best Monolog Ever?

Tools    





Personally I can't decide between Christopher Walken as the intrepid watch-bearer in "Pulp Fiction" or Al Pacino's blasphemous tirade against God in "Devils Advocate" both are more or less perfect. So what do you think? What's your fav. monolog?

*for clarity- I'm not asking you to pick between the two I mentioned, however thoughts on that debate would be appreciated too.



The Fabulous Sausage Man
"Turnin' of the Earth" from The Searchers springs to mind.



Does it bother anybody else that Pappa Steve misspelled monologue both in the title and the body of the post?



For me it's definitely Peter Sellers and his one-sided phone conversation with Premiere Kissoff in Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb. It's the best Bob Newhart routine never performed by Bob Newhart. Brilliant.

PRESIDENT MERKIN MUFFLEY
Hello? Hello, Dimitri? Listen, can't hear you,
suppose you could turn the music down just
a little? Oh, that's much better. Yes. Fine, I
can hear you now, Dimitri. Clear and plain and
coming through fine. I'm coming through fine
too, eh? Good. Then, well as you say, we're
both coming through fine. Good. Well it's good
that you're fine and I'm fine. I agree, it's great
to be fine.

Now then, Dimitri. You know how we've always
talked about something going wrong with The
Bomb...The Bomb, Dimitri. The Hydrogen Bomb.
Well now, what happened is, well...one of our
base commanders, he had a sort of....well, he
went a little funny in the head. You know, just
a little....funny. And, uh, he went and did a silly
thing. Well I'll tell you what he did, he ordered
his planes....to attack your country. Well let me
finish, Dimitri. Let me finish, Dimitri. Well listen,
how do you think I feel about it? Can you
imagine how I feel about it, Dimitri? Why do you
think I'm calling you? Just to say hello? Of course
I like to speak to you! Of course I like to say hello.
Not now, but anytime, Dimitri. I'm just calling to
tell you something terrible has happened. It's a
friendly call, of course it's a friendly call. Listen,
if it wasn't friendly, you probably wouldn't even
have got it.

They will not reach their targets for at least another
hour. I am postitive, Dimitri. Listen, I've been all
over this with your Ambassador, it's not a trick. I'll
tell you: we'd like to give your Air Staff a complete
run-down on targets, flight plans and the defense
systems of the planes. Yes, I mean if we're not
able to recall the planes and...I'd say, well, we're
just going to have to help you destroy them, Dimitri.
I know they're our boys.

All right now listen, who should we call? Who should
we call, Dimitri? The - sorry, you faded away there.
The People's Central Air Defense Headquarters. Where
is that, Dimitri? In Amsk. Right. Yes. Oh, you'll call
them first, will you? Uh-huh. Listen, do you happen
to have the phone number on you, Dimitri? What? I
see, just ask for Amsk information.

I'm sorry too, Dimitri. I'm very sorry. All right, you're
sorrier than I am, but I can be sorry as well. I am as
sorry as you are, Dimitri. Don't say that you're more
sorry than I am, because I'm capable of being just as
sorry as you are. So we're both sorry, all right? All
right.




And it is my duty at this point to inform you there is an existing thread on this topic, right HERE.
__________________
"Film is a disease. When it infects your bloodstream it takes over as the number one hormone. It bosses the enzymes, directs the pineal gland, plays Iago to your psyche. As with heroin, the antidote to Film is more Film." - Frank Capra



