Re93animator's Review Thread

Thank you. I had a pretty easy target though.

Makes me sad to see just how far Fraser had fallen. But it looks like he's slowly climbing his way out of that funk according to his imdb page. His more recent projects don't sound too bad anyway. Then again I should probably watch them before saying anything. But here you are, you willingly watched Furry Vengeance. You're a brave man.

A Bucket of Blood (1959)


The movie begins with a beat poet giving us an abstruse lecture on… stuff. Accompanied by expressionistic paintings and an improvised saxophone, this is a sort of satirical microcosm of beat culture. Roaming around the smoky joint, we then meet the sympathetically introverted busboy Walter. Walter is played by Dick Miller in the role that spawned about a dozen cameos. Decades later (in many other films), Walter has proved that, despite having previously hiccuped as a serial murderer, he’s turned himself into a consummate retailer. Early on, we also get a glimpse of two undercover cops surreptitiously staking out the local dive in search of drug fiends. One of them has cunningly chosen the especially discreet cowboy hat/poofy coat look.

After being stressed by his peers to express himself through art, Walter becomes desperate for approval by humbly trying his hand at clay sculpting. Unfortunately, Walter’s art is then tactlessly heckled by a cat stuck in a wall. Sadly, things do not end well for Frankie the cat, as Walter accidentally shanks the poor kitty. Things only go from bad to worse for Frankie-the-dead-cat-now-plastered-in-clay, as Walt attempts to pass the bounded sculpture off as art (which he affectionately titles ‘Dead Cat’). The local beatniks end up really digging ‘Dead Cat,’ which pressures the lowly busboy into finding another subject. Unfortunately, ‘Dead Cat’ proves only to be a meager precursor to the far more ambitious ‘Murdered Man.’

So… this may not be great, but it’s pretty f*cking funny. A lot of the humor is aptly dialogue driven, so it can be delightfully dry at times. Reminiscent of classic noir, there is also a prevalent nighttime setting, a somewhat goofy jazz score, and very pronounced shadows throughout. It’s oft catalogued as a horror film (having Roger Corman at the helm helps), but it’s certainly more tonally satirical. Looking through a horror lens, the thrills are carelessly predictable and don’t really attempt any genuine scares until the end, but the absurdity makes them fun.

This was made right before Corman discovered the prize winning formula of Price and Poe, so it falls somewhere in between more ambitious projects and an early slew of craptacular cash-ins. The setting is cool, the characters are varied and memorable, and there are some actual laughter inducing moments.

No Escape (1994)


This movie is prefaced by an explanatory note. Paraphrasing: In 2022, many prisons are owned by private corporations. Criminals are “exploited for profit,” and prisons have shifted their focus to business. Apparently the script was penned by Nostradamus. I know the U.S. DoJ recently admonished private prisons, but props for foresight nonetheless.

Following a military assassination, a man named J.T. Robbins (Ray Liotta channeling his inner deadpan) is transferred to a dystopian prison. After experiencing omnipresent surveillance and abusive authority, the prison’s inmates have become analogous to Infowars enthusiasts (they’re watching maaan). However, it turns out Robbins is just too much unadulterated testosterone for the hi-tech, tyrannical, maximum security prison to handle, so he’s promptly dumped on a foresty, island-bound penal colony called Absolom. With technological means stripped away, Absolom’s inhabitants have devolved into Mad Max II extras. Upon arrival, Robbins must prove himself to the primitive locals in an epic and tumultuous confrontation that remains tense and exciting for all of its five seconds. It’s good to know that Ray Liotta still has some forced laugher leftover from Goodfellas though.


After escaping (!) the more primordial side of the island, Robbins is taken to a distinctly peaceful settlement run by a multitude of super friendly and wonderfully harmonious maximum security convicts. The remainder of the movie centers on the two tribes taking potshots at each other. All the while, Robbins ponderously gazes upon the sunset, trying to remember how Papillon did it. All in all, Liotta must bravely confront rough terrain, a gratuitous Kevin J. O’Connor comic relief role, more Caucasian dreadlocks than Burning Man, the difficulty of replicating eyeshadow with minimal resources, and an old, grey haired, bearded, one-armed man that I swear isn’t Al Strobel from Twin Peaks.

