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The Private Lives of
Elizabeth and Essex
(directed by Michael Curtiz, 1939)
Dumbstruck is how I feel after watching The Private Lives of Elizabeth and Essex. I don't care if this movie is accurately portraying history, you do not send Errol Flynn to be executed if you love him and he loves you. That's a hot bod right there, you horny old cougar, Queen Elizabeth I. I don't care how much you love England, it won't give you multiple orgasms.
Bette Davis portrays Queen Elizabeth I quite remarkably and much more memorable than Cate Blanchett's version in the two recent Elizabeth films. Here she dresses up in extravagant gowns, yards of pearls, supportasses that would chop your head off, and she plays with fans, rings, tassels and other assorted queenly things. Her performance is loud, bossy, dominating, screeching, maniacal, stern -- kind of like the Wicked Witch of the West from The Wizard of Oz. She breaks mirrors, she bitchslaps men, she scolds her slutty bimbo mistresses that sing to her and try to steal her man. She is not to be messed with, for she is constantly changing moods and authority must be hers at all times.
But, we are looking at her private life here -- and the truth is, Bette Davis' Elizabeth I is nothing but a wannabe submissive love starved lady who'd gladly bend down on the floor for Errol Flynn and take it doggie style if only she didn't have a cantakerous royal tooth in her mouth that gave her so much pride. For Elizabeth hates Flynn's character, Robert Devereux, the 2nd Earl of Essex, for his strong ambition to have power and conquer everything, even the throne. But if only Elizabeth would look in the mirror and see that she herself has strong ambition -- an ambition to not give in, to stay stong, to stay powerful, to stay alone.
She almost plays mommy to Essex -- an older female that loves him so much that she really doesn't want him out there fighting in the army. She sends him love letters and he does the same, but there's a problem with their mailing service, you see. He loves her fiery nature, for it reminds him of her father (could Essex secretly be homosexual?) I certainly wouldn't still love somebody if they sent me to death, but Essex does. So why couldn't she give in?
Trust, you see. Trust. It's trust before thrust for Queen Elizabeth I. Apparently, she did stay a virgin all her life. Hey, if she's strong enough to kill her lover because of stupid reasons, who'd wanna hit that? It's like mating with a female praying mantis, a creature that bites the head off her lover during or after erotic encounters.
Never boring, never tiring (although I was already tired going into this movie) but totally bewildering -- The Private Lives of Elizabeth and Essex.
Elizabeth and Essex
(directed by Michael Curtiz, 1939)
Dumbstruck is how I feel after watching The Private Lives of Elizabeth and Essex. I don't care if this movie is accurately portraying history, you do not send Errol Flynn to be executed if you love him and he loves you. That's a hot bod right there, you horny old cougar, Queen Elizabeth I. I don't care how much you love England, it won't give you multiple orgasms.
Bette Davis portrays Queen Elizabeth I quite remarkably and much more memorable than Cate Blanchett's version in the two recent Elizabeth films. Here she dresses up in extravagant gowns, yards of pearls, supportasses that would chop your head off, and she plays with fans, rings, tassels and other assorted queenly things. Her performance is loud, bossy, dominating, screeching, maniacal, stern -- kind of like the Wicked Witch of the West from The Wizard of Oz. She breaks mirrors, she bitchslaps men, she scolds her slutty bimbo mistresses that sing to her and try to steal her man. She is not to be messed with, for she is constantly changing moods and authority must be hers at all times.
But, we are looking at her private life here -- and the truth is, Bette Davis' Elizabeth I is nothing but a wannabe submissive love starved lady who'd gladly bend down on the floor for Errol Flynn and take it doggie style if only she didn't have a cantakerous royal tooth in her mouth that gave her so much pride. For Elizabeth hates Flynn's character, Robert Devereux, the 2nd Earl of Essex, for his strong ambition to have power and conquer everything, even the throne. But if only Elizabeth would look in the mirror and see that she herself has strong ambition -- an ambition to not give in, to stay stong, to stay powerful, to stay alone.
She almost plays mommy to Essex -- an older female that loves him so much that she really doesn't want him out there fighting in the army. She sends him love letters and he does the same, but there's a problem with their mailing service, you see. He loves her fiery nature, for it reminds him of her father (could Essex secretly be homosexual?) I certainly wouldn't still love somebody if they sent me to death, but Essex does. So why couldn't she give in?
Trust, you see. Trust. It's trust before thrust for Queen Elizabeth I. Apparently, she did stay a virgin all her life. Hey, if she's strong enough to kill her lover because of stupid reasons, who'd wanna hit that? It's like mating with a female praying mantis, a creature that bites the head off her lover during or after erotic encounters.
Never boring, never tiring (although I was already tired going into this movie) but totally bewildering -- The Private Lives of Elizabeth and Essex.