Being Asexual

I remember about four years back I said I was sexually attracted to bad nights of sleep. I wasn't kidding: for some reason the pain in my head of not sleeping 8 hours turns me on.

But... besides that there is a fact that I never got into detail here: I am not heterosexual and I am not homosexual either. I never felt sexually attracted to anyone over my entire life. I also never got turned on by porn of any kind (be either live action porn, anime porn, porn magazines, video-game porn or comic book porn, as I have tried all type of porn in existence) over my entire life. Since I am now 28, I guess it's safe to say I am asexual.

I guess that fact helps to explain why I might get so attached to works of fiction: the lack of a sexual life meant that other things got relatively more important to me. Also this helps to explain why I get hooked into cute stuff like K-On! since it is essentially a kids show made for adults or Miyazaki's films since these are also asexual films.

Right now I feel like I will never marry and have kids, which is now really stressing me out.

I was wondering if I am the only asexual person here?

Now THIS is a thread!

I never heard the thing about lack of sleep before. Most people don't feel well without enough sleep. I have a few sleep disorders, none of them involve sexual activation. Although, I do remember times when I was becoming sick (with a cold or flu) that involved a temperature, and for some reason, in addition to lights seeming extra glarey and a strange tingling on my tongue - which always alerted me to fever, it would sometimes be accompanied by an increased libido!

You are a weird guy Steel.

Well, I'd like to tell the story of how my girlfriend gave me mononucleosis in college, and I didn't have to worry about giving it back to her since she'd already had it and had given it to me. We put things on hold for about a week while I recovered, but then jumped the gun getting back into things... the rest is too graphic to post but it was literally some "sick" sex.

Anyway, back to being asexual... what's that all about?

Thanks for sharing with us Guap. Sexuality (and asexuality) is a complex and complicated thing that is different for everyone. I'm sorry to hear you are stressed about your future, but I hope you can come to resolve that and find happiness.

It means you are not sexually attracted to anyone. Straight people are sexually attracted to the opposite gender while gay people are attracted to the same gender.

I am not attracted to anyone in the same way you are not attracted to men. So think living in a world where there were no women and only men and you will understand what I (do not) feel.

I have got a friend who is asexual. He has married a woman who is a bit lame in one leg and could not get a partner because of that . He says the marriage runs strictly on love and companionship.

Could he be Demisexual?

It's people who do not experience physical attraction yet can eventually become attracted to someone emotionally. If Guap is ASexual then i don't believe that's a possiblity, that depends on if he has already experienced a "close emotional connection".

Could be wrong, i don't understand these things obviously. Best of luck Guap, hope you find happiness.

It seems that you are happy with the way you are except the never getting married or having children

It's ok to never marry or have children

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Buddha

I'm heterosexual and I've only found out about asexuality quite recently. What's standing out to me is your being asexual but feeling like you're missing out on marriage and kids. It intrigues me that even though the sexual interest is closed off, let's say, that particular need remains; or, do you think there might be a bit of social pressure involved? As nebbit says:

There is other ways of being attracted to another person besides sexually. There's finding a real friendship, or being attracted by someone's intellect or just their personality overall, or a shared love of stuff. Indeed you'll find that most long relationships are held together by friendship and those other things more than physical attraction, so if you missed the first throes of lust out of a relationship and just went straight into the friendship and the companionship I don't see the difference, you can be just as happy.

I'm not fond of everyone being labelled into a category. Don't stress about it Guap. The future will bring what it brings. Don't idealise marriage and kids as the gold standard of human happiness cos millions of people will tell you that's not true!

aw, i'm sorry. i have a friend who is asexual who "came out" to me as one a few years ago, and before she came out, she was always in committed relationships with men that she obviously wasn't into sexually, but still wanted a "companion" so she would force herself to try. obviously, it never worked. now that she's open about who she is to herself and to everyone else she ended up meeting someone who is also asexual and last year they moved in together and are very happy.

anyway, i'm just trying to point out that being asexual shouldn't mean you can't find a life partner, and i don't think kids is out of the question either (even if they aren't biological)

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letterboxd

I guess. But I think its much harder to get into a relationship if you are asexual. I guess asexual women have it easier in that sense.

Also, the fact someone is asexual doesn't meant he is lacking in libido or cannot produce children, it only means he is not sexually attracted to anyone. Gay men have many times married and produced children.

This. I cant see why not either, Guapo.

I don't think so. He had normal sexual interests up to the age of about 27 . But at that age he lost interest in women. At first he was worried about that. But soon he began to feel better and began to claim that he was free from the hard life of trying to please a woman and could live according to his own terms.

When he lost his interest in women he was heavily into drinking. Many people say he lost his libido due over drinking. Years later he stopped drinking but his interest in women has not returned.

On the other hand, it might even be worse if a person is a healthy heterosexual with a strong libido and attracted to those of the opposite sex and knows that, through several sets of unfortunate circumstances, will most likely always be alone, never marry and never have children during whatever time they have left.

If only all marriages were like that.

Yep.

Well, I think my position is almost the same as that: since I am a healthy person with strong libido (libido is very different from being sexual) but being asexual means I will have much greater difficulties getting a partner than a heterosexual or homosexual person.

Indeed. It's harder to find asexual people but possible.

Well, life is never perfect and we have to make the most of what we have.

There might be someone just around the corner, and probably easier that you're obviously in tune with yourself and don't mind talking about it. Don't lose hope on having kids just yet. Even if you don't actually want to get physical there are other ways you can make a bub. Hold on to your dreams, Guapo.