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Runaway Jury (2003)






Hellloooo Cindy - Scary Movie (2000)
The Shallows (2016)

Poor acting, poor cinematography & cgi, thin plot and really dumb movie especially final part of it.
I didn't care about any deaths cause characters were non-existent.
I cringed every time when slow-motion happened.
....and that "amazing" editing with that crappy song when she meets these two dudes... haha.
I couldn't agree more, this movies a joke. The cgi is almost as bad as deep blue sea. On that note deep blue see is a class above, if not more.



The Shallows (2016)

Poor acting, poor cinematography & cgi, thin plot and really dumb movie especially final part of it.
I didn't care about any deaths cause characters were non-existent.
I cringed every time when slow-motion happened.
....and that "amazing" editing with that crappy song when she meets these two dudes... haha.
I couldn't agree more, this movies a joke. The cgi is almost as bad as deep blue sea. On that note deep blue see is a class above, well above.
I watched this garbage last week. It was way overhyped. Like you say, the CGI look worse than a 90's disaster film, and the story is just ridiculous. I mean the odds of just being slightly wounded by a great white must be astronomical. And as for the ending..what the hell?!



Hellloooo Cindy - Scary Movie (2000)
The Shallows (2016)

Poor acting, poor cinematography & cgi, thin plot and really dumb movie especially final part of it.
I didn't care about any deaths cause characters were non-existent.
I cringed every time when slow-motion happened.
....and that "amazing" editing with that crappy song when she meets these two dudes... haha.
I couldn't agree more, this movies a joke. The cgi is almost as bad as deep blue sea. On that note deep blue see is a class above, well above.
I watched this garbage last week. It was way overhyped. Like you say, the CGI look worse than a 90's disaster film, and the story is just ridiculous. I mean the odds of just being slightly wounded by a great white must be astronomical. And as for the ending..what the hell?!
I know!!! Lol. And how many coincidences wanted to happen. Oh jellyfish, oh whale blubber, oh drunk Mexican, of earrings that are sharp for stiching. I could go on, can't believe some were saying this is the best shark movie since jaws.



Missão dada é missão cumprida!

06/10
The first hour was great and then...well, it sucks until the end, the end was great again.
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Nothing good comes from staying with normal people
The 13th Warrior (1999) Rewatch


"Give an arab a sword and he turns it into a knife."*Cuts a 3' log in half, flips the blade with remarkable dexterity*It works."*Looks at him for a second*"When you die, can I give that to my daughter?"

From the director of Die hard and the man who wrote Jurassic park comes...a tale of an arabic envoy getting imbedded with vikings and fights demon cannibals? I'M SO IN!!!

This is somthing of a weakspot for me. Bad action shlock. This is the kind of movie I sit down with my dad on a friday night after work and just rattle off a couple of. Movies with a paperthin story, characters that are so thin they should be transparant and action scenes galore. It's the Rush hours, Under sieges, Leathal weapons, Commandos and The Rocks of the world...and how I love them. I genuinely think all those I rattled off above are awesome, including this one. Do I realize they have faults (like, humongous, gaping flawes)? Yes, of course. I can't with a strait face call any of them essential viewing or really well written, but I still love them. As soon as they start, whatever part of my brain that's trying to tell me that this is garbage gets...well, not turned off, I realize that the faults are there, but perhaps temporarily muted is a better discription. That's how I can sit through arnie's continuosly expanding/shrinking ammo belt from the final shoot-out in Commando, for instans.

This movie, though, sits on the higher levels of quality when it comes to these kinds of movies. Not many goofs as far as I've noticed, wierd line readings and strange repetitions are here aplenty but other than that there's not much. Except the supporting characters of course. They are thin, very thin. Except for Banderas character, they often don't get names until after they're dead. The IMDB page had to atribute them adjectives after their names so they could distinguish them from one another, which I found hilarious. The list reads as if they're listing off-brand dwarves who got cut from Snow White.

But back on topic. Banderas plays a arabic poet living in Baghdad. After making goo-goo eyes at the wrong girl he gets banished by the sultan and sent as an envoy to the north. On the way...north I guess, they never did specify where he was going, he rests at a river that happens to be the site of a funeral. A viking chief is to be set ablaze and Banderas is invited to the festiveties. The morning after a ship docks and the new chief gets summond home to defend a village under attack. An oracle fortells that 13 warriors must go, but that the 13th can't be from the north. Cue Banderas getting pulled into the procedings. Now he must travel even further than he thought and on top of it all, he has to fight. And he can't speak the language.

But here somthing happens that pretty much results in the 5/5 you saw above. On the journey north, this happens:



Over several nights sitting at the capfires (we're probably talking about weeks if not months of travel compressed into a few shots) Banderas slowly picks up a word here, a frase there, until the culmination of one night, when he answers an insult and gives back in kind. This is probably the best visual representation of a character suddenly being able to understand people who don't speak the same language. A lazier director would've simply ignored the fact that they spoke norse and arabic, or simply had a character act as an interpreter throughout. I allways liked how they handled the same problem in The Hunt for Red October. They start out speaking russian, then tightening in on their mouths and when they zoomed out again they were speaking english. We as the audience understand that they're still speaking russian, but now we understand what they're saying without having the actors actually learning russian or us reading subtitles continously. This, though, blew October out of the water, if you could forgive the pun. This is the single best scene in the entire movie.

