Hollywood Cliches

Thats for sure

What about old movies where they would fight in suites and there hats never fell off.

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Chases: In John Ford's classic western Stagecoach, the Indians chase the coach for 11 minutes exchanging shots with the passengers. Not one Indian ever thinks of shooting the horses. Meanwhile, in modern times, all cars have super shocks and can sustain a high-speed pursuit over the bouncy streets of San Francisco without any mechanical damage.

Shooting: Although today's wartime technology enjoys automatic targeting, in the futuristic Star Wars movies, this ability has been lost. Darth Vader's stormtroopers cannot hit a thing with their laser guns. In westerns, though cowboys can shoot the gun out of a fleeing villain's hand while galloping violently on horseback. Guns never need reloading. But if they do, the hero always has extra clips, even if it isn't his gun.

Cops: In police movies, a hero like Dirty Harry can leave a trail of mayhem and bloodshed and never have to stick around to report or face a shooting inquiry or, God forbid, get suspended. But if he is suspended, that's the only time he can solve the case.

Injuries: Only the head and chest are mortal spots for injuries. Any bullet, knife or spear that strikes the arms, shoulders or legs constitutes a "flesh wound" and effectively gives the hero a pass.

Fights: In screen fistfights, two men will slug each other with no apparent damage. No one ever gets a concussion or even a loose tooth. They are always well choreographed. The sound of knuckles connecting to jaws suggests an elephant could be rendered unconscious with such a blow. No one ever gets a concussion from a club on the head. They are merely rendered unconscious until their protagonist gets away. When facing a gang, the hero fights only one enemy at a time. The others will dance around menacingly awaiting their turn. A man will show no effect while taking a vicious beating. But he will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

Cars: When driving a car, even on a straight road, the hero must turn the steering wheel vigorously back and forth. Also, he can turn his head and talk to his passenger without having to keep an eye on the road. Convenient parking is always available in front of the building they are going to. Non one ever shoots the tires of a fleeing car. (See Stagecoach above). Any car that crashes, bursts into flame.

Phones: People always answer the telephone on the first ring. Also no one bothers to say goodbye or otherwise signal an end to the conversation. They simply hang up. Police do not have the Star 69 ability but still require a hero to try and keep a suspect on the phone while they trace the call. The villain hangs up second before the trace is complete.

Broadcasting: A news bulletin on TV or radio will suddenly increase in volume when it is relevant to the character onscreen. Also that person will become upset and angrily turn the set off, even though the bulletin isn't over yet. TV crews armed with only video cameras have the ability to transmit live to the studio even though there are no cables or transmitters in sight.

Recording: People in movies haven't caught up to today's sound and video technology. Police interrogations or wiretaps are still recorded on big old reel-to-reel machines. Home movies are also viewed on 16mm projectors, not VCRs. Even small surveillance recorders are open-reel, never a cassette that doesn't show any around-and-around action. Even the cheapest convenience-store surveillance camera, however; can yield an image of a suspect that is amazingly clear. If not, authorities simply magnify blurry faces in the frame until they are portrait sharp. Similarly, brilliant police sound technicians are able to filter out perfect human voices from audio tapes that appear to have nothing but noise on them.

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Here's some more

Guns never need reloading.
Trained assassins can't hit the good guy.
Plate glass doors shatter like church windows.
Instant phone connections.
And heroes shake off punches that would kill a horse.

After generations of dream-factory output, the motion picture industry has developed a catalogue of script shortcuts and conveniences designed to efficiently advance the plot but which often insult and infuriate even the casual movie-goer.

"Let's get out of here!" is sad to be the most commonly used line of dialogue in moviedom. Uttered by a hero, it inevitably sets off an action-packed fight and flight sequence that will herald a host of other movie cliches.

Some have been around as long as movies: the six-gun that seems to hold an endless supply of bullets; gunshots in the arms and legs that merely "wing" a hero without causing pain, infection or even bleeding.

Others are relatively new. All window panes, even thermal glass in high-rise office buildings, tend to be as delicate as spun sugar and shatter spectacularly whenever someone is tossed into one.
While it's easy to make light of Hollywood scriptwriters' laziness, some filmmakers are as offended as the dedicated movie buffs.
Canadian director David Cronenberg says while the cliches are practical from one point of view, Hollywood reality becomes reality and moviegoers can get just as upset if they aren't fed the language they've been raised on.

"You begin to worry that people will only see Hollywood movies, that they won't understand any other kind of movie," he says.
Cronenberg says such cliches make people feel secure and comfortable and he doesn't want his audience secure and comfortable. He wants to take them somewhere else.

"So I would consciously avoid those if I can, and if I do use them try and use them in a perverse way."

