Omni's Random Video Noise

Horses, Cows, Sheep, Dogs, Chickens, Ducks, Geese, Camels, Elephants, even a butcher's shop, because why not.

The Good, The Bad, and irritatingly absent of the conjunction "and" The Weird occupies a perplexing area.

On one hand it's a western, unfailing to live up to the genre's failings; Non-humans are all over this movie and horses in particular are ****ed up and down.

Yeah, that's probably because they did stupid **** in it like get horses to fall over, bowl them over with explosions, and even hit one with a ****ing truck. I'm tempted to say that's exceptional cruelty, but let's be honest, this isn't even remotely unusual for the genre or even movies in general, The Wild Bunch and 13 Assassins were setting animals on fire.

It's sense of humor, if it's sense of normality wasn't already a **** in my cereal, also leaves something to be desired.

I really don't think I needed to see The Weird stab someone in the anus with a knife and then kick it deep enough to kill. TWICE.


Good god. Those two things, the abuse and the crude humor are more than enough to earn my wrath in any movie, but I'll be lying if I said I didn't enjoy the rest of the movie.

Sure it's got some slow sections and I was disappointed as soon as I realized the awesome opening train sequence wasn't here to stay, but the cinematography combined with the environmentally aware gunfights, the varied action that climaxed in chases reminiscent of Fury Road, and the thematic distinctions between the three main characters were very pleasing, SO pleasing in fact that I'm actually rather skeptical that The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly could actually do it justice.

I just find it very satisfying that
The Good survives as the winner, without any treasure,
The Weird survives via plot device, to find an alternate treasure,
and The Bad just dies,

each of them visibly distinct from one another and each uniquely armed. The Weird even occupies a relative moral grey area if you completely ignore the fact that the majority of the cast has enslaved horses which I could, but I won't, so I don't.

Truth is, if the movie managed the same task without the human superiority complex, I'dve probably forgiven the butt stuff.

Chicken, Eel, Duck, Sparrow, Pork, Goose, Shrimp... "Gruper"?

The first Drunken Master is unusual because it actually shares a lot more in common with Snake in the Eagle's Shadow than Drunken Master 2, mainly because it's largely the same cast in largely the same roles, only this time instead of learning Snake Fist, it's 8 Drunken Gods. The reason for the similarity can probably be attributed to shared director Yuen Woo-ping who worked on Snake in the Eagle's Shadow the same year prior.

I said previously that I think think Yuen Woo-ping is someone to keep watching given that he directed Snake in the Eagle's Shadow, Wing Chun, and was even fight choreographer for Fist of Legend, all of which I've given a 4 out of 5, and the trend holds true here.

Drunken Master has a SLAMMIN' 12 fight sequences, all of which are unique and quality fights (except for maybe the bald guy fight, that was kinda stupid) which make regular use of slapstick, weapons, and props. I daresay the movie is probably more fight that not and it's hard to complain when I've spent so long watching Jackie Chan try to force large quantities of drama into hour and a half movies.

I really can't complain, especially given the return of Beggar So who flawlessly kicks ass with the nearest prop on hand at any given time...

...at least until that one scene where he goes for a couple minutes without his booze and he starts getting the shakes and I begin to wonder whether he has a crippling addiction.

The movie's not without it's flaws, that's for sure, it's sadly not as cheesy as one would hope, and by that I am not counting instances of obviously cartoony moles, drawn freckles, and fake overbites.

There is one cheeky bit of cheese and it's when Jackie's trying to dry his pants over the fire and the Big Bad walks up and picks a fight with him, kicks his ass and then offers to give him his pants back before tossing them in the fire. Queue string section. I don't know what it is about Chan's movie's that have him always running away in tears, but that was the most dramatic and heart-wrenching death of a pair of pants I've ever seen.

There's also this one moment where I see Jackie Chan strung up to the ceiling in a compromising position and I begin to get the BDSM thoughts.

