Reply to Topic
without a doubt it has to be monty python.
Minstrel: [singing] Bravely bold Sir Robin rode forth from Camelot. He was not afraid to die, oh brave Sir Robin. He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways, brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin. He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp, or to have his eyes gouged out, and his elbows broken. To have his kneecap split, and his body burned away, and his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin. His head smashed in and heart cut out, and his liver removed, and his bowels unplugged, and his nostrils ripped and his bottom burned off and his penis...
Sir Robin: That's enough singing for now, lads... looks like there's dirty work afoot.
----------------------------------------------------------------
King of Swamp Castle: This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who.
-------------------------------------------------------------
French Soldier: I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
--------------------------------------------------------------
King Arthur: Old woman!
Dennis: Man.
King Arthur: Man, sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there?
Dennis: I'm 37.
King Arthur: What?
Dennis: I'm 37. I'm not old.
King Arthur: Well I can't just call you "man".
Dennis: Well you could say "Dennis".
King Arthur: I didn't know you were called Dennis.
Dennis: Well you didn't bother to find out did you?
King Arthur: I did say sorry about the "old woman", but from behind you looked...
Dennis: What I object to is you automatically treat me like an inferior.
King Arthur: Well I am king.
Dennis: Oh, king eh? Very nice! And how'd you get that, eh? By exploiting the workers! By hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Reg: Trouble at th' mill.
Lady M: Oh no! What sort of trouble?
Reg: One on't cross beams gone owt askew on treddle.
Lady M: Pardon?
Reg: One on't cross beams gone owt askew on treddle.
Lady M: I don't understand what you're saying.
Reg: One of the cross beams has gone out of skew on the treadle.
Lady M: Well, what on earth does that mean?
Reg: I don't know! - Mr. Wentworth just told me to come in here and say that there was trouble at the mill, that's all - I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition!
[The door flies open and in come three Cardinals in red robes.]
Cardinal Ximinez: NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise! ...Surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency! Our three weapons are fear, and surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.... Our four...no... Amongst our weapons.... Hmf... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surpr.... I'll come in again.
[They leave]
Reg: I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition.
[They burst in again.]
Ximinez: NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! ...Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope, and nice red uniforms - Oh damn!
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Coordinator: Crucifixion?
Stan: Yes.
Coordinator: Good. Out of the door, line on the left, one cross each.
[Next prisoner.]
Coordinator: Crucifixion?
Stan: Er, no, freedom actually.
Coordinator: What?
Stan: Yeah, they said I hadn't done anything and I could go and live on an island somewhere.
Coordinator: Oh I say, that's very nice. Well, off you go then.
Stan: No, I'm just pulling your leg, it's crucifixion really.
Coordinator: [laughing] Oh yes, very good. Well...
Stan: Yes I know, out of the door, one cross each, line on the left.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Brian's Mother: He's not the Messiah. He's a very naughty boy!
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Matthias: Look, I don't think it should be a sin, just for saying "Jehovah."
[Everyone gasps]
Jewish Official: You're only making it worse for yourself!
Matthias: Making it worse? How can it be worse?!?! Jehovah! Jehovah! Jehovah!
Jewish Official: I'm warning you! If you say "Jehovah" one more time (gets hit with rock) RIGHT! Who did that? Come on, who did it?
Stoners: She did! She did! (suddenly speaking as men) He! He did! He!
Jewish Official: Was it you?
Stoner: Yes.
Jewish Official: Right...
Stoner: Well you did say "Jehovah."
[Crowd throws rocks at the stoner]
Jewish Official: STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT RIGHT NOW! STOP IT! Alright, no one is to stone _anyone_ until I blow this whistle. Even...and I want to make this absolutely clear...even if they do say, "Jehovah."
[Crowd stones the Jewish Official to death.]
---------------------------------------------------------------
Brian: You have to be different!
The Crowd: Yes, we are all different!
Small lonely voice: I'm not!
--------------------------------------------------------------
TIM: behold the cave of caerbannog!
cut to shot of cave. bones littered around. the knights get the wind up partially. a little dry ice, glowing green, can be seen at the entrance. suddenly we become aware of total silence. any noises the knights make sound very exaggerated. they unsheathe their swords.
ARTHUR: keep me covered
stir among the knights
BEDEVERE: what with?
ARTHUR: just keep my covered.
TIM: too late.
ARTHUR: there he is.
they all turn, and see a large white rabbit lollop a few yards out of the cave. Acompanied by a terrifying chord and jarring metallic monster noise.
