Secretariat

Disney is currently producing a film about the life of Secretariat, the 1973 Triple Crown winner and thoroughbred racing's runner-up to the title "Horse of the Century." Having won 16 of 21 starts in his two-year career, Secretariat smashed records that still stand today, including a Kentucky Derby track record at Churchill Downs and a whopping 31-length victory at the Belmont Stakes.

The film will also focus on Secretariat's owner, homemaker-turned-horse heiress Penny Chenery (Diane Lane), and trainer Lucien Laurin (John Malkovich). Mike Rich (Radio, The Rookie) has been tapped to write the script, and Randall Wallace (The Man in the Iron Mask, We Were Soldiers) will direct. The film is slated for release in October 2010.

Now, my real reason for posting this information:

I'm in this film.

Since it focuses on one of the most noted thoroughbred race horses in history, Secretariat was bound to touch Kentucky, one of the most prominent thoroughbred raising states in the country and location of the Kentucky Derby, the first leg of the American Triple Crown.

Secretariat won said race, so the production has come to Louisville, and many extras have been cast. I'm one of them, and although a lot of people were needed multiple days, I was done after just one day.

I was cast as a "jockey valet," who is essentially the caddy for the jockies (and are either retired or injured jockies themselves). I had to be on site at 6:00am for wardrobe and makeup along with some 500 others. The film takes place in the 1970s, so the period costumes were pretty fun. I wore powder-blue polyester bell bottoms and the cheesiest/most awesome wide collar patterned silk shirts I've ever seen. They also shaved my beard down to a John Holmes moustache and gave me big sideburns.

There were tons of extra roles - press, photographers, horse attendants, track officials, national guardsmen, high and low-class fans, hippies. The state troopers tripped me out the most; I kept having to remind myself that they weren't actually cops, lol. Although we were told that there would be a lot of waiting around to be called to the set, it didn't happen. Everyone was required almost immediately, and we shot outside from about 8:00am to 3:30 when we finally broke for lunch.

The shoot was incredibly hectic, disorganized, and exhausting, and I can totally see how tempers run high on film sets. There were crew members everywhere all the time, running around a mile a minute and barking orders into microphones. We didn't see the director much - he spent most of his time in a tent viewing footage. The 2nd and 3rd assistant directors did most of the "directing," as it were (and we could have used better direction, actually).

I'm pleased to say I was lucky enough to get to work closely with the actors. Diane Lane and John Malkovich were both on set, and there were many times when I was inches away from them. During one shot, another jockey valet and I had to walk past Secretariat's paddock, which led to a detail shot that required us to start walking directly in front of the actors. So our "first positions" were literally a few feet away from the action, meaning I was privy to not only the pre-shot interaction between the actors and the director, but also the process by which a studio shot is set up and orchestrated. To say I was like a kid in a candy store would be an insult to understatements.

We really only filmed one "scene," but it was a complicated one with multiple components, angles, and variables. Remembering your position at any given time was key. We pantomimed most of our actions, as did the crowd (probably more challenging for them since cheering and clapping with any degree of realism without sound is WAY harder than you'd probably think).

I think it's pretty likely I'll end up onscreen since I was front-and-center for much of the day. Obviously, films get edited considerably before they go to print, but if I make it onscreen, I won't be hard to spot. My shirt might as well have been a Coca-Cola billboard.

And yes, fellas. Diane Lane is that hot in person.

Lucky Bastid.

Did you try drooling on her to see if that, you know, did it for her?

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No, but I was dangerously close to jumping her bones. Fine lady, her.

John Malkovich is every bit as creepy in person as you'd expect him to be. He kind of sauntered around and didn't really associate with anyone. I think maybe he's somewhat shy, but I also got the impression that he's an extreme method actor who is constantly absorbed with character. That, or he's just incredibly idiosyncratic.

A friend of mine was there, too, and was wearing some kind of 1970s twill jacket. During a moment of waiting for the next shot, he felt a nudge on his arm and it was Malkovich, who said simply, "F---ing cool jacket, man" before walking off.

So why is this film being made so recently after the Spider-Man version? Is this actually a theatrical film? I mean, the last one got a Best Picture nomination? Lucky you for getting a whiff of Diane Lane, but c'mon now, what did Malkovich smell like? HA!

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I think you're confusing Secretariat with Seabiscuit. The latter was a West Coast horse that raced in the 30's.

Malkovich had no smell, thankfully. I sort of expected him to smell like something between a hospital room and old cigars.

Yes, Sleezoid, I screwed the pooch on that Se horse. But if it gets you more publicity, that's a good thing. No smell, huh?

Nope, no smell. He came up to us at one point and just stood there, like right in front of us, like he was going to say something. He didn't, and just walked off. But yeah, if there had been a smell, we would have known.

I totally get that.

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So the trailer for Secretariat was released last week, just in time for the Kentucky Derby. I live in Louisville, Kentucky, not far from Churchill Downs, so needless to say the film has been a big deal here. Both Diane Lane and Penny Chenery (Secretariat's owner and, obviously, the woman she's playing) were both in town for the Derby.

Normally I wouldn't even be interested in this kind of film, but as I mentioned above, I was a featured extra and have a very good shot at ending up on camera.

Comes out today.. Should be good.. saw an interview with Kevin Connolly.. Sounds like its gonna be good.. http://video.msg.com/Home/A-Talk-Wit...on-on-MSG-10-6

I saw Seabiscuit. That's enough true horse winning movies for me.

I saw Seabiscuit plus Dreamer.

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has anyone seen it? I'm a sucker for movies like this.

I haven't seen it and don't plan to. It received okay reviews, but isn't doing much business. I saw Seabiscuit, okay movie, but enough for me. National Velvet with a young Liz was pretty good.

I saw it. The presentation is nice, but it's just way too hammy and preachy for me. EVERY conversation is a life lesson; there's nothing real or believable about anyone. It's token heartwarming manufactured schlock. And this is coming from someone who typically likes this kind of stuff. Seabiscuit is wonderful. The Rookie is a charming little gem. But Secretariat... nope. Not great.

Thanks, Sleezy.

I loved the trailer; I even got a bit teary-eyed. Sounds like they over did it, eh?

The thing about Secretariat is he wasn't an underdog like Seabiscuit. He won easily. So the flick is about a woman in a man's world. She is the underdog, not the horse.

Yeah, the trailer is stellar. But unfortunately, the scenes in the trailer are pretty wooden in their true context. Such is the magic of inspirational music and selected editing.

I would still see the film if you're interested. I don't mean to scare you away. It's just it's stupendously cheesy and suffers from sporadic other issues (some bad acting, some lingering scenes).

Very true. One reviewer said the horse only came from behind in most races because that's how he preferred to win. He really is the greatest racehorse ever, and knowing that, the filmmakers shifted focus to Penny Chenery - to the point where the actual horse isn't really characterized in the film at all, except what people say about it. It does a lot of standing around and looking pretty.

Of curious note, Sham is presented as a "better rival" to Secretariat in the film, and his trainer a boisterous villain. But in reality, Sham probably had the sadder story. He probably would be considered one of the greats as well, since he raced like a phenom and also broke the Derby track record. But he was racing Pegasus, and in that final race at Belmont, his desperate owners just ran him to death in the hope that he would win. Really very sad.

Did you make it into the film Sleeze?