28 days...6 hours...42 minutes...12 seconds
The 25th Hour

**** me? **** you! **** you and this whole city and everyone in it.
**** the panhandlers, grubbing for money, and smiling at me behind my back.
**** squeegee men dirtying up the clean windshield of my car. Get a ****ing job!
**** the Sikhs and the Pakistanis bombing down the avenues in decrepit cabs, curry steaming out their pores and stinking up my day. Terrorists in ****ing training. Slow the **** down!
**** the Chelsea boys with their waxed chests and pumped up biceps. Going down on each other in my parks and on my piers, jingling their dicks on my Channel 35.
**** the Korean grocers with their pyramids of overpriced fruit and their tulips and roses wrapped in plastic. Ten years in the country, still no speaky English?
**** the Russians in Brighton Beach. Mobster thugs sitting in cafés, sipping tea in little glasses, sugar cubes between their teeth. Wheelin' and dealin' and schemin'. Go back where you ****ing came from!
**** the black-hatted Chassidim, strolling up and down 47th street in their dirty gabardine with their dandruff. Selling South African apartheid diamonds!
**** the Wall Street brokers. Self-styled masters of the universe. Michael Douglas, Gordon Gecko wannabe mother ****ers, figuring out new ways to rob hard working people blind. Send those Enron ******** to jail for ****ing life! You think Bush and Cheney didn't know about that ****? Give me a ****ing break! Tyco! Imclone! Adelphia! Worldcom!
**** the Puerto Ricans. 20 to a car, swelling up the welfare rolls, worst ****in' parade in the city. And don't even get me started on the Dom-in-i-cans, because they make the Puerto Ricans look good.
**** the Bensonhurst Italians with their pomaded hair, their nylon warm-up suits, and their St. Anthony medallions. Swinging their, Jason Giambi, Louisville slugger, baseball bats, trying to audition for the Sopranos.
**** the Upper East Side wives with their Hermés scarves and their fifty-dollar Balducci artichokes. Overfed faces getting pulled and lifted and stretched, all taut and shiny. You're not fooling anybody, sweetheart!
**** the uptown brothers. They never pass the ball, they don't want to play defense, they take fives steps on every lay-up to the hoop. And then they want to turn around and blame everything on the white man. Slavery ended one hundred and thirty seven years ago. Move the **** on!
**** the corrupt cops with their anus violating plungers and their 41 shots, standing behind a blue wall of silence. You betray our trust!
**** the priests who put their hands down some innocent child's pants. **** the church that protects them, delivering us into evil. And while you're at it, **** JC! He got off easy! A day on the cross, a weekend in hell, and all the hallelujahs of the legioned angels for eternity! Try seven years in ****in Otisville, Jay!
**** Osama Bin Laden, Alqueda, and backward-ass, cave-dwelling, fundamentalist ******** everywhere. On the names of innocent thousands murdered, I pray you spend the rest of eternity with your seventy-two whores roasting in a jet-fueled fire in hell. You towel headed camel jockeys can kiss my royal, Irish ass!
**** Jacob Elinski, whining malcontent.
**** Francis Xavier Slaughtery, my best friend, judging me while he stares at my girlfriend's ass.
**** Naturel Rivera. I gave her my trust and she stabbed me in the back. Sold me up the river. ****ing bitch.
**** my father with his endless grief, standing behind that bar. Sipping on club soda, selling whiskey to firemen and cheering the Bronx Bombers.
**** this whole city and everyone in it. From the row houses of Astoria to the penthouses on Park Avenue. From the projects in the Bronx to the lofts in Soho. From the tenements in Alphabet City to the brownstones in Park slope to the split levels in Staten Island. Let an earthquake crumble it. Let the fires rage. Let it burn to ****in ash then let the waters rise and submerge this whole, rat-infested place.

or

Any Given Sunday

I don't know what to say really. Three minutes to the biggest battle of our professional lives, all comes down to today. Now either we heal as a team, or we're gonna crumble. Inch by inch, play by play -- till we're finished. We're in hell right now gentleman. Believe me. And we can stay here, get the **** kicked out of us, or we can fight our way back, into the light. We can climb out of hell, one inch at a time.
Now I can't do it for you, I'm too old. I look around I see these young faces and I think, I mean, I made every wrong choice a middle aged man can make. I, uh, I pissed away all my money, believe it or not, I chased off anyone who's ever loved me, and lately I can't even stand the face I see in the mirror.
Y'know when you get old in life things get taken from you, I mean that's that's that's part of life. But you only learn that when you start losin' stuff. You find out life's this game of inches, and so is football. Because in either game, life or football, the margin for error is so small, I mean, one half a step too late or too early and you don't quite make it, one half second to slow or to fast, you don't quite catch it. The inches we need are everywhere around us. They're in every break in the game, every minute, every second. On this team we fight for that inch. On this team we tear ourselves and everyone else around us to pieces for that inch. We claw with our fingernails for that inch. Because we know when we add up all those inches that's going to make the ****ing difference between winning and losing. Between livin' and dying. I'll tell you this in any fight it's the guy whose willing to die who's gonna win that inch , and I know that if I'm going to have any life anymore it's because I'm still willin to fight and die for that inch. Because that's what livin is. The six inches in front of your face. Now I can't make you do it. You gotta look at the guy next to you, look into his eyes. Now, I think you're gonna see a guy who will go that inch with you. You're gonna see a guy who will sacrifice himself for this team because he knows when it comes down to it, you're going to do the same for him.
That's a team gentlemen and either we heal now as a team or we will die as individuals. That's football guys. That's all it is. Now, What are you going to do?


Just to name two...
__________________
"A laugh can be a very powerful thing. Why, sometimes in life, it's the only weapon we have."

Suspect's Reviews



So many good movies, so little time.
I'm surprised PappaSteve didn't post this one (which I posted in his Bill Murray thread)

So I tell them I'm a pro jock and who do you think they give me?
The Dalai Lama, himself.
The son of the Lama.
With flowing robes, grace, bald, striking.
I'm on the first tee with him.
I give him the driver.
He hauls off and whacks one.
Big hitter, the Lama. Long!
Into a foot crevice
right at the base of this glacier!
Do you know what the Lama says?
"Gunga galunga. Gunga gunga da gunga."
So we finish and he's going to stiff me.
And I say, "Hey, Lama!
"How about a little something, you know, for the effort?"
And he says, "There won't be any money...
"...but when you die, on your deathbed...
"...you will receive total consciousness."
So I've got that going for me... which is nice.

from Caddyshack
__________________

"Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others."- Groucho Marx



A system of cells interlinked
Dupe thread....
__________________
“It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.” ― Thomas Sowell



Movie Forums Stage-Hand
Mel Gibson's speech on the battlefield in Braveheart. It's perfect -- no other word for it.