One Movie A Day Remix

As I've said before, along with Drew, Johnny Depp was the only actor who's films I constantly kept an eye out for. However, for the last 7 or 8 years that's not been the case.

As for watching The Tourist, does no one listen when I tell them how bad a film looks? Don't answer that.

Day 246: January 1st, 2011

How Do You Know



How do you know this movie sucks?

Easy, it's not funny, it's not romantic and it cost a boat load of money just to get recognizable stars in show up, neglecting this little important thing called a script. How Do You Know manages to be dull, boring and unimportant all at once. Bravo team, not only did you make a box office bomb, but a failure of a film as well.

Jack Nicholson, looking for a pay check has a small role as Paul Rudd's father. He tries his best to get Rudd out of some legal problems that he may or may not of had a hand in. Reese Witherspoon is a softball player who gets cut from the team, she cries about it and hooks up with baseball player and all around rich guy, Owen Wilson. They aren't right for each other, but they don't know that. You know who's right for her? The down on his luck guy, Paul Rudd.

How Do You Know manages to go beat for beat what one would expect and never throws any curveballs. It not only tries to be formulaic, but it tries to be boringly formulaic. Witherspoon, as adorable as she is, does nothing for this thankless role and she has no chemistry with her on screen male partners. Either of them.

What makes the whole thing sting even more is that James L. Brooks is behind the lens. You can skip this so called rom com, because it's missing both of those key ingredients.

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Suspect's Reviews

Day 247: January 2nd, 2011

Somewhere



Lost in Translation Lite

Johnny Marco is a famous actor, has tons of cash to spend on parties and strippers and gets an unexpected visit from his daughter. The time he spends with her gives him the chance to re-evaluate his life.

I was really excited about Somewhere. I don't know what it was about the film that attracted me to it, but I had high hopes. The trailer really pulled him, it was well edited and had great musical choices. Sofia Coppola directed Lost In Translation, one of my favourite films from 2003. This time she has the vastly underrated Stephen Dorff as the lead and the little sister to Dakota, Elle Fanning.

Somewhere is slow, has long silent scenes and feels like it has no direction at times. The film has no plot, there is a story, but no plot. A lot of people will be put off, wondering what is the point of this film. Where does it all go? Why am I going to spend an hour and a half of my life watching a movie that doesn't seem to go anywhere. Coppola, who also wrote the film, wanted to depict a moment in a person's life, instead of a story with heavy plot points. I must stress that this film will bore a good chunk of people expecting to see something else. The film opens with a Ferrari driving around the some round track multiple times. We sit there and watch it, a static camera. This single shot sets up the rest of the film, both in terms of character and the pace of the film.

As mentioned before, the film has a lot of scenes where there are static shots, with no dialogue. These scenes might feel like they elongate the film. Those in favour of Coppola's directorial style will recognize this from the start. The film is very minimal, in everything it does. There is a segment of the film that feels straight out of Lost In Translation. Movie star in a foreign land only has one female companion he can connect to. Except this time it's Italy, instead of Tokyo.

Dorff is great here, the part doesn't really ask for much, but he can convey many different things with his face alone. Watching his daughter ice skate brings him joy, he asks her how did she learn to ice skate, her response is that she's been doing it for years. He is easily defeated, his relationship with his daughter isn't the best. He hasn't always been there for her, could this have been what lead to his failed marriage? Who are never told, again, this is only a glimpse in a moment in this character's life.

This film will divide the viewers. Some will like it, others will hate it. I, ironically am in the middle. Only because I really wanted to love it and I walked away only content with the film. I loved the relaxed and restrained performances and thought some of the camera work was great, but the film is really slow. If it were a different actor in the role, I doubt I would have enjoyed it. Somewhere is a character driven piece that falls a bit short in some places, it felt like Lost In Translatin Lite.

Day 248: January 3rd, 2011

Burning Palms



5 stories that will mess you up for life...

...was the tagline for this flick, so it caught my interest. Burning Palms is a film that tries to push boundaries and would only upset tight conservative folks. It seems to try too hard and comes off a bit juvenile. There are 5 stories, they act as their own stories and do not interconnect with one another as some ads might say. They are told from a comic book, a tales from the crypt style thing in which they are sick stories being told, minus the creepy crypt keeper.