Oh, and when they get there they find out some kind of demon cannibals are ravishing the village or whatever.

This movie is a favourite of mine in the action shlock genre. See it for that scene and some awesome viking fighting, but if you need a complex story of deep characters to be entertained, go somewhere else. I do, I like those things too, when I'm in that mood. But I also realize that some mindnumbing action is also sometimes required.
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Why not just kill them? I'll do it! I'll run up to Paris - bam, bam, bam, bam. I'm back before week's end. We spend the treasure. How is this a bad plan?



#FollowFriday:
I care about Syfy movies far more than I should. Obviously it's a bad movie, but it's not very fun, and I hate it when 40 year old writers and directors use film as a medium to make fun of 20 year olds.

War Dogs:
The least good entry into the quickly growing "comedies about real-life people chasing the American Dream" genre. It's a fine movie if you want to watch it, and has a great Jonah Hill performance, but I agree with the consensus that you should just stay home and rent Pain & Gain or The Big Short.



I have to return some videotapes...
I was kinda in a Tobey mood last night...

Brothers (2009) -


Might fall lower if I ever watched it again, horrible direction and pretty bad character development, but Tobey was amazing towards the end of the film.

Wonder Boys (2000) -


Tobey once again brilliant, as well as the rest of the cast. Really got into the themes this movie grapples with, great screenplay.
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It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.



I have to return some videotapes...
Don's Plum (2001) -


Really good underground film, with such a great cast I'm surprised it didn't get much more distribution. If your looking for a good under the radar film look no further. Love Leo in this.



The Train Robbers (1973)

Light late-career John Wayne, but watchable nevertheless. The Duke gets together with a couple of old friends (Ben Johnson and Rod Taylor) and three others (Christopher George, Bobby Vinton *really!*---he was also in Wayne's Big Jake, and some actor named Jerry Gatlin) to aid Ann-Margret who still looks fabulous here. She feels guilty because her late husband robbed a train and hid the half-million in gold somewhere in Mexico where only she knows the location. There's a group of about twenty men on their trail, wanting to get their hands on the gold, and there's a mysterious cigar-smoking, well-dressed Ricardo Montalban following them. Action is spread throughout the flick, the fellows talk about the good old days, the Duke punches a few of them when angered as is his wont, Ann looks smashing in her tight jeans and top, lots of gun-play and a twist at the end, which is rare for a Wayne movie. Turn your brain on neutral and enjoy.





The Secret Garden (1993)

Classic, often remade film about an orphaned 10-year-old girl, Mary, who is moved to her only relatives who live in a large mansion in the English countryside. She is somewhat spoiled but soon loses her selfishness when she discovers the garden of the title, and meets a local boy who helps her begin to bring the garden back to life. She also finds that she has a cousin her age who is shuttered away because everyone thinks he is severely ill. His father, her uncle, mourns for his wife, who has been dead for years, and he is often traveling rather than be at home where he's reminded of her and neglecting his son because he also reminds the uncle of what he's lost. The three main children are excellent, especially Kate Maberly as Mary and Heydon Prowse as her pampered but overlooked cousin, Colin. John Lynch is fine as Mary's hurting uncle and Maggie Smith is her usual super self as the main caretaker of the house, who always thinks the young Colin is near death.

This is a movie I can truly call magical, but real "magic" really doesn't enter into the movie---the magic is brought about mainly by Mary, with the other two kids following suit in bringing this hidden garden into bloom and lifting the gloom from the mansion, the family, and the staff. A totally charming movie that starts sad but goes uphill all the way to the very end. I don't know if the other versions are good or not, but I can't imagine them topping this one. Recommended for everyone.





Dance of the Dead (2008)

Fun movie where the dead come to life on the night of the High School prom, and the school losers who rise to the occasion and fight the undead. Lots of fun and gore and zombies who dig heavy metal music, I kid you not! Acted by a group of unknown young actors who do fine in this, especially the beautiful Greyson Chadwick as the one of the group who was actually going to the prom but is sidetracked when her jerk date gets chomped by the zombies. Action galore and laughs to boot. Check it out if its your kind of movie. It's right up my alley.



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28 days...6 hours...42 minutes...12 seconds
I've never seen such enthusiasm for The 13th Warrior.


Also, The Shallows ain't all that bad.
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Suspect's Reviews




Midnight Special

Quite enjoyed this. It was helped by two solid performances from Joel Edgerton and Michael Shannon, two actors who I find very much alike in style (serious and brooding) and quite an interesting premise of another world on top of ours but leaves you with many questions

3.5/5