Did you even read that post? I didn't suggest it should end the marriage, I suggested it might. The point was that you can speculate about potentially awful results just as much as potentially good ones.
Do I rat on a friend?
Did you even read that post? I didn't suggest it should end the marriage, I suggested it might. The point was that you can speculate about potentially awful results just as much as potentially good ones.
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A moment ago you were saying we can't judge their lives, which is true. Now you're actively declaring what should or should not end their marriage?
Cheating on someone during an engagement is a completely valid reason not to want to be with them any more. So much so that it feels strange to have to point it out. If it's not the kind of reason you would use, that's your business. He may or may not think that way; I'm only pointing out that it obviously has the potential to end it.
Cheating on someone during an engagement is a completely valid reason not to want to be with them any more. So much so that it feels strange to have to point it out. If it's not the kind of reason you would use, that's your business. He may or may not think that way; I'm only pointing out that it obviously has the potential to end it.
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A moment ago you were saying we can't judge their lives, which is true. Now you're actively declaring what should or should not end their marriage?
Cheating on someone during an engagement is a completely valid reason not to want to be with them any more. So much so that it feels strange to have to point it out. If it's not the kind of reason you would use, that's your business. He may or may not think that way; I'm only pointing out that it obviously has the potential to end it.
Cheating on someone during an engagement is a completely valid reason not to want to be with them any more. So much so that it feels strange to have to point it out. If it's not the kind of reason you would use, that's your business. He may or may not think that way; I'm only pointing out that it obviously has the potential to end it.
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Yeah, no. It's a valid reason whenever. Maybe your conception of an engagement is wildly different than mine (and, I would wager, most people's), but it's not universally understood to be some Rumspringa free-for-all that gets wiped off the books if you get married.
But it really doesn't matter either way. The bottom line is that this is only your idea of how a relationship should work. You're in no position to tell this guy or anyone else that it's not a valid reason for ending a marriage. Especially just two posts after you suggested we shouldn't be telling people how to live their lives.
But it really doesn't matter either way. The bottom line is that this is only your idea of how a relationship should work. You're in no position to tell this guy or anyone else that it's not a valid reason for ending a marriage. Especially just two posts after you suggested we shouldn't be telling people how to live their lives.
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Yeah, no. It's a valid reason whenever. Maybe your conception of an engagement is wildly different than mine (and, I would wager, most people's), but it's not universally understood to be some Rumspringa free-for-all that gets wiped off the books if you get married.
But it really doesn't matter either way. The bottom line is that this is only your idea of how a relationship should work. You're in no position to tell this guy or anyone else that it's not a valid reason for ending a marriage. Especially just two posts after you suggested we shouldn't be telling people how to live their lives.
But it really doesn't matter either way. The bottom line is that this is only your idea of how a relationship should work. You're in no position to tell this guy or anyone else that it's not a valid reason for ending a marriage. Especially just two posts after you suggested we shouldn't be telling people how to live their lives.
You're a Christian, right? Are you really telling me if your wife tells you in the the tenth year of your happy marriage after a couple of kids that she briefly strayed during the engagement, you would be marching to the lawyer's office? What happens before a marriage doesn't seem to be all that important if the behavior isn't repeated during the marriage.
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But then again, aren't you also a crappy friend if you don't keep the secret? To who else does she have to go with her problems then? Does she have to bottle up all her 'crap' and just wait? Some people need a friend to confess their mistakes to. The only thing he can really do, is give her advice and that advice should be that she has to make a choice. There's no need to abuse her trust in him..
I think some people are not getting that there is a possible marriage in play here. If my boyfriend cheats on me, it may or may not end the relationship but it's very different than if I have a husband that cheats on me. The choice to simply walk away is much easier if I have not made a commitment to spend the rest of my life with someone.
This girl's behavior is pretty abhorrent, but it's not about sitting in judgement of her it's about letting someone go into a situation without vital informant that most likely will end up having a future negative effect. The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior.
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No, my version of an engagement is not different.
You're a Christian, right? Are you really telling me if your wife in a good marriage tells you in the the tenth year of your happy marriage after a couple of kids that she briefly strayed during the engagement, you would be marching to the lawyer's office? What happens before a marriage doesn't seem to be all that important if the behavior isn't repeated during the marriage.
As for me; who knows what I would do, unless confronted with it? And who knows if he finds out ten years in with two kids, or two years in with none? Not to mention that, while the physical part seems to have been brief, the stuff surrounding it has been going on for months, according to the OP.
But the point, as I keep saying, is that you can't say in one post we shouldn't be making these judgments for others, then turn around and start issuing proclamation about what is and is not a valid reason to end a relationship. That's what's known as a contradiction.
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Are you really telling me if your wife tells you in the the tenth year of your happy marriage after a couple of kids that she briefly strayed during the engagement, you would be marching to the lawyer's office?
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What information does the OP have? She isn't in an actual affair. She is carrying on a flirtation that went briefly past a flirtation. Her behavior is not admirable, but it is not at this point completely outrageous. She denies it if OP rats on her and probably the fiance has always looked at the OP with suspicion and questions his motives, like he wants her for himself, and nothing changes. OP should just drop the girl and let her and the clueless fiance go on with their lives.
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I wouldn't end a marriage if my partner had a brief period of infidelity. People make mistakes and things happen. I can understand that. It's completely different than someone who chronically cheats and has no intention of ever being monogamous. I can't imagine that someone who is having an affair throughout an engagement is ready to make a commitment or will suddenly turn things around when finally married.
