
Anal ****ing, gay sex isn't even unique to dogs.

These aren't qualities unique to dogs, these are qualities unique to our subjugation of dogs. And given my bleeding heart veganism, I can't help but see this entire fiasco as anything short of the canine equivalent of BLACKFACE.

Except now it's a "MOVEMENT" and a "COMMUNITY" and an "IDENTITY" which "SPEAKS TO PEOPLES' SOULS" and ****.

God, can you imagine if after slavery was abolished African Americans had to deal with people who've passionately assumed the identity of "black slaves" and who insisted on not being allowed to vote, drinking from "black only" water fountains, sitting at the back of the bus, getting roundly beaten by their masters, and forced to pick cotton by hand?
BECAUSE IT TURNS THEM ON???
OR MAKES THEM FEEL SPECIAL?????

The ****in' indignity of it all. That this got a sentimental documentary disgusts me. Bring back Cannibal Cop.

Oh, and now Youtube is recommending me Secret Life of Living Dolls and ****, THANKS. THHHHHHHHANKS.


Final Verdict:
[Irredeemably Awful]
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Sexy Celebrity's Avatar
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10-10-16
Originally Posted by Omnizoa
God, can you imagine if after slavery was abolished African Americans had to deal with people who've passionately assumed the identity of "black slaves" and who insisted on not being allowed to vote, drinking from "black only" water fountains, sitting at the back of the bus, getting roundly beaten by their masters, and forced to pick cotton by hand?
BECAUSE IT TURNS THEM ON???
Hilarious.

I would not be surprised if there's someone out there living this way already.



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Nothing good comes from staying with normal people
10-10-16
*reads the review*

Chuckle to myself.

*reads the final lines*

Oh, and now Youtube is recommending me Secret Life of Living Dolls and ****, THANKS. THHHHHHHHANKS.


And for the third time (I think you're just trying to kill me now, Omni)

*Two minutes of silent laughter because can't get enough air*
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Nothing good comes from staying with normal people
10-10-16
Also, saw thirteenth floor on tv years ago, but couldn't remember a title. Have been looking for it for at least five years, stumbles over it here...and finds it's out of print. Can't be bought except for at ludicrous prices from a-holes at auction sites. Where did you get a copy Omni?



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10-10-16
Originally Posted by CosmicRunaway
I've never really thought about it before (I just said that as a joke), but I do have pretty inconsistent taste in movies and video games. Or I'm just a bad judge of what I would or wouldn't like, which is probably worse.
[/size]
I've seen what you've been repping on my Mel Brooks list and you definitely have taste where movies are concerned.



Omnizoa's Avatar
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Hullo
10-10-16
Originally Posted by Clazor
Also, saw thirteenth floor on tv years ago, but couldn't remember a title. Have been looking for it for at least five years, stumbles over it here...and finds it's out of print. Can't be bought except for at ludicrous prices from a-holes at auction sites. Where did you get a copy Omni?
You can watch it on Youtube.

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