Omni's Random Video Noise

Wow. Just... wow. I wasn't expecting anything good, but I wasn't expecting anything this BAD. This is monumentally bad. A FEAT in badness-okay, I'll lay off the "bad" for now, but come on, I'm literally impressed by how roundly incompetent this movie is.

Everything from the acting to the story to the fighting to the sound of Roger Corman physically ripping the movie away from plausible reality just creates this catastrophic mess which we see on screen.

The only occasionally commendable aspect of the entire movie are the practical effects, I legit wasn't expecting the robot's head to actually have machinery in it, but that's just how low my expectations WERE at that point.

I usually give a movie about 15 minutes to engage me and not 5 minutes into this movie I realized that had I been taking notes of everything I could complain about on an index card, I'd have already filled it. The WHOLE MOVIE is going to be like this isn't it?


I won't list everything wrong with the movie, I CAN'T, but I'll pick out what immediately comes to mind:

*sigh* Okay...

The robot is not programmed to emote, but emotes anyway.

Everyone speaks in exposition and either fails to emote at all, emotes too much, or emotes inappropriately.

The movie doesn't know how to layer laser effects to show depth of field so an unconvincing model ship looks even more fake shooting at an unconvincing stop-motion giant.

The story involves a protagonist who can see into the future and uses it to change the future, but when the other protagonist asks why he hasn't been using it to help them, he says it's "against the law" to change the future/destiny. So he broke the law to show how he refuses to break the law.

The same character outright refuses to survive a hilariously abrupt explosion which doesn't leave a mark on him for the same reasons. He dies because it's illegal to live.

I have no idea what's going on most of the time, but I managed to conclude that heroes cause more damage than the villains because they throw an entire city at him. DON'T WORRY! There's a throwaway line about evacuating it first.

All told, it's beyond me to do this movie justice, just watch this clip:


This is easily the most flawed movie I think I've ever seen in my entire life, but it's packed full of more cheese than Wisconsin and it's just far too easy to make fun of.

Get some friends together and have a blast.

Deer, Dogs, Fishing, Ice Cream, I don't think I've ever seen a movie that's spent as much attention on the male protagonist's body as the carnage that body causes. I mean it, cause whoever made this movie ****ing loves the **** out of Arnold Schwarzenegger. He even gets a speedo scene.

And I can't blame 'em, just look at those rippling pecs, those rolling biceps, those steel buns, and total inability to do drama! This movie was made for him.

This is basically all you could want or reasonably expect from a Schwarzenegger movie, but with the cheese-o-meter just slightly overcranked. It's a bog-standard plot you could see from a country mile away and it's crammed full of one-liners ranging from the terrible to the epic.

There are a couple brief lulls in the story, but mostly it's fast-paced and key in the ignition. An odd bit is the music which violently kicks into gear out of nowhere giving you mood whiplash, but once it's going it's tough to talk it down.

My biggest complaint may be fairly predictable at this point, but it would have to be the female lead who mercifully evades my outright dislike by never going full love interest, but still manages to put off merely because of her half-assed inclusion into the story.


I don't mind giving Arnold a buddy, I'm all for it, but it didn't seem like they were trying here, they just threw a woman into the role to contrast his invincibility with her relative helplessness. She does have one great moment of initiative in the movie which I won't spoil (suffice it to say it was a great fakeout), but altogether I think my biggest issue is Arnold's character barely acknowledges her at all.

She has an extremely flimsy foundation for breaking the law multiple times to follow him around despite not knowing him at all and she doesn't even have his positive reinforcement to encourage her, they even make a joke out of him snuffing her for asking questions, come on! Give us something! Make me feel like this relationship isn't so convenient!

I've never seen Rambo, but following Arnold's transformation sequence from bikini model to super soldier, we get an extraordinarily protracted firefight in which he decimates an ENTIRE COMPOUND OF BAD GUYS, I feel like I have. The regular minions only ever manage to scar him with some grenade shrapnel, but beyond that he never gets shot and he racks up such and ungodly killcount that it's obvious that these guys went to the Stormtrooper School of Marksmanship.

People get blown up, they get shot multiple times, Arnold even gets chased into a toolshed and comes out with pitchforks and saw blades to start hackin' limbs off, it's just LUDICROUS the level of self-indulgent violence we get here. And to top it off we get a showdown with his rival who he goads into overacting manages to kill him with a bad one-liner.

Oooohh... you know how you do...

Time will tell if this proves to be one I revisit, but as it stands I only have one thing to say to people who don't like this movie: The **** is wrong with you?

I generally don't like crime/gangster movies and the reason is pretty simple: I can't empathize with these guys.

If I can't relate to the characters then I want their story, at the very least, to be engaging on it's own merits. If you can't hook me with the character, hook me with what the character is doing.