The 3 Most Annoying Things a Film Reviewer Can Do

I enjoy watching film reviews almost as much as I love watching the actual movies, with the exception of the bad ones. With as many great reviews as there are out there, you do get several that are just sloppy. These are the three things a reviewer should never do, in no particular order.

1. Spoiling the Plot Without Warning
Spoilers can be fun to talk about, and it helps to elaborate on what you liked or disliked about a movie. But be considerate to those who are watching/reading your review, and let them know when you're going to spoil something.
When Cabin in the Woods came out, there were a lot of short reviews for this movie in which people would just give you their opinions on the film without giving too much away about the plot. There were also some longer reviews which contained spoilers, but most of these would come with a heads-up for those who hadn't seen the movie yet. And then there was this one little bastard who posted a review with no warning, and within ten seconds he was like "I just went to see Cabin in the Woods! It's got (spoiler), (spoiler), (spoiler), (spoiler), and (spoiler)!" And I was f*cking pissed, because I hadn't seen that movie yet and here was this kid giving everything away!
Trailers and DVD boxes are also guilty of this. I used to watch the trailer for every movie I bought before I bought Enemy Mine, in which the trailer gives away the entire story. As for the plot summaries on the back of DVD boxes, these play a big part in my movie-shopping experience, and I shouldn't have to avoid reading them just because some jerkface decided to ruin the plots for some of them. I knew the ending of Night Watch before I popped it into the player. Thanks a lot.

2. Forgetting the Audience
Bill Cosby once said that trying to please everybody is the key to failure, and that is very true. You're not going to please everyone. But if you do gain an audience, you should respect them.
There's a channel on Youtube called welivefilm, on which a variety of film reviewers share their opinions on movies both new and old. They have some videos where two reviewers will stand outside of a theater and talk about the movie they just watched. At the beginning of a review, one reviewer addressed the fact that a lot of people had been leaving comments saying that they didn't like these videos. His response to that was, "We're making money off of it, so..."
Now, I'm not going to begrudge this guy just because he wants to make some money. Money is good to have. And I already said that you can't please everyone, but what I took away from that statement was that money was the only thing he cared about. He didn't seem to give a sh*t about the people who watched his videos, or even the movies he went to see. I don't know whether he's still a part of welivefilm or not, because I unsubscribed after I heard him say that.

3. Inconsistent Opinions
Sometimes, your opinion of a movie can change. You might go see something that you love or hate, but after thinking about it for a while you'll realize that it wasn't that great or bad. And this is fine, because it happens to a lot of us. When I saw Watchmen for the first time, I thought it was kind of lame. But the more I thought about the movie, the more excellent I realized it actually was, and upon re-watching it I loved it. In the opposite case, I thought that Lakeview Terrace was good at first for some reason.
The thing that I don't like, however, is when somebody gives two different opinions in a video, and you don't know whether they're saying it's good or not. One perfect example of this would be a video review of Zombie (or Zombie 2, if you prefer) that I watched a few months ago. The guy in this video made some comparisons between Zombie and Dawn of the Dead, since the former was originally marketed as a "sequel" to the latter. Halfway through the video, he said that Zombie wasn't as much fun as Dawn of the Dead, which was all well and good. But then at the end, he said that Zombie was just as fun as Dawn of the Dead.
Stuff like that just irritates the sh*t out of me. It tells me that the reviewer doesn't know how to form their own opinion.

So, what are some of the most annoying things you've seen movie reviewers do in the past?

Some reviewers use terminologies...

Excuse Note, German Funk Trap etc... that many who just want to know if it's a decent film or not, simply won't understand...

The over use of External Diegetic Sound removes from any Mise-En-Scene that the many Long Shots have and destroys the pace of the Parallel Action.

Dude, just tell us if the film is worth watching.

__________________

I almost nodded off from reading that example of yours 0.o

The worst thing they do is write anything. That usually proves they don't know what they're talking about.

__________________
It's what you learn after you know it all that counts. - John Wooden
My IMDb page

I slightly disagree with no. 3. Of course, it's bad when you don't know what to think, but I also think it's fair if the reviewer gives their opinion on different aspects of the film. Some things can be good, some bad. A film could have a great story but shabby structure, for example. But I agree that the final verdict should be clear.

I do realize that people can have mixed feelings about movies, and I wasn't criticizing that. I myself had some mixed feelings about the recent film The Great Gatsby. What I was trying to get at was what you just said in that last sentence, a person's final thoughts should be clear. You can say that a movie was merely okay if you didn't love it or hate it.

Yes. I usually try to find reasons why some people might enjoy an otherwise not very good film. For example: The film is not very good, but it might be worth the time if you just want something simple to watch while cooking.

I don't think the good - bad spectre is as 2D as such. There are almost always some positive aspects. Maybe a good performance from an actor, etc.

I also think that spoiling the plot is unforgivable.
Honestly, I feel that almost all film reviews out there do it. People think that saying something like "It's a film about a student who decides to go to the pub" isn't spoiling, but it is. A good film should be understood without any prior info, and anything you know about it before you watch will make it impossible for you to judge on this. But I also understand that a lot of people have different opinions on this. I usually just want to know whether the film is good and what type of good, and then I let it surprise me.

You forgot about tour de force. A must use in every refined review. But on the other hand it's nice they use such terminologies to enrich reader's vocabulary.

__________________
Look, I'm not judging you - after all, I'm posting here myself, but maybe, just maybe, if you spent less time here and more time watching films, maybe, and I stress, maybe your taste would be of some value. Just a thought, ya know.

I think it's important to talk about these things in a review to some extend, but it can always be said in a much simpler way so that others will understand. I think the only technical words that a film review reader needs to know are "foreshadowing", "structure", "climax" and "juxtaposition", because these concepts are quite hard to explain otherwise.

I find critics in general have a "snobby" stigma attached to them that can ostracise most people. Personally, I use critics more to see what's released for the week and rather then their own personal perspective, I can gage how good a film is based on the content of their review.

That's the reason why I've started with film reviews. I'm trying for helpful instead of snobby. I think general enjoyability is much more important than following a "How to make a high quality film" textbook. Of course, quality is important, but it needs to go hand in hand.

I don't like lots of spoilers but, out of the review,I want to understand what kind of film it is.I like when certain scenes are described in order to support an opinion but not the whole film.I don't like clever words but I like various comparisons with other films or with other things.

__________________
"Anything less than immortality is a complete waste of time."