ARTHUR: where?
TIM: there.
ARTHUR: behind the rabbit?
TIM: it is the rabbit.
ARTHUR: ......you silly sod.
TIM: what?
ARTHUR: you got us all worked up.
BEDEVERE: you cretin!
TIM: that is not an ordinary rabbit...'tis the most foul cruel and bad-tempered thing you ever set eyes on.
ROBIN: you tit. i solied my armour i was so scared.
TIM: that rabbit's got a vicious streak. its a killer.
GALAHAD: get stuffed.
TIM: he'll do you up a treat, mate.
GALAHAD: oh yeah?
ROBIN: you mangy scot git!
TIM: look. im warning you.
ROBIN: what's he going to do? nibble your bum?
TIM: well, its got huge...very sharp...it cna jump a...look at the bones.
ARTHUR: go on, bors, chop its head off
BORS: right. silly little bleeder. one rabbit stew coming up
ARTHUR: now look here, o tim.
TIM: look!
as tim points they all spin round to see the rabbit leap at bors' throat with an appalling scream. from a distance of about twenty feet there is a tin-opening noise, a cry from bors. a quick close up of a savage rabbit biting through tin and bors' head flies off. the rabbit leaps back to the mouth of the cave and sits there looking at the knights' dirction and growling menacingly.
ARTHUR: je...sus christ!
TIM: i warned you.
ROBIN: i done it again.
TIM: did i tell you? did you listen to me? oh no, no, you knew better, didnt you. no, its just an ordinary rabbit, isnt it. the names you called me. well, dont say i didnt tell you.
ARTHUR: oh, shut up.
TIM (quietly): its always the same....if ive said it once.
ARHTUR: charge!
They all charge with swords drawn towards the rabbit. a tremendous twenty-second fight with pekinpahish shots and borrowing heavily also on the kung fu- and the karate-type films ensues, in which some four knights are comprehensively killed.
ALL KNIGHTS (taking up the cry): run away! run away!
Minstrel: [singing] Bravely bold Sir Robin rode forth from Camelot. He was not afraid to die, oh brave Sir Robin. He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways, brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin. He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp, or to have his eyes gouged out, and his elbows broken. To have his kneecap split, and his body burned away, and his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin. His head smashed in and heart cut out, and his liver removed, and his bowels unplugged, and his nostrils ripped and his bottom burned off and his penis...
Sir Robin: That's enough singing for now, lads... looks like there's dirty work afoot.
----------------------------------------------------------------
King of Swamp Castle: This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who.
-------------------------------------------------------------
French Soldier: I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
--------------------------------------------------------------
King Arthur: Old woman!
Dennis: Man.
King Arthur: Man, sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there?
Dennis: I'm 37.
King Arthur: What?
Dennis: I'm 37. I'm not old.
King Arthur: Well I can't just call you "man".
Dennis: Well you could say "Dennis".
King Arthur: I didn't know you were called Dennis.
Dennis: Well you didn't bother to find out did you?
King Arthur: I did say sorry about the "old woman", but from behind you looked...
Dennis: What I object to is you automatically treat me like an inferior.
King Arthur: Well I am king.
Dennis: Oh, king eh? Very nice! And how'd you get that, eh? By exploiting the workers! By hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Reg: Trouble at th' mill.
Lady M: Oh no! What sort of trouble?
Reg: One on't cross beams gone owt askew on treddle.
Lady M: Pardon?
Reg: One on't cross beams gone owt askew on treddle.
Lady M: I don't understand what you're saying.
Reg: One of the cross beams has gone out of skew on the treadle.
Lady M: Well, what on earth does that mean?
Reg: I don't know! - Mr. Wentworth just told me to come in here and say that there was trouble at the mill, that's all - I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition!
[The door flies open and in come three Cardinals in red robes.]
Cardinal Ximinez: NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise! ...Surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency! Our three weapons are fear, and surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.... Our four...no... Amongst our weapons.... Hmf... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surpr.... I'll come in again.
[They leave]
Reg: I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition.
[They burst in again.]
Ximinez: NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! ...Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope, and nice red uniforms - Oh damn!
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Coordinator: Crucifixion?
Stan: Yes.
Coordinator: Good. Out of the door, line on the left, one cross each.
[Next prisoner.]
Coordinator: Crucifixion?
Stan: Er, no, freedom actually.
Coordinator: What?
