Trog - (1970)
Directed by Freddie Francis
Written by Aben Kandel
Starring Joan Crawford, Michael Gough
& Bernard Kay
There is so much wrong with
Trog, it's hard to know just where to begin, but the first concrete evidence of this film not really living up to it's ambitions is our monster, Trog himself. Trog has a monkey-mask, and little else to really sell the fact he's the leftover troglodyte this movie claims he is. The rest is just some slightly overweight actor (Joe Cornelius) in caveman clothes. He's so unimpressive, that when you first see him you swear that it's some kind of prank being played on the three spelunkers who open the film. The face you see on the film poster - that's the lot. I was expecting a monkey-man, but you're constantly aware that this is some poor guy with a mask on, and as a result you're already removed from this terribly scripted, campy and horrible movie. The whole film is abysmal, and, to it's own embarrassment I'd reckon, it spent one weekend at the top of the box office in 1970.
A group of British scientists headed by American Dr. Brockton (Joan Crawford - in her final film role) are told by a group of English cave-explorers about a monster residing in a previously unexplored region of caves after it kills one of their companions. Brockton checks this out herself, and when she returns with a photograph of the beast she gets the go-ahead to try and capture it, setting off a media circus. When she successfully gets the ape-man, she transplants it to her laboratory where she runs various tests, both psychological and physiological. But there are certain prominent members in British society who think this "missing link" troglodyte should be put to sleep for the safety of the community. When Brockton's lab is attacked, 'Trog' (as he's affectionately known by now) escapes, going on a murder rampage and kidnapping a child. The army are then brought in to try and bring this film to a end via an overused science-fiction plot-device.
Right from the start I knew I was in trouble, when the cave explorers profoundly note that because there are no footprints in this cave, no other human being has ever set foot in there - as if footprints are always permanent. There's a child-like logic to much of
Trog - and if you're at all susceptible to questioning the science of low-budget, silly science fiction films then you'll get no rest. You'll also find that at times,
Trog is tremendously, and unintentionally, funny - but before you rush to watch it let me finish - because apart from those occasional moments,
Trog is also tremendously, and unintentionally, boring. Joan Crawford is having none of the camp stuff, so she delivers her lines with relentless seriousness and treats
Trog as if it's more important than it is. It's as if she was blind to just how ridiculous everything surrounding her was at the time - the silly script and the fake-looking ape-man which are just staring her in the face. To make matters worse, she insists on wearing these pastel jumpsuits which have aged terribly.
I have no idea if it was scripted this way, but Crawford insists on dropping the creature's name, "Trog" into every sentence she utters. "Well done Trog. You've come a long way Trog. Now it's time for some rest Trog. Did you have a good day today Trog? I'll see you tomorrow Trog. Around 6:00am Trog." She just keeps on doing it - it's irritating, and aside from that it sounds silly. In the meantime the Trog-hating villain of the piece, Sam Murdock, is played by Michael Gough for maximum impact - overstepping his bounds a little. These are the only two characters (aside from Trog himself) that you'll take away from the film, and they're both unforgettable for the wrong reasons. They almost steal the attention away from the ridiculous looking monster - and that's saying something. Surely everybody must have had a few qualms with the movie they were making here - they couldn't have been so blind that it escaped their notice.
There are a million little moments that stick out when they shouldn't. The fact that all the trees are unnecessarily being cut down outside the cave when the hunt for Trog is on. The fact that Trog somehow knows complicated wrestling moves. The ice cream van which shows up during what is basically a scientific expedition. The urine-yellow stalactites. The way one character changes his mind from one extreme view to another mid conversation for absolutely no reason. Trog being fed fish and other animals at the exact moment Dr. Brockton is describing him as
not being a carnivore (it's technically correct, but still feels strange.) The fact that Trog apparently doesn't need any "sand box" for his, umm, droppings. I'd love to know how that's dealt with. Trog's bizarre memories of dinosaurs fighting amongst themselves - from millions of years ago. The size of the tracker that's implanted into Trog's body (it's huge) - not to mention the fact that it can only track him for half a mile, so is useless. I try to give these films every benefit of the doubt - but again and again, something would happen to throw me.
