Thief's Monthly Movie Loot - 2023 Edition

That's how the famous "Pinhead" (Doug Bradley), here simply credited as the "Lead Cenobite", describes himself and his team of Cenobites. They're "explorers", that become "hunters" if someone escapes their grasp. Of course, that is precisely what happens in Clive Barker's hellish and grimy debut film.

Hellraiser starts with Frank (Sean Chapman), who acquires this mysterious puzzle box which leads to him being dismembered, torn apart by it, but without really leaving a trace. Fast forward a couple of months, and Frank's brother, Larry (Andrew Robinson) is moving into his house with his new wife, Julia (Clare Higgins).

What Larry doesn't know is that Julia was having an affair with Frank. So when mysterious circumstances bring Frank back to life... sorta, Julia becomes his "black widow", essentially. Her mission is to bring unsuspecting horny men to Frank's feet, until he can regain back his body, flesh, and strength, so they can flee and escape the Cenobites.

This is a film I hadn't seen in several years, but that I always remembered being somewhat... icky. Rewatching it last month, I can confirm it is. But, being a horror film, that's actually an advantage. It is the kind of film you want to take a shower after watching just for how "unpleasant" and "nasty" everything looks and feels, and I mean that as a positive.

It's interesting how much this franchise is associated with the Cenobites, considering how little screen-time they get here. But Barker succeeds in transmitting a sense of dread about their impending arrival, and what that might entail. In the meantime, the interactions between Larry and Julia are interesting. I would've liked a bit more background between her and Frank, just to give a bit more foundation to her actions other than "uptight-woman-getting-horny-with-exotic-brooding-man".

The character of Larry's daughter, Kirsty (Ashley Laurence), who ends up being the "final girl" also feels a bit clumsy in how she is integrated into the story, and Laurence's performance isn't that good. But despite those issues, Barker still manages to craft a pretty grungy but effective horror film.

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I like Hellraiser quite a bit. (And the part where they come through the hospital wall is the first glimpse of a real horror movie I ever got).

But for me, Hellbound: Hellraiser 2 is the best of the series by a fair amount. I really like Laurence in the lead. She really won me over on her commentary on the Hellraiser DVD. "I had to pretend to be scared of the rats, but actually I love rats. They're so smart!".

A mysterious woman, a detective, a missing invention, and the above line. Sounds like the ingredients of a pulpy mystery, which they are. But what people might not realize is that those are some of the ingredients that filmmaker Todd Sullivan and his crew were given to craft this short film.

Done as part of the 48 Hour Film Project organized by Roger Corman, Birth of a Feminine Nation follows Jordan Frost (Melody Olivier), a mysterious woman and inventor that brings this case to Detective Steele (Nich Gulycz). All of a sudden, they find themselves in the middle of a pursuit and perhaps a conspiracy that no one might be prepared for.

The trick of the project is that the film has to be done in 48 hours and include certain obligatory elements (like a certain character, a specific genre, a certain prop, and the above line). I thought the short was fun on its own, but learning about those constraints afterwards made me appreciate it even more.

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For anybody curious to check it out...

Yeah, I don't remember much from my teenage years, but I do remember liking Part 2 more. I will probably revisit it sooner than later.

Dracula: Prince of Darkness follows two couples that unsuspectingly walk into Dracula's Castle, not realizing that this could mean there'll be no morning for them. The above quote is the sentence uttered by Helen (Barbara Shelley) to her husband, as she realizes they might walked into their own doom, despite the warnings from rogue-ish Father Sandor (Andrew Keir).

This film is set some time after the events of Dracula (1958), something I didn't know when I chose it, since I haven't seen it. However, the film includes a brief prologue that replays the final scenes from that film to keep us up to speed. With Dracula dead, the town has descended into a sort of paranoia to avoid something like that from happening again; something that I wish the film would've leaned more into.

