Rodent's Reviews

How about reviewing some of the James Bond films, if you haven't already?

Haven't done any of them mate.
James Bond isn't my sort of thing... I've tried to watch them but I end up bored within 25 minutes and turn them off.
I've seen all of them, but never watched a whole one in one sitting, apart from one.

The only one I've actually watched in full in one sitting was The World Is Not Enough... all I'm saying is 'Bond steering a boat on dry land'. Utter tosh.
None of the others fare much better imho.

I will say though, they'd rate at an average of 25% in my reviews.

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Review #132: Pearl Harbor



Rafe and Danny, childhood friends, have dreamt of being pilots all their lives with the US Army Air Corps.
When WWII is kicking off in Europe, they have passed basic training and Rafe volunteers for service in Britain with the RAF, much to Danny and Rafe's girlfriend's (Nurse Evelyn) disapproval.
When Rafe is shot down, Danny and Evelyn are forced into each other's greaving arms and move to Pearl Harbor in their respective jobs... only for Rafe to reappear alive and well.
Before they can argue or even settle their differences, Pearl Harbor is hit by the Japanese bomb attacks and they must put aside all their differences and save the day before everyone they love is wiped out.


Michael Bay manages to capture the look and feel that he wanted. The 1940s look and attitudes of the people and the feelings of fear of war... and the action and CGI sequences are absolutely breathtaking... but that's about as far as it goes with the movie.

The plot and story writing, character writing, dialogue, screenplay, are all incredibly cringeworthy. It's also exceptionally cheesy, especially some of the 'brotherhood' scenes between the main military characters.
It's all very shoulder-slapping and high-fiving nonsense.
The overall love triangle doesn't work either... mainly through the poorly written characters that the viewer doesn't ever get to care about.

It's also highly stereotypical of the other nations seen throughout... even more so than any of Roland Emmerich's films, and that's saying something.
The Brits are hoity-toity and rely solely on American interventions, the Japanese are emotionless machines and the Americans all have Hillbilly accents.

The overall story is also removed from history so far that calling it Pearl Harbor seems a bit disrespectful to those that died all those years ago.


The only acting worth a mention is Dan Aykroyd, even so he looks at a loss as to why he's doing this.


As I said, the only thing going for the movie is the action scenes. They're exceptionally well choreographed and the CGI is seriously some of the best I've seen. But it's just not enough to warrant making such a pile of self centered and faux-nostalgic nonsense.


All in all, one of the worst movies going. Incredibly gooey and full of cringworthy acting, writing and yahooing cheesiness. The action and CGI is top drawer though.
My rating 12%

I remember getting pelters for saying this was going to be crap before it was released. Never did get an apology.

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5-time MoFo Award winner.

I hated Pearl Harbor the moment I laid my eyes on the poster. It's just too stupid, poorly scripted, and full of pointless American jingoism, like most of Michael Bay's films.

Never seen Pearl Harbour and never felt like I was missing out on much. I seem to remember hearing about a fan edit of the film though which removed the love triangle amongst other stuff and it resulted in a far more entertaining and satisfying flick.


And funnily enough I had been going to challenge you to watch every Bond film! Guess that won't be happening then.

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Confession: I enjoy Pearl Harbour. It's soap opera plot is terrible, but the technical aspects, including the entire sequence with the attack on Pearl Harbour is amazing. Plus, I didn't find Ben Affleck to be that bad in it, either.

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"George, this is a little too much for me. Escaped convicts, fugitive sex... I've got a cockfight to focus on."

Cheers for the replies guys...

TD99, yeah the effects are top notch, it's just the rest of the film is a pile of poop. The 12% I gave it was solely for the effects and action, 6/10 for each... the rest I didn't even rate.

JayDee, yes, you're not missing much mate. Might be worth a go if you fancy seeing a really bad film to review
As for James Bond... no... I won't be reviewing them... just like I've reviewed all the Batman movies apart from Batman Forever and Batman and Robin.
They're really not worth the time and effort.


I'm at a loss at the minute... need a special movie for Review #140... trying to time/count it to make it my 200th movie and make a Special Review out of the double milestone.
Could really do with one, singular, world breaking, history making movie, rather than a franchise or series or even one movie from a franchise.
I've covered most of the biggies though already, and with already having Avatar as my 100th Review, maybe an "unknown but awesome" movie could be the way to go... not sure yet, will have to see.
Maybe Robin Hood Prince Of Thieves? Lolol!