Speaking about Trog's memory (which is somehow translated onto a television screen - like magic) of the dinosaurs. Not only does it suggest Trog is immortal (permanent? I still can't shake the
Manos terminology) but it goes on for a full 4 minutes, which doesn't sound long on paper, but is tremendously long in a film. Dinosaur footage from Irwin Allen's
Animal World. It takes
Trog into bizarre realms - and doesn't fit at all with the solemn seriousness the tone of this film insists on having from start to finish. Is Trog a million years old? Why aren't there more Trogs? Dr. Brockton doesn't really want to answer these questions, she wants to train Trog like a dog - and during a game of fetch and roll the ball, the fact that they've let this creature roam freely comes back to bite them
literally when a neighbour's German Shepherd attacks it, and Trog kills - not for the first time. You'd think a creature which has already killed people without compunction would be a little more controlled - and as such I'm not sure which side we're meant to be on. Brockton is negligent in this film over, and over, and over again.
In the end we're meant to care about what happens to Trog, but we really don't. The film is too ridiculous, and Trog's scientist master is not the most trustworthy person to be in charge - although the film very much wants us to side with her. The cinematography from old-hand Desmond Dickinson is very competent, and the visuals at times bring to mind Hammer Horror features. Composer John Scott is likewise a very talented man, but there is no score that can really do justice to how silly
Trog is, and it's seriousness feels very much out of place. Director Freddie Francis always stated that he felt out of his element here, but from where I'm sitting
Trog feels very much like a Francis kind of film - except obviously much more silly, while trying to be serious. He ended up regretting having been director on this, having to shepherd a sad Joan Crawford through her last feature with a monster that was actually made-up from ape-man leftovers from
2001: A Space Odyssey. Francis went on to direct films like
Tales from the Crypt and
Son of Dracula - his career as a cinematographer had him filming the likes of
The Innocents,
The Elephant Man and many other classics - transforming his resume.
Trog feels like one last gasp from the old, low budget sci-fi and horror b-movies from the 1950s and 60s - movies like
Eegah which haunted local drive-ins and promised more than they ever delivered. It feels so very disconnected from the 1970s and the direction films were about to head in. Tellingly, the one firm link that this film has with that era and those films is screenwriter Aben Kandel - and it stands out to even someone who would casually watch a few moments that the screenwriting is absolutely abysmal in this film. Kanel, a Romanian screenwriter with some experience who had regressed somewhat in the 50s and 60s writing screenplays for those b-movies was well into his 70s, and
Trog was his second-last film in a nearly 50 year career (I hear it was actually the last screenplay he ever wrote.) He will be forever remembered for this film, which must seem so terribly ironic for someone with such a storied and long career.
So, watching
Trog the main over-riding thought is - why didn't they stop? I guess making a film has a momentum all of it's own, with so many professionals given jobs, and so much money already changing hands. What a disaster. So many silly lines, and such a ridiculous monster - a film written by an old man, long turned into a hack, and an ageing screen legend (rumoured to be drunk) who was nevertheless going to deliver this straight. I'm surprised that I've never come across this film before, but perhaps that's because it doesn't seem to be in the public domain. Warner Bros are hanging on to
Trog (perhaps that opening weekend is what convinced them) and so it's not recycled like so many other famous failures of the past. Well, I got a few laughs from watching it (I love when the butcher and florist greet each other in the morning - "It's a lovely day! Going to be a good one." - just before Trog comes along and kills them. Those campy moments make my day.) It's sad to see Joan Crawford sink so low - but maybe there's karma working away there, for she wasn't the most saintly lady to appear before the cameras. And Trog. Well, the dinosaurs couldn't kill Trog - and once again the Pentagon and scientists make us ask, who are the real monsters? The answer is probably the Hollywood Producers who insisted on making
Trog.