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Indiana Jones and
The Last Crusade
WHY'D I WATCH IT?
Rats, Chickens, Crocodiles, Lions, Goats, Camels, SNAKESSSSSSSSSSSSS, Horses which appear all throughout and worse, Seagulls which get a particularly unfortunate scene.
This time the role of Token Girl is Dr. Elsa She-Wolf-Of-The-SS Schneider and even given that she turns femme fatale halfway through she manages to better Willy while worsening Marion.
That old "I hate you which is why I'm gonna **** your brains out" deal is played to the hilt here and it's wildly unwelcome especially when Indy, once again, decides to stick his dick in crazy. WHICH INCIDENTALLY his father also did. I seriously only just got that for the first time today, it's never explicitly said, but it's implied and danced around that Indy's dad had sex with her too. All I can say is I just never really understood what they were talking about before. MAKES A WHOLE LOT MORE SENSE NOW.
Anyway yes, Dad's here this time played by Sean Connery, effectively replacing Elsa early on as Indy's sidekick for the adventure. All I can say is... great. Sean Connery's awesome and his role as Indy's conservative dad makes him a far stronger contrast than any other characters so far. I'd even say this is the funniest of the three movies.
After a short prologue which sets up Indy getting his whip and hat for the first time (which I've also been pretty [Meh...] about), the plot then reverts back in similarity to what we had in Raiders, what with a Christian relic and Nazi's and, you know... what's the deal with these relics anyway?
Now Jesus' sippy cup is all powerful now too? What, DID HE **** GOLD??? Is the first chair he sat in a rocket ship? Did the last bogey he ever picked spread a swath of desolation and waste where it landed? Was there like, one beggar who got a nip of his salad one day and from then on was known as Popeye The Sailor Man?
This also a weird logic hole in the movie because at one point it's suggested that only the true Grail will bring life and a false Grail will take it.
OKAY, well, that's kind of needless isn't it? I mean after all if you're testing people it's already been stated that "for the unrighteous, the cup of life holds everlasting damnation", so doesn't that mean that if the Nazis picked the right Grail they would still lose?
If the Nazis can never win then this test ONLY serves to test Indy, and test what? That he can pick out the grodiest lookin' mug he can find? So it's a test of faith that shows Indy AT LEAST knows that Jesus was a simple man who abhorred the rich, and this is somehow more important than his tested skills in riddles, language, and blindly stepping out into chasms which couldn't realistically fool the human eye becausethey'dhave tobedesigned totrickthe eyeatany heightordistance whichdoesn'tconsider thefactthat everyone'sadifferent heightandcan idleatdifferentd istancesandangles, BUT SO LONG AS INDY KNOWS JESUS WAS A CARPENTER, yes he has proven his worth and deserves everlasting life.
At least this time God or who-ever decided to impose some stricter measures on their random home-office supplies given ludicrous powers by imposing a range limitation on it's effectiveness. Great, so now if the Nazi's got the Holy Grail, they could... stay there. Forever.
The only thing the Grail seems to be good for is protecting the Grail.
I can tell those hundreds of years did that old knight lots of favors, he still aged long enough to be too feeble to stop a man from taking his relic and then immediately disregarding his advice and losing it down ANOTHER CHASM.
"Thanks, Indy, I'll just park my ass and wait to die now, I can see those 700 YEARS were worth my time."
"In a crevice? To be crushed by tectonic shifts? Yeah, real nice."
"Oh yeah, sure, I was just, you know, hoping to protect it from bad people, I guess THROWING IT DOWN A HOLE JUST DIDN'T OCCUR TO ME."
In general I feel that Last Crusade is much less memorable than either Raiders or Doom given it's relatively less impressive setpieces. While it may ride backseat to Raiders, it's at least a full car length ahead of Doom managing to beat it out in terms of characters, pacing, and comedy.
It also doesn't have that dinner scene, though I could have done without Sean Connery woop-wooping a flock of seagulls directly into the whirring propeller of an oncoming fighter plane.
Final Verdict: [Pretty Good]
Indiana Jones and
The Last Crusade
Fantasy Action Adventure / English / 1989
WHY'D I WATCH IT?
For the Action Movie Countdown.