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If you think stuff like that doesn't count if someone simply manages to keep it a secret until after the marriage, then yes, it is.
It doesn't count after a marriage if it isn't repeated after a marriage.
To you, maybe. You don't speak for others.
As for me; who knows what I would do, unless confronted with it? And who knows if he finds out ten years in with two kids, or two years in with none? Not to mention that, while the physical part seems to have been brief, the stuff surrounding it has been going on for months, according to the OP.
You have to separate what is going on now and what is discovered after a marriage. It is only relevant now because it is going on now. It is not relevant if she takes her marriage vows seriously and discovered aafter a marriage.
You wouldn't end your marriage and you know it. Because she strayed in this scenario during a moment of uncertainty during an ill defined engagement and ultimately chose you and has been loyal and faithful when it mattered.
But the point, as I keep saying, is that you can't say in one post we shouldn't be making these judgments for others, then turn around and start issuing proclamation about what is and is not a valid reason to end a relationship. That's what's known as a contradiction.
It doesn't count after a marriage if it isn't repeated after a marriage.
To you, maybe. You don't speak for others.
As for me; who knows what I would do, unless confronted with it? And who knows if he finds out ten years in with two kids, or two years in with none? Not to mention that, while the physical part seems to have been brief, the stuff surrounding it has been going on for months, according to the OP.
You have to separate what is going on now and what is discovered after a marriage. It is only relevant now because it is going on now. It is not relevant if she takes her marriage vows seriously and discovered aafter a marriage.
You wouldn't end your marriage and you know it. Because she strayed in this scenario during a moment of uncertainty during an ill defined engagement and ultimately chose you and has been loyal and faithful when it mattered.
But the point, as I keep saying, is that you can't say in one post we shouldn't be making these judgments for others, then turn around and start issuing proclamation about what is and is not a valid reason to end a relationship. That's what's known as a contradiction.
I had this girlfriend who suddenly decided to tell me in a boastful way she cheated on her husband (she was divorced). I was amazed she told me becuae she was dropping marriage hints. Did she think I really wanted to hear that?
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What information does the OP have? She isn't in an actual affair. She is carrying on a flirtation that went briefly past a flirtation. Her behavior is not admirable, but it is not at this point completely outrageous.
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That all may be true, but what is OP going to say to fiance, your girl BJ'd a dude? Why would anyone want to get in the middle of that drama? Just drop the chick with the blabber mouth because she is not worth the crap she creates.
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It doesn't count after a marriage if it isn't repeated after a marriage.
You wouldn't end your marriage and you know it. Because she strayed in this scenario during a moment of uncertainty during an ill defined engagement and ultimately chose you and has been loyal and faithful when it mattered.
We shouldn't be making these judgments for ratting on someone under these circumstances. I will make a judgement that this behvaior is not important if discovered long after a marriage where this behavior was not repeated.
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That all may be true, but what is OP going to say to fiance, your girl BJ'd a dude? Why would anyone want to get in the middle of that drama? Just drop the chick with the blabber mouth because she is not worth the crap she creates.
I would kill the OP if I was that guy and I knew about this. The OP is such an ass.
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It is a pretty superficial reason to get a divorce for, particulary for a religious person. Once married, you judge a person for their behavior during it. I am certain if you went to your pastor or spititual advisor and said I just found out ten years before we were married my wife was unfaithful during our engagement but has been loyal since, I want a divorce for her doing that, he would think that should be the thing to do.
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It doesn't really matter what you're certain of, or what someone would advise. That's completely beside the point. Though even then, you assume a level of certainty that doesn't exist in real life. You can't simply declare "and they've been loyal since," because there's no way to know that. And plenty of reason to doubt it, if they've shown themselves willing to violate that trust before. This makes the question abstract at best.
When you learn of the infidelity, your ability to trust that person is damaged. And not being able to trust someone is a pretty darn good reason not to be married to them.
When you learn of the infidelity, your ability to trust that person is damaged. And not being able to trust someone is a pretty darn good reason not to be married to them.
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The OP might be BJ dude, but I'm not into crazy rumors or conspiracy-type-theory thingies.
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If someone wanted to divorce their wife for being unfaithful before they actually got married, but during the actual engagement or dating period... more than likely, there would be other factors at play for why the man (or woman, if it's an unfaithful man) would seek a divorce. Like maybe she hasn't been the best wife, but upon learning this new information, that finally broke the camel's back.
And you know what? That's something that might -- and probably will be the case, I suspect -- happen with this lady if she marries this guy she's currently cheating on. She'll probably be a weak wife. She might not be the best there could be. The husband could always feel this way, but there would be nothing to leave her for... until he learns about what she did in the past. You can't act like it's definitely going to be a happy marriage until she comes out about her past. It absolutely may not be. And with a woman like this -- with what we know of her character -- well, she might not be good to him.
And you know what? That's something that might -- and probably will be the case, I suspect -- happen with this lady if she marries this guy she's currently cheating on. She'll probably be a weak wife. She might not be the best there could be. The husband could always feel this way, but there would be nothing to leave her for... until he learns about what she did in the past. You can't act like it's definitely going to be a happy marriage until she comes out about her past. It absolutely may not be. And with a woman like this -- with what we know of her character -- well, she might not be good to him.
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