Need a little girl advice

So the gf has been missing in action for the past three days.

I called her twice last night: no answer.

This is from a girl who calls me 20 (sometimes 30) times a day, and we always talk to each pother for 3 hours before going to sleep.

What reason could there be that she just randomly stopped?

Ok what I'm shooting for is....is it possible for a girl to fall out of love with you overnight? what about if she met someone else? maybe shes been having cold feet?

We've been together for 3 months now and talk of marriage is abundant...why would she do this?

Should I keep calling her? Or back off?
Any inisght will be helpful...im a bit hurt.

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When you call, do you leave a message? Can she tell you've been calling? If so, I'd say stop calling for awhile. But do not jump to conclusions. Wait til you can talk to her and find out what's been going on. It's entirely possible it has nothing to do with you. If she's had some sort of emergency, she should be calling you soon to let you know she's ok. If it's a sudden case of cold feet or something, then giving her some space is a good idea. Don't take it personally though, at least til you find out what's going on.

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If in doubt, wait it out.

Trust me, works everytime in any situation. Don't piss her off by being clingy and constantly ringing her, just wait for her to come talk to you and it will probably be a simple misunderstanding or something she needs support with. Just be there when she comes to you.

Don't let paranoia eat you up, when stuff like that has happened with me, i always assumed the worse, in one case she hadn't called for a while because her Nan had been taken seriously ill.

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Alright, thanks for the advice.Yeah she can tell when I call. So I guess I'm just going to back off for a bit.

any input still would be appreciated.

Definately patience. If you are as serious as you say (marriage etc) why do you think of possible cold feet or another person? Such thoughts suggest a lack of trust.

Hope she contacts you soon, and that her quietness isn't due to anything bad.

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Are you at all worried about her well-being? Do you know that she is still alive and well? Not to put morbid thoughts in your mind-I say if you know that she is okay wait it out but if you are a little bit concerned checking in wouldn't be a bad thing and you could just explain that you were worried.

She just called.

I at first pretended like I wasn't too phased by the fact that she hasn't called me in forever. But then I kind of nervously mentioned it and she said she was busy with work.
And then there was silence.

And then she said her Ex-boyfriend and her have recently been talking about "stuff".

And then more silence.

And then she said she is really confused right now and doesn't know what to do. I tried to be as supportive as I can and I told her that if she needed to talk about anything, I would gladly listen. Then she said she doesn't want to lose me, but she needs some time.

I told her okay, and said I needed to go. Bye-Bye. No Ilove yous in this convo.

I hung up and threw the phone as hard as I can.

****, why does this **** always happen to me.


now what?

Doesn't look good, Buddy.
*hugs*

I do not know the whole situation so I cannot pretend to know what is going on, but I will tell you something that happened to me in my younger days. I met this girl and we hit it off nice. We had much in common and we enjoyed each other very much. We were together for about 4 months when her ex-boyfriend moved back home. They had split up because he was moving and there would be no way for them to have a long distance relationship. I have no idea why he moved back, but I am sure she had something to do with it She hardly ever talked about him, but I knew from her friends that their breakup had been very tough on both of them. I also found out that they had been together for a very long time. Well in the end they got back together and even though I was bitter, I saw how happy they were together and knew that even though we made a good couple we did not come close to what they shared. Like I said I do not know the situation, but if she had a long and good relationship with her ex it is tough to give that up. Give her a little time and do not be so hard on yourself.

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“The gladdest moment in human life, methinks, is a departure into unknown lands.” – Sir Richard Burton

Thanks...

no actually she always told me about how badly he treated her. She told me she hated him.

I should have known that hate is wehat lies at the core of love...she hates him because she loves him.

I hope when you say "badly" you do not mean anything physical, if that is the case let me know and I will help you teach him the error of his ways. Not that you need any help, I just hate guys like that though. Good Luck.

EDIT: I wrote this before I saw that this has been somewhat resolved, but figured I might as well leave it up anyway.

Couldn't agree with the others more; the last thing you wanna do is become any kind of burden. If there's a problem with you, then trying to get through to her won't help. And if there's a problem with something else, you want to be as hassle-free as possible until she sorts it out. You've made it known that you're there if she needs you; the rest is up to her.

That said, this is none of my business, but I felt compelled to mention that this...

...might answer itself. Things that start too quickly often have the capability of ending just as quickly, and anyone impulsive enough to discuss marriage seriously after just 3 months of dating is surely impulsive enough to shut the whole thing down in 3 days.

EDIT: Okay, now that I've read the update, I do have some thoughts. I hope they're of some help to you.

If this is a recurring thing, as you've implied, then I think the logical explanation is simple clinginess. Some people fall in love quickly, and are prone to romanticization. They idolize their significant other and want the same kind of attention in return.

There's nothing inherently wrong with this, but it only works if you're with someone who feels the same way. And in my experience, most people only do for a short period of time. The same newness and excitement that attracts them to such an emotionally charged relationship in the first place inevitably attracts them to a new relationship (or the resurrection of the old one).

I don't pretend to know precisely what love is, but as time goes on and I go through more relationships, I can't help but suspect that real love doesn't have those insanely high highs and low lows; that it's far steadier and more reliable than that. I think the emotional roller coaster stuff is more likely to be infatuation.

I hope you figure this out; it probably doesn't mean much to hear someone say they can relate, but I can. I've been there (not that long ago, actually), and the only way to feel better about it, aside from the mere passage of time, is understanding why it happened and then learning from it.

