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Con Air
WHY'D I WATCH IT?
It takes a mere 1 minute and 40 seconds for Con Air to completely culturally isolate itself from any prospective alien viewers who may have picked up the language, but otherwise make no concessions in how they approach the movie. Kissing is weird. I'm gonna keep drawing attention to the fact that it's weird until people accept that it's weird.
Hugging? Sure, I can dig hugging, it's the comforting embrace of a friend or loved one, how can I condemn that? Kissing? What are you nuts? Why don't you touch your ears together? You'll spread less germs that way. Youuuu sluts.
At the 5 minute, 40 second mark we commit our first narrative sin by contriving Nick Cage into jail for killing a man in self defense.
What, is that wrong? The guy pulled a knife? How is that defense nothing short of ****ing impervious to judicial scrutiny? Go **** yourself.
There's also an off-comment about steak. Ironically. And that's those are my biggest complaints.
Now, before you freak, lemme tell you that overall I prefer Lethal Weapon. I like the characterization in that movie better, it was more surprising, and it was played seriously. Not that I can't dig goofy, but Con Air was nearly cheesy enough for me.
That said, Con Air is a rock solid movie due in no small part to the cavalcade of rock solid B-movie actors behind Nicolas Cage including, but not limited to John Cusack, Colm Meaney, Dave Chappelle, and, of course, the schlockmeister himself, Danny Trejo.
Nicolas Cage is rather silly looking in his long hair and frankly he didn't do much for me, his job is pretty much alternating between blissful smiles, mild concern, and intense stares. He was basically a more boring version of himself in Raising Arizona.
John Malkovich, who was, is it just me, unrecognizable? Maybe his manner was just that different, but I utterly failed to make the Being John Malkovich connection, either he's just got that much range or I'm stupid. Probably a little of both. Either way he was a fun antagonist if only because you really don't know him very well and he hogs his scenes consistently.
For my money though, it'd have to be the pleasant surprise appearance of Steve Buscemi who I just get a kick out of. There's something about actors like him and Brad Dourif which makes them really enjoyable, they always get typecast as the socially retarded psychopath and yet in Con Air I wished there was more of him.
They set up Malkovich's character as the worst of the bunch, BUT THEN you got Steve's character, who's the worst of the worst, he's the con cons FEAR yo. And sure enough he's the only one in plain clothes, speaking calmly and articulately, and while everyone else is having a violent shootout he's off having a tea party with a random girl you're not entirely sure he isn't about to just up and kill.
When the little girl asks him if he's sick and we zoom in on his REALLY uncertain face that, to be honest, he's Steve Buscemi, the guy looks ****ed, and we even get this fish eye lens of from his perspective, I loved that scene, that was great.
I was really worried that when he leaves offscreen with the doll from that he had killed the girl, but she's revealed to be alive and he's the only one who ever actually escapes.
Oh right, THE PLOT. Nick Cage gets sent to jail, on the his daughter's birthday-BIRTHDAY ~GAHHHH forgot that.
...
Birthday. He gets on a plain intended to chauffeur convicts and he gets wrapped up in a hijacking where he inevitably winds up saving the day.
There are a couple bumps in the story, namely how is it that the police know Sims is dead? They can't know that. That's never explained, it's just assumed and it directly contradicts the "but why didn't NICK'S CHARACTER get off the plane hmmmm????" I dunno, why didn't Sims get off the plane? PLOTHOLE.
Some lines just don't work like "I'm gonna show you God does exist" which only follows when Bubba from Forrest Gump is dying and just comes right the **** out of nowhere with his suspicions that God doesn't exist.
Set up? Did anybody see the set up? No? Okay then.
The line, "make a movie and the bunny gets it" is silly, sure, but it's totally out of nowhere and comes without the punch of timing or irony that would require developing Malkovich's Cyrus further.
"Put the bunny back in the box" is much funnier since it much more heavily weighs on the stakes and intensity of the situation and Rule of 3s make it even more amusing in retrospect, "Why didn't you just put the bunny back in the box?"
Rule of 3 is important, people. Respect the 3.
Such as the 3 vehicles in this movie that inexplicably explode on impact.
Any less and I'dve hardly noticed. Any more and I'dve complained.
But 3? Just the right level of absurdity.
Final Verdict: [Pretty Good]
Con Air
Action Crime / English / 1997
WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown.
Hadn't thought I'd seen this movie until I realized I'd caught a glimpse of it on TV, all I remember is some junkyard shootout.
WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*
Hadn't thought I'd seen this movie until I realized I'd caught a glimpse of it on TV, all I remember is some junkyard shootout.
WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*
"Define irony. Bunch of idiots dancing on a plane to a song made famous by a band that died in a plane crash."
It takes a mere 1 minute and 40 seconds for Con Air to completely culturally isolate itself from any prospective alien viewers who may have picked up the language, but otherwise make no concessions in how they approach the movie. Kissing is weird. I'm gonna keep drawing attention to the fact that it's weird until people accept that it's weird.
Hugging? Sure, I can dig hugging, it's the comforting embrace of a friend or loved one, how can I condemn that? Kissing? What are you nuts? Why don't you touch your ears together? You'll spread less germs that way. Youuuu sluts.
At the 5 minute, 40 second mark we commit our first narrative sin by contriving Nick Cage into jail for killing a man in self defense.
What, is that wrong? The guy pulled a knife? How is that defense nothing short of ****ing impervious to judicial scrutiny? Go **** yourself.
There's also an off-comment about steak. Ironically. And that's those are my biggest complaints.
!!! *SHOCK GASP* !!!
Now, before you freak, lemme tell you that overall I prefer Lethal Weapon. I like the characterization in that movie better, it was more surprising, and it was played seriously. Not that I can't dig goofy, but Con Air was nearly cheesy enough for me.
That said, Con Air is a rock solid movie due in no small part to the cavalcade of rock solid B-movie actors behind Nicolas Cage including, but not limited to John Cusack, Colm Meaney, Dave Chappelle, and, of course, the schlockmeister himself, Danny Trejo.
Nicolas Cage is rather silly looking in his long hair and frankly he didn't do much for me, his job is pretty much alternating between blissful smiles, mild concern, and intense stares. He was basically a more boring version of himself in Raising Arizona.
John Malkovich, who was, is it just me, unrecognizable? Maybe his manner was just that different, but I utterly failed to make the Being John Malkovich connection, either he's just got that much range or I'm stupid. Probably a little of both. Either way he was a fun antagonist if only because you really don't know him very well and he hogs his scenes consistently.
For my money though, it'd have to be the pleasant surprise appearance of Steve Buscemi who I just get a kick out of. There's something about actors like him and Brad Dourif which makes them really enjoyable, they always get typecast as the socially retarded psychopath and yet in Con Air I wished there was more of him.
They set up Malkovich's character as the worst of the bunch, BUT THEN you got Steve's character, who's the worst of the worst, he's the con cons FEAR yo. And sure enough he's the only one in plain clothes, speaking calmly and articulately, and while everyone else is having a violent shootout he's off having a tea party with a random girl you're not entirely sure he isn't about to just up and kill.
When the little girl asks him if he's sick and we zoom in on his REALLY uncertain face that, to be honest, he's Steve Buscemi, the guy looks ****ed, and we even get this fish eye lens of from his perspective, I loved that scene, that was great.
I was really worried that when he leaves offscreen with the doll from that he had killed the girl, but she's revealed to be alive and he's the only one who ever actually escapes.
Oh right, THE PLOT. Nick Cage gets sent to jail, on the his daughter's birthday-BIRTHDAY ~GAHHHH forgot that.
...
Birthday. He gets on a plain intended to chauffeur convicts and he gets wrapped up in a hijacking where he inevitably winds up saving the day.
There are a couple bumps in the story, namely how is it that the police know Sims is dead? They can't know that. That's never explained, it's just assumed and it directly contradicts the "but why didn't NICK'S CHARACTER get off the plane hmmmm????" I dunno, why didn't Sims get off the plane? PLOTHOLE.
Some lines just don't work like "I'm gonna show you God does exist" which only follows when Bubba from Forrest Gump is dying and just comes right the **** out of nowhere with his suspicions that God doesn't exist.
Set up? Did anybody see the set up? No? Okay then.
The line, "make a movie and the bunny gets it" is silly, sure, but it's totally out of nowhere and comes without the punch of timing or irony that would require developing Malkovich's Cyrus further.
"Put the bunny back in the box" is much funnier since it much more heavily weighs on the stakes and intensity of the situation and Rule of 3s make it even more amusing in retrospect, "Why didn't you just put the bunny back in the box?"
Rule of 3 is important, people. Respect the 3.
Such as the 3 vehicles in this movie that inexplicably explode on impact.
Any less and I'dve hardly noticed. Any more and I'dve complained.
But 3? Just the right level of absurdity.