A stupid tale of self pity before I leave

I was in the US Air Force straight out of high school. I was miserable in school, not because of a lack of intellect, but because of a lack of effort and I felt that the military was the only option I had of getting work training/schooling/etc. Plus, this was in the Clinton years so I had nothing to worry about.

So, while my friends all went off to college, I went away to Japan to do TV/Radio broadcasting for the military, just like Robin Williams in Good Morning Vietnam. I made friends there, it was fun, blah blah.

But I always looked forward to coming home and being with, what I thought of at the time, as the only friends that really mattered to me. Four years passed and I found myself home again (St. Louis, MO, for anyone who cares). At first, I found myself back in my stomping grounds with my old friends. I'd hang out with them here and there, nothing like in the high school years, but we'd get together when time allowed. It was tougher than before because by this point I'd had a son and they had found other means of passing the time, mostly pot, which I was never really into.

And then, as time went on,I saw my old friends less and less. I'd reach out, make phone calls, try to hang out with them, but it just wasn't the same. Something had changed.

Maybe we'd just grown apart. Either that or it was me (more likely scenario). None of my school buddies seemed to have trouble hanging out with each other, but I was finding myself less and less involved. Soon it became a thing where I only saw them at the annual St. Patrick's Day party until one of the hosts of the event moved in with his fiance and even that invite dried up.

The last time I saw that crew was over a year ago at a wedding.

Now, I don't know about the rest of you, but I find it near impossible to make friends as an adult. It doesn't help that I've tried finding jobs where I have minimal interaction with people, but even now with a job sitting in a cubicle, I find it hard to not only find people with things in common with me, but to just talk to them with the hopes of hanging out outside of work.

So, I literally have no friends. I have my wife and my three sons, but other than them and my family who I see about every weekend, I have no social interaction.

That's where this place and other like it had come in years ago. At some point I decided that the internet could be my friend. I could post on forums like this and others and fill the void that had existed in myself.

And it worked...kind of.

I've come to realize that it's an empty sort of companionship. I realized that when I looked at the personal pictures thread and saw Yoda and The Rodent and others and I thought "they share at least one passion with me. I could totally see myself hanging out with those people" that this was just daydreaming nonsense. These relationships are nothing more than words on a computer screen, mostly forgotten shortly after the web browser closed.

This is no substitute for what is missing from my life.

So, not that any of you care, I'm leaving. I'm focusing on my children and my pitiful career. I'm going to spend more time reading and writing. I'm going to do things with my family that I've always wanted to do, maybe take that weekend trip to Hannibal that my wife and I always talk about. Then one day take them all to the Grand Canyon like I did when I was a child.

I'm done with the internet. I may lurk here and there, especially over the next few days, but I've just been fooling myself into believing there was a point to all of this. There wasn't. A virtual life is still just virtual and my self imposed exile has brought me nothing but deep loneliness.

I'll leave you with some words from one of my favorite songs. It reminds me of my life of late.

Oh, but it's over now or has it just begun?
You're still bound by your stupid rules
And all your friends are outside, the clouds in the sky
And they're hoping you'll be there soon

You wanna feel the wave
See the tide
And stare at the big blue sky

You wanna see the sun
And the moon
And to your rules goodbye

You wanna feel the wave
With your eyes
To see outside again

You wanna feel alive
Feel alive

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Sorry you feel that way matey...

... I would say you're a mate of mine, even if it is over a keyboard and I have no idea who you really are... like you have no idea who I really am... but I'd consider you a mate.


I won't say "Don't be silly, stay on the forum" etc etc etc etc... because, hey, the way you feel is the way you feel and needs must with your life and kids, job etc.

You gotta do what you gotta do, good luck with your future endeavours... but still, keep in touch from time to time.

Doug.

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It's very brave for you to cut yourself off from the internet and focus on the more important things in life after realising that staying here would bring you little benefit. I see no self pity in this, but an admirable decision from someone who knows what's best for himself.

My best wishes to you and whatever endeavours and aspirations you have.

