The Joke Thread

2 cows in a feild one says moo the other says you c*nt i was just about to say that.
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Man walks into a bar!!!!!!
"Ouch"



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theres a chicken lying in bed smoking a ciggarette he angrily turns round to the egg and says well i guess we just answered that one then.

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Bosnian Land Mine Victim: Doctor, something is wrong... I can't feel my legs!

Doctor: Yes, we've had to amputate both your arms

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what do you call a frenchman that wears sandals?

Phillipe Floppy


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Whats round and Orange ?

An Orange

Whats green and square ?

An Orange in Disguise.



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whats orange and sounds like a parrot?

a carrot

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Another high quality post by Fez Wizardo

What do you call a man with no arms or legs, in the middle of the ocean?
Bob.

What do you call a man with no arms or legs, on you front door step?
Matt.

What do you call a man with no arms or legs, helping you fix your car?
Jack.

What do you call a man with a spade in his head?

Doug

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a hole in the ground?
Phil.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs hung up on the wall?
Art.

I love those!

man that orange one had me in hysterics for ages and not one person i've told it to has laughed.

i must be reaching the top of the hill

I liked the orange one.
<<<<<<<see?

Just out of interest, boop () do you have random siggy on or do you change it each day?

I don't answer to Boop.


(random.shhhhhhhh.)

hello, i'm a fez wizardo, you can call me fez, wizzo, wizzy, fezwiz, or tony if you like, but never FW or Fezzo

anyway if you think you have it bad, just think, you could be an egg - you only get laid once, smashed once and the only bird that sits on your face is your mother.

1) At lunchtime, sit in your parked car and point a hair-dryer at
passing cars to see if they slow down.

2) Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)

3) Insist that your e mail address be: [email protected]' or '[email protected]'"

4) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

5) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronised
chair dancing.

6) Put your waste bin on your desk and label it 'IN.' (This is a
'must do')

7) Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

8) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

9) Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."

10) Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."

11) Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire working area. Insist to others that you like it that way.

12) dont use any punctuation

13) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

14) Ask people what sex they are.

15) Specify that your drive through order is "to go."

16) Sing along at the opera.

17) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

18) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same
outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.)

19) Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."

20) Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.

21) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their
party 'cause you're not in the mood.a

That's the only one that actually got an audible chuckle out of me.

8) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso

trust me that one works - and the results speak for themselves

I love my jokes I do
(suddenly i feel the need to explain this - not as in my own jokes but as in i'm a joker, but er not in that sense, but as in y'know ?)

Specify your drive-through order is to go? MwHahhahMwaBwahha!

I am known to some as...Tim

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"I was walking down the street with my friend and he said, "I hear music", as if there is any other way you can take it in. You're not special, that's how I receive it too. I tried to taste it but it did not work." - Mitch Hedberg

Well I don't have the resources at my fingertips right now Chris.

Fez, we're quoting Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Someday Spud, you are going to quote something so flawlessly...that Chris will have to say," Well done pig."