Stan: Yeah, they said I hadn't done anything and I could go and live on an island somewhere.
Coordinator: Oh I say, that's very nice. Well, off you go then.
Stan: No, I'm just pulling your leg, it's crucifixion really.
Coordinator: [laughing] Oh yes, very good. Well...
Stan: Yes I know, out of the door, one cross each, line on the left.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Brian's Mother: He's not the Messiah. He's a very naughty boy!
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Matthias: Look, I don't think it should be a sin, just for saying "Jehovah."
[Everyone gasps]
Jewish Official: You're only making it worse for yourself!
Matthias: Making it worse? How can it be worse?!?! Jehovah! Jehovah! Jehovah!
Jewish Official: I'm warning you! If you say "Jehovah" one more time (gets hit with rock) RIGHT! Who did that? Come on, who did it?
Stoners: She did! She did! (suddenly speaking as men) He! He did! He!
Jewish Official: Was it you?
Stoner: Yes.
Jewish Official: Right...
Stoner: Well you did say "Jehovah."
[Crowd throws rocks at the stoner]
Jewish Official: STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT RIGHT NOW! STOP IT! Alright, no one is to stone _anyone_ until I blow this whistle. Even...and I want to make this absolutely clear...even if they do say, "Jehovah."
[Crowd stones the Jewish Official to death.]
---------------------------------------------------------------
Brian: You have to be different!
The Crowd: Yes, we are all different!
Small lonely voice: I'm not!
--------------------------------------------------------------
TIM: behold the cave of caerbannog!
cut to shot of cave. bones littered around. the knights get the wind up partially. a little dry ice, glowing green, can be seen at the entrance. suddenly we become aware of total silence. any noises the knights make sound very exaggerated. they unsheathe their swords.
ARTHUR: keep me covered
stir among the knights
BEDEVERE: what with?
ARTHUR: just keep my covered.
TIM: too late.
ARTHUR: there he is.
they all turn, and see a large white rabbit lollop a few yards out of the cave. Acompanied by a terrifying chord and jarring metallic monster noise.
ARTHUR: where?
TIM: there.
ARTHUR: behind the rabbit?
TIM: it is the rabbit.
ARTHUR: ......you silly sod.
TIM: what?
ARTHUR: you got us all worked up.
BEDEVERE: you cretin!
TIM: that is not an ordinary rabbit...'tis the most foul cruel and bad-tempered thing you ever set eyes on.
ROBIN: you tit. i solied my armour i was so scared.
TIM: that rabbit's got a vicious streak. its a killer.
GALAHAD: get stuffed.
TIM: he'll do you up a treat, mate.
GALAHAD: oh yeah?
ROBIN: you mangy scot git!
TIM: look. im warning you.
ROBIN: what's he going to do? nibble your bum?
TIM: well, its got huge...very sharp...it cna jump a...look at the bones.
ARTHUR: go on, bors, chop its head off
BORS: right. silly little bleeder. one rabbit stew coming up
ARTHUR: now look here, o tim.
TIM: look!
as tim points they all spin round to see the rabbit leap at bors' throat with an appalling scream. from a distance of about twenty feet there is a tin-opening noise, a cry from bors. a quick close up of a savage rabbit biting through tin and bors' head flies off. the rabbit leaps back to the mouth of the cave and sits there looking at the knights' dirction and growling menacingly.
ARTHUR: je...sus christ!
TIM: i warned you.
ROBIN: i done it again.
TIM: did i tell you? did you listen to me? oh no, no, you knew better, didnt you. no, its just an ordinary rabbit, isnt it. the names you called me. well, dont say i didnt tell you.
ARTHUR: oh, shut up.
TIM (quietly): its always the same....if ive said it once.
ARHTUR: charge!
They all charge with swords drawn towards the rabbit. a tremendous twenty-second fight with pekinpahish shots and borrowing heavily also on the kung fu- and the karate-type films ensues, in which some four knights are comprehensively killed.
ALL KNIGHTS (taking up the cry): run away! run away!
__________________
I don't have Parkinson's. I inherited my shaking head from my grandfather Hepburn. I discovered that whisky helps stop the shaking. Problem is, if you're not careful, it stops the rest of you too. My head just shakes, but I promise you, it ain't gonna fall off!
I don't have Parkinson's. I inherited my shaking head from my grandfather Hepburn. I discovered that whisky helps stop the shaking. Problem is, if you're not careful, it stops the rest of you too. My head just shakes, but I promise you, it ain't gonna fall off!
) 