In a movie fully of hammy performances, Ray Liotta seems to be trying a wee bit too hard. Beyond that, Ernie Hudson gives a characteristically reliable performance as Ernie Hudson, and Lance Henriksen gives us his virtuoso interpretation of Lance Henriksen. The jungle is a unique backdrop for a futuristic action romp, though the Mad Max II-esque baddies are easy targets for criticism (similar to Waterworld). If steampunk can be used to label advanced gadgets with Victorian design, No Escape could be called… ummm… bamboopunk. Just forgo any sense of realism and brace yourself for implausibilities galore.

Pros: the action bits are enjoyably cheesy and never get too hectic for their own good. It’s the best unexpected Christmas movie since Die Hard. It may appeal more to younger audiences (it used to be a personal favorite!), but it’s a fun mindless flick regardless.

Excellent review, but this bit was absolute gold.

I never heard of this movie but I'm tempted to watch it now.

Six-String Samurai (1998)


The opening text scroll details an alternate timeline wherein the Russkies ended up dropping the bomb in ’57, and have long since conquered America. Vegas became the West’s last respite, and The King was pronounced King. Following Elvis’ death, Vegas has descended into a pissing contest for a successor. Movie… please don’t screw up this premise.

In the opening scene, a sharply dressed man makes quick work of some baddies while the camera does its impression of a Mexican jumping bean. We’re immediately introduced to our two main protagonists: the suit sporting, sword brandishing, rockabilly guitartial artist……… and hoooly f*ck… THE. MOST. ANNOYING. G*DDAMN. CHILD. I’VE. EVER. SEEN. IN. A. MOVIE. His nonchalant screaming makes the ‘oh my God’ kid from Troll 2 enviable, and he moans more than a ward full of burn victims.


Given a presumably low-budget, the acting is understandably amateurish, and some of the players can’t really pull off the over the top Python-esque humor without going overboard. There are also more wavering close-ups than a 90s MTV show directed by a cocaine-fueled Terry Gilliam (… maybe a bit of an exaggeration). Moreover, it sounds like the star of the movie couldn’t pull off the low-pitched Snake Plissken voice at an adequate volume, so all of his dialogue is irritatingly dubbed and amplified a few decibels higher than it should be.

On the bright side, the film really has an awesomely fleshed out post-apocalyptic world. It seems like the developers of the later Fallout games had their eyes glued to this for reference, even though this has an even more bizarre dichotomy between the nuclear apocalypse, 50s pop culture adoration, and spaghetti western/martial arts movie satire. Additionally, the supporting characters are original, diverse, and easily the movie’s funniest quality. They include clean energy-powered spacemen, polka loving commies, a beefed up Cholo midget, mace-wielding bowlers (just try to guess what’s on the end of their maces), and heavy metal Death.

The rockabilly soundtrack is pretty great, but it plays for about 95% of the movie. A little bit of breathing room wouldn’t have hurt. Unfortunately, the pervasive dubbing also gave the filmmakers the idea that no action scene should go without a slew of piped-in cartoon sound effects. Sometimes it seems the only thing drowning out the ever-present music and Looney Tunes samples is the kid’s incessant whining.

It’s not bad by any stretch; just disappointing. Given its absurd imagination, I wanted to like it so much more. The premise is obviously self-aware, and it does have a modicum of funny bits, but it’s just not as cool as it wants to be. The one-liners are mostly lame, and despite some fun characters and action scenes, there are too many groan-inducing irritations that drag the movie down. As contradictory as it is to the spirit of the movie, I think it would’ve been better if it was somewhat more serious, as the comedy seems to try way too hard. Nevertheless, this is still primo cult material.

Spoilers below, though I’m not sure why anyone should care…


Fortress 2: Re-Entry (1999/2000?)



Following the events of the first film (folks escape a prison), the powers that be will ensure that John Brennick will never again have a feasible escape outlet. They do this by transporting him to the last place anyone would dare break out of… the final frontier…



We start by seeing John Brennick (*whisper* Christopher Lambert) hunkered down in the middle of the secluded country. Suddenly, he hears… we’ll never know because the credit music is still playing loudly. His paranoia gets the best of him though, and he ends up unintentionally sticking up his 7-year-old kid with a shotgun.

