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Twilight Zone: The Movie




Twilight Zone: The Movie
Horror / English / 1983

WHY'D I WATCH IT?
"There is a fifth dimension... beyond that which is known to man...
It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity...
It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition...
and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge...
This is the dimension of imagination, it is an area which we call...
the Twilight Zone Movie."


WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*
So we open up with Dan Aykroyd.


*high-pitched orchestral sting*

**** RIGHT OFF.

What a ****ing horrid way to kick off The Twilight Zone.

Thzuie eoui oeumdro This is the TWILIGHT ZONE! This isn't horror! This is psychological thriller! Not JUMPSCARES, stories to make you THINK and ask QUESTIONS! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

And Dan Aykroyd, really, Dan Aykroyd? What a miscast.

Okay, so there are 4 stories here and I'm just gonna go through them one at a time:

1.) Time Out
Guy loses out on a promotion to a co-worker and vents his frustrations in the form of racism. Leaves the pub and finds himself chased as a jew in Nazi Germany (or someplace). Then as an african-american in the Confederate States (or someplace). Then as a "jap" in... Vietnam (or someplace)?

The obvious problem with this one is that there's virtually no deceit at all. It's just one minute he's in the real world and the next minute he's off to the concentration camps. It's telling that this isn't even a straight adaption of any existing Twilight Zone episode, it just borrows elements from A Quality of Mercy.

It's okay, but that's all it is. It seriously lacks the intrigue or even the musical queues that press the atmosphere of The Twilight Zone.



2.) Kick The Can
Easily the worst of the 4, Kick the Can at least draws from an actual episode, but I can't help but criticize of all things it's direction (which is something I'm very aware that I rarely do).

Our rogue element at the senior home is the literal embodiment of the Magical Negro trope and he's always got that gummy grin rolling at 15% past comfortable. He encourages the other residents to act young if they want to feel young and after gifting them with youth long enough for them to appreciate their old age, he waddles off to another senior home.

It's an okay story in concept, but the focus confuses who it is we should be following and the whimsy is turned up to such stomach-churning levels you can't help, but go, "Okay soundtrack, COOL IT DOWN."

Beyond that, this seems to be an especially weak episode to pick. There's nothing in the way of slow-burning intrigue, and whatever moral there might be is lost in how obtusely it's presented.



3.) It's A Good Life
Now this one nails that slow-burn right on the head. A little boy is attacked at a pub for disrupting a sporting event on television and a woman offers to take him home. Despite the boy telling her his family doesn't care that it's his birthday they are all very happy to see him and almost too friendly.

Everyone's acting a bit off and it slowly becomes a question of, "So where is this power struggle?" We eventually learn that the boy has god powers and a really demented imagination which the woman just accepts and agrees to stay with him... teach him... learn from him... forever... it makes no ****in' sense. Honestly it all just goes out the window when they pull a terrifying demon rabbit out of a hat and then proceed to stick a knife in the uncanny valley and twist it.

It gets really nuts on the visual effects. Which I guess is something memorable at least, but by that point it's strayed far far away from the minimalist fantasies you'd expect from Twilight Zone.



4.) Nightmare at 20,000 Feet
EASILY the best one and the most iconic of the episodes featured in the movie, we have John Lithgow as the aviophobic protagonist and sole witness to the hideous gremlin on the wing of the plane.

I like John Lithgow and there's no exception here, but I'd also like to give particular praise to the presentation of the gremlin itself which not only blows the old black and white man in a fluffy suit out of the sky in terms of design, but it's also helpfully obfuscated by darkness, passing clouds, and only highlighted by the dim background and occasional bursts of lightning.

In this version it's much more believable that someone might not see it, but it's also much creepier to see just a black vaguely inhuman silhouette crawl around the wing, ripping up debris and chucking it in the engines.

That one was really cool.



Altogether, The Twilight Zone Movie (or should I say "Twilight Zone: THE Movie"?) is an extremely shallow attempt to adapt the tv series to the big screen (I've sincerely listened to better radio dramas, I strongly recommend those if you haven't), but if there's one take away; it's the very distinct skillset and varying levels of loyalty to the source material that the director of each episode brings with them.

John Landis directed the first part and his experience directing comedies like Blues Brothers and Spies Like Us show us a background and comfort zone FAR outside the kind of thinking that would produce something like Twilight one. We can probably blame him for Dan Aykroyd too.

Steven Spielberg directed the second part and BOY IS IT OBVIOUS. The WHIMSY COULD NOT BE CONTAINED. I respect Spielberg more now for being able to pull off the likes of Schindler's List, but why that dark, serious, and thoughtful edge was not brought here is beyond me.

Joe Dante directed the third part and given his quasi-horror roots in puppet-centric movies like Gremlins and Small Soldiers, it's no surprise he hit closer to home, though he couldn't help bring his goodie bag of monsters with him.

Surprisingly, the guy who brings us the Nightmare at 20,000 feet is George Miller. Dang. Well, that he managed both Babe and Mad Max at least shows he has considerable range.

Kinda makes me wanna watch Dead Calm now...


Final Verdict:
[Meh...]