Review #133: Tremors Trilogy (With A Rerun Of Review #20: Tremors)

Now, before I start, there are actually 4 Tremors movies, the fourth was made for TV, so I won't be counting it with the main trio of movies.

Review #20: Tremors.



For my 20th review, I decided to use one of my all time favourites.

Set in a valley in the Nevada desert, a handful of residents in a tiny little town called Perfection are subjected to a hidden terror when large, unseen underground creatures appear and start picking them off one by one.

The movie mainly revolves around two handymen, Valentine McGee (Kevin Bacon) and Earl Bassett (Fred Ward), who unwillingly become the ‘go-to men’ for the group.

The cast involved are fantastic in the movie, they all play it real which makes the funny moments even funnier and the jumpy horror moments even more of a surprise when they happen.
Fred Ward (who is another mediocre actor in my book) is at his absolute best as the grumpy, almost wise elder of the main duo.
The biggest surprise of the cast though, is Michael Gross as the gun loving survivalist Burt Gummer. In the past his acting has gone from mediocre to worse, his acting in the Tremors sequels is abysmal. In this film he is absolutely brilliant. He encapsulates his character with a seriousness and when needed, is able to carry the comedy too.

The film itself is a cross of many genres: Comedy, horror, monster flick and almost, a ‘modern day western’ with the setting, characters and date.

The comedy comes from real reactions and down to earth acting. The film’s funny moments are very well choreographed, Tremors utilises reality in unreal circumstances extremely well. A lot of the humour has an undertone of ‘tongue in cheek’ too. It’s lots of fun.

Then there’s the jumpy/horror moments, they’re very well put together. They’re ‘actiony’ as well as gory, but they also give the viewer a real sense of excitement and the occasional fright.

The special effects are, like most films of the time, all practical, there’s no CGI used in the film and the effects certainly don’t let the viewer down. They’re raw, gory, slimy and very well modelled.
Tom Woodruff. Jr and Alec Gillis’ physical creations of the writers’ original idea is such a realised concept that the movie really comes into its own.

The thing that lets the movie down, is that it’s a little on the short side, only 90 minutes of running time. I couldn’t help but want more after the film had finished.

The worst thing about the Tremors idea though, is the awful cash-in sequels and even worse TV series that it spawned.

Forget the sequels, I beg the audience to treat the movie as a stand-alone film.
All in all a joy ride of a comedy-horror.


Lot’s of fun and well worth 90 minutes of your time.
My rating 90%



Tremors 2: Aftershocks



Earl Bassett, still sulking from his apparent failure at fame and fortune from his exploits in the first movie, is given a big second chance at getting rich when it turns out the Graboid creatures have returned... this time in Mexico.
The owner of a Mexican oil company has hired Grady Hoover to find Earl, and when they explain their predicament, Earl reluctantly goes along with Grady in tow, to fight the Graboids one more time...

... only this time they thought they were prepared.


It's a pretty standard turn of events. A script thrown together with very samey characters, non-returning actors were replaced with similar characters and the overall finish is relatively fun, but doesn't have the sharp edge of wit of the original.

The screenplay is ok. It's pretty simplistic and the overall plot has one big twist in it... but it's not exactly an "I am your Father" twist. It seems more of a gimmick to give the film an edge over the first film and, though it works to an extent, it just feels childlike in conception.

The acting is really what suffers in the film.
Fred Ward returns as Earl Bassett, but he's so wooden it's very hard to take anything he does seriously... even though he's trying.
Michael Gross also returns as gun-nut Burt Gummer... he too seems to have become a caricature of his original character.

Christopher Gartin as Grady is about the best on show... he's pretty much a rewritten Kevin Bacon but he carries the role well and is actually pretty funny at times.

The effects and action have had a bit more money thrown at them this time round and there's some rotoscoping and CGI in the mix too and it works ok, but isn't a patch on the first film.
The action is also lacking in regard to excitiment.


