← Back to Reviews
in
SUBURBAN COMMANDO
(directed by Burt Kennedy, 1991)
Iroquois, are you sure you didn't mean for me to watch Suburban Commando instead of just plain old Commando? It feels more like the right kind of movie for me to review.
Hulk Hogan stars in a movie with Christopher Lloyd...
and SHELLEY DUVALL ...
Yes, that's right -- Shelley Duvall. I could just end the review right about here, couldn't I? Shelley Duvall. As Christopher Lloyd's wife.
Christopher Lloyd is a wimpy, wussy architect married to Shelley Duvall, who plays sex games with him involving big, curly wigs, when she's not watching failed 1990's talk shows like The Marsha Warfield Show and screaming for her health to relieve tensions. One day, Shep Ramsey (Hulk Hogan) flies down to Earth in his spaceship to take a vacation, per orders from his superior officer. Shep is an interstellar warrior on a mission to capture a bad guy from outer space called General Suitor. But now he's on a break - to de-stress - so he rents a room at Christopher Lloyd's house. The room, by the way, was originally Christopher Lloyd's workshop/shed, but crazy Shelley Duvall converted it into a rentable apartment while he was at work, unaware it was being converted. Never fear, though, for his tools are still there, all packed into a little closet.
Christopher Lloyd's family, which includes two kids, take to Shep well, but the members of the suburban neighborhood he's in experience more hell than they're used to. The mailman, the paperboy, the rednecks working on cars and parking things where they're not supposed to, the rowdy skateboarder kids, the ridiculous street mime, the local cats, the old ladies thumping melons, even a car alarm with a personality -- all fall victim to the massive, muscular, blonde, hunky, sexy Hulk Hogan, who can be very protective and caring, but he's also got a lot of attitude and steam to blow off.
General Suitor, who is some kind of half man/half reptile villain, is trying to track down Shep whenever any of Shep's tools (like his ray gun or even the ghost meter reader thing used in Ghostbusters, which pops up in this movie) turn on. Two big bounty hunter guys under Suitor's orders travel to Earth and stroll around together in a "Just Married!" car looking for Shep. Eventually, Suitor himself finally makes it to Earth and there is, of course, an obligatory fight between Shep, Suitor and even Christopher Lloyd, whose testicles must have been eaten off by Shelley Duvall 'cause he spends his whole time in Suburban Commando trying to regrow them. Either Shelley Duvall ate them or something happened to him between Back to the Future III and Suburban Commando --- I'm not sure, but my money's on Shelley's mouth.
Suburban Commando made me laugh sometimes. The movie, overall though, is bad. This is supposed to be a kid's movie, but the story follows Hulk Hogan and Christopher Lloyd's relationship, with kids popping up at odd moments just to remind everybody that the film is supposed to be regarded as something like Commando or Rambo Jr., I suppose. Hulk either deals with some skateboarders, or he plays an arcade game with a kid (and wins), or he "rescues" a kitty from a tree for a little girl. The rest of the time, Hulk's either beating up a mime, beating up bad guys or eating Shelley Duvall's cake. In the end, he runs off back to outer space with Christopher Lloyd's sexually aggressive secretary and Christopher Lloyd goes back to drag racing at a traffic light with some random middle aged woman in a red convertible. Not quite RuPaul's Drag Race, but getting there (Shelley Duvall's already got a membership card for the local wig shop.)
I recommend Suburban Commando just to watch Hulk Hogan's hunky ass strut around and, of course, Shelley Duvall (but not to watch her skinny ass strut around, unless she's your type, in which case you need Dr. Phil's therapy.)
Oh, and this movie actually started off as a project for Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito, but the two of them, I guess, bolted from this project and went off to make Twins, instead. That explains why this film is basically a buddy movie between Hulk Hogan and Christopher Lloyd. Seriously -- Hulk Hogan and Christopher Lloyd instead of Arnold and Danny? No wonder it didn't work. And no wonder they had to cast Shelley Duvall to save this thing. Still, Suburban Commando is a wacky little movie and for that I like it. It's just not great.