I certainly wouldn't suggest that the Internet is a substitute for real life interaction, but I've been doing this long enough to be quite certain that it's not nothing, either. I've met a few of he people on here, and they were all pretty cool. I've talked to others on the phone, and we've helped each other get through some tough times.

The thing is, if someone needs this sort of place to just be a distraction, it can be that. And if they need it to be a bit more, it can be that, too. It can't ever replace real interaction, but I'd say it's not really intended to, and it can do a lot of other things, besides. I can't get certain types of interaction here, but then, I can't get too many intelligent, in-depth conversations and ridiculously elaborate jokes in real life, either.

Anyway, I know what you mean, about making friends as an adult. All my friends I knew when I was younger. There are a few standard places--work, school, church groups, etc.--where it's relatively easy to meet people, and after that, it's pretty tricky.

Can't fault you for wanting to concentrate on your family and social life, to be sure. Hope it works out for you. But I do hope you'll check in. This place doesn't have to be a wholesale replacement for anything, it can just be a place you come to when you've got something to say about movies or want to shoot the breeze, and I think I speak for all the other MoFos when I say that we'll take that, because having you around for that stuff is certainly better than nothing.

Best of luck to you, man.

Sorry to hear that BB; it's not easy sometimes -- I'm sure many, many people feel the same way you do. Sometimes I get depressed and feel the same way. In terms of people, I've learned to expect less and give more, that's always helped me.

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Under-the-radar Movie Awesomeness.
http://earlsmoviepicks.blogspot.com/

I completely understand where your coming from, BB. I've outgrown most of my friends too. I still see them from time to time, but I feel so disconnected that most of the time, I'd rather be home. I always want to make friends with people that I am more similar to at this point in my life, but like you say it's almost impossible. Where do you meet them?

I think what you are doing is a good thing. I always find it helps to shake my life up a bit if I become dissatisfied or bored. It sounds like a change could do you some good. You can always come back once you find what you need.

Either way, good luck and I wish you well.

Yeah, I think the Internet naturally has that effect. It makes sense, when you think about it: people join forums like this because of a common interest. People are friends in real life through a mix of common interests and mere coincidence and physical proximity. So it makes sense that you'd have less to talk to them about in comparison.

There are certain ways in which neither can hope to compete with the other. Offline you can more readily create vivid memories and combine friendship with some other activity so that you're not doing just one or the other. You can enjoy more things with people. Which is usually how it goes; my friends and I don't usually just hang around, we usually do something together.

On the flip side, the odds of finding people with the same interests, obsessions, and of having the same highly involved discussions, are almost non-existent offline.

I definitely feel like I'm missing something if I'm only talking on here and never watching football with my friends, for example, but if that's all I'm doing I find I miss the in-depth conversation and general mood of places like this, where the common interest in presupposed by the mere act of being here at all.

Sorry, didn't mean to turn this into an analysis of the entire idea; this is bb's thread, of course. But after 12 years I find myself thinking about this sort of stuff a lot, obviously.

I get where you are coming from, BB. I just see this place as a way to pass the time. I'm not really "friends" with anyone here, however, I enjoy sharing some of the same interests with people on here. And I can talk to anyone on here about it, so in a way it helps me keep my sanity.

Take care, brickmeister. My family understands that I have another life on here, but I don't frequent any other forums now that my old haunting grounds are all gone. I actually feel like I'm accomplishing something on here too, whether it's just self-therapy by letting out a bit of myself or actually providing some help or entertainment to others. I'm pretty sure that quite a few others here believe the same way. I basically have three real friends and I've known them all for over 30 years. However, I would be undervaluing some people here if I didn't actually call them my friends.

Be sure to post some photos of Hannibal and the Grand Canyon. I really love that big ditch.

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It's what you learn after you know it all that counts. - John Wooden
My IMDb page

Three years ago I was sitting in a hot tub one summer day and I had the most depressing thought and feeling combined: All of my old friends are gone. Everyone I knew and loved was basically out of my life. I wasn't alone even as I thought this -- I had a guy with me -- but I felt alone. A year before that day, not the same day a year before but around that time period, I broke up with someone I naively thought I would share my whole life with. I moved to a new place to be with him and for four years, I never saw any of my old friends, except for a couple that I did see during the last two years, but it wasn't much at all. Anyway, back to 2009 -- people were gone. People who filled my life and gave it meaning were gone. And worse of all, most of them didn't even like me anymore.