All in all, mainly a miss affair, but it has the odd hit of genuine comedy and the very small hint of excitment... it's just not anything special when compared to the fantastic original.
My rating 23%





Tremors 3: Back To Perfection



Burt Gummer has become a bit of a celebrity over the years... he's now seemingly the only man in the universe capable of hunting Graboids and their 'Offspring'.
However, when the creatures take another turn of evolution, the town of Perfection (from the first film) finds itself completely against the odds and they turn to Burt to save the day.


Oh... my... God.
An extremely childlike movie seemingly written by chimps is what treats the fans of the original movie. It's also pretty much a child friendly movie, I'd have no problems showing it to my kids. Compared to the first movie's touches of horror and adult content, it should give you an idea of what to expect.

The screenplay is in order, at least, well, there is a screenplay... but it's incredibly linear and tries to build on the twists and turns of the second movie, and not very successfully either. It's simply more gimmicks and wooden acting.

The effects are also lacking. There's a number of really cheap CG scenes and there's masses of reused stock footage of the Graboids from the original film too.


There are some returning original characters from the first film this time round to give at least an air of nostalgia and continuity, bu tthe actors involved are even more wooden than the second movie.
Charlotte Stewart, Ariana Richards and Robert Jayne respectively in their original roles.

All in all, one of the worst monster flicks out there... even worse than the second, which is saying something. Worth watching if you're a fan of B-movie parody horrors that have turned into a parody themselves.
My rating 11%

au contraire, mon frere.

Review #134: Paulie



When Misha Belenkoff, a Russian Immigrant in the USA ends up working as a Janitor in an Animal Testing Lab, he comes across a little green Parrot calling himself Paulie.
Paulie's English is perfect and Misha actually sits and has a conversation with his new feathery friend.
Paulie explains that he was the soul-mate of a little girl called Marie. Marie had speech problems and Paulie actually learned to talk while she was trying to overcome her problem, eventually he helped her overcome her stutter...
... but one day, they got into trouble and Paulie was shipped off to an animal shelter and never saw Marie again.

He sits talking to Misha, explaining his long journey to find Marie and tells of his adventures and the friends he's made and lost on his road trip which has lead him to being a captive in the Test Lab...

... and Misha makes a pact to free him... to help Paulie find Marie once and for all.


What a lovely and wonderful movie.
Though seen mainly as a kids film, and though it can get relatively gooey and the hints of peril are child friendly, it's actually really well put together.

Some of the storylines can be very heartwrenching, especially when Paulie and Marie are seperated, but there's masses of humour and family friendly stuff going on that makes the film perfect for getting the kids together with the parents.
Even adults would probably like sitting alone and watching. I know I do.

What makes Paulie work is the overall finished product being so good. The screenplay, voiceover work, the actors, and especially the animal work with the various Parrots and other animals seen throughout.
There's also a number of 'Morality' plotpoints going on too, which can get a bit twee from time to time.

There's no real action as such, but there are little hits of heightened excitement and the main part of it comes in the form of emotional content.


The acting is pretty good, though some is a little linear with the family script.
Tony Shalhoub, Gena Rowlands, Cheech Marin, Bruce Davidson, Trini Alvarado and Hallie Kate Eisenberg all play memorable roles.

Jay Mohr plays Paulie and Buddy.

Bill Cobbs also makes a nice appearance too, it's always nice to see Cobbs in a film.


All in all, a relatively well charged film emotionally, written in such a way that all ages can appreciate it and it has some lovely touches of humour too. The animal handling is also great.
My rating 86%

I love Paulie. Such a sweet, fun little film. A real old favourite for me. In fact it's one that would be considered a family favourite. My mum and I discovered it and both loved it years and years ago. And we actually just watched it again 2/3 years ago

If it would tempt you away from here over to my thread I might take up your challenge.

Well maybe. Could do with some more negative reviews. I always feel mine are so nice and positive all the time!

Don't know what you could go with. Maybe a season of big Oscar winners? Or what about the Jason Bourne series? Have you seen or liked them?

Bourne is ok. Better than Bond. I'll add it to the list but it'll be after Review #140.

I just need 5 singular movies for now to get me to 139, then another singular movie for 140 so I can get 140th review to be the 200th movie.
Just need something special for the 140th/200th milestone.

Well, it's been on telly every night for the past 6 months, I might as well give it a go...