(directed by Burt Kennedy, 1991)
Iroquois, are you sure you didn't mean for me to watch Suburban Commando instead of just plain old Commando? It feels more like the right kind of movie for me to review.
Hulk Hogan stars in a movie with Christopher Lloyd...
and SHELLEY DUVALL ...
Yes, that's right -- Shelley Duvall. I could just end the review right about here, couldn't I? Shelley Duvall. As Christopher Lloyd's wife.
Christopher Lloyd is a wimpy, wussy architect married to Shelley Duvall, who plays sex games with him involving big, curly wigs, when she's not watching failed 1990's talk shows like The Marsha Warfield Show and screaming for her health to relieve tensions. One day, Shep Ramsey (Hulk Hogan) flies down to Earth in his spaceship to take a vacation, per orders from his superior officer. Shep is an interstellar warrior on a mission to capture a bad guy from outer space called General Suitor. But now he's on a break - to de-stress - so he rents a room at Christopher Lloyd's house. The room, by the way, was originally Christopher Lloyd's workshop/shed, but crazy Shelley Duvall converted it into a rentable apartment while he was at work, unaware it was being converted. Never fear, though, for his tools are still there, all packed into a little closet.
Christopher Lloyd's family, which includes two kids, take to Shep well, but the members of the suburban neighborhood he's in experience more hell than they're used to. The mailman, the paperboy, the rednecks working on cars and parking things where they're not supposed to, the rowdy skateboarder kids, the ridiculous street mime, the local cats, the old ladies thumping melons, even a car alarm with a personality -- all fall victim to the massive, muscular, blonde, hunky, sexy Hulk Hogan, who can be very protective and caring, but he's also got a lot of attitude and steam to blow off.
General Suitor, who is some kind of half man/half reptile villain, is trying to track down Shep whenever any of Shep's tools (like his ray gun or even the ghost meter reader thing used in Ghostbusters, which pops up in this movie) turn on. Two big bounty hunter guys under Suitor's orders travel to Earth and stroll around together in a "Just Married!" car looking for Shep. Eventually, Suitor himself finally makes it to Earth and there is, of course, an obligatory fight between Shep, Suitor and even Christopher Lloyd, whose testicles must have been eaten off by Shelley Duvall 'cause he spends his whole time in Suburban Commando trying to regrow them. Either Shelley Duvall ate them or something happened to him between Back to the Future III and Suburban Commando --- I'm not sure, but my money's on Shelley's mouth.
Suburban Commando made me laugh sometimes. The movie, overall though, is bad. This is supposed to be a kid's movie, but the story follows Hulk Hogan and Christopher Lloyd's relationship, with kids popping up at odd moments just to remind everybody that the film is supposed to be regarded as something like Commando or Rambo Jr., I suppose. Hulk either deals with some skateboarders, or he plays an arcade game with a kid (and wins), or he "rescues" a kitty from a tree for a little girl. The rest of the time, Hulk's either beating up a mime, beating up bad guys or eating Shelley Duvall's cake. In the end, he runs off back to outer space with Christopher Lloyd's sexually aggressive secretary and Christopher Lloyd goes back to drag racing at a traffic light with some random middle aged woman in a red convertible. Not quite RuPaul's Drag Race, but getting there (Shelley Duvall's already got a membership card for the local wig shop.)
I recommend Suburban Commando just to watch Hulk Hogan's hunky ass strut around and, of course, Shelley Duvall (but not to watch her skinny ass strut around, unless she's your type, in which case you need Dr. Phil's therapy.)
Oh, and this movie actually started off as a project for Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito, but the two of them, I guess, bolted from this project and went off to make Twins, instead. That explains why this film is basically a buddy movie between Hulk Hogan and Christopher Lloyd. Seriously -- Hulk Hogan and Christopher Lloyd instead of Arnold and Danny? No wonder it didn't work. And no wonder they had to cast Shelley Duvall to save this thing. Still, Suburban Commando is a wacky little movie and for that I like it. It's just not great.