The MoFo Support Group

@Captain Steel I am very sorry to hear you're having an incredibly tough time...I think it very commendable that you look after your parents and I am saddened that some people will hold that against you while jobhunting.

The living situation oh my god...I had a teardowm contract once upon a time. We were lucky to find another place by what we were told was a deadline date. But it turned out the place was left standing for at least 2 years after we left.

I am hoping there's a law on your side, if not compassion from the property owner and everything gets delayed. This is cruelly short notice.

This is a stupid question (I'm embarrassed by all this, but it's like all the cards are on the table so what the hell?)

When should I tell my mother & brother about this eviction situation?

My mom's just been freaking since my dad's passing about her increasingly limited financial situation, trying to get all their finances in order, how there's no room in her house and she needs to get rid of stuff. (I interpret this mostly as part of the grieving process - some people don't want to get rid of any of their deceased spouse's things, some want to build a shrine to them, some want to leave things exactly as they were as if the person is still alive, and some want to clean things out to get rid of all the reminders - especially all the painful ones, like medical supplies & such.)

As I've explained, my brother is bi-polar and will freak! He's constantly freaking, but this change would be a major freak.

So, I haven't had the heart or guts to tell them yet (which is bad since it looks like moving into their house for a while is my only alternative and they have a right to as much advanced notice if I'm going to infringe on their space). I have to add, my mom secretly wants me home because she needs help and my brother (who she treats like a child because that's the level of his emotional maturity and capability he demonstrates) has been such an extreme negative presence.

Now, my mom is planning an Easter dinner since her sister and some relatives are coming and bringing food (my mom has a history that if company comes - even if they say they'll bring & do everything now that my mom's elderly & crippled - she still freaks and goes into a panic of cleaning & food preparation - which is happening now - and causing my brother to go into another mental-illness spiral. I was there all day today - did more grocery shopping, cleaning, laundry, etc.)

It seems like a bad time to break the news, so here's the question: tell them before Easter and potentially fill them with more stress and insanity?
Tell them during Easter dinner hoping the relatives might serve as some sort of buffer (maybe they could help put a positive spin on the news - or, they might cause even greater freak out and panic!)
Tell them after Easter dinner, during desert, after the relatives leave?
Don't mention it until next week after Easter.

Since you make it sound like a no-win situation, I'd tell them ASAP. If they're going to freak, they'll have more time to get used to it. They could surprise you.

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It's what you learn after you know it all that counts. - John Wooden
My IMDb page

This is an incredibly stressful time for you so ask yourself what's going to cause YOU the least stress. I think you have to put yourself first in this situation matey.

Did I say that? You have a very strange way of interpreting posts. This is supposed to be the support group is it not?

Well, that's not going to happen.

I'm just trying to consider - don't add to the stress of holiday preparations and let them get through it with their current sense of stability intact, hopefully having a nice visit with relatives OR have the whole holiday topic be "Oh my God, what are we going to do?"

Considering how I know the people involved will react, I'm leaning toward Monday.

Oh for goodness sake. Cap knew what I meant and my reply was to him, not you.

Oh for crying out loud. Nice support in the support thread. Look elsewhere if you're punching for another fight. Have a good easter.

Well, in none of the options presented that I'm considering was the idea of showing up 2 months from now with bags in hand and no notice.

It's all about putting Mom's needs first - it's just a question of giving as much advanced notice as possible or, letting her and my brother get through the holiday and visit without this on their mind. We're basically talking the difference of a few days here.

Come to think of it, my landlords broke the news the day AFTER my niece's wedding (their message just to call them back was on my answering machine when I got home from the reception) - and I'm glad it worked out that way because if they'd called the day before, considering how the news hit me, I would not have been able to enjoy the wedding. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

@Captain Steel How are you? I saw the Easter thing a bit late...mentioned your mom secretly wants you home because she needs your help, and I was wondering how it went? (btw, I would have suggested after Easter, just in case there were any freaky reactions)

Thanks for your concern, cat.

I did tell my relatives quite a long time after Easter. It went as expected, they are in panic mode. My brother seems to engage his mania by telling me how I will inevitably go insane and have no future just as he did when he moved back home.