Review #135: Hard Target



Chance Boudreaux is an out of work Merchant Marine in New Orleans, he's in debt with his employers and life is looking pretty dull. When Natasha Binder comes into danger from a bunch of muggers, he helps her out by dishing out his particular form of punishment to the apparent toughguys.

She hires him and his expertise to help her find her Father who has been living rough on the streets and along the way, the two expose an organisation that forces homeless people into a game of death, where the homeless are hunted by sadistic killers, simply for sport...

... and their nosing around makes them the next target for these Hunters and Chance must do everything he can, to become as Hard a Target as possible.


One of Van Damme's cheesiest best, brings the viewer an explosive and action packed turn of events.
The screenplay is a bit dodgy, a lot of it is very simplistic, but having John Woo behind the camera and produced in part by Sam Raimi, the film excels in stylish action scenes and the trademark Slow Motion John Woo fights and motorbike chases.

The cheesy side of things, as usual, comes from Van Damme's acting and screen presence. Having the camera focus close up on his eyes, the women find him irresistable, and at one point showing how tough he is by actually punching a rattlesnake and biting off its tail.
He's also, apparently, that good, he can ride a motorbike like a surfboard.

The action really is what it's all about though. Woo's direction is as usual with Woo... absolutely spellbinding.
It's loud, proud, explosive and full of wonderful stylised highkicks and chases, including baddies in helicopters chasing the good guys who are on horseback.


The acting though, especially from Jean-Claude Van Plank is cheesy and wooden but you get the feeling that The Plank knows he's being this way, which adds an element of fun to his character.
Yancy Butler as Natasha is a bit hit and miss. She's good at being the little lost girl... probably due to the fact that she is lost as an actress.

Lance Henriksen and Arnold Vosloo make the best shows though as the main duo of antagonists. Their chemistry on-screen is fantastic and Vosloo is really menacing. Henriksen in particular won a Saturn Award for his role in the film.

Wilford A Brimley makes a nice show as Van Damme's Uncle too.


All in all... a serious no-brainer that actually has an element of plot behind it. The action and effects are tip top and Van Damme is close to being at his cheesiest best.
Woo's direction though is fantastic. Definitely worth a night in with a few beers.
My rating 78%

I've not watched this for a very long time, I grew to really like it, but I was so excited to see it when it was released, as it was Woo's first H'Wood film. Obviously it was a letdown, seeing as Hard Boiled was the film he made before this (and Bullet In The Head, The Killer, A Better Tomorrow 1&2 before that), but that what happens when H'wood neuters the foreign talent it has brought over specifically because of what they'd done before.

I still have a VHS copy of this somewhere. I must take a look at it again sometime.

May as well stay with Van Damme's best for a few reviews... the last review, Hard Target, is the first JCVD movie I've reviewed, so here's another for now.

Review #136: Universal Soldier



Luc Deveraux is a Vietnam Soldier, with a big problem... his Sergeant, Andrew Scott, has become twisted by the war and has basically gone psycho.
When the pair come to loggerheads, they kill each other, only to be reborn as mindless drones called Universal Soldiers (or 'UniSols' for short) in a secret Government programme.
When a particular event in their field training goes awry, Luc has flashbacks of his former life and goes Rogue from his 'programming' and ends up in the company of a Journalist, who is more than happy to work alongside him to get her 'big story'.

Unknown to them though is that Sergeant Andrew Scott, who was also turned into a drone soldier, is also malfunctioning and has returned to his psychotic ways... and he has made it his mission to track down the apparent deserter Luc, and dish out his own particular form of Court Martial.


What a movie. Certainly Van Damme's best and pretty close to making a Personal Top 50 movie for me.
The movie is also by far the best of director Roland Emmerich's too.

It's relatively small scale with the set pieces and the overall scope in the look, but the viewer is treated to a pretty well written screenplay and the action scenes don't disappoint either.

What sets the movie apart from other action flicks is that it's really quite original in the plot devices and the overall story too. It's also pretty believeable.
It's actually quite a surprise for a Van Damme flick and quite surprising for an action flick too, to have a relatively complex yet easy to follow screenplay/story/plot.


