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#368 - Cobra
George P. Cosmatos, 1986



A loose-cannon cop is charged with protecting a witness who can identify a gang of murderous bikers.

The header image tells you everything you need about this movie in the space of a couple of seconds. Sylvester Stallone looks like the living, breathing stereotype of a rogue 1980s cop in his leather jacket, mirrored sunglasses, and black gloves - and here he is sitting in his apartment using a pair of scissors to cut up a slice of frozen pizza. That perfectly sums up Cobra, a combination of Stallone at the peak of his status as an iconic action hero teaming up with the notorious dreck-meisters at Cannon Films. Coming off the success of reactionary anti-Commie action flicks like Rambo: First Blood Part II and Rocky IV, Stallone turns his capacity for righteous violence towards inner-city Los Angeles in this extremely half-baked Dirty Harry rip-off scripted by the Best Original Screenplay winner himself. What distinguishes it as a Dirty Harry ripoff more so than a generic "cowboy cop" kind of movie is that, in addition to the opening "monologue over close-up of a pistol" scene knocking off the same one from Magnum Force, there are even two Dirty Harry cast members in supporting roles. Even if you have no familiarity with that Eastwood film whatsoever, there's no mistaking just what kind of ride you're going on with this film.

In keeping with Cannon Films' modus operandi during the 1980s, Cobra is a cheap, bloody film that's not far removed from the typical Death Wish sequel in that it features its violent protagonist (here an officer of the law instead of a vigilante) going up against one-dimensional villains whose only goals are bloodshed and carnage (though at least here it's explained that they want to create a new world order based on survival of the fittest - yeah). The protagonist contends with authority figures whose attitudes towards his actions are either ones of vicious condemnation or world-weary enabling and nothing in between. Also, there's a token female character (Brigitte Nielsen) who also ends up being a love interest for the protagonist and whose continued presence in the film is justified by her being a survivor and witness of an attack by the villainous gang at the heart of the film (led by Brian Thompson, an actor of very debatable ability who bears more than a little resemblance to a certain Austrian bodybuilder-turned-actor). It's a flimsy enough justification for a series of violent action sequences full of driving, shooting, stabbing, exploding, burning, and running. Not even the sparse characterisation offered towards Cobra does much to endear him to an audience, to say nothing of the lack of depth to the rest of the cast. At least the extremely lurid Cannon style of action movie means that it's got enough schlocky charm to save it from being totally awful, but I still have trouble deciding if I've outgrown films like this or if this one is just really bad.