But now I think I might have changed. F**k people!

While I still have my emotional moments sometimes over all I've lost -- and I still haven't been able to rebuild what I once had -- now, it's like, maybe they're gone because they deserve to be gone. And maybe there's nothing that needs to be rebuilt -- maybe I just have new design plans in front of me that's harder to figure out, but one day I'll get it right and I'll see that I built something better, something new, something different. 'Cause how we see our life and how we lived changes all the time. And you, bouncingbrick, may one day return to Movie Forums if you suddenly see that you liked what you had here. But if you don't, God bless.

This place totally bites. It's taken up so much of my time and for what? It hasn't improved my life, it hasn't given me deep, rich friendships. I celebrated a 10th anniversary at this place this year -- I had to make my own f**king anniversary thread. Mark F wouldn't do it, even though I see him making all kinds of anniversary threads for other people, including that nasty and annoying Planet News.

But don't get me wrong -- my life has been enriched by this place, too. Perhaps even more than it would have been without it. I don't know. If there's an alternate universe where my life is AMAZING and I never joined Movie Forums in it, don't tell me about it, in case you happen to know how to travel to alternate universes.

Do what you have to do. I like the idea of reading more. I need to do that, as well. I'm surrounded by books at home. I don't read enough. Take care.

Take care of yourself, BB and, remember, that the things you regret at the end of your life are usually the things you wished you'd done, rather than those you did.

Feel free to drop in anytime. The key's under the mat.

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5-time MoFo Award winner.

This explains the constant robberies.

Mate, BB..that was pretty good the way you described how you feel about your family is the most important things. That's what I got out of it!

Also, 20 minutes a day on the internet doesn't hurt in my opinion anyway. Some people spent a lot of time on the internet about mindless stuff. Though, this forum helps me...why, you may ask? Quite a few people here are pretty smart and in turn, it helps me to get smarter is spelling, reading, writing and there is some humour here. As well, I like Movies, T.V. and music.

My best mates are in Sydney, though now I live in Qld about 1000 Kms or 500 Miles away. What helps me, go to the the Gym and Boxing Gym and I know a few people. Also, I go the tech where there is a lot of different people there. I can't speak at the best of times, so it can be difficult to get new mates. I'm sure other Fathers like you, want to meet other Men with children? Go Golfing , fishing with the kids, stuff like that.

I think you may find it difficult to completely leave the intrawebs. Perhaps you just meant forums and the like? Anyway, enjoyed your posts for the most part and will miss you. I find that the people I meet here in general can be very engaging and the fact that I can "log off" anytime I want appeals to me a lot. But to each their own and I wish you well.

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We are both the source of the problem and the solution, yet we do not see ourselves in this light...

Damnit Honeykid now the spammers will be coming in

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Ding Dong!

I doubt you'll read this, or any of the responses, if you are leaving. People know where I stand on "I'm leaving threads", sometimes they are simply people screaming for attention. I don't think this is the case, I think you genuinely are looking for another outlet for your life, and this place has filled whatever it could.

I don't know if your recent feud in the "Most Badass Picture Thread" had anything to do with your decision, just know people fight on these forums all the time. It's what 'friends' do. Take it in stride I guess.

If you have nothing to discuss with us anymore, I get it, but surely you could check in from time to time. It sucks when people get use to seeing someone posting so often, then they leave or have fewer and fewer interactions. I thought you were a cool cat, especially when you changed your avatar to eating crow.

I hope you find whatever it is you are looking for.

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"A laugh can be a very powerful thing. Why, sometimes in life, it's the only weapon we have."

Suspect's Reviews

BB, though I've only been a member for 11 months, I will miss reading your input on various topics. You are a unique individual and I have to say, you opened my mind about different ways a perspective could take on a film. I will also miss our appacalypse chatter... so entertaining. I wish you the best and hope you sign on time to time to update us on your life, or have some movie reviews!

-Jenny

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