Thief's Monthly Movie Loot - 2025 Edition

For anyone interested...

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As I meditated on Gene Hackman's career after his tragic death last month, the word "effortless" is one of the first ones that came to mind. It doesn't matter if he was playing a small-town basketball coach, a scenery-chewing super-villain, an arrogant sheriff, or an obsessed investigator, he would take any role and elevate it in the most unassuming way, as if it was all too easy.

Night Moves is one of those where he plays an obsessed investigator. While struggling with personal issues at home, Harry Moseby is hired to find the runaway daughter of a washed-down actress. However, after tracking her down to Florida, he realizes there might be more to it than just an angsty teenager.

This might not be Hackman's most popular film playing an investigator, but it's still one that often comes up on that "second tier" when talking about his career or talking about neo-noir. I still don't know why I waited so long to check it out, but I'm so glad I finally did. Hackman is, as usual, effortless and unassuming and just so good at it. His Harry feels not like a construct, but like a real person.

Hackman is joined by a pretty solid cast that includes James Woods, Harris Yulin, and a teenage Melanie Griffith on her first acting role. The mystery is intriguing, but it's ultimately irrelevant. The key is how our characters, primarily Harry, react to the things that are happening around him, regardless of whether it's a missing person's case, a matter of a trust fund fraud, or the contraband of valuable Mexican artifacts.

At one point, early on the film, Harry is aimlessly watching a basketball game after finding out about her wife's infidelity. As she walks in, she asks the above question. His effortless answer, uttered in the most Hackman way, can be transposed to what happens afterwards; cause even when Harry felt like he was winning, he was just losing slower than the others.

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Set during the "transition period" between the Stone Age and the Bronze Age, Early Man follows a bunch of cavemen trying to win back their home valley from the ruthless Bronze Age governor Lord Nooth (Tom Hiddleston). To do so, they must bring their Bronze Age rivals to their knees in a game of football, under the leadership of the young Dug (Eddie Redmayne).

This is yet another Aardman film from Nick Park. I had actually seen a couple of Wallace & Gromit features during the last months, but it was pure coincidence that I stumbled upon this one while looking for something to watch with one of my kids. Early Man brings a similar level of fairly British humor that I enjoyed. It also features countless of effective visual gags and great animation.

The voice cast was also pretty good. It includes the likes of Maisie Williams, Timothy Spall, Kayvan Novak, Miriam Margoyles, and Richard Ayoade, among others, and they all do a pretty good job. I do feel like the "Stone Age" theme gets lost a bit after the first act. First, for how markedly different the Stone Age dwellers are versus their Bronze Age counterparts, but also by how it all leads to a football game. Very British, I guess.

Early Man might not be great, but it's still a pretty funny and enjoyable romp with a fun script and some clever gags. Even though it does what it does with confidence, it doesn't really stray that far from the typical sport movie tropes and never really reaches the levels of Wallace & Gromit. But I suppose those two would never be brought to their knees by a bunch of cavemen.

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The above quote was said by Carl Sagan as a way to remind us of what Earth is. Regardless of how far we travel and how many other places we discover, at this moment, that "pale blue dot" is the only home we've ever known. This seems to be the sentiment of the two lead robots in this charming Dreamworks short film.

Marooned follows a resourceful and determined robot that has been stranded on the Moon. Yearning to return to Earth, the robot works non-stop to repair a rocket that could bring him back home. But this is no easy task for one robot. However, things improve when he discovers another smaller robot that also wants to get back home. Can they both return?

I stumbled upon this right after watching Early Man, and I have to say I had no idea Dreamworks had a set of animated short films. In that respect, it is obvious that they are trying to emulate a bit of WALL-E. Still, I found it to be quite effective, endearing, and moving; a reminder that no matter how far we are, we all want to return to the only home we've ever known.

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That's how Eve (Amy Smart) describes his boyfriend Chev (Jason Statham); a description that suits his present predicament. You see, Chev is a hitman that has been poisoned by a rival in order to take his place. To survive, he has to keep his adrenaline pumping through various dangerous stunts, all while trying to find an antidote and track those responsible; something for which he requires no soul.