Despite not being anywhere near as annoying as the drunkard he plays in Drunken Master 2, Chan's character isn't especially likable in this one given his casual attempts to lie his way out of a restaurant bill only to then call someone else a swindler in another scene. ****in' hypocrite. He's also pretty sexist too because when it turns out the 8th Drunken God style he needs to master is a Goddess he bitches out not wanting to learn "sissy" stuff. Go **** yourself, Wong.

And that's how he turns tables on the Big Bad too, with a falsetto and hipchecks. >_>

Anyway, despite a wealth of complaints and a small zoo of animals that somehow still manages not to irk me as much as Drunken Master 2 did... and I'll even concede flat out that there are better fights in both Drunken Master 2 AND Snake in the Eagle's Shadow...

Drunken Master is jam-packed with martial arts goodness, it's varied, it's impressive, and it's creative enough to distract from it's occasional moments of self-mutilation, like when Jackie Chan farts in a guy's face and then drops him in poop.

Coulda done without that.

REWATCH UPDATE:
It's been over 2 years since last I saw Drunken Master and it's interesting to how my opinion hasn't changed much.

Again, I find it difficult to complain about a movie comprised almost entirely of Jackie Chan's trademark prop martial arts comedy, it deserves high ranks for that reason if for no other, but that's still not to say that doesn't still annoy in other ways, particularly Jackie's character being a blatant thief in one scene, pointing fingers and calling shame down on another person for scamming people in the next, and then ostensibly stealing again in another scene soon after.

His chauvinism is also tiring, when the 8th drunken god comprising the Drunken Master martial arts style is a woman, you'd think he wouldn't be so dismissive, especially when out of the 3 characters he loses a fight to in the whole movie is a woman and she's the only one who remains undefeated by the end.

I was amused to see that the same fight stuck out to me this time as it did before even though I had completely forgotten about it:

The guy who's fighting style consists of constantly attempting to headbutt his opponent was ****ing dumb, and they really made it into a cartoon with his huge eyebrows and the bumps they plaster onto his head to make it look like he failed to catch Roadrunner.

Something interesting that stood out to me is how the movie tries to explain that Jackie's torturous physical training isn't pointless; how you need to "learn how to fall". It's a total throwaway line you would think, but there's actually a lot of sense behind it. So much of the movie consists of Jackie Chan on the ground, usually rolling away, around, or through enemies when he doesn't immediately flip himself back up into a standing position or use the ground as a place to counterattack from. If he were a D&D character he'd basically have dumped all of his skill points into Tumbling.

Considering Drunken Master style frequently involves stumbling around or appearing fall over only to turn the tables on their opponent, it only makes sense that this be incorporated as an important skill to master, not to mention this isn't unique to Drunken Master but martial arts in general, the term "ukemi" (albeit a Japanese, not a Chinese term) is often used in video games to refer to a timing mechanic allowing you to quickly returned to standing position after being knocked down. This is often coupled with similar alternative solutions including the "Emergency Roll", indeed even across fighting games, learning how to fall is critical to maintaining the flow of combat and avoiding getting your face stomped in.

If there's one thing I want to draw more attention to this time it's the English dub, because so much of it consists of Chan's voice actor making whinging moans anytime he gets hurt and he's such a whiny bitch in the movie, there's no shortage to his wailing. The falsetto he puts on during the final battle because he copped out and never learned the 8th Drunken Master stance in a lame attempt to imitate a woman is quite simply balls. It is objectively balls. And it spoils an otherwise solid end to a largely plotless movie.

By the way this movie has a plot.

Monkey, Crocodile, Lizard, Scorpion, Viper, Centipede, Sparrow, Chicken, Duck, Sharkfin Soup, ehh...

I'd really like to say that Iron Monkey also keeps up the winning streak with another [Pretty Good] from me, but I'm gonna play bad guy here.

Donnie Yen brings a small splash of charisma this time and while he's generally an unlikable father, he gets the smallest pittance of character development as he's tasked by the corrupt local authorities to hunt down doctor-by-day, vigilante-by-night, Iron Monkey at the cost of his son.

