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Well, hello everybody.
This is Sexy Celebrity’s mother, Fay. I’m not here for any particular reason except to say that I am so proud of my son for being a sexy celebrity.
When he first took off for Hollywood, I thought, he’ll be back before I know it, so I just sat down on the couch and read my woman magazines, like I always do, and waited for the doorbell. Next thing I knew, the tall and handsome mailman, Earl, came by with a postcard, which was really embarrassing because the postcard was of my son cuddling up next to one of them famous cowboys from that homosexual film he later sent me the DVD of -- not the guy that died, the other one. The darker haired one. Jack Gallagher, I think his name is. Oh, he’s a stud muffin.
When Sexy and him come back to visit, I’m gonna chloroform that guy when he’s alone and try to change his ways. Sssshhhh!
Don’t tell my baby boy.
You know, I am so glad that you treat my son so well on this here website. I’m always worried about how the world is going to receive him since y’all know how much of a fruity pebble he is.
It was difficult raising Sexy. I knew he was different ever since he was real young, when the Ice Cream Truck Man stopped in front of our house on the last day of summer. I really didn’t want Sexy to be eating all that fatty ice cream since he was training to be Little Miss American Lovely 1991, but I knew a Firecracker popsicle wouldn’t hurt. Well, anyway, after the Ice Cream Man left, I noticed little Sexy sinking into a deep depression and I was quite alarmed. I said, “SEXY - Why are you crying all over your New Kids On The Block blanket?!”
Turns out he was missing the Ice Cream Man!
Horror washed over me.
Not only was my son a sissy - he also liked Muslims! (I have since learned to like them myself.
BUT I‘M NOT FOR THAT MOSQUE ON GROUND ZERO!)
He grew up just fine though. Very handsome man. Okay, so I’d be happier if he was straight and he gave me some more grandchildren. But at least he’s a sexy celebrity and that’s more than my friend Kitanya’s son, the garbage man (whom, I’m embarrassed to say, Sexy used to date. He likes those dirty boys.)
Well, I just wanted to introduce myself. Yes, I am a sexy mommy -- sexiness runs in this family. We’ve been genetically tested for it. Which is why it’s a shame my son won’t be having kids. I suppose he could do an artificial insemination thing -- eww -- maybe I ought to go down to the hardware store and pick up a lesbian to do the job. Oh, but what does one wear to a hardware store?
Kisses,
- S.M.
This is Sexy Celebrity’s mother, Fay. I’m not here for any particular reason except to say that I am so proud of my son for being a sexy celebrity.
When he first took off for Hollywood, I thought, he’ll be back before I know it, so I just sat down on the couch and read my woman magazines, like I always do, and waited for the doorbell. Next thing I knew, the tall and handsome mailman, Earl, came by with a postcard, which was really embarrassing because the postcard was of my son cuddling up next to one of them famous cowboys from that homosexual film he later sent me the DVD of -- not the guy that died, the other one. The darker haired one. Jack Gallagher, I think his name is. Oh, he’s a stud muffin.
When Sexy and him come back to visit, I’m gonna chloroform that guy when he’s alone and try to change his ways. Sssshhhh!
Don’t tell my baby boy.
You know, I am so glad that you treat my son so well on this here website. I’m always worried about how the world is going to receive him since y’all know how much of a fruity pebble he is.
It was difficult raising Sexy. I knew he was different ever since he was real young, when the Ice Cream Truck Man stopped in front of our house on the last day of summer. I really didn’t want Sexy to be eating all that fatty ice cream since he was training to be Little Miss American Lovely 1991, but I knew a Firecracker popsicle wouldn’t hurt. Well, anyway, after the Ice Cream Man left, I noticed little Sexy sinking into a deep depression and I was quite alarmed. I said, “SEXY - Why are you crying all over your New Kids On The Block blanket?!”
Turns out he was missing the Ice Cream Man!
Horror washed over me.
Not only was my son a sissy - he also liked Muslims! (I have since learned to like them myself.
BUT I‘M NOT FOR THAT MOSQUE ON GROUND ZERO!) He grew up just fine though. Very handsome man. Okay, so I’d be happier if he was straight and he gave me some more grandchildren. But at least he’s a sexy celebrity and that’s more than my friend Kitanya’s son, the garbage man (whom, I’m embarrassed to say, Sexy used to date. He likes those dirty boys.)
Well, I just wanted to introduce myself. Yes, I am a sexy mommy -- sexiness runs in this family. We’ve been genetically tested for it.
Which is why it’s a shame my son won’t be having kids. I suppose he could do an artificial insemination thing -- eww -- maybe I ought to go down to the hardware store and pick up a lesbian to do the job. Oh, but what does one wear to a hardware store?Kisses,
- S.M.