This is arguably one of those 2000's action staples and one of a couple of films that turned Statham into an action star. However, despite its "pedigree", it's one I still hadn't seen. So with all the crazy stuff going on in my life, when the time came for me to watch something dumb and, well, with no soul, I decided to go with this one.

Crank delivers more or less what you would expect from a 2000's Jason Statham action film. If you're familiar with his films, you know what you'll get. If you're not, it's pretty much like a video game, as we follow our hero punch his way through different hurdles and goons until he reaches the big baddie in the end. No more, no less.

The film is still dumb, plus there are some cringey sequences and problematic moments. The direction goes a bit overboard, but most of the action is on point and the pace is energetic enough to keep you going despite the film's faults. So if you're looking for an adrenaline "shot" with no soul, maybe this is for you.

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The Prank follows high school senior Ben (Connor Kalopsis) who, along with his best friend Tanner (Ramona Young), starts spreading the rumor that their strict and ruthless physics teacher Mrs. Wheeler (Rita Moreno) is a serial killer. Why? Because she failed the whole class endangering Ben's chances for a scholarship. The consequence? Mrs. Wheeler's class start to revolt prompting the above threat and demand for respect.

My wife picked this one primarily because of Moreno (we're both Puerto Ricans) so we were eager to watch our girl kill it, which is exactly what we got. Moreno is clearly having the time of her life playing this stuck-up version of your worst high school teacher. The way that she seamlessly moves from scenery chewing to more subdued emotions and then back to teeth gnawing is just masterful that makes watching this film worth your time.

Unfortunately, she is stuck with a script that seems to think it's more clever than it really is. In a way, the overload of zigs and zags renders most of its own arguments moot, especially when it ramps things up in the last act. Ultimately, the film teases some nuance only to shatter it afterwards, and shove us right where you would expect the film to go if it wasn't smarter, which it isn't.

But it's not for naught. The film also offers a solid supporting performance from the always excellent Keith David, and some solid chemistry between Kalopsis and Young. There are some typical, but still fun "teen movie" moments. But Moreno is the main reason why anyone should watch this, which proves once again why you should respect her.

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The Ritual follows four friends that decide to go on a hiking trip through the Swedish mountains to honor one of their friends that was killed in a robbery half a year before. But when one of them sprains his ankle and they decide to venture into the unexplored forest, they end up finding something more than "civilization".

This is one of those films that had been hovering on my watchlist for a while. I don't know when I added it, but it's one that I've seen mentioned often in social media, so I decided to finally go down that path to see what I find. What I found was a pretty solid and unnerving folk horror film.

Directed by David Bruckner, the film succeeds from the start in building an atmosphere of constant dread. This is only amplified as the four friends venture deeper into the forest while occurrences get weirder and creepier. Bruckner is patient enough in not showing his cards too early, while he lets the characters interact and explore their surroundings.

The cast was pretty solid, even if none of them was spectacular. Rafe Spall is the main lead, and I think he did a solid job transmitting that sense of uneasiness, which then turns into resolve to survive. The cast is rounded out by Robert James-Collier, Arsher Ali, and Sam Troughton as the other three friends, and they all deliver what's needed from them.

Unfortunately, as is the case with many horror films, Bruckner succumbs to the trap of showing too much and maybe explaining a bit too much in the last act. It doesn't derail the film, but it does diminish it a bit than if things would've been left more in the dark. Still, The Ritual is no "off-road bollocks", but rather a pretty effective and dread-filled horror film.

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Number Seventeen follows an assorted group of people that converge on the titular house after a jewel robbery. The first two that are introduced are Fordyce (John Stuart) and Ben (Leon M. Lion), a homeless man that was looking for a place to spend the night. Soon they are joined by criminals, companions, police officers, and relatives, all trying to outsmart the other in some way.

This is one of a bunch of early 1930s Hitchcock films; a period where he was, in a way, trying to find his voice and style. However, it still includes most of the trademarks that would accompany him through his career: mystery, suspense, lies, deceit, humor, and lots of stairs. Unfortunately, the whole is not as great as the sum of its parts.

Some of the film's assets are in the performances and characters. Most of them do a solid job, although it would've been good if Stuart had stood out more as the mysterious lead. As it is, he's a bit on the bland side. On the other hand, Lion crafts a really colorful and fun character in Ben. His whole demeanor and attitude help to maintain a certain level of humor that keeps the film alive.

