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Avalon
WHY'D I WATCH IT?
Avalon
Sci-Fi / Japanese / 2001
WHY'D I WATCH IT?
Guaporense's been talkin' it up all over and I said I'd watch it, so here goes...
WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*Uuuuugggghhh this was rough.
I really like a lot of the ideas in Avalon, this is certainly a movie I could get into. Unfortunately I think a lot of the ideas fall apart or never make it full circle.
Where do I start? Well, how about it's one of those movies that holds static shots for a stupid amount of time and then by the 20-minute mark it's already recycling those SAME SHOTS in an extended flashback montage?
YES, I GET IT, move the **** along. I just SAW THIS.
This is also the kind of movie that after establishing that the main character is arguably the best player in a video game and sees someone that might potentially compete with her, it kicks in the Ethereal Choir hardcore.
Someone beat my score in Pac-man!? DUN dun DUN!
The game in question is called "Avalon", the only significant similarity to Avalon in Assault Girls being the mercilessly dull color palette.
I was serious when I said it was a big fat **** up to go back and recolor over Ghost in the Shell with piss-yellow filters, and this is exactly that. It looks ugly and boring with only a FEW shots (which also recycle) actually make any real use of it.
I get that it's intended to create a contrast to the later revealed "Class Real" part of the game, but that in and of itself just felt like a massive slap in the face.
It's the real world, right? The twist is she's been in the game this whole time, which is why a full color palette is "real", right? Nope! Double twist! When Bishop gets shot to prove whether the world is real or not (which itself came right the **** out of nowhere) and he dissolves like he's in the game I couldn't help, but call "********!"
So what, then? The piss-yellow filter world with the piss-yellow filter game is reality? How is this- I don't even-
( O___O)
I'm reminded of that plotpoint in Matrix: Revolutions where they plainly ****ed up by leaving out the obvious plotpoint where Neo is still trapped in another Matrix.
Anyway, what the was the significance of shooting the girl at the end anyway? Why was she trying to shoot her to begin with? Why not try to communicate with her? Why does "follow the girl" translate into "shoot her in the head"?
At this point all she's doing is trying to find the "Unreturned", right? Or did we see them already? Was Bishop one? We're looking for the avatars of the catatonic patients right? So she's pursuing her friend, Murphy's avatar in an attempt to save him, right? At the risk of becoming catatonic herself?
WHY DIDN'T WE SEE THAT PART OF THE MOVIE!?
The whole ****in' plot sets this up with the Nine Sisters and the Morgana taking Odin to the island with the Oblivion Crown and all that crap and yet we climax on a twist that's not a twist?
The rest of the movie isn't even a satisfying buildup to this ending either.
The action is flaccid, the dialog is expositional, and our main character is ASTOUNDINGLY emotionless. She has no personality whatsoever, even less so than Motoko Kusanagi. She has ONE scene in which she cries and throws up, but it comes out of nowhere following a Total Party Kill.
Dude, IT'S A GAME. YOU DIE IN IT. Is it THAT shocking?
When Stunner dies we get the flattest most BORING deathbed scene I've seen since Dragonslayer and doing anything worse than Dragonslayer is an ACCOMPLISHMENT.
Back to the game thing, though, why is Avalon illegal? Not that I don't understand the risks, but why waste the time emphasizing that this game is illegal if it's legality never ever EVER ties into the movie at all? We never see any law enforcement of any kind, we never get the impression that any of the people involved in this game need to conceal their illegal activity in any way, and removing it would only eliminate a dissonance.
Frankly, the worst part of this movie is just the usual ****, but here the usual **** is taken to a ******** extreme. Dogs, Pigeons, gratuitous close-up of cutting meat, BUT THEN WE GET THE SCENE.
THAT ****ING SCENE.
THAT DRAWN-OUT RAPID-FIRE OF EXTREME CLOSE-UP SHOTS OF STUNNER STUFFING HIS FACE WITH EGGS AND WIENERS.
Stop.
STOP.
STOP.
STOP.