The baddies eventually uncover Brennick’s whereabouts. After an attack chopper unloads a heavy machine gun at Brennick, the pilots remind each other that they’re not supposed to hurt him. Luckily, Brennick is protected by his bullet-dodging action hero perk. The attack choppers coupled with large explosives and heavily armed operatives are unable to capture Brennick, but he is finally foiled by a soccer net.

Shortly thereafter, Lambert ends up imprisoned in a space-bound penitentiary. There, he runs into an underdeveloped character from the opening, an insensitive black guy stereotype, and an Amazonian steroid woman. All of these elements fester into an action packed, nail-bitingly intense food fight.

The unremittingly callous guards then wake the prisoners up with a torturous, Richard Simmons-esque dance routine. Any cacophonic, ear-splittingly loud, overlapping death metal used in Guantanamo Bay doesn’t hold a candle to the Disney-friendly pop music here. I don’t know how the prisoners are expected to take this unethical cruelty.


When the prisoners are put to work, Lambert warns his colleague of a dangerous explosive device that could potentially obliterate one’s own hand. He then proceeds to use it himself. Giving prisoners access to explosives sounds like a great idea as well. Later, Lambert aggravates some Russian convicts by politely (and I literally mean politely) declining their rape requisition. Over the course of this movie, this conflict boils into… nothing.


We also find out that the insensitive black guy stereotype is a tech genius. What does he use this skill for? To hook up the local TV with some extra channels. Afterward, our protagonists need to find a way to distract the guards, so they settle on subverting the guards’ TVs with porn. Does it work? Of course it works.

The gang also uses a super-cockroach with a mounted camera to infiltrate enemy quarters:


A “total orbital collapse” is impending… K. Also, the on board AI that’s symbolized with a 3 letter name and a blinking red light turns out to be untrustworthy. Surely you jest.


While the original movie has a unique and unrestrained panache, this is cut and paste sci-fi action with far more reservation. It caters to a lowest common denominator audience, but would anyone expect anything more? It does have a bit of unintentional comic charm, though the camp factor really isn’t even enough to amply redeem it.





… Microsoft Word is telling me that I spent the past couple of hours writing over 550 words about Fortress 2: Re-Entry.

Fortress (1992)


According to Stuart Gordon, this was initially intended to be a big-budget Schwarzenegger vehicle after Ahhnold expressed fandom for Gordon’s Re-Animator. However, Schwarzenegger ended up dropping out. Most of the budget decided to follow. Thus, *whisper* Christopher Lambert filled the vacancy.

Christopher Lambert plays a former military man named John Brennick. You can already see what type of movie this is going to be. Unlawfully transporting an unborn child, he and his wife are seen attempting to cross an austere military regulated border. Their cover ends up being blown, but an unarmed Brennick and his pregnant wife swiftly neutralize a few heavily armored personnel before finally being apprehended by a couple of doggos. Pro tip: if you see two monstrously aggressive military guard dogs making a beeline towards you, calmly stick both forearms out in front of you.

Once we get to the actual underground prison, recent detainees are repeatedly told not to cross the red line. Intuitively, one immediately crosses the red line. The result is an implanted chip doing an impression of a Xenomorphic birth. Brennick must then prep himself to face every prison stereotype known to man. He also learns that having the foresight not to walk into a pulverizing laser perimeter is what the movie considers ‘smart.’ I’m guessing it’s not gonna take Steve McQueen to find a way out of this place. We’re given periodic psychedelic dream/nightmare sequences as well. One depicts a fantasy of Brennick and his wi-AAAH!

Flashing Lambert’s unmentionables? Why, movie, why?

The movie then abruptly jumps 4 months into future, wherein Lambert’s hair has grown faster than a Chia pet. Now at this point, you may wonder what sort of cunning, intricately designed escape plan the prisoners have in store…… they’ll cross that bridge when they come to it.


The action is really fun, especially knowing that such uninhibited standards have been set. While most of the cast gives appropriately hammy performances, Kurtwood Smith (as the warden) is actually… really good. What the hell is he doing here? Jeffrey Combs is also pretty hilarious as a high-tech hippy. His departure received an audible ‘booo’ from a friend watching with me.

So, you probably have a good idea of what you’re getting upon commencement. Despite that, it does have its own unique style that can largely be attributed to Stuart Gordon’s bizarre, Cronenberg-esque violence (with more than a few traces of ‘body horror’), and some enjoyably tasteless future-shock commentary. Gordon is definitely at his best when making characteristically schlocky pulp flicks. If you’ve seen his other forays into science fiction, fear not: this isn’t as repressed and dull as Robot Jox, and not as impeded by lackluster comedy as Space Truckers.

The best and worst thing I can say is that it just doesn’t seem to care. The acting and writing offers us enough cheese to put a dairy farmer out of business, and there is some tacky, forced suspense, but when it comes to crossing Hollywood-reinforced boundaries, the movie gives less f*cks than an aging Marlon Brando. It’s not often that this sort of delightful gratuity is given semi-Hollywood treatment.


- nostalgia influenced

My sorta reviews.

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Golem (1980)


It’s hard not to be intrigued by the unconventionality of Polish movie posters, even if they’re not typically very indicative of the films represented. Piotr Szulkin’s catalogue caught my eye based on posters alone. Unfortunately, this guy’s movies are very inaccessible (in the literal sense), so anyone seeking them has to do some digging.

First line of the movie: “We’ve no way of removing the feces.” Ooooh boy. Also spliced into the opening is some conspiratorial dialogue about secret Eastern European machine-man experiments. Next, some artificial clones (named Pernat) are interrogated by a couple of austere statesmen. One clone gets up, walks away, and hits himself in the face opening a door. At this point, I can’t help but think that something may have been lost in translation. To pile on some more ambiguity, there’s some prominent symbolism: the lead’s passion for recreating ‘hanged man’ tarot cards, rats in the credits, and myriad surrealistic flourishes.


One easily discernible thing is that a particular Pernat clone deviates from the rest by showing compassion. He innocently ventures forth into ramshackle post-nuclear streets, coming across an unruly cast of odd, street-worn characters and treats them all with an uncharacteristic kindness. Pernat’s existence raises some now familiar questions about humanity and artificial intelligence. His creators conflict on the reason for his existence, while the unique Pernat model questions what constitutes a human. This inversely follows the same folk legend that inspired the silent film Der Golem. In this, the roles of man and ‘monster’ are reversed, and Pernat’s human-like kindness is emphasized in an otherwise callous environment. It’s a far cry from Spielberg though. If the kid from A.I. were in this he’d probably kill himself.


The movie is entirely filmed with a yellow-ish/sepia tint abetted by dark lighting and a faint glow. I appreciate the flair, but a less piss-saturated color might have been preferable. Nonetheless, it’s still starkly photogenic. There’s also an unsettling soundscape-y soundtrack that adds another layer of ‘difficulty’ to an already thick atmosphere. It’s no surprise that most of the characters seem either withdrawn or zealous.


It’s not quite as artsy as this review may make it seem. It’s easy to compare the style to the likes of Tarkovsky, though it’s not nearly as sluggishly paced. At an hour and a half, there’s actually some tighter editing and prompt camera movement. It doesn’t linger much, though a relaxed pace can be a virtue for this kind of movie. It may be worth tracking down if you like the gloomier stylings of Tarkovsky, early von Trier, or Bela Tarr.

That's weird, I was planning on watching this in a few days. I can't bring myself to read your review because the less I know about it, the better. But it does look AMAZING.

Unless you speak Polish, you may need to consult a synopsis or two. There's another Szulkin movie that I thought was much better though; I'll post the review for O-Bi, O-Ba soon.

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I think I'm set in that department. I have O-Bi, O-Ba on my watchlist, also. I need to play serious catch-up before I read these reviews.

I try to be mindful of any significant spoilers. You should be safe.

I've decided to bump them up, anyway. Starting with Golem tomorrow.