The rest of the cast is solid, and Hitchcock does his best in trying to keep you guessing who is who and what is what. Unfortunately, he doubles down on it as the film tries to be more clever than it really is. But a dozen zigs and zags does not necessarily equate to a clever film. There are also some character dynamics and transitions that kept me wondering "why?"

Despite those narrative flaws and some choppy editing, Number Seventeen might still be a fun watch for fans of Hitchcock and/or twisty stories. In addition, a breezy runtime of 60 minutes plus change makes it easy to digest, and Lion's performance should make it worth your while.

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For what it's worth, this is my 40th Hitchcock film. He's currently the director from which I've seen most films, quantity-wise.

Right there with you on this one. It's one of the best and funniest inarguably stupid movies you'll ever see. There's a Mel Brooks quality in that it throws so much at you that some of it seems utterly moronic and pointless and then 30 seconds later you'll laugh harder than you have in a month. I love the movie but would be sporadically embarrassed to watch it with other people, too. Just totally bonkers.

The first few minutes, in particular, are really good, not just in terms of being clever or funny but in terms of being a perfect litmus test for whether you're going to vibe with the film. The rest of it is still tonally distinct, in that I can see some people being innately bored by the idea of repurposing old footage, but I love basically every piece of media that does that (What's Up Tiger Lily?, Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid, MST3K/Rifftrax/Cinematic Titanic).

That's the assurance that Stuntman Mike (Kurt Russell) gives to a character before showing her his real intentions. What are they? Primarily to stalk and kill young women with his car. Quentin Tarantino's Death Proof follows his encounters with two separate groups of women in the course of a year and a half.

Death Proof is notable for being released alongside Robert Rodriguez' Planet Terror as a double-bill called Grindhouse. A sort of homage to low budget exploitation films released in so-called "grindhouse" theaters, the film gives a ton of nods to that trend in the way it is written and shot. The first half of the film is intentionally shot in a grainy, old film style, which then morphs into a more conventional style in the second half.

Up until now, this was the only Tarantino film I hadn't seen. My regret for missing the "Grindhouse" release in theaters made me avoid the film for a while, and then mixed reviews here and there sorta kept me away from it. However, although it is far from perfect, I'm quite happy I finally watched it.

Like most of Tarantino's films, this one has a lot of talking. Dialogue is well written, but I think he leans too much into it as we wait for things to get going. Then the second half shift feels odd as we have to get accustomed to new characters en route to the film's conclusion. Fortunately, Tarantino has a helluva cast to fall back on despite whatever shortcomings the film might have.

The real star of this joint is the great Kurt Russell who embodies Stuntman Mike's part-suave, part-bitter, part-crazy persona. Most of the "lead" actresses deliver as well, but special kudos go to Rosario Dawson, Sydney Tamiia Poitier, Vanessa Ferlito, and kick-ass stunt performer Zoë Bell, who owns the very last act as she spends most of it hanging from the hood of a car during an impressive car chase that shows us how "death proof" they all are.

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Like a lot of later Tarantino, I wasn't a fan of that one; it was a small island of one good car chase surrounded by an ocean of endless, self-indulgent dialogue.

Nine films back, 33 years before today, we found out who Quentin Tarantino was. When Reservoir Dogs shot his way into Hollywood, people undoubtedly noticed. I know cause I was a fan of it since back then. However, I really don't remember if I ever saw the 1991 so-called "Film Lab" that led to it, so here we are.

This 12 minute short film follows the preamble and the aftermath of the robbery, starting with Larry (Steve Buscemi) being offered the job, followed up by him trying to figure out what went wrong along with one of his fellow robbers, Mr. White (Tarantino). Essentially, Buscemi is in the Harvey Keitel role while QT is in Buscemi's. This contrast made it hard for me to sorta "accept" Buscemi in the role.

In addition, the performances of Tarantino and David Jensen as the boss are not that strong. I did appreciate seeing all the seeds planted for what would become a truly great film and an amazing career, but as it is, all the rough edges made of this short more of an interesting curiosity than an enjoyable watch.