STOP!
STOP!!
STOP!!!
STOP THE ****IN' MOVIE!!!!!
Final Verdict: [Just... Bad]
I really like a lot of the ideas in Avalon, this is certainly a movie I could get into. Unfortunately I think a lot of the ideas fall apart or never make it full circle.
Where do I start? Well, how about it's one of those movies that holds static shots for a stupid amount of time and then by the 20-minute mark it's already recycling those SAME SHOTS in an extended flashback montage?
YES, I GET IT, move the **** along. I just SAW THIS.
This is also the kind of movie that after establishing that the main character is arguably the best player in a video game and sees someone that might potentially compete with her, it kicks in the Ethereal Choir hardcore.
Someone beat my score in Pac-man!? DUN dun DUN!
The game in question is called "Avalon", the only significant similarity to Avalon in Assault Girls being the mercilessly dull color palette.
I was serious when I said it was a big fat **** up to go back and recolor over Ghost in the Shell with piss-yellow filters, and this is exactly that. It looks ugly and boring with only a FEW shots (which also recycle) actually make any real use of it.
I get that it's intended to create a contrast to the later revealed "Class Real" part of the game, but that in and of itself just felt like a massive slap in the face.
It's the real world, right? The twist is she's been in the game this whole time, which is why a full color palette is "real", right? Nope! Double twist! When Bishop gets shot to prove whether the world is real or not (which itself came right the **** out of nowhere) and he dissolves like he's in the game I couldn't help, but call "********!"
So what, then? The piss-yellow filter world with the piss-yellow filter game is reality? How is this- I don't even-
( O___O)
I'm reminded of that plotpoint in Matrix: Revolutions where they plainly ****ed up by leaving out the obvious plotpoint where Neo is still trapped in another Matrix.
Anyway, what the was the significance of shooting the girl at the end anyway? Why was she trying to shoot her to begin with? Why not try to communicate with her? Why does "follow the girl" translate into "shoot her in the head"?
At this point all she's doing is trying to find the "Unreturned", right? Or did we see them already? Was Bishop one? We're looking for the avatars of the catatonic patients right? So she's pursuing her friend, Murphy's avatar in an attempt to save him, right? At the risk of becoming catatonic herself?
WHY DIDN'T WE SEE THAT PART OF THE MOVIE!?
The whole ****in' plot sets this up with the Nine Sisters and the Morgana taking Odin to the island with the Oblivion Crown and all that crap and yet we climax on a twist that's not a twist?
The rest of the movie isn't even a satisfying buildup to this ending either.
The action is flaccid, the dialog is expositional, and our main character is ASTOUNDINGLY emotionless. She has no personality whatsoever, even less so than Motoko Kusanagi. She has ONE scene in which she cries and throws up, but it comes out of nowhere following a Total Party Kill.
Dude, IT'S A GAME. YOU DIE IN IT. Is it THAT shocking?
When Stunner dies we get the flattest most BORING deathbed scene I've seen since Dragonslayer and doing anything worse than Dragonslayer is an ACCOMPLISHMENT.
Back to the game thing, though, why is Avalon illegal? Not that I don't understand the risks, but why waste the time emphasizing that this game is illegal if it's legality never ever EVER ties into the movie at all? We never see any law enforcement of any kind, we never get the impression that any of the people involved in this game need to conceal their illegal activity in any way, and removing it would only eliminate a dissonance.
Frankly, the worst part of this movie is just the usual ****, but here the usual **** is taken to a ******** extreme. Dogs, Pigeons, gratuitous close-up of cutting meat, BUT THEN WE GET THE SCENE.
THAT ****ING SCENE.
THAT DRAWN-OUT RAPID-FIRE OF EXTREME CLOSE-UP SHOTS OF STUNNER STUFFING HIS FACE WITH EGGS AND WIENERS.
Stop.
STOP.
STOP.
STOP.
STOP!
STOP!!
STOP!!!
STOP THE ****IN' MOVIE!!!!!
Final Verdict: [Just... Bad]