The first deals with a couple who are getting married. The husband to be is seeing his daughter for a week, she is flying down from wherever she was. Innocent enough, until you find out that the relationship between the two is a little too close for comfort. They openly talk about sex, sunbath nude and dance erotically. The soon to be wife is taken back and tries to get the the bottom of the "relationship".

The second deals with a couple in college or university. He loves big boobs, she has small ones/ During sex, the man asks the girlfriend to stick her finger in his anus. She does so because she doesn't want to lose him to a bigger chested woman. After the act, she gets it stuck in her mind that her finger smells like poo, so she scrubs and scrubs until she finally decides to cut the finger off.

The third story has two gay men adopting a black child from the black market. She seems to be straight out of Africa because she doesn't say a single word to anyone, yet grabs a spear and throws it at an animal and growls. Thinking they are over their heads with a child, they leave her alone in the woods and get a dog instead.

The fourth story is the least exciting one. Three young and spoiled boys hold a "Court TV" bit in their house when a valuable item from the housemaid goes missing. We discover a dark secret from the housemaids past that turns things upside down in the house. Their stoner babysitter laughs at the sticky situation.

The final and last segment actually happens to be my favourite, and the one redeeming factor in this film. The story opens with the Rape of Sarah. After the rapist flees, she finds his wallet under her couch and decides to track him down. When she does, he soon finds out she has some sick and disturbing plans of her own.

The final segment with have one thinking of a rape revenge bit, but that's where the story wants you to go and the direction it takes itself is something I applaud. I was surprisingly taken back at the last one and it had the best performance. It helps that the two leads were Zoe Saldana and Nick Stahl.

Overall, a lackluster film that wants to be more 'dirty' than it actually is. Who knows, maybe I'm one demoralized sicko and this film actually is twisted. But if you've seen half the films I have, you'll find this pretty tame and immature.

Thanks will give it a miss


Nice review of Somwhere I am also in the middle

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Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship.
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I dunno. The cast? More than enough to let me know.

Somewhere sounded like a pretentious mess, full of 'life messages' that (surely) no one needs to be told. Another film I passed on the moment I heard about it.

Day 249: January 4th, 2011

Eclipse



The best Twilight in the series.

That's not saying much though, cause the film still lacks a lot of qualities that would deem a film enjoyable. They are pumping these films out like it's nobodies business and unfortunately they are making boatloads of cash. New Moon, the worst of the three, was misguided and had no interesting conflict, other than who Bella should date. Finally the series gives the viewers a showdown of violence as the "vampires" and shape-shifters take on a new army of "vampires".

There is a quote on the internet that best describes my feelings towards the series and it compares it to the other mega cash cow Harry Potter. "Harry Potter is about confronting fears, finding inner strength and doing what is right in the face of adversity. Twilight is about how important it is to have a boyfriend." Now, despite what you may think, I don't hate the series. If I did I wouldn't watch them and flame Twilight messageboards.

I sit here wondering though, what could possibly happen in the next two films. I get the fact that they get married and have a kid, but it seems like a epilogue that is going to be stretched out way too long. The immediate conflict with Victoria is solved. So unless some kind of Volturi stuff happens, are two more films really necessary?

Eclipse happens to have the best fight sequences and dialogue that doesn't suck. The characters finally seem comfortable in their roles, despite still not reaching quality acting. Kristen Bell herself, for whatever reason, looks totally different in this film than the previous one. Not a complaint, just something I noticed.

The most interesting scene in the whole film is when Jacob and Edward finally sit down to talk one on one without Bella interrupting. Could this be a sign of maturity?

Day 250: January 5th, 2011

Barry Munday



Surprisingly Delightful.

After a horrible incident at a movie theatre, Barry Munday wakes up in a hospital without his testicles. To make matters worse, a lawyer informs him that a woman claims he is the father of her unborn child.

The concept of the film makes it seem like it's going to be a lot more cruder than it actually is. Barry Munday turns out to be a rather mature film that has immature bits of comedy, which makes it come of as a sweet film with real issues it wants to discuss. Munday looses what many think is a man's manhood, but in reality, it took him losing his testicles to truly become a man. Based on the book Life is a Strange Place, Barry Munday is surprisingly delightful.

Patrick Wilson is perfectly cast as Munday, he nails the character in a role that demands him to be a womanizer, dumb, sweet, innocent and likable. Wilson gives us these little moments where the character will do something, when he isn't the main focus of the scene and it adds more depth to an already well written character. Judy Greer plays Ginger as the family outsider who is difficult to deal with. She comes off a a mature 12 year old. Her parents are played by seasoned actors Cybill Shepherd and Malcolm McDowell, both small roles but they do leave an impression. Jean Smart is the more memorable parent, she plays Carol Munday, Barry's mother. Do I even need to mention Lando Calrissian and the fact that he drives a DeLorean?

