Salma Hayek aside, I'm not sure this film has much of a capacity to be disappointing. I mean, some movies are so bad that their expectations have nowhere to go but up. I just wish Kenneth Branagh hadn't allied himself with such a shameless steaming floater.
To be fair, on paper, this looked like it could be fun. Will Smith had the movie star charisma, Kevin Kline could bring the laughs, Branagh could bring the acting and Salma Hayek could provide the good looks (and some acting). But the execution is just so bad (let's not get started on that mechanical spider)...luckily there was that South Park movie to wash the bad taste out of my mouth.
I can think of three/four films I'd consider disappointing:
The Da Vinci Code---The book was a crackling read. Tom Hanks was a good choice as Langdon and Ian McKellen had his moments. But the film crawled instead of zipped (thanks, Ron Howard) and Audrey Tautou looked lost (not like the film gave her much to do).
The Counselor---McCarthy provided the script, a stellar cast with Fassbender, Pitt, Bardem and Penelope Cruz, and directed by Ridley Scott. But the dialogue felt too flowery, you never cared what happened to the lead character, and there's the image of Cameron Diaz do things to a windshield that would get the warranty voided.
mother!---Another stellar cast with Lawrence, Bardem (again!), Michelle Pfeiffer and Ed Harris with Darren Aronofsky directing and writing. What could go wrong? Although Lawrence is fine, a heavy allegorical script that either has to do with the environment or the creative process (or maybe Genesis) and stilted direction sinks it.
Singin' in the Rain---High hopes for this one with Gene Kelly at his prime with Donald O'Connor and Debbie Reynolds. Although the dance scene in the rain is superb and the stars do have good chemistry with each other, it was hampered by a second rate villain and the story about Hollywood stars struggling to adjust to talkie pictures feels a bit overly familiar. And I never wanna hear about Moses and his toes ever again.