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I've lost my psychic powers!!!
It all started on the 4th of July. I woke up and realized that I felt different... and then I realized why... I had no idea what I was gonna do that day! Usually I know every single little detail about my day before I begin, right down to whether or not I'm gonna accidentally eat a fly that landed in my hoagie.
That night, I took my great-grandson, Isosceles, to a fireworks show... he has ADHD and can't stand long fireworks shows, so usually I drive him to the shortest fireworks show (I psychically predict the running times). This year, I couldn't do that! The fireworks show lasted 45 minutes! Isosceles got so mad that he kicked me in the knee!
The next day, my sister, Isis, who lives with me, needed directions to get to her new boyfriend's house. She usually relies on me for directions because I'm better than her old TomTom and Google Maps. But I just didn't know where I was sending her! She wound up at a whorehouse! I told her to immediately apply for a position because I knew I was in deep trouble and was gonna need some sort of income soon... this I knew even without my psychic powers. Luckily, Isis got a job.
One of my other psychic friends confirmed that I had indeed lost my psychic powers. I asked why and he told me that it was simply part of my life plan that God had made for me. I couldn't believe it!
Word soon spread and the next thing I know I'm losing my clients! Even all of my celebrity clients cancelled their appointments! OH MY GOD, that reminds me! In late July, I went to the all organic grocery store (which I can no longer afford to go to) and ran into my old friend Shirley MacLaine! I said, "Hey, Shirl! How ya doing?"
She looked at me in the corners of her eyes, looked away, STUCK HER NOSE UP IN THE AIR, and proceeded to push her cart away from me, over to the soy milk aisle!
Not all of my old celebrity friends have been rude, though -- Jackie Stallone ran into me at a gay club back in August (I was dancing in a cage and wearing leather - I need money!!!) Jackie released me from the cage, took me to a back room, and well... looked into my future in the way only she knows how. Her predictions were not good, but it was a great night.
All of my lecture tour dates have been cancelled - I was supposed to start a South American tour next year. Sales of my books are now nonexistant -- I was at the Salvation Army last week and I saw ROWS upon ROWS of my books, gathering dust!
I've lost my mansion because I can't afford it. I sold all of my cars -- the money's almost gone from what I received. Isis now has a mad case of herpes!! Sometimes she tries to console me with a kiss and I have to hold a gun to her mouth and tell her to back off.
LOOK AT WHAT I'VE BEEN REDUCED TO!!!!!
I watched the Emmy's the other night like an ordinary person -- for the first time in my life, I had to GUESS the winners! And I got almost all of them wrong!
What's worse is that even the things I used to know about the future back when I was psychic... all of those memories are somehow gone! As if they've been erased! So, if I made any predictions and posted them here, SAVE THEM!
I'm afraid this means that I won't be able to answer anymore of your questions. I won't know the answer. I won't be able to find your keys or tell you the name of your future wife, that kind of thing. I won't be able to predict Academy Award winners anymore.
I just don't think my powers are gonna come back.
You can pray for me all you want, though. Maybe God will give in... but if it's my plan to not be psychic anymore, I gotta live with that.
I am cancelling my internet today. *sobs* So I won't be around much anymore... not that I was before, anyway. But that was because I was reading Movie Forums in my mind... through my third eye, which has now been blinded! I never could figure out how to post here psychically... I wasn't Superman, ya know. But I am cancelling my internet because I am poor right now. MY CAREER IS OVER!
You might as well change my username to just "Isaac" -- OH GOD, now I'm nothing but a BAD MADONNA SONG!!!
I've been looking for work, though. It's gonna be strange living an ordinary, ho-hum life. My last girlfriend dumped me because of this - bitch!
Take care, MoFos, and God bless you.
Isaac!
It all started on the 4th of July. I woke up and realized that I felt different... and then I realized why... I had no idea what I was gonna do that day! Usually I know every single little detail about my day before I begin, right down to whether or not I'm gonna accidentally eat a fly that landed in my hoagie.
That night, I took my great-grandson, Isosceles, to a fireworks show... he has ADHD and can't stand long fireworks shows, so usually I drive him to the shortest fireworks show (I psychically predict the running times). This year, I couldn't do that! The fireworks show lasted 45 minutes! Isosceles got so mad that he kicked me in the knee!
The next day, my sister, Isis, who lives with me, needed directions to get to her new boyfriend's house. She usually relies on me for directions because I'm better than her old TomTom and Google Maps. But I just didn't know where I was sending her! She wound up at a whorehouse! I told her to immediately apply for a position because I knew I was in deep trouble and was gonna need some sort of income soon... this I knew even without my psychic powers. Luckily, Isis got a job.
One of my other psychic friends confirmed that I had indeed lost my psychic powers. I asked why and he told me that it was simply part of my life plan that God had made for me. I couldn't believe it!
Word soon spread and the next thing I know I'm losing my clients! Even all of my celebrity clients cancelled their appointments! OH MY GOD, that reminds me! In late July, I went to the all organic grocery store (which I can no longer afford to go to) and ran into my old friend Shirley MacLaine! I said, "Hey, Shirl! How ya doing?"
She looked at me in the corners of her eyes, looked away, STUCK HER NOSE UP IN THE AIR, and proceeded to push her cart away from me, over to the soy milk aisle!
Not all of my old celebrity friends have been rude, though -- Jackie Stallone ran into me at a gay club back in August (I was dancing in a cage and wearing leather - I need money!!!) Jackie released me from the cage, took me to a back room, and well... looked into my future in the way only she knows how. Her predictions were not good, but it was a great night.
All of my lecture tour dates have been cancelled - I was supposed to start a South American tour next year. Sales of my books are now nonexistant -- I was at the Salvation Army last week and I saw ROWS upon ROWS of my books, gathering dust!
I've lost my mansion because I can't afford it. I sold all of my cars -- the money's almost gone from what I received. Isis now has a mad case of herpes!! Sometimes she tries to console me with a kiss and I have to hold a gun to her mouth and tell her to back off.
LOOK AT WHAT I'VE BEEN REDUCED TO!!!!!
I watched the Emmy's the other night like an ordinary person -- for the first time in my life, I had to GUESS the winners! And I got almost all of them wrong!
What's worse is that even the things I used to know about the future back when I was psychic... all of those memories are somehow gone! As if they've been erased! So, if I made any predictions and posted them here, SAVE THEM!
I'm afraid this means that I won't be able to answer anymore of your questions. I won't know the answer. I won't be able to find your keys or tell you the name of your future wife, that kind of thing. I won't be able to predict Academy Award winners anymore.
I just don't think my powers are gonna come back.
You can pray for me all you want, though. Maybe God will give in... but if it's my plan to not be psychic anymore, I gotta live with that.
I am cancelling my internet today. *sobs* So I won't be around much anymore... not that I was before, anyway. But that was because I was reading Movie Forums in my mind... through my third eye, which has now been blinded! I never could figure out how to post here psychically... I wasn't Superman, ya know. But I am cancelling my internet because I am poor right now. MY CAREER IS OVER!
You might as well change my username to just "Isaac" -- OH GOD, now I'm nothing but a BAD MADONNA SONG!!!
I've been looking for work, though. It's gonna be strange living an ordinary, ho-hum life. My last girlfriend dumped me because of this - bitch!
Take care, MoFos, and God bless you.
Isaac!
you can do it 
what day is it today 
