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Rosemary's Baby



Rosemary's Baby
Supernatural Thriller / English / 1968

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
Showed up in a "greatest horror movies of all time" list. I've heard about it, but never seen it and none of the screenshots I've seen give me horror movie vibes.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*
Meat.

Sure enough this is not a horror movie, it's a supernatural thriller at best.

Basically a couple move into an apartment with a sordid history of witchcraft and wizardry with the intent of conceiving a baby.

Not just one baby though. Three babies. They were very clear about that. This couple who's never had a child are completely set on having 3 children "all at the same time".

I just had a parrot rescue take back the parrot I recently adopted two weeks ago because it was too much for me, but these fictional ****wits have already decided that one baby isn't enough for them.

I also love the completely insincere husband who's just constantly undermining his wife's confidence only to 180 and and go "Okay, we're having a baby. 3 of them. All at the same time. I've already penciled us in, WAPOW!" *slaps calendar* "You can fit so many babies into this ****in' thing."

"Oh, honey really? Are you sure?"

"Absolutely toots, now shut and get to ovulatin', I got a soul to sell to Satan in exchange for a role in a play you've never heard of, WAPOW!"

"What happened?"

"I raped you in yer sleep, and you can't be mad cause you're complicit and I was drunk and this will be what conceives the Antichrist, so chillax, sugar ****."



So yeah, the whole gimmick is a series of peculiarities suggest that the other apartment tenants and eventually Rosemary's doctor and husband are in cahoots to abduct Rosemary's baby for witchy purposes. It's all very circumstantial and only very brief completely irrelevant dream sequences actually suggest anything paranormal is going on... so nothing paranormal is going on.

The strongly recommended doctor is concerningly into "natural" remedies and ambiguous herbal drinks... up until he says "take pills" out of the blue, which seems to undermine his objection to pills in previous scenes. He casually dismisses Rosemary's pregnancy pains saying they'll go away in 2 days, but they last for months and she instantly regains trust him again when they conveniently vanish.

Everybody's just a tad too invasive and controlling in Rosemary's life. Even if there weren't a coven of witches I'd say it's good enough reason to bail.

The biggest kick in the dick in this movie is the bombastic claim of "I won't take any chances with my baby's safety". This same stupid character is seen drinking, inhaling secondhand smoke, and walking into oncoming traffic.

And given that everybody else is revealed to be a corny-as-**** "HAIL SATAN!" rando in the end, it really leaves you with nobody to sympathize with. Hell, you can't even sympathize with the baby because you never see them and it's implied to be a hellspawn of some sort.

When did she's conceive? Apparently during the sailboat dream she had Satan just walked into the room and plunged his 8 foot spiked demon cock into her and spooged? And her husband just took a seat in the other room like "Yeah, I have no regrets about the course of these events."

It's just not an enjoyable movie. It's not awful, but it's ambiguity implies one of two predictable outcomes, and they went with one of those outcomes, and it wasn't even interesting. Rosemary just rips through the wall in her closet and finds a lounge where everybody's just hanging out and the only thing out of place is the random black crib with an upside-down cross hanging over it. Then everybody just starts yelling "HAIL SATAN!" over and over again.

Just the laziest most least interesting way they could have executed the idea.

A remake could definitely do this idea some better justice, but as it is, this movie just kind of struggles with the balance between creepy implications and subtlety. The neighbors making overtly anti-religious comments, the husband making a side joke about marijuana... for all I know this was some devout Christian's idea of a morality tale.

Not great cinema and in no way deserving of the reputation it seems to have.


Final Verdict:
[Meh...]