A scary thing happened on the way to the Movie Forums - Horrorcrammers

lol


I think I assumed you'd watched it based on your love for the original. C'mon Tak, don't make a liar out of me.



(I actually went to a theatre for the first time in a year and a half recently, so can understand your hesitation. In my case, my friends and I were the only people in an IMAX-sized theatre, so it felt safe enough.)

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She Killed in Ecstasy has been hell to find. Most of the streaming services I try don't have subtitles, and half the time they have too many pop ups to tolerate. And the one that DID have subtitles would show up three seconds early, so by the time the subtitles disappeared, the corresponding sentence started and another sentence pulled up. But I do want to check it out. I'm mostly just going with whatever movies I can find (btw, I've been all over the internet on my tablet with this movie).


Bloody Moon was a pretty run-of-the-mill slasher, but there were a couple interesting moments. If I had to rank them:


Diabolical Dr. Z
Bloody Moon
Vampyros Lesbos
The Girl From Rio
Oasis of the Zombies
The Castle of Fu Manchu (Joel and the robots nearly lost their sanity).


But my real agenda is simple: I want to make a more definitive list of the worst movies ever made. When people put this list up, sometimes they'll have well-received ones or movies that are bad in comparison to most movies the average moviegoer sees in theaters. Example: If I stuck with the average popular movie, the worst on my list might be Cats and Dogs 2: The Revenge of Kitty Galore. But I want the absolute ****tiest pieces of work imaginable. And with Franco already having made the first and third worst I've seen, I see his catalogue as a potential goldmine for entries. Besides, they've helped me a lot with my riffing.

Good Lord, if your agenda is to watch the worst movies ever made, hit me up. I'll ruin your life.

You know, I never expected to be this happy and engrossed for the first time somebody actually told me they'd ruin my life. Hit me, Puppet Pal Mitch.

Even though this is an obviously top tier movie, it will do for now. It will at least almost ruin your life.

Now I thought of something that will play a little rough...

Oh. I would not have guessed that from you choosing Jess Franco. He makes sleezy, euro-trash, low budget movies, but people seek him out because he did weird low-grade artsy stuff while in that genre.

The worst he ever did that I saw was make movies that were boring.
Granted, I also didn't look for eras when the reputation of his movies were... bad.

If by bad movies, you want inept movies which is how I'm reading 'bad' here, which might be different than what you want.
The standard movies on these types of lists currently are (I believe): Troll 2, The Room, Birdemic, and The Miami Connection.

Assuming you want stuff more off the beaten path (I haven't seen Crumbs' list as I'm writing this, but I'm sure there's about to be a lot of overlap):
Director-wise, check out Andy Milligan.
I think Andy Milligan's Dracula was entertaining, Monstrosity was not.
He has a lot of movies. Not all of them are inept, but anything horror seemed to be (there's... a lot. e.g. The Ghastly Ones).

from the list that me and Crumbs will probably pull from:
Things, Boardinghouse, Nightmare Weekend (this one even I couldn't enjoy), Ogroff: The Mad Mutilator.
Claudio Fragasso did movies besides Troll 2. Rats: Night of Terror is a hoot. Monster Dogg (starring Alice Cooper!), has some dialogue and a music video, is less so.

One I've heard about for years is Sledgehammer. Still haven't seen it. But it's on Shudder. Will this be the October I watch it.

I guess for stupid more than funny, you could also check out Kiss Meets the Phantom of the Park that plays like a Hannah Barbara cartoon (different than the European theatrical release, known as Kiss and the Attack of the Phantoms).
I'd suggest Rock 'n Roll Nightmare, but Rifftrax did an episode on it at some point.

Not the worst ever made, but interesting oddities (which is how I view the appeal of a lot of bad movies): Raw Force (aka Kung Fu Cannibals) and Lady Terminator.

If you want bad, fun, 80's action, try Samurai Cop. Dangerous Men also made the rounds.

It feels like there's a lot I'm drawing a blank on. I might need to get back to you on this.

ETA: Correction, originally spelled Ogroff as Orloff.

You started off with the one with a special place in my heart that I love, love, love. I would have guessed you were going to go Things first.

But have you watched the extended edition of Boardinghouse?


Would you dare?


And Things would be a runner up to this. I love both of them, but they are probably unbelievably unbearable for most people to watch. But, unforutnately, it's almost impossible to find online.

I left off Ninja Busters. Now I feel embarrassed.

I'm a bit like the people who want the original cut of Star Wars. I want (and own, I think) the version of Boardinghouse that I experienced in the theater. In a delirious haze of sleep-deprivation at 4 am.

FTR I have never watched the extended cut.


But, I have to admit, the idea of more than an additional hour of footage almost short circuits my brain. And makes me very afraid.


One of these days it must happen though.

And let's not forget this.


Hey Keyser!


This!



A NIGHT TO DISMEMBER

And now that I have sufficiently destroyed five hours of someones life, I can sleep soundly, stop moving, and let the cobwebs settle on me one final time.

Once it becomes reasonably available to me, I am excited to check it out.

They can't be as bad as Lust for Frankenstein. I don't even know if I can finish it. It is so dull, terribly acted and poorly written. I tell my family about the movies I watch, and they'd throttle me if I tell them the worst movie I've ever seen is sex scene after sex scene after sex scene with bad acting and audio that can only be made out half the time. Well, the worst movie I ever experienced, I couldn't finish. That's a story.

Things is on Tubi.

Stay safe, Tak. I assume you've upgraded your masks already to KF94, KN95, or N95. I didn't really go out much during the pandemic, so it didn't cross my mind until a month or so ago that the supplies aren't in such dire need like they were at the beginning of the pandemic.

I've been using a really well-fitting double-layered mask that a friend made me. But I probably should switch over to something more powerful, especially when one student today "accidentally" broke or soaked (?!) several different masks.

I am missing going to the theater. Candyman is a great example of a film that I would have gone to see with my sister and her husband over the holiday weekend.