I hate to come here and dump, but I've never understood this phenomenon of how negative things snowball in completely unrelated ways. My car battery light's been on intermittently for a while - so I went and bought a new one I was going to install myself on a nice day. While backing out today (to go to the store for my mom) my car engine started shaking & the engine light came on along with the battery light. I was thinking, "maybe this is all due to a worn out battery." So after running several errands as my car felt like it was either going to die or explode, I felt forced to change the battery - in the pouring rain. I'd already checked all the fluids and put gas in the car. Then I discovered the screw for the black terminal was too close to other stuff so that no tool could grasp it. (What should have been a couple minutes to simply disconnect it turned into an hour in the pouring rain - for one of the most rudimentary aspects of the task.) While the battery was still connected I had to try to force it over to one side far enough to get a ratchet on the terminal screw.

I got the battery changed, but found it did not make the engine stop shaking BUT the "check engine" light did not come back on even though the engine is obviously having a problem. And then on the way home the battery light came on several times again. (Years ago I had a similar battery light problem, but during one of the recall repairs is was allegedly fixed.)

So now, when I'm supposed to be organizing this move (under the gun), instead I'll be trying to engage in car repairs or spending days sitting in a dealership waiting room. I have no friends or family that can drive me anywhere - I don't even have a smartphone with Uber "apps."

Speaking of rain, an elderly lady I do some work for called on Sunday - I said I could come work on Monday. She said it was supposed to rain, so I should come Tuesday. I didn't rain a drop Monday and poured all day today - now I can't go at all because the next priority is getting the car fixed.

It sounds airy fairy, but there's something about negatives attracting each other (some say threes).

i'm a bit nervous right now. tonight is a big night for me, in a way. i'm going to see my dad, and i haven't seen him in over 18 years. i don't really know him very well. he'll also be meeting my husband for the first time, and i'll get to see my half sister who i haven't seen since 2011, which will be nice.

but i'm nervous about dad. i don't know what to say to him, and i'm afraid it'll be awful cause of awkwardness.

the good thing is, he lives in St Petersburg, which is a beautiful beach town on the west coast of Florida and i've never been and always wanted to go. i booked my husband and me a nice hotel near the pier, with a pool. and we're going to dinner tonight on the pier. i'd drink, but alcohol and me are kind of unmixy these days so i probably shouldn't risk it. i'll have to smoke away the jitters instead.

anyway.

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letterboxd

I'd love to be visiting my dad tonight hon, but i lost him 10yrs ago. Just be yourself and cherish your time together, he's probably as nervous as you are.

yeah, it didn't go very well. he hasn't changed a bit.

but at least now i know.

Does anyone else wish their life was like a video game? I'd love to just go back to the start and run through my life again but play it all differently. I just feel I've missed out on so much in my life that should have been part of my teens and twenties; friends, girls, love, college/university etc. And right now I just can't stop thinking about it and regretting what I missed

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Yeah, and a save/load option before every exam. ;_;

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Look, I'm not judging you - after all, I'm posting here myself, but maybe, just maybe, if you spent less time here and more time watching films, maybe, and I stress, maybe your taste would be of some value. Just a thought, ya know.

yeah, i felt like this for awhile too - like i wasted my twenties and didn't experience enough. there's no use dwelling on that, though, what's done is done, and you're still young, you know. you can still experience stuff. kinda what i did, once i made the decision, was forcing myself into situations that are usually out of my comfort level, so that i could make friends. and i have to admit it worked out pretty well, actually. i plan on having a way better thirties than i did twenties. you could decide that for yourself too, if you really wanna.

I think most people wish they could start their life over again, or at least start again from a certain point, i know i do, for those that don't know i lost my husband last year, he died after an accident, we were planning to move to another area at the time and i often think if we had moved then he would still be alive now.

It sucks, but it's his loss. One only needs to see the pictures you post to know that you have everything you need.

Keep your head up buddy. I wasn't even born until I was your age. I lived it up everyday in my teens and 20's and it got me nowhere. Life starts later for some.

This made me cry, I am very sorry. I don't know if I'd be able to go on. You are very strong.