The Orchid Theif

me and blib were talking about adaptation the other day and we were wondering how much of the book, the orchid theif is in adaptation? is it all that we see in adaptation or him trying to adapt it or is it the drugs bit too or what? i think blib wants to find the book so he can read it but i thought if someone had read it you could tell me?

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If memory serves, I think Jason (SC) has read it. Was it any good?

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The Orchid Thief ends without the Ghost Orchid having been found. Laroche and Orlean leave with nothing.

Everything else from then on in is just pure [Donald] Kaufman.

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yes thats what i thought (that it was donald after that) but me and chris were like, hmmmm i wonder if the book is the same as the film up till then. cool....im glad i no for sure now. cheers

"The Orchid Thief"

are you mocking my inability to spell....how rude

This book is BORING. Honestly, I know I couldn't have gone past the first chapter had I not seen Adaptation or if the film was never made. It took the lovely score of the movie playing in my head to help me get into the mood of the book (I should have bought the soundtrack and listened to it).

Adaptation is not a complete adaptation of The Orchid Thief -- in fact, I swear to god, it's more like a book review turned into a movie. I mean, Charlie Kaufman jerking off to the picture of Susan Orlean was probably something he really did when he decided that the book was getting too boring and his Mr. Happy Hardon had other plans in mind.

You will literally hear all the same famous quotes from Meryl Streep's voice overs in the book -- "I want to know what it feels like to care about something passionately", etc. and then there are some more nice quotes that come up in the book, but they make no relevance to anything in the movie, so they're not there. Such as when she feels sorry for everything. She's sorry for those who've lost something they cared about so passionately. She's frightened about going into the Fakahatchee, it makes her cry. She feels that Laroche is a good man the most "moral amoral" person she's ever met.

Susan Orlean was crazier than John Laroche because of how much she put into this book! It is littered with real life stories about people and their orchids, the history of orchid hunters, orchid breeders, orchid fairs, orchid contests, you name it. I swear, by the end of the book, you just want to go out and get a big pair of gardening shears and cut off every orchid you could find and butcher em up! Suddenly orchid extinction feels theraputic to you after reading The Orchid Thief. I mean, it is just ORCHIDS, ORCHIDS, ORCHIDS!! You will literally feel them start to grow out of your body after you've been reading this book for so long. You wonder if Susan Orlean is an orchid herself and you wonder how she uses a typewriter.

Of course, the book is interesting to read if you want to expand on things in Adaptation, but I think you'll be at a loss because there's no Charlie or Donald Kaufman in it. It's no surprise that Charlie Kaufman changed the book so dramatically because there is no drama in The Orchid Thief! The drama comes from how well you get through the book - whether you throw it in the fireplace or sit down on a couch for hours, stiff and solid with your back straight, legs together, getting constipated and wanting to scream in pain.

On the other hand, it's a beautiful book to own and collect and look at every now and then. It's got a nice cover and people will say "Oh wow! That's that book from Adaptation!" I don't own it myself, just borrowed from the library, but I may get it someday. Someday... perhaps.... when it's cheap. Glad I didn't spend $14 for the paperback. I think I'd feel better about using that money on toilet paper. Blue toilet paper. One square looks like a daffodil. One looks like a lemon meringue pie. One looks like Mickey Mouse. One looks like Pluto. One looks like Papa Smurf. One looks like Charlie Kaufman. One has eyes that show the sadness of the world. One is smiling at me. Another is about to strangle me. Oh, toilet paper... toilet paper!!! TOILET PAPER!!!!!!!!!

The Talented Mr. Sexy.

yeah i had a feeling it might be like that. i mean through most of the film he says about how storyless it is. i like orchids they are my favourite flower...its probably best for me not to read that book so they stay that way...i dont want to end up murdering every last one in sight. i wonder how many ppl actually read the book...i think gardeners might like it....old ones. either that or you would be able to tell which garderners had read it coz you would see thousands of gardens ripped apart.

What's amazing is how many sections you can find the book in. The library here has it with the plant books. Borders has it in gardening essays. Barnes & Noble has it in True Crime! I looked there once at it and felt kind of odd standing among books about serial killers and bloodbaths trying to find a book about orchids! My town is crazy enough about trying to catch potential killers (I heard on the news that all porn stores nearby are being monitored with surveillance in case any future psychopaths pop in)--- they may think I'm a killer if I look in the true crime section!

Anyway, you should read this book when you have nothing else to do and there isn't any stimuli around you -- like if you're stuck in the secret compartment of a magician's magic box, or you've been kidnapped and you're trapped somewhere dark, or maybe if you're blind and you have the audiotape and you loath life for being so pitch black and you need the comfort of a woman and her orchid fever. Do not read this book if there is any sort of interesting stimuli around you -- such as if you're on a train and you can watch all the scenary, or there's a lovely smell swarming around you - such as the smell of a cheap hooker who's running towards you and your wallet. Do read this book if there's a nasty smell around you, such as a death-inducing fart. If a murderous fart breaks out anywhere, I command you to take out The Orchid Thief and read as hard as you can to forget about it. Eat the paper after you read the page, even.

Well, that is all. I have to go. I hope you take into consideration everything I've said about The Orchid Thief.

if a murderous fart was unleashed upon me i would seek out the perpentrator and hit him with the book.
yes thank you very much for your wise words. i will remember them for next time i am close to death with boredom....although i do fear that maybe the book will push me from close to death to death itself...but so be it.

I am now the proud owner of The Orchid Thief in paperback. I went to my local used book store today and traded in a lot of stuff, and one of the things I got with my earnings was the book -- oddly enough, it had the name of my sixth grade teacher written in it. Hmm.