The Wolf's Call

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
Basically just binging "best submarine movies" at this point. This one's a French one from the perspective of the Sonar Guy.

WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*
Right off the bat I'd like to say that there's a definite line between fiction and reality when it comes to these movies, and I don't know how thick or thin that line is. Some movies, like Greyhound (which is my definite favorite of the bunch so far) bring you in close to communicate some of the minutae of combating submarines. Others, like The Hunt for Red October, obfuscate much of this for grandiose setpieces, and when the gimmick is "this is a new never-before-classified submarine threat" there's the creative liberty to embellish on some of the technology present, especially if the setting is anything even remotely modern.

Much like how early sci-fi movies presented some of the absolute worst examples of what future space travel would look like, whereas period pieces bend over backwards to present true-to-the-time technology and culture.

In this movie, we see a lot more of the screens that Sonar Guy deals with, and they look very different than what we saw in Greyhound. The premise remains the same, in that they are effectively using directional echo-location to find and determine the behaviors of potential threats around them, but not only is the technology far more ambiguous than the relatively simple waveform and headphones we saw before, but Sonar Guy is presented as something of a hearing prodigy.

Now obviously it takes a degree of skill or experience to decipher the cloud of noise you might hear, let alone project it's distance, it's direction, and whether they're moving, fast, slow, or not at all...

But when Sonar Guy is like, "I hear 7 propeller blades, must be Iranian", I raise my eyebrow in a bit of skepticism.

This movie has exactly 2 combat encounters. The opening scene where we establish Sonar Guy's job and abilities. And the closing scene where, like a Castlevania protagonist, he's returned at greater than full power after being punked out shortly after the beginning of the game.

I don't like Sonar Guy. He becomes so fixated on identifying a mystery submarine that he sneaks into the Admiral's office (who just got done telling him to lay off and mind his own business), guesses his login and finds absolutely nothing of value.

Then he breaks into some records storage area (which he also knows the password to somehow) and determines the sub was some ancient Russian vessel that was believed to be discontinued. He's caught and told he's arrested, but then we do the whole "so yeah I only now just decided to check your homework and you're right so I'm going to waive all of your punishments and put you back to work immediately".


Sounds like karmic justice, right? Well Sonar Guy instantly fails his drug test. ****in' genius is a pothead. Brilliant.

The literal only time we see him smoking anything is in one scene with the Librarian who we have a heinously typical Overnight Romance with, complete with sex and *smoky kisses.* Mmmm...

You know I've always been pretty on the fence about kissing conceptually, but now that I know that the French will suck up a doobie and burp it into their partners' mouth? Damn, I'm sold.

You know I honestly thought there was going to be some reveal that the Captain or whoever falsified his drug test results out of a personal vendetta because there's one guy that's constantly mean-mugging him, but nope. I guess we're just honestly supposed to believe that Sonar Guy bathed in that shit before the biggest job interview of his life.

I genuinely hate the smell of weed. I'd never known what it smelled like before because I don't associate with those kinds of people, but ever since the crime rate spiked like hell and public transit took an absolute shit, I smell it on people all the time. It's so ****ing gross.

I'd rather live with a chainsmoker.

I've cleaned up vomit that smelled better than weed.

I have visited an online seller's home that reeked of literal cat piss, and I'd sooner visit them again than willfully enter the home of someone who regularly smokes pot.

CHUNKY SOLIDIFIED MILK that has been left in the sink for days... like, I should not be putting coagulated stagnant dairy products on the same level as something people deliberately imbibe to feel good.

I wouldn't care if smoking a joint gave me the same experience as a 10-minute sustained orgasm, I'd be too distracted by the smell. To say nothing of how bad it must taste.

All this is to say that I should not be associating the protagonist of a war film, ultimately responsible for saving the entire planet from nuclear armageddon, with the filthy creepshows who love to sit next to me on transit and whip out the tin foil and lighter.

DON'T. STOP. CEASE.

Thankfully the other characters rail on Sonar Guy hard, but when they decide he's the best pothead they have access to at the moment, it becomes a reluctant sort of "well I can't in good conscious put the lives of my crew in the hands of a weedlord guilty of compromising national security, but we need your stupid ****ing ears to find a stupid ****ing submarine SO I GUESS YOU'RE NOT BEING DISCHARGED".

I mean, you're basically communicating my own opinion back to me. I'd LIKE to have a competent protagonist who isn't randomly a druggie offscreen just to drive the plot into a ditch, BUT I GUESS THIS IS WHAT WE'RE STUCK WITH.

The whole drama about him being arrested by trying to find out about the Russian sub is entirely wasted anyway because the twist is the US sold such a sub to Jihadists, who are using the sub to fire blanks, provoking a nuclear conflict.

This creates one of those dumb**** military procedural rabbitholes where a sub is dispatched to nuke Russia on orders so secret that they go silent mode and close all communication, assuming any interference to be a threat.

Queue the winging about firing on former friends and all that. Seems awfully convenient that when both subs take a torpedo hit, exactly EVERYONE except the three main characters die instantly. That's just good writing.

Also the Face-Turned-Heel looks like French Gilbert Gottfried.

This movie was lame.


Final Verdict:

[Weak]