There are moments are pure hilarity, like when Munday accidentally calls out his child's name during sex, but there are moments of charm and delight, like the expression on his face when the child is born. His eagerness to be a part of the child's life is admirable, he's lost the one thing that will give him a child and now he discovers that he is possibly the father of one? That's enough of a sign for him to want to be a father that he accepts it without having a paternity test. But then the question arises, is he really the father?

Barry Munday is not a flat out comedy, it's more character driven. Munday, played excellently by Wilson, is a character that sells the film. If you can't connect to him, the movie might fall apart for you. I thought Wilson did an excellent job in this role and it's my favourite performance from him thus far.

Day 251: January 6th, 2011

Gulliver's Travels



An assault on the eyes....and the ears.

Gulliver thinks this woman in his office is hot and lies about being a writer so he can go talk to her. She gives him a task to write something and he copies off the internet. Impressed with his "writing" she immediately gives him an assignment that takes him into the open sea. Long story short, he ends up in a land with a bunch of really tiny people and he becomes their giant leader.

This movie ranks as one of the worst films of the year 2010. The movie is an insult to the original film and the original book. Jack Black took a concept and re-worked it for a 12 year old with a crappy sense of humour. That's the biggest problem here, it relies too much on juvenile humour and special effects.

Jack Black does his usual performance here. An overweight slacker who loves to rock out. For all I know this could have been his character from School of Rock stuck on this island and no one would know the difference. Black needs to try something new. I thought he was on a new track with King Kong back in 2005, looks like he retreated back to the nice and easy. He is no longer challenging himself as an actor, or even a comedian.

The film has zero aspirations. It's laziness is apparent in every frame. The only reason it got the cast it did (Jack Black, Amanda Peet, Emily Blunt, Billy Connolly , Jason Segel) was more than likely because they had a big paycheck waved in front of them. I doubt anyone bothered to read the script (if there was one) because if they had, then anyone with a sense mind would have ran for the hills. This film truly is awful, defined.

The special effects are decent in some areas, as they should be considering this movie is about a 'normal sized giant' in a tiny world, but incredibly shoddy in others. Black's interaction with any of the tiny guys is laughable when you see the obvious lighting differences on the actors. Both cinematography and post guys were asleep on their jobs here.

Oh, did I forget to mention that Jack Black saves the day at the end by breaking into song, singing War What Is It Good For? If I had kids, I wouldn't subject them to this madness.

Day 252: January 7th, 2011

Season of the Witch



Clichéd, badly written and ummm...entertaining?

Knights are given the task of transporting a woman suspected of being a witch to a sacred place where she will be given a trail.

Another Nic cage film that I think gets unfairly bashed by critics and moviegoers alike. Just like Drive Angry, Season of the Witch is a bad film that is entertaining enough to warrant a viewing. There are many aspects of the film that are not good and would normally scare people away. Shoddy CGI near around the climax, a weak story that is basically go from point A to point B, lazy acting and bad writing. With all these aspects working against the film, it still finishes with its shameful head held high.

The characters are more wooden than a puppet. You never get the sense of friendship that is suppose to be between Cage and Perlman. They both don't even seem like they want to be a part of the film. Yet Nic Cage does what Nic Cage does best and elevates the film to a Nic Cage level. Clichéd elements enter the film left, right and centre. Cage kills a woman and it haunts him, so he throws down his sword, as does his Perlman. What they fought and killed for wasn't what they thought. Enter his guilt, a nightmare here and there and nothing more and tangible for him as a character.

It definitely feels like a Nic Cage vehicle as no one else in the film really has the chance to do anything. Not even the girl who plays the "is she/isn't she" a witch. She sits in the cage the whole time. I would have liked the film to play up the whole mystery around her. It spells out what she is capable of way too early in the film for my liking.

I have a soft spot in my heart for films like this, I was one of the few people who really liked The 13th Warrior. A film about a small group of people who must defend or go on some kind of journey always seems enjoyable to me. Season of the Witch is just that, an enjoyable movie. Maybe if you go in expecting trash, based on the numerous reviews, you'll leave thinking it wasn't all that bad. I know I did.

