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Blood Diner (Jackie Kong 1987) Trash Rating +
This is Jackie Kong's tribute to Herschell Gordon Lewis's Blood Feast (1963) - probably the first splatter film ever made. Kong had already delivered a trio of forgettable turkeys including two comedies, 1984's Night Patrol starring Linda Blair, and the more appropriately titled The Underachievers in 1987. Trash lovers however will no doubt be more interested in his 1983 debut The Being; a schlocky creature feature involving toxic waste, and starring Martin Landau (a film I've sadly yet to see). Blood Diner would be Kong's first (and last) attempt at combining horror with comedy. It was written by Michael Sonye, who penned three other films the same year, but would mostly make a semi-living appearing in Z-movie dreck like Surf Nazis Must Die (1987) and Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers (1988). With such an inauspicious pedigree Blood Diner comes as something of a whacked out surprise and even has a minor cult reputation amongst splattter fans, so lets take a look....
Blood Diner (Jackie Kong 1987) Trash Rating +
This is Jackie Kong's tribute to Herschell Gordon Lewis's Blood Feast (1963) - probably the first splatter film ever made. Kong had already delivered a trio of forgettable turkeys including two comedies, 1984's Night Patrol starring Linda Blair, and the more appropriately titled The Underachievers in 1987. Trash lovers however will no doubt be more interested in his 1983 debut The Being; a schlocky creature feature involving toxic waste, and starring Martin Landau (a film I've sadly yet to see). Blood Diner would be Kong's first (and last) attempt at combining horror with comedy. It was written by Michael Sonye, who penned three other films the same year, but would mostly make a semi-living appearing in Z-movie dreck like Surf Nazis Must Die (1987) and Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers (1988). With such an inauspicious pedigree Blood Diner comes as something of a whacked out surprise and even has a minor cult reputation amongst splattter fans, so lets take a look....
Sticking only loosely to Lewis's film which had a lone protagonist played by Mal Arnold; Blood Diner follows the Tutmans, homicidal Michael (Rick Burks) and his loon of a brother George (Carl Crew). The film begins with the childhood siblings receiving an impromptu visit from their deranged uncle Anwar (Drew Godderis who steals the movie). After knife wielding (but seemingly friendly) unc is gunned down by police; we skip forward twenty years to a scene with the adult brothers digging up his corpse and removing the brain for something or other. One murdered cop later and Anwar's talking disembodied brain is languishing in a jar (pictured) at the Brother's vegetarian diner. It's here that we learn of Anwar and the brothers dastardly plot to resurrect an ancient Egyptian goddess (ala Lewis's flick) by committing a series of dismemberment murders to use the parts in a black magic ritual, and serving the leftovers in the diner (in Lewis's flick Arnold served them at social functions). Throw in a a trio of inept, wooden cops investigating the murders (most notably Sheba played by the lovely LaNette Le France); some sacrificial love interest for Michael, not to mention a rival vegetarian diner owner and his talking dummy, and you have one of the craziest movies I've ever seen...
Blood Diner is a mixed bag in that much of the comedy feels forced and heavy handed thus missing the mark by light years. Perhaps it's just me but it took at least twenty minutes before I got to grips with the film's manic pace, crazed ultra-hammy performances and muddled narrative. Once I did I found Kong's overall sense of the absurd, colourful characters and imaginative touches ample compensation for the often clunky dialogue on offer. There's always something outlandishly kooky going on in Blood Diner, and whilst it might not be belly laugh material, some of the cast are mildly amusing; especially Godderis as the voice of Anwar and Max Morris as a demanding police chief. The film delivers everything you might expect from the genre, including a large amount of naked female flesh; not to mention frequent gore effects, which are clearly intended to be rubbery and cartoonish. It's puerile nonsense but energetic and enthusiastic, like a markedly less funny mixture of John Hughes's Weird Science (1985), Frank Henenlotter's Frankenhooker (1990), and Paul Bartel's Eating Raoul (1982). I should probably grow up and stop watching garbage like this, but found it impossible to hate a movie in which a naked woman Kung-Fu's a would-be murderer only to suffer death from a falling stalactite to the head. Plus the climactic zombie nightclub sequence complete with live musical act is an absolute riot, and may well have had a partial influence on Peter Jackson's Braindead (1992) and Robert Rodriguez's From Dusk Till Dawn (1996). Worth watching.