I have several, but I will mention one of the most evasive ones of them all:
Drunken Wu Tang
Or:
How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the p2p
This film has gone under the guise of many names, some of which include: "
Taoism Drunkard", "
Drunken Arts: Crippled Fist", and even the so called title itself: "
Drunken Wu Tang". None of these friggen titles are correct and will get you nowhere if you go searching to buy this golden piece of garbage. How do I know this? I personally have bought every movie title this thing falls under only to realize I've come to a complete dead end and my hopes each time were completely smashed. For the record though, (before I start this story), I want to say I am not advocating by any means downloading videos, etc.; especially if they are accessible. However, when something is impossible to find because it may not exist in format anymore, and you've spent close to $50+ on films which you think are the real thing, but turn out not to be; I feel there is an exception to the rule, at least I've been doing the honorable thing in the process by at least
trying to buy it several times.
So how does one acquire this crapsterpiece? It's not easy... not easy at all...
You have to understand something; this movie isn't even found on normal torrent websites. You heard me right. You can't find it in ANY torrent website; not Pirate Bay, not Iso Hunt, not Mini Nova. If you go looking for it there, the end result will be the same as it is trying to buy it legitimately. So I pulled my hair from my head with this thing, but this pain only drove me further down into the rabbit hole.
So I searched google for hours, consistently coming up empty, and my hopes being blown time and time again. Then, as if a fighter who's been punched so many times and people think he's down for the count, I rose up and delivered a knock-out to my fateful opponent... I found a lead.
Apparently, there was a sole-seeder on the net providing this obscure film. A mystery man who didn't disclose his name or identity to anyone, and one may question if he really exists in the first place. He provided one seed for it... but further still, you couldn't obtain this film via conventional internet means. One had to use a special p2p server which connected to the net, but ultimately you had to make a pact with the devil for it to make it work... you had to shut down all firewall protection and disclose all your ports to the server. It was a very tough decision to make, (and eventually within a year I got such a bad virus from it that I had to reprogram the very computer from which I am writing to you), but this had to be done for the greater good.
What did this mean ultimately? Well how this server worked was, for those who used it, ANYTHING that was on another persons computer could be shared and seen on another persons computer who possessed the same server. So for example, all my files, etc. where shared with everyone else and vise-versa. So lets say a person on the server wrote a report or had a report/video/etc. on say, oh I don't know, [insert random topic], "Dogs"?... you just typed it in and there you go, you now know everything in the world about the canine species. But my purpose was different... I had come this far to get what I wanted, I wasn't going to test out the servers higher functions just yet, so I typed in "Drunken Wu Tang"... nothing. That was the knock-out blow for me at the end of that week of searching. But later I gave this thing a few days thought, and two things consistently bugged me: 1) I knew the film existed and 2) why was I given such a bizarre lead in the first place which seemed so incredibly-credible and still did? Something didn't sit right with me.
So each day, for about two to three weeks, I typed in "Drunken Wu Tang" to this servers search bar; and for two to three weeks I found nothing until finally, BAMB! The blasted thing shows up one day out of the friggen blue, and like the lead had said, the movie only had one anonymous seeder. So I downloaded it immediately, but that in itself is an extreme overstatement, this thing took me six months... not six days, not six weeks,
SIX MONTHS, of download time until its final completion. That means this:
I left my computer on for SIX MONTHS trying to get a hold of this blasted thing. That's called devotion my friends. And the lesson that can be learned here is that you should never give up as long as you have an internet connection.
So what happened to this movie when I finally finished downloading it after
SIX MONTHS? To pass it down to future generations of die hard B-movie lovers, I took on the burden of being one of its sole-seeders on the server, (that is until my computer shut down). I had a copy of it on my computer, (which, again, eventually crashed due to a virus caused by the server itself); but that didn't bother me because I had 3 backups: 1) a file only copy transferred over to CD and a playable DVD copy which I burned, both of these I put in a lock box, (no lie), and I haven't opened it up since and 2) an "everyday enjoyment" DVD copy so that I can watch this masterpiece of hilarious, but solid, crap anytime I want to.
So anyway folks, that is my "
Drunken Wu Tang" story, I hope you enjoyed reading it. And if one of you desires a copy of it, I might be willing to ship it to you, provided I get a new DVD burner sometime soon, (which, don't worry, I'll pay for), and you pay for your own shipping. Just remember, if the package sent to you smells of blood, sweat, and tears... your hunch is probably right.