The story's not especially interesting, even with a humorously cheeky disguise sequence in which Iron Monkey pretends to be a bigwig minister, and sadly, while the fight sequences are yet inventive, they take the goofy moves of Wing Chun and crank 'em up to full. It's not as absurd as House of Flying Daggers, Hero or Crouching Tiger, Hidden Buttplug, but then it also has an obvious sense of self awareness those movies completely lack.

Wirework is much more subtle (a it ought to be) and ridiculous defiance of gravity is fairly abstracted out by it's vaguely cartoonish exterior.

Even then, there's not much helping the abundance of crude wire moves and even less rubber staves.

"Poison Palm" is literally a poisonous flat-handed punch. What nonsense is this.

The emphasis on food and herbal remedies like crocodile (because crocodiles are herbs of course) is also grind on my patience.

Overall, this is easily an above-average martial arts movie in my book, but it's missing that X factor to stand out. And no, the showdown on the burning poles just doesn't cut it, not with all the quick-cut rampant fakery.


Oh, and the kid grows up to be Wong Fei-Hung? Does every friggen' martial arts movie gotta be about Wong Fei-Hung?

Kissing, Goats, Cheeseburgers, Ice Cream, Pizza. A very American selection of food on display here... seems a little pandering if I can be a bit pedantic.

First, the flaws. Tony Stark is difficult to like, not just because of his character flaws which are reasonably intentional, but also because of his character flaws which are unreasonably unintentional. I really don't care to hear dialog wasted on the above unmentionables and these issues compound with his playboy persona which manifests at worst with "Ms. Berkley" a reporter who hounds his ass for moral atrocities and then ****s him at the drop of a hat before immediately resuming her interrogation.

Wow, you're like, the worst person imaginable. She doesn't even say anything particularly offensive, she's just a raging hypocrite.

"Look, I agree Hitler, is a ****in' shitstain of a human being, but DAT ASS THO."

So she's terrible, but she's in a very small minority of the movie which soon turns on her and even Stark becomes relatively likable by the end with no small help from Pepper Potts who produces an excellent callback with the decorative arc reactor.

Robert Downey Jr. has the charisma to wheel his way through scenes too, even the sad ones, and while the scenes between him and Pepper shift wildly from cute to cringe-inducingly awkward, it ends with a spirit of clear self-awareness as their status within the genre.


The superhero origin arc itself as it appears on offer here is about on par if not better than Batman Begins, DC's own iteration of the not-so-super superhero who's main power is seemingly infinite money and a toolbox.

A key difference here is that while Iron Man almost cynically advertises how aware it is of it's main character's quote "laundry list of character defects", it at least never verges on the Arkham City brand of superhero qualifications whereas a Batman is an equally competent ninja, detective, bodybuilder, inventor, genius, etc.

As I said before, I like my superheros with weaknesses and that doesn't have to end with personality flaws, I really liked the idea that Tony begins this saga as a high-life weapons manufacturer and learns the hard way how his products are used, provoking him into action after a life experience that sets up the arc reactor in his chest.

Guy's gotta live off a car battery to avoid a slow death before he resumes with a giant brightly lit off switch in his chest.

Which reminds me that Jeff Bridges is pretty solid in this as well, even if he is fairly formulaic. The "you ripped out my targeting system" line was the eyeroll of the century, but it's a negligible dent in a movie that keys the rock music and drums it's way through the creation of the Iron Man suit all the way up to it's first badass battle.

I said before, about Appleseed how much I liked seeing CG animators take to complex machinery and this movie does not disappoint, from Iron Man's little optimization montage to that little moment that just sticks with me where Obadiah jumps in the air with the new suit and his boot thrusters kick off small jets to keep him oriented, I love that.

Credit roll to Iron Man by Black Sabbath and you've got what is surely one of the best comic book superhero movies yet. This movie just barely misses a 5 out of 5 from me, but I keep watching it, so time will tell if it winds up in my personal collection.