Dirty Pair: Flight 005 Conspiracy

Dirty Pair: Flight 005 Conspiracy (Dub) Status: COMPLETE
Movie


WHOA. WAIT. Hmm? What-happened. Oh. The movie? It's not over. ( =_=)>

*Yaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwnnnnnnnnn*


Saying Dirty Pair: Affair on Nolandia was boring was underselling it, at least it had a trippy jet ski sequence, a terminator, and nudity.

Those are pretty bottom-of-the-barrel compliments though, especially considering I criticized each of them in my review for that movie.

Flight 005 Conspiracy is a movie I will not even bother to describe the plot to you for, because it's perfectly comfortable doing that itself. The vast majority of the movie is dominated by talking, talking, and more talking, and once again I feel pressed to emphasize that I am not adverse to anime where the majority of what happens is merely talking,


but Flight 005 launches STRAIGHT into exposition about planets, their relationships, their major industrial exports, their governments, their corporations, and with little to keep us interested in what's they're actually saying beyond a couple diagrams.

We're never given any serious investment into what's going on, so it just idles in exposition hell for nearly the whole movie. Seriously, the Dirty Pair get told their mission, explained the circumstances of the mystery they have to solve, and they banter back and forth about how it may or may not be solved throughout the whole movie with their only charm being infinitesimally small compared to something as relatively bland as a Sherlock and Watson.

I don't get it. Flight 005 Conspiracy has the classic character designs, the 80s vibe, and the city setting that was missing in Affair on Nolandia, but it skips on almost everything that Dirty Pair was even mildly good at, which is to say NOT storytelling.

No crazy aliens, no crazy robots, no crazy gunfights, no crazy explosions, no crazy chases, not even all that much T and A, it's just blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah


Instead of those qualities, Flight 005 decides to sprinkle in a few new ones such as... blood and gore.

Some guy's head violently explodes after drinking poison.

Great.

Also Yuri dies. Except she doesn't. Because of course she doesn't.

Actually, Yuri is considered dead JUST BEFORE the scene in which the guy's head explodes after which she immediately appears having been watching him and Kei the whole time.

Kei's reaction to seeing her longtime partner and best friend still alive is instantly forgotten in favor of, "OH NO, THAT NEW GUY WE BARELY KNOW!!!"


You know what? Here, I'm going to post up something significantly shorter, significantly less creative, and yet significantly more interesting to watch than this movie:



This movie might be total crap. The story, I mean. I don't really know, I was so not engaged, I literally cannot tell you after watching it if there were any plotholes or if the plot even made sense at all in the first place.

And Dirty Pair really doesn't need to make sense, it just needs to be THIS AND NOTHING BUT THIS: