That's quite inspirational. I try to do as much of that "grabbing of life" as I can, although that's not always easy.
I'm a pretty rational and ambitious guy, but I can also be very reluctant to take big decisions, especially if they're a leap in the dark. I prefer to look before I leap instead of the other way around.
Thanks. I don't think I've ever been described as inspirational before--in fact my ex-wives would tell the kids, "Stop that, you're getting to be just like your dad!"
Big decisions can be scary--like my daddy once told me, "Son, you never really know a woman until you divorce her!" And certainly I wouldn't tell you to go off half-cocked, and try to leap the Grand Canyon. There's nothing wrong with assessing the facts of the situation. But I've found that I usually get a gut feeling as to what I should do, or at least want to do, and sometimes it really is better to go with your gut or your heart rather than what seems like the proper or even easy thing to do. Yeah, that leap into the dark is scarey and sometimes you really do end up busting your butt, but you'll learn from that, too. And like I said, looking back from my 60s, the things I regret most of all are the things that I thought about too long and ended up not doing rather then when I just said "What the hell!" and cast my fate to the winds. If nothing else, it will be a new adventure. And if it turns out to be a mistake, cheer up--there will be other opportunities along the way.
I'm not a very easy person to be around for a long period of time but I am happy with my girlfriend now, so I'm hoping she's the person I can finally settle down with. We're still kind of in the "don't wanna miss a thing" stage, to cite that corny Aerosmith song haha. We've only been together for 3 months, but this is already quite a long time for me.
Uh-oh, that sounds familar! Been down that route many times myself and finally figured out that I was in love with falling in love (oddly enough an older cousin once told me that when I was in my teens and 50 years later I realized she was right.) Infatuation is fun! When you're just connecting with someone and can't wait to see her again, and you're getting to know each other and discovering all the things you share and want. Man, that's the highest kind of natural high there is!! But no one can maintain that high forever--it's physically and mentally impossible. Sooner or later you have to come down to earth and realize that although you were counting on seeing her tonight, she's got a family function to attend and you're just not yet family. You find out that in addition to all the things you share, there are also things on which you disagree. But that's life--and I don't mean some empty Que Sara phrase--that's
Life, that's reality, that's the world in which the both of you have to function and respond to other demands on your time and emotions. Infatuation is easy, love in the real world is hard, and marriage is damn near impossible unless you both are ready to give 100% every day. 50-50 won't cut it, because some day you or she may be sick, tired, or just gripey and giving only 25%. So if the other partner is putting out the usual 50%, there's gonna be a big gap that love will fall through, so you both have to be ready to carry the whole load on those days your partner doesn't seem to be carrying any.
I used to be bad about not wanting to commit. After my last divorce, I'd tell ladies up front I didn't want to get married again. And I didn't want to live with someone and be accountable only to them. We'd be together as long as it was fun for both of us, and if it quit being fun for one, it was time to go. Some didn't want to play that game and left immediately, but that's their right. Others stuck around for various periods. But if you don't want to commit to her, you can't expect her to commit to you. You gonna date around, then you got to give her in your mind your permission to run around on you, too. you can't be jealous about someone you won't commit to.
Anyway, I did that for some years and never worried a bit about the old ploy "someday you'll end up all alone." Not true. If you ever attract love once, you can attract it again. But infatuation where it's all just the good times is not what love is all about. There's also a quieter aspect of love, not always swinging naked on a trapeze. There will be times you also just need someone to take your hand and say "I understand," and you know she really does, someone with whom you can share memories and victories and losses, and although your hair falls out and she can no longer squeeze into those sexy gowns you used to buy her, you can still see why you fell in love with her and you know you can depend on her, and she knows the same about you. There's a satisfaction in that you have to experience to believe, and you can have it, but you have to work for it.
And the place to start is with your statement, "I'm not a very easy person to be around for a long period of time." Why not??? Deep down you've got to know what you've been doing that turns off friends, lovers, even strangers. It can't be all the hundreds of them, it must be at least partly something you do or don't do. The very fact that you mention it tells me it bothers you. OK, you recognize the problem--now start working on it. A linquist has to know something about communicating so start communicating. And the best way to start communicating is to start listening to others. The people who others think are the best conversationalists are really the ones who are the best listeners.
And if your present lady friend is the one you "hope you can finally settle down with," a good way to start is to make sure you're the one she'd like to settle down with, too. If you really want to settle down, then you
must get past that "I'm not easy to be around" schtick and become someone she wants to be around.
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