The action is tip top when it gets going... but I can't help but wonder if they couldn't have put more into it. There are times that it's a bit lacking in actual scale.
Jean-Claude Van Damme Vs Dolph Lundgren, both on 'supersteroids' is really exciting, especially after the successful character build up and the connections they have to the audience.


The acting is really the biggest surprise and in a good way too.
Van Damme is perfect as the mindless drone who's piecing together his memories. It's almost on the scale of Schwarzenegger's Terminator. The natural wooden acting is perfect for the character and JCVD actually has areas where he even shows genuine emotion.
Dolph Lungren as the main Antagonist is also lots of fun. He's menacing, and actually seems to be having fun as the baddie... his athletic powerhouse stature onscreen against Van Damme's athletic highkicking stunts is also wonderful to see. It's probably Lundgrens best role to date to be honest.

Back up comes in the form of Tommy 'Tiny' Lister, Michael Jai White, Rance Howard and the lovely Ally Walker as Journalist Veronica Roberts.


All in all, though it's nothing that will win awards, it's definitely one of the best from The Plank.
It's exciting, has a story and a plot, has the occasional hit of humour (especially watching Luc re-learning how to eat) and is really well shot by the filmmakers.
My rating 88%

Really enjoy both of these. Will you be reviewing my favourite Van Damme flick, Sudden Death?

Also you said you'd add Bourne to the list and it just reminded me, I'm sure you said the same about Beverly Hills Cop ages ago!!!

I'll have a look at Sudden Death matey, I was planning on another JCVD movie but I could easily fit it in between now and Review #140

Bev Hills Cop is on the list, have yet to get it done though. I'll prob throw in a few franchise reviews between 141 and 149.

Bev Hills Cop, Bourne... I might even throw my two pence worth at Schumacher's Batman with reruns of the other Batfilms I've done to show comparison.

I might plan, maybe in the future... a Special James Bond Review... maybe for my 300th review, not sure yet. It would involve me having to watch them all again, though I'm not sure if I could stomach that much cheesie dialogue and wibbly eyebrows.

Just for JayDee... ... and another JCVD movie for the collection.

Just noticed too... this is the 400th post on this thread. There you go JayDee... your own special review, just for you.

Review #137: Sudden Death



Darren McCord is a Firefighter with a massive crisis of conscience after he fails to save a young child from a house fire.
He ends up working in the Pittsburgh Civic Arena as a Fire Marshall and his life is pretty dim.
When Terrorists highjack the V.I.P Suite at the Arena while a hockey game is in progress, they manage to take captive the U.S Vice President...

... and McCord has to do what he can to stop them, and make sure they can't detonate any of the bombs they've set around the arena.
What's worse, is that McCord's kids are at the Arena too, blissfully unaware that they and everyone around them is in danger.


Another of Van Damme's best, this time with him showing some genuinely good acting too.
With Peter Hyams behind the camera the movie really shines as a decent action movie as well.
The plot is a bit well used: A guy in a building having to save innocent people and his family at the same time from terrorists (Die Hard or Blast anyone?)... but Hyams' direction and the overall screenplay work really well with the subject matter and gives the movie a different flavour from other movies of its type.


The action is pretty well put together, it's relatively exciting and keeps things relatively well grounded in reality. The character of McCord is utilised well during the action too, you never forget that he's out to save his children and never forget that he's also fighting his past while the action is going on.
The overall feel of the peril Van Damme is in doesn't always take a backseat to the action either. He's actually given a human, rather than a superhuman, aura.

The overall effects are pretty good. It's mainly practical and the odd piece of wire work but it's pretty well choreographed with the action.


The acting is probably the best that Van Damme has ever given in a film. This time round he actually has to show fear and genuine emotion rather than just looking pretty with his shirt off.
Powers Booth as lead antagonist Joshua Foss is pretty cheesy though. But Booth seems to be having fun so it adds an almost faux--Die Hard-Alan Rickman into the mix, just not quite as memorable.

If anything, the best acting on show is actually from Van Damme's onscreen kids. Whittni Wright and Ross Malinger give pretty apt performances for such youngsters in an action flick.


All in all, definitely within the top 5 of Van Damme's flicks. Not the best movie in the world, as is usual with JCVD, but it's certainly worthy of a watch, even for those who aren't fans of The Plank.
My rating 83%