I am sorry to hear what has been going on. I am sure you are mentally exhausted.

What she needs to do is give you an answer, if she wishes to be with you or if she does not wish to be with you. I know she is confused, but the position she is putting you in is in my opinion unfair.

If you wish, give her the time to come to a conclusion about what she wants, but don't let it go on for so long that you put your life on hold for her.

Its ultimately your decision, you know what is in your heart.

Take care.

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Relationships are mucho complicated, and it's difficult to be general when there are so many factors involved.
The ex-boyfriend thing has a habbit of messing things up beyond repair, and as you stated, some girls dig the old treat them mean keep them kean kinda guy.
Communication is key in every relationship, but men and women definetly come from two very different places, and things can often be misconstrued or misunderstood.
Although it's hard, I've always gone with the philosophy that if a girl you're with is flirting or leading another man on, they're not worth the effort, I hate all the stupid games that people play, and for me it shows the relationship is not that strong.
The first 3 months of every relationship are normally pretty intense and great, but eventually you notice little foibles, if you can happily live with them then your relationship has a good chance.
I'm no expert, I'm a straight talking guy, but still it causes trouble, indeed some of my ex's have thought I was bluffing by being so up front and honest.
It's never easy, but if you really love someone then you will be willing to put up with the extra effort.
Good luck, but if the silence and ex boyfriend thing continues, walk away before you get too badly hurt.

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Toga, toga, toga......


Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbour?

As a matter of fact, yes he used to hit her.


Yoda and the rest, I don't know what brings more tears to my eyes, my girlfriend doing this or you guys taking the 5 or so minutes out of your life to help someone else. I do appreciate everything you wrote and I am taking it to heart, believe me. Yoda especially for making me step back a bit and reanaylize what I thought love was. I guess you are right in that love is more of a steady feeling than highs and lows. I can't exactly say what my gf and I have exactly, but it surely feels like love that is for sure.

So after thinking this over a bit, I've decided there is only really one best situation for me. I'm not going to send her flowers and call her and all of that. She needs to know that I'm here for here, but at the same time I can stand on my own feet and I'll move on without her if I have to. She has until Monday to deliberate in her space, if she calls me after that, the conversation is going to be about how I need to walk away from her.

The thing about relationships is that, for most people, there's an inherent fear of screwing something up. When it comes to love (and possibly courtship, marriage, and further on), you naturally want to make the right decisions. You don't want to end up with the wrong person, and you want to get through it with as little heartbreak as possible. But love is impossible to figure out, and you can end up getting confused, and torn in all directions.

She's got you on her plate, and she's got this other guy on the table. She has feelings for both, and she wants to make the right call about who to stick with. But she doesn't know the answer, and she doesn't want to get hurt. That's what it sounds like to me.

You'd think it would be easy. "I'm happy with this guy, so I'll just stay with him." But it isn't that easy for some people, and rightfully so (because it's never that easy). The heart is illogical, and if it's been hurt before, it anticipates getting hurt again - in the end, it just wants to be happy.

I don't know if I'm right or wrong about the situation, but that's my insight. I'd like to give you some advice, but I don't really know what to say, because I don't know her or you, or your relationship. But I will say this:

If you love her and want to stick with her, whatever you do, don't give her a reason to leave. She might leave without one, and that's her call. But don't give her one. (And don't give her everything, either. I'm not saying she'll be a mooch, but I don't know how many times I've seen somebody give his/her partner space, who gets comfortable with the leniency and walks all over him/her. Relationships are supposed to be a mutual thing. Seems like you've got a handle on that already.)

I'm so very sorry that this kind of thing happens, but it happens to us all. We know these feelings very well, the good and the bad, and it's just something you have to stick with, work on, and hope things come through in the end. Major kudos for talking about it, because it always helps to get it out, and to hear what others have to say.

I think that there is your problem, if you are going out only 3 months why are you talking Marriage, you are still in the lust phase of the relationship.

You may think that this is the one but it is really just the passion you are reacting to. Take your time, get to know each other, what is the rush,? If she is the right one time will prove that.

Sorry to hear about what has been going on with you and her, why do woman who go back to men who abuse them, maybe it is a rescue thing, "if i show him what real love is then he will change" i see it a lot in my work.

People have given you some good advice here

to You

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Then that's why she went back to him. I've read about how people can get so attached to their violent lover. The victim stays because he/she actually in a way likes the violence. It's all a domination/BDSM psyche type thing without the leather and whips. I know someone who dated a guy for awhile, very nice boy, but he left her to go back to his abusive Asian ex-girlfriend. Sometimes happiness is ruined by an old pair of chopsticks. You have to move on and find Ms. Right. Not Ms. Fight.

This could possibly be true, but I think it is a bit presumptious to generalize this. It could be she loves her ex despite his problems instead of because of them. Although I do not disagree that what you say is common it is not all emcompassing.

BTW EQ if you ever wanna PM me feel free to do so. Best of luck.

As other people have said, we do not know either of you personally and can only be fairly general with our advice.

From the information in this thread I think you should walk away. The fact that she is even considering her abusive ex over you demonstrates that she is less committed to the relationship than you thought.

It is natural sometimes to reminisce and think about what might have been, but if she was totally committed those thoughts would have passed quickly and you might have never known. The fact that these thoughts made her completely change the communication routine that you have had, and disappear for three days, is alarming.

That is especially alarming. Was she so busy that she could not send you a message or an email? I also wonder how recently is "recently"?

I may be being too harsh, only you know, but she has definitely broken major levels of trust.