Back in the day when I hadn't fully come to distinguish what made a good or bad movie (hell, I thought Mystic Knights of Tir Na Nog was awesome), The Last Crusade was my least favorite of the Indiana Jones movies. I watched it the least of the three and I'm not wholly sure why. It's reassessment time.
WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*
Back in the day when I hadn't fully come to distinguish what made a good or bad movie (hell, I thought Mystic Knights of Tir Na Nog was awesome), The Last Crusade was my least favorite of the Indiana Jones movies. I watched it the least of the three and I'm not wholly sure why. It's reassessment time.
WHAT'D I THINK? *SPOILERS*
"I'm like a bad penny, I always turn up."
Rats, Chickens, Crocodiles, Lions, Goats, Camels, SNAKESSSSSSSSSSSSS, Horses which appear all throughout and worse, Seagulls which get a particularly unfortunate scene.
This time the role of Token Girl is Dr. Elsa She-Wolf-Of-The-SS Schneider and even given that she turns femme fatale halfway through she manages to better Willy while worsening Marion.
That old "I hate you which is why I'm gonna **** your brains out" deal is played to the hilt here and it's wildly unwelcome especially when Indy, once again, decides to stick his dick in crazy. WHICH INCIDENTALLY his father also did. I seriously only just got that for the first time today, it's never explicitly said, but it's implied and danced around that Indy's dad had sex with her too. All I can say is I just never really understood what they were talking about before. MAKES A WHOLE LOT MORE SENSE NOW.
Anyway yes, Dad's here this time played by Sean Connery, effectively replacing Elsa early on as Indy's sidekick for the adventure. All I can say is... great. Sean Connery's awesome and his role as Indy's conservative dad makes him a far stronger contrast than any other characters so far. I'd even say this is the funniest of the three movies.
Now Jesus' sippy cup is all powerful now too? What, DID HE **** GOLD??? Is the first chair he sat in a rocket ship? Did the last bogey he ever picked spread a swath of desolation and waste where it landed? Was there like, one beggar who got a nip of his salad one day and from then on was known as Popeye The Sailor Man?
This also a weird logic hole in the movie because at one point it's suggested that only the true Grail will bring life and a false Grail will take it.
OKAY, well, that's kind of needless isn't it? I mean after all if you're testing people it's already been stated that "for the unrighteous, the cup of life holds everlasting damnation", so doesn't that mean that if the Nazis picked the right Grail they would still lose?
If the Nazis can never win then this test ONLY serves to test Indy, and test what? That he can pick out the grodiest lookin' mug he can find? So it's a test of faith that shows Indy AT LEAST knows that Jesus was a simple man who abhorred the rich, and this is somehow more important than his tested skills in riddles, language, and blindly stepping out into chasms which couldn't realistically fool the human eye becausethey'dhave tobedesigned totrickthe eyeatany heightordistance whichdoesn'tconsider thefactthat everyone'sadifferent heightandcan idleatdifferentd istancesandangles, BUT SO LONG AS INDY KNOWS JESUS WAS A CARPENTER, yes he has proven his worth and deserves everlasting life.
At least this time God or who-ever decided to impose some stricter measures on their random home-office supplies given ludicrous powers by imposing a range limitation on it's effectiveness. Great, so now if the Nazi's got the Holy Grail, they could... stay there. Forever.
The only thing the Grail seems to be good for is protecting the Grail.
I can tell those hundreds of years did that old knight lots of favors, he still aged long enough to be too feeble to stop a man from taking his relic and then immediately disregarding his advice and losing it down ANOTHER CHASM.
"I'm sorry... well, it's safe now, isn't it?"
"In a crevice? To be crushed by tectonic shifts? Yeah, real nice."
"Look, I said I was sorry! Besides, aren't these things typically indestructible?"
"Oh yeah, sure, I was just, you know, hoping to protect it from bad people, I guess THROWING IT DOWN A HOLE JUST DIDN'T OCCUR TO ME."
In general I feel that Last Crusade is much less memorable than either Raiders or Doom given it's relatively less impressive setpieces. While it may ride backseat to Raiders, it's at least a full car length ahead of Doom managing to beat it out in terms of characters, pacing, and comedy.
It also doesn't have that dinner scene, though I could have done without Sean Connery woop-wooping a flock of seagulls directly into the whirring propeller of an oncoming fighter plane.