Despite all of this warnings and the fact that they're left stranded by their fear-stricken driver, Helen and her husband Alan (Charles Tingwell), along with his brother Charles (Francis Matthews) and his wife Diana (Suzan Farmer) get too close to the castle, and end up enticed by its luxuries. But as one might expect, this will eventually lead to Dracula (Christopher Lee) being brought back to life, putting all of their lives in danger.

At the end of the day, Dracula: Prince of Darkness is a perfectly serviceable vampire film, just not very memorable. First, the four main characters act like annoying idiots, especially Charles, who ends up being the lead. As a matter of fact, it is Helen the one who seems to be the one with most common sense, despite being portrayed a bit nagging.

I also wish there was more done with Father Sandor. It felt as if they were setting him up, and his clashes with the village, for something more but it didn't happen. Either way, there are some genuinely eerie and scary moments, and the film is overall enjoyable. The set design and overall production values are solid, and Philip Latham delivers a creepy performance as Dracula's servant, Klove.

One thing that felt a bit awkward was to see Lee act as Dracula but with no lines of dialogue. Rumor has it that he read his lines in the script and told the producers "if you think I'm going to say any of these lines, you're very much mistaken." This is denied by screenwriter John Sansom, who claims he didn't write any lines for him. Regardless of who you believe, it's still an odd choice that makes the film not that memorable, but rather something we might forget in the morning.

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That's the cry for help from a helpless helicopter pilot as he encounters a deadly swarm of killer bees on his way, causing him to crash. But that's exactly what this 70's disaster film delivers; a swarm of bees causing helicopter crashes, train derailments, ruined picnics, and lots of deaths.

The Swarm follows the government efforts to stop this swarm from causing more chaos. At the front of everything is Dr. Bradford Crane (Michael Caine), a scientist that has been tracking this bees for a while and whose attitude and methods clash with those of the general who's overseeing things. Meanwhile, in nearby Marysville, townsfolk find themselves in the path of the deadly swarm.

But along with the swarm of killer bees comes a swarm of aging actors making guest appearances in this film. Henry Fonda, Olivia de Havilland, Fred MacMurray, Slim Pickens, José Ferrer; I'm still wondering how they managed to get them all on this dumb film, but that was a common occurrence at the time (see The Towering Inferno, The Poseidon Adventure, etc.)

But it is Caine the one who's on top of things, and he chews scenery like a madman in this. His whole approach to solving things doesn't make much sense, but then again, neither does any of the things characters do in the film. "Look! There's a swarm of killer bees coming! Gee, if only I could close my window!"

Regardless of its many flaws, which include stung victims having frequent hallucinations of giant bees (see the picture!), the film is rarely boring. For a 2 hour dumb disaster film, I'd say that's quite a feat. But I guess it delivers what it promises: disaster, chaos, camp, scenery chewing, and bees! millions of bees!

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The Swarm is deliriously silly, and takes itself so seriously. I absolutely adore it for being one of the craziest big-budget movies ever made - I never tire of watching it.

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I need to surrender one day and watch that, just for the sake of cinema

That is the exchange between young Arash (Arash Marandi) and the lead girl (Sheila Vand), which is the truth from any encounter we have with new people. It is always a gamble, a toss of the dice. We don't know each other, and yet sometimes, it doesn't matter. We take the gamble, toss the dice, and see where the road and the night leads us.

A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night puts a spin to the story with the lead girl, who remains unnamed, being a vampire. This adds a couple of additional layers of mystery and danger to her encounter with Arash. But Arash isn't a saint himself. They're both carrying secrets and burdens that the other doesn't know about.

Like the characters themselves, this film goes beyond being *just* a vampire movie. It is an interesting mish-mash of genres and styles that go from western to coming-of-age. The two main characters are essentially two teens getting to know each other, each forced by circumstances to grow up and be... something different.

Despite this, the want for those innocent and tender moments of youth remains. Whether it is the main character playfully skateboarding around, or Arash dressed up as none other than Dracula for a costume party. Nevermind that the skateboard is stolen from a kid she scared to death by threatening to take his eyes out of his skull, or that he's in the costume party selling drugs. They don't know the things they've done.