O-Bi, O-Ba – The End of Civilization (1985)


An opening narration from a bitter soldier establishes an uneasy alliance between militaristic authority and lowly apocalyptic survivors. The movie is entirely set in a crumbling underground haven. As you can imagine, living conditions are less than ideal. Within the first five minutes, a tracking shot through the shelter shows us that 4th wall breaking residents don’t take kindly to a camera invading their restroom privacy.

Inside the confined dungeon, tenants only sense of hope comes from their zealous belief in a fabled Ark that will yield them a comfortable afterlife. Of course, the tyrannical military figures suppress any Ark-related discourse, incessantly spout propaganda through megaphones, and promote xenophobic sentiments against unseen enemies of the state. The mostly unsavory characters within the shelter consist of woeful eccentrics, nickel and dime traders, and some dismal stand-ins to make the place look grim. This pretty predictable post-apocalyptic cast is led by a mostly impassive lead. I think he’s supposed to be a sort of mundane Mad Max-esque anti-hero, but as an overweight middle aged man with an 8 year old’s haircut, it doesn’t really work too well.


Similar to Golem (1980), the movie isn’t impeded by art house clichés or sluggish pacing. It does seem to regard excitement as much as intellectual value. It’s citizens vs. authority message is pretty cut and dry, but it doesn’t get hung up on it. Beyond that, it does have an interesting Life of Brian-esque moral about people gullibly clinging to a hastily manufactured faith as their only means of respite. Eventually, we end up with an oppressive vs. deluded spectrum, with the main character being the only outcast.


Almost every shot is dominated by a glowy blue tinge. In Golem, Piotr Szulkin showed his knack for the one color hue style, but the otherworldly feel in this is transcendental. It has the neon flare of Blade Runner without the accompanying budget. This is done by cramming the setting with more fluorescent lightbulbs than a Japanese Deathmatch. Honestly, it’s one of the most drearily picturesque movies I’ve seen. The stylized sets are pretty astonishing and arguably surpass the movie’s own inspirations. It’s mostly eye candy, but that can amply compensate for the occasionally drudging plot with a lackluster lead.

Webmaster (1998)


Quoting the back of the DVD sleeve: “In a futuristic cyberworld taken over by an advanced artificial intelligence, a lone computer hacker is suddenly drawn into an unknown world controlled by the enigmatic Stoiss.” Truly a bastion of originality. We’ve got a cyber-medley of neon lights, techno music, dated CGI cyberspace (thoughtfully renamed cyberworld), a convoluted noir-ish plot, deadpan narration, and punk subversives with rubber band dreadlocks. Don’t play a cyberpunk drinking game unless you want your liver to feel like Bas Rutten just kicked it.

The movie begins with the lead talking to his cyberworld alter ego. The opening dialogue sets a representative standard of incomprehensible tech jargon. We then get a surprisingly awesome jump cut-y Fincher-esque opening credit sequence with a nice techno tune. As I understand it, the story follows our lead (JB) investigating a murder and the mysterious breach of a private cyber domain. For this, he insists on wearing only his underwear (even when guests are present). He probably regrets this as he’s soon abducted by a group of BDSM baddies that show little consideration for dress code. Luckily, the roided BDSM body guards function about as intelligently as Splinter Cell AI, and JB is able to continue his job while also keeping tabs on his captors. Just wait till he gets his pants back.

Unfortunately, the only copy available to me was dubbed, which honestly sets an unfair precedent. Although, the low budget is impossible to disguise. It was filmed with a handheld camera straight off a Best Buy shelf. This might work in gritty indie films or BBC dramas, but it makes everything feel less cinematic here. The sets are also poorly disguised modern locations brandished with colorful lighting and dinky little gadgets. It’s far from a good movie, but it is watchable if you’re scraping the bottom of the barrel for cyberpunk flicks.

I should probably heed your warning, but now my curiosity is at an all time high. While a dubbed version sounds like it has potential for some great laughs, I'm going to try and hunt down a subtitled version first. You know I won't tolerate defeat in this on-going battle for subtitles.

I can take dubbing in some old Italian films and the like, but it's pretty bad here. That's the DVD version too, so I think finding the original language version will be difficult.