Here are a few other tongue-in-cheek examples culled from an Internet site called Live, Learn and Eat Popcorn:

• During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

• If being chased through town, one can usually hide in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade no matter what time of year.

• It's easy to land a plane provided there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

• A solider can survive combat unless he makes the mistake of showing someone a picture of his sweetheart back home.

• In order to pass yourself off as a German officer, it is not necessary to speak the language, merely to talk in a German accent.

• If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noise in their most revealing underwear.

• Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter Password Now.

• Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their families breakfast but the husband and kids never have time to eat them.

• A single match is sufficient to light up a room the size of the SkyDome.

• Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright, panting and sweating.

• All bombs are fitted with timing devices that include large, red LED numbers that provide a highly visible countdown.

• In an emergency, a movie hero has the innate ability to instantly figure out how to fire a weapon. The same holds true for strange vehicles, from fork-lift trucks to steamshovels.

• Any lock can be picked in seconds using only a hairpin or credit card - unless a child is trapped in a burning building on the other side of the locked door. Also snoopers still enjoy open keyholes even though they are virtually nonexistent today.

Airplanes: Whenever a flight crew is disabled and an inexperienced non pilot has to take over, the first button or lever touched will always cause the plane to instantly nosedive until frantic instruction corrects the cruising level.

Alcohol: In Twister, when they collect all the empty cans so they can fix them to the data-balls to make 'dorothy' fly, almost ALL of the cans are PEPSI(or other pepsi products) - there are no BEER or COKE cans to be found.

Aliens: If there is more than one or two of an alien race, they are always roughly the same size as humans.

Animals: Dogs always know who's bad, and bark at them.

Answering Machine: If the hero listens to his answering machine and one important message is unexpected then he usually has two very short messages on the tape before, one spoken by a man, one by a women. "Here'a John! I see you tomorrow at eight.".... beep ... "This is Sallieeeeee! I'll call again later." ... beep .... and then finally "Ahhhh! The killer is .....". If however the message is expected be sure that it will be the first one on the tape.

Asteroids: Asteroids are usually locked into orbits, but if a comet comes by, they can be bumped out of their rut and become dangerously unstable.

Bars/Drinking: Movie heroes in a bar will either order strong alcoholic drinks and swallow them down like iced tea or will ask for milk. The latter will always provoke sarcastic remarks and a fight will ensue.

Binoculars/Glasses: A villain will always commit murder right in front of the window when someone with binoculars is watching.

Biology/Genetics: Radiation causes mutation not to your future children, but to you, there and then. Mutation is never immediately fatal, but first either makes you into a formless blob, or a functional creature with animal-like features.

Bodily Functions: People never cough, sneeze, blow their noses, or show any other symptoms of being in less than perfect health.

Bombs: Evil geniuses who devise bombs to destroy things/people always have them detonate after at least an hour, giving the hero ample time to defuse it.

Cabs: Movie passengers either don't pay cabs at all, or have the exact change.

Cars: No one fumbles for car keys right before a car chase. they always jump right in and start the car up because they've left the keys in the ignition. Not a great idea in any major city.

Chases: Chasees will always stop to throw obstacles (trash cans, lumber, chairs) in their pursuers' way. No matter that they take three times as long to dump the obstacles as it takes the chasers to simply jump over them.

Clothing: Male characters generally are cold-natured. They need to wear jeans and leather jackets when the female characters are comfortable in cutoffs and a halter top.

Computers: High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA, or some such governmental institution, will have easy to understand graphical interfaces.

Conversations: Two people will often converse while one stares out the window, with their back to the other. When an emotional point is made, the first person will turn around.

Crime: When you go to rob a bank in a film, you will always choose the teller who has just started his or her first day on the job.

Death: If a person good person dies with his eyes open, a friend will close them, and they will remain closed. If a villain dies with his eyes open, no one will close them, and the camera will linger on his face.

Dining: The hero and heroine in love always get a great table in a restaurant, even in New York City at lunch on Saturday (When Harry Met Sally).

Elevators: Movie elevators are always ready at that floor. But if the hero/heroine is being chased, elevator won't come.

Environment: Storms start instantaneously: there's a crack of thunder and lightning, then heavy rain starts falling.

Evidence: Incriminating evidence can be found either as photograph number four in a stack, or in the next to bottom drawer.

Yes, on your bathroom door maybe

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Ain't no rocket scientists in the Fire Hall

A beautiful woman can attract an man, well at least those who are not homer sexuals

I have been a firefighter for 20 years I have been to hundreds of traffic accidents and car fires. I have only once seen a car explode. How do Tractor trailers explode by the way seeing that they use diesel, not gasoline?

That's the movies for you!! These people don't think about what would happen in real life, they think about having the best explosions in their movie

The main sports team of the movie, no matter how untalented or unorganized at first, always manages to pull themsleves together to win the championship.