Grade: N/A

There's not a Tarantino film I dislike. However, I do feel like I'm a bigger fan of his first films than I am of his later ones, with the exception of Once Upon a Time in Hollywood.

That is the warning taken from Proverbs 16:27, which warns us about "inaction" or "idleness". The verse encourages us to stay active and productive to avoid temptation or otherwise negative habits, like doing drugs, or murdering, I guess. That is *sorta* the basis of this 1999 fun horror comedy.

Idle Hands follows Anton (Devon Sawa), a lazy stoner teenager whose hand somehow gets possessed and starts doing all kinds of evil s-h!t. He is joined by his two friends, Mick and Pnub (Seth Green and Elden Henson) who try to help him contain his hand's evil powers, while Anton also pursues a relationship with Molly (Jessica Alba).

This is a film that had eluded me back in the day. 1999 was when I got out of college, so I suppose it was around a time where I wasn't paying that much attention to teen comedies. However, I found out that watching it now in my 40s was probably just as fun, cause even with its flaws, this film *is* fun!

Starting with the great physical comedy from Sawa to his fun banter with Mick and Pnub, the film delivers the comedic goods. Unfortunately, like so many similar films, the script isn't so sure of what else to do with its premise. The last act is easily the weakest part of the film as he tries to find out what to do, while the subplot with Vivica A. Fox as a priestess trying to stop "the hand" is poorly developed and executed.

Regardless of those issues, I enjoyed the journey. Director Rodman Flender and writers Terri Hughes and Ron Milbauer keep themselves busy with what is an otherwise silly premise and succeed delivering a mostly fun comedy with traces of horror. It's not entirely devoid of trouble, but it still brings up the fun.

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Let's see... I like or love Pulp, Jackie Brown, the Kill Bills, Hollywood, and don't care that much for everything else.

My current Tarantino ranking would probably be...

1) Pulp Fiction
2) Kill Bill
3) Once Upon a Time in Hollywood
4) Reservoir Dogs
5) Inglourious Basterds
6) Jackie Brown (although this one is way overdue for a rewatch)
7) Django Unchained
8) The Hateful Eight
9) Death Proof

None of those goes below , but I remember having issues with the last act in Django, and Hateful Eight feels like a blur. It really didn't stood out that much for me. I would even say that, as much as I love Inglourious Basterds, I have slight issues with its episodic nature. But again, minor quibbles.

Raiders of the Lost Ark opened in the United States 44 years ago. With a "hero" that was a bit unconventional – charismatic but a bit dorky, afraid but still heroic – it set a new template for what an adventure film could be. Ever since, films like Romancing the Stone, The Mummy, National Treasure, Sahara, and many others have tried to emulate its formula, to varying degrees of success, proving the original's mileage.

This is probably the 100th time I've seen this film. It was a frequent watch since I was a kid, and there's already a better review from me hidden around somewhere (click here). However, this was a first time watch for one of my kids, something that I was somewhat thrilled for.

So putting aside some confusion about bad guys, good guys, what was the Ark, and whatnot, I'm glad to report that he enjoyed it quite a bit. He was thrilled, he was scared, he was laughing, he had fun, which again proves the lasting impact of this film. I'm in my late 40s, he's only 11. But much like Indy said, it's not the years, honey, it's the mileage.

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1. Once Upon a Time in Hollywood
2. Pulp Fiction
3. Jackie Brown
4. Inglourious Basterds
5. Kill Bill
6. Django Unchained
7. The Hateful Eight
8. Reservoir Dogs
9. Death Proof
10. "The Man from Hollywood" segment of Four Rooms

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"Film is a disease. When it infects your bloodstream it takes over as the number one hormone. It bosses the enzymes, directs the pineal gland, plays Iago to your psyche. As with heroin, the antidote to Film is more Film." - Frank Capra

All QT has been well worth the time, but yeah, Death Proof is a little bit of a slog. It's not the dialogue or relative lack of tension, it's the long-drawn out sequences. The car chase at the end is hilariously repetitive. I realize that's probably the point, and that the way it's stretched out beyond all reason is true to the genre he's writing his little love note to, but QT's at his best when he's distilling that stuff down into something better and more potent, where he's extracting the essence rather than duplicating even the most glaring, uninteresting quirks and flaws.