Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones

I'm honestly always pretty perplexed when people consistently say Attack of the Clones is the worst of the prequel trilogy. I really don't know what convinces somebody of that when there's such obvious targets in Phantom Menace, I always sort of felt people dragged their hate out of the first movie into the second and finally relented somewhat by the time the third one rolled around.

Maybe other people have a lower tolerance for ****** romantic plotting than I do, but that doesn't seem to be the case 99% of the time and I've never seen anyone else call BS on Han and Leia's garbage romance.

Admittedly Anakin and Padme's is several times WORSE... **** me it's bad. The development, the dialog, the delivery, people complain about the visuals, but THESE are the 3 Ds you should be bitching about!

We got kissing, we got "love" thrown around heavyhandedly, Padme needlessly discredits Anakin and Anakin won't shut his whiny ****in' face even when it comes to something you should obviously keep to yourself like THE ADOLESCENT WET DREAMS you've had about a woman several years older than you? Padme says she'll "always think of him as a little boy" and yet she winds up snogging him in the end, IN FACT, her trying to satisfy a pedophillic fetish is a WAY BETTER explanation for why she gives him the time of day because it's certainly not his creepy emotional blank stare that wets her panties.

"Oooohh, you find tyranny a more effective form of government? DO ME NOW."

They also marry at the end which also ****in' gets to me. Even a long time ago in a galaxy far far away, familiar hyper-specific cultural rituals are still a thing for some ****in' reason (not unlike kissing, but let's move on already).


Alas, that's my biggest complaint about the whole movie. ALL OF THAT. It sucks. I just tune the **** out during those parts and they're prevalent throughout the movie so it's a definite problem.

BESIDES THAT, Attack of the Clones is quite frankly my favorite of the prequel trilogy.

I remember it for it's numerous varied action sequences cool new additions to the lore. I mean, where do I start?

We begin with an awesome speeder chase through Coruscant,

We see a MUCH more attractive CG Yoda,

We visit Kamino and meet Jango Fett,

We get a Jango Fett fight,

Followed by a Jango Fett dogfight,

Anakin goes to Tatooine and the movie just sort of dies... for a few minutes... so we can set up some reincorporation with New Hope...

BUT THEN we go to Geonosis and we meet Christopher Lee playing Darth Tyranus who's later revealed to both master to Qui-Gon Jinn and apprentice to YODA so HOLY ****, we got the whole family tree of Jedi training here where of Yoda > Dooku > Qui-Gon > Obi-Wan > Anakin > Starkiller (well that's getting into the video games, but whatever), that's cool!

We get a fight/chase through a droid manufacturing plant which sets up some fun R2-D2/C-3PO moments,

Everyone gets captured which leads to the coliseum where Obi-Wan, Padme, and Anakin showdown with their own unique beasts (my favorite is the Nexu),

Then that turns into a giant Jedi battle,

Then THAT turns into a giant Clones vs. Droids battle,

Then THAT turns into a 2v1 showdown with Count Dooku, which, admittedly, isn't nearly as good as the 2v1 fight against Darth Maul,

BUT THEN THAT, gives us our first Yoda saberfight before finally teasing Darth Sidious!


Come ON, how can you guys hate this movie more than the rest? It's fun.

Yeah, it's largely CG and the romantic subplot won't stay the hell away, but you know, the CG was pretty ****in' good for the most part, it didn't feel as greenscreeny as it could've.

One thing it sure made me think of was how much more I like Watto over Maz.