Thought so

Day 253: January 8th, 2011

Little Fockers



Ca-Ching, that was the sound going through everyone's mind.

The third instalment in the much deflated Focker series, finally sees Ben Stiller have kids and DeNiro continues to mistrust him.

There honestly isn't much going on here, hence the lack of trying to explain what the film is about. It's the third time around and we see the same stuff we've seen in the first two films. DeNiro is mistrusting of Stiller, Stiller does something stupid and has to make up for it. This time around the monkey in the wrench is that Stiller has kids.

Owen Wilson comes back this time, which is playing up the same joke from the first film. He should be the one with her, we get it. Harvey Keitel has a small role here as well. Keitel and DeNiro should indeed team up together again, but not in the comedy cliché, get back to the streets and violence where you two belong. Finally it was widely reported that Hoffman wasn't happy with the script, which is why he is absent from most of the film. I say most because he finally agreed to do it, I guess they waved enough money in his face for him to stop hating himself. His scenes a few and far between.

The least funny in the three films and one of that not needed at all. There is no story to tell here. Honestly there only should have been one film. It was funny and original at the time. Now the well is dry and Stiller needs to find another cash boat. Hopefully he doesn't make a third Night of the Museum because the second one was a big stinker.

I can't tell you enough, how unfunny Little Fockers is. The film is lazy, and another low for the once talented Robert DeNiro. The man hasn't made a good film in years. The last decade has been referred to as "DeNiro's Sellout" years. It's hard to argue that when he turns in an effort like this.

My favourite review of this movie is from Anders Wotzke, who claimed Schindler's List was funnier than this. Funny thing is, he's right.

Will give this a miss

You're giving a comedy starring Robert De Niro a miss?!?! I'm stunned.

I would've said the same about Ben Stiller, but for some reason people actually do think he's funny. Ditto the Focker series.

little fockers sucked.

Day 254: January 9th, 2011

The Next Three Days



Entertaining enough for an afternoon.


It took me forever to get to watch this one, out of pure laziness. Much to my surprise the film was good. Russell Crowe delivers a decent performance about a man who is willing to do anything to get his wife out of prison. He never makes it emotional, he is too focused and has pure determination on his side.

Banks spends most of the time doing nothing until the last act when she makes that mad dash for the exit. The supporting roles really do nothing to elevate the film. No one manages to stand out, instead they play their parts as they are needed to be. Believable, not memorable.

There is one piece of the film that I do have qualms with, mainly because Myth Busters busted the hell out of it. Unlocking a locked door with a tennis ball. I had my doubts as the legitimacy of this in the film and of course with a little bit of research it's discovered to be false. Did Haggis just see a video on youtube and think it was real off the bat?

The Next Three Days is 2/3 planning, with the final act being suspenseful enough that you'll enjoy yourself. I won't give away the ending, whether they make it out or get caught. See the flick.

Do you really expect things in films to be real, though? I've seen a few movie editions of Mythbusters (my g/f loves it) and I'm only really surprised when things turn out to be viable.

Day 255: January 10th, 2011

Boys Don't Cry



Great performances drive the film.

Kimberly Perice’s film Boys Don’t Cry is a moving piece that deals with such themes as identity, things not being what they seem, freedom, integrity and acceptance.

Brandon Teena is a young woman who portrays herself as a man. After some locals find this out they chase after her, which leads Brandon to another city, where she finds love that leads to hate.

The opening scene showing the main character driving down a road is mostly done with close-ups. The road, the eyes in the rear view mirror, we don’t know who this person is or where they are going. This character’s intentions are not clear. We don’t even know if it is a man or a woman, which is what the rest of the film deals with, the sexual identity of this character. We get a glimpse in the life of this character, and know that they desire to be someone they aren’t.

The theme of integrity and Brandon’s lack of integrity as a male and of other characters plays a key role in the plot. Brandon just wanted freedom to wander the world without fear, without judgment from others. The film takes the viewer on a journey of discovery, we ourselves try to figure out who we are and why we do the things we do. Hilary Swank is remarkable as the lead, playing two characters in one. Chole Sevigny holds her own against Swank, she knows Brandon’s secret, but tries to hide it, which leads to horrible things.

I usually don't, but something about that was way off for me. When you sit there and say that would never happen, it docks the film down a few for me.

Maybe it depends on the movie? I would never expect anything that happened in SPEED to be reality, but I forgive it for that.