For a debut, A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night is an impressive one. Most definitely a slow burn, but a burn nonetheless. Gorgeously shot, visually striking, emotively acted, with the depth of an existential drama and the charm of a teen romance, no matter how odd it might be.

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Vampire lore establishes that they can only come out at night. This certainly gives potential victims a certain window for which to look for while trying to survive. But what if it was nighttime for a whole month? That is the twist that 30 Days of Night puts in the vampire sub-genre.

Set in Barrow, Alaska during winter, the film follows a group of people as they prepare for their month-long polar night. Sheriff Eben Oleson (Josh Hartnett) seems to be on top of everything, except his own marriage as his estranged wife Stella (Melissa George) is looking forward to move to the mainland USA.

With the polar night on top of them, a band of ruthless vampires led by Marlow (Danny Huston) attack the town. Without the hope of daytime, survivors are forced to seek shelter for the month-long period. The film then follows the typical storyline of survivors in hiding having to deal with each other. Will they destroy themselves, or will they destroy their tormentors?

This is a film that, for some reason, I hadn't seen and now I have to wonder why. It was definitely a lot of fun that felt like a jolt of energy into a sub-genre that seems to need one more often than not. The whole premise of survivors trapped with vampires free of the constraints of sunlight should be unnerving enough. However, this also leads to the pace feeling a bit chopped off as a result of a couple of time jumps that feel a bit abrupt.

Hartnett and George were pretty good as the leads, and the whole supporting cast was solid. As usual, Ben Foster was a treat as a stranger that arrives at the town warning of the incoming threat. Huston also seemed to be relishing his role as the threatening Marlow, although I think the whole band of vampires could've done with a bit more personality and charisma. Still, they looked menacing enough and were menacing to keep us on edge for 2 hours, or 30 days.

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I'd probably rate it a notch or two lower than you, but I really like Hartnett and I LOVE George.

I'd say it's telling that on the DVD commentary, Josh Hartnett says something like "So I took the script to them and said, you know, this doesn't actually make sense. And they told me not to worry about it, so that was, like, the approach I took." LOL. He says it very diplomatically but even I noticed that the "rules" of the movie fluctuated scene to scene.

I had issues with the climax and what Hartnett does to fight the vampires, but I really liked the setup and I was very much entertained by then so it didn't make much of a dent.

October 1, 1960 is the date when Nigeria gained its independence from Great Britain. It is also the date when this film starts, as we see Inspector Danladi Waziri (Sadiq Daba) deliver his findings to the British colonial authorities on the case of a serial killer and rapist. Unfortunately, the British seemed to be more interested in getting this over with for the handover of the country.

There is always disappointment in seeing a story with potential being hindered by a couple of elements. Director Afolayan does a good job handlng the camera and keeping an effective pace on things. However, the story is predictable as you can probably guess who the killer is after 15 minutes of film.

In addition, many of the performances aren't very strong. Daba has a very likable presence and it's refreshing to see a film like this focusing on an aging inspector, instead of a young hotshot. However, you can see him struggling often with his line delivery. I did like the subtext of the "old school" clashing with the "new" one, and how it presents the problems of colonialism within the country.

This is the second film I see from Afolayan (the other being The Figurine) and it is evident that he knows what he's doing, at least within the limitations of a developing cinema industry. Despite its many flaws, October 1 still manages to be an entertaining and mostly well done thriller.

Grade:

For me it didn't quite go the distance. Still I liked the actors well enough. Honestly, it's not a movie I remember all that well, for better or for worse.

Terror of Frankenstein follows the attempts of Victor Frankenstein (Leon Vitali) to "create life" and his subsequent efforts to stop his own creation (Per Oscarsson). This film was described to me as "the most authentic to the book", and although I've never read it, it seems it is based on what I've read.

With only the 1931 Frankenstein version and its frequent depiction in popular culture to go from, I was quite surprised by how much more profound, disturbing, and eerie this story was. From Frankenstein's portrayal as more of a daring but ultimately reckless young scientist that's terrified of his own doing, to the portrayal of the "monster" as a literate creature that has wants, desires, and ultimately hatred and anger at those that reject him.

After all, his life has been one of abandonment and isolation, starting with Victor who literally fled his house as soon as he realized the "monster" had come to life. Despite its initial innocent nature, the creature's search for help, company, and friendship with humans has led to hurt, fear, and more abandonment because of his grotesque appearance.

This was a film that certainly caught me off guard, in a positive way. I think that the performances from both Vitali and Oscarsson are pretty good with lots of interesting layers and nuances to both characters. I think Oscarsson in particular did a great job portraying the "monster's" frustration and eventual hatred of humans.

I also appreciated the story's bleakness and no-BS approach. Even though it is not necessarily a horror film, playing more like a gothic drama/mystery, the film is full of eerie and unsettling moments. If you're looking for gore and jumpscares, look elsewhere; but if you're looking for a more pensive and thought-provoking look at this popular "monster", then check this out.

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Altered follows a group of friends that manage to capture an alien creature in an attempt to get payback after being abducted and tested on themselves 15 years ago. However, their quest for revenge only serves to bring forth their own personal issues, guilt, regrets, and traumas, which has led to them being distanced and "all fu˘ked up now".

The film starts with Cody, Duke, and Otis (Paul McCarthy-Boyington, Brad William Henke, and Michael C. Williams) capturing the alien. They then bring it to the house of a fourth friend, Wyatt (Adam Kaufman), who had distanced himself from the group after the abduction. It is there where their internal conflicts bubble up, endangering them all.

This film was directed by Eduardo Sánchez, one of the creators and directors of The Blair Witch Project. I assume it shouldn't have been easy to follow up such a successful project, so I appreciate him sticking to a small-scale, independent project like this. He uses a very economical approach focusing more on the interactions between the friends than the alien itself.

What little special effects we get are decent, and Sánchez direction is pretty solid. But the script by Jamie Nash keeps the spotlight on the relationship between these four men, and how much they've lost as a result of this trauma. Unfortunately, Kaufman lacks a strong emotional presence and depth, which has a significant impact in the film considering he's more or less the audience's proxy, and supposed to be the emotional core.

The film is certainly not without other flaws, mostly some spotty dialogue and another shaky performance from Wyatt's girlfriend, but I really liked the film's approach to this abduction as more of an individually traumatic and personally scarring event that has affected this men's life forever; something that gave me vibes of cases of child or teen abuse. Yeah, they're "all fu˘ked up now" for sure.

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Stories of Bigfoot, Sasquatch, or essentially big, hairy creatures have been around for centuries, but peaked in the 1960s and 1970s. Regardless of whether you think it exists, the image of a lumbering hairy "creature" has become so iconic, to the point that it has been copied, parodied, and homaged in all types of media, including this 2014 film.

Exists follows a group of friends spending a weekend in a remote cabin, only to find themselves being stalked and hunted by a mysterious creature. Directed by Eduardo Sánchez, co-director of The Blair Witch Project, this is a film that really lends itself really well for the "found footage" format, and he really makes some good use of it here.

The direction does a great job of creating dread and tension through the possibility of an approaching figure, or because of the actual approaching figure. There are also a lot of effective jumpscares and genuinely scary, creepy moments. Even though I don't think the very conclusion did the trick, I have to admit that I was fidgeting at numerous times during the film.

One of the struggles of "found footage" films is to find reasons for the characters to keep filming, even in the midst of chaotic situations. However, although there is always the need for some stretch, the recording feels mostly organic here. The performances are serviceable; although none of them are great, they do the job.

Ever since "found footage" was catapulted in popularity by Sánchez and partner Daniel Myrick, it has become a frequent target for movie fans that question their purpose and legitimacy. It is perhaps serendipitous that it is Sánchez himself the one that proves to us that effective "found footage" films do exist.

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I shouldn't second guess myself, but I think objectively, these last two are and . But even though they have a lot of flaws, I genuinely didn't expect to enjoy them as much as I did, so I guess that's what counts.