Everything Sucks - Let Me Explain

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Iro's Top 100 Movies v3.0

There are certain chemicals I wish I had more of in my bag!

And now this...

What is it with you and Limp Bizkit?

Some day you'll see things my way.

This is an interesting thread. There's so much to talk about. I appreciate that you've put yourself out there Yasashii, that you're honest and you genuinely want to talk about something that is vital in life. There's so much though that it's hard to know where to start.

I guess I'll start with some criticism. I think the first thing you need to do, Yasashii, is admit to your own bias. Everyone has bias. I know you're trying to be objective, but you need to understand that there is a lot of subjectivity in your premise, argument, and conclusion. What I mean by subjectivity is not relativity, but feelings. For one thing you said that you've tried the happiness approach, but what you don't seem to understand is that it doesn't work that way. The reason it didn't work for you was because deep down that just wasn't you and the entire time you were doing it you weren't being honest with yourself. You were essentially fighting against your own personal character to try that perspective out. But the reason it failed for you is not necessarily the reason why it fails for others, or the reason why it can't be a valid approach at all. Your outlook on life is unbalanced, skewed towards the negative. But you don't admit that you're a pessimist. Maybe you take issue with the word "pessimism" and you don't like it or want to be that. But essentially you are being that, by definition. You focus on the negative. Correct me if I'm wrong by all means.

I don't think the reason why a lot of people start avoiding you once they get to know you is the reason you've concluded. I think that superficially nice people simply want to avoid your negativity. You make them feel like crap, and they are trying to make themselves feel good. They may be lying to themselves as they go through life, or they may genuinely be working hard at being happy for themselves and not actually care as much about you as they claim or pretend to. There's a line in an Ozu film, when a man gives his daughter away in marriage and he tells her that she has to work hard at happiness and it takes years to achieve. The reason why so many people fail is because it's not easy. It's easy to be depressed, which is really just another word for feeling sorry for yourself. Giving in to depression actually releases endorphins in your brain which causes euphoria. In other words feeling sorry for yourself and crying about it actually feels good. Crying actually feels good. It's intense emotion. This is a philosophy I adopt, "It's okay to cry, but don't feel sorry for yourself." I went through depression when I was 18. I would not get out of bed one morning. I would not go to school. I stayed in bed crying all day. That depression lasted about a year, though it was never as severe as it was initially. Eventually I came out of it. What triggered my depression was a combination of stress and anxiety at work and school, negative influence from music I was listening to, and a negative outlook on life. I was angry at people I loved for their lack of honesty. I was angry at total strangers for their ignorance and apathy. I eventually realised that the meaning of life is to glorify God, and I set my life on that track. I've never looked back.

There's one final thing I want to talk about now in this post, love. You, sadly, do not know what love is. What you have been referring to as love is not love, and it is not even one single particular thing. You've been talking about romantic attraction, sexual happiness, lust, and what you refer to as "falling in love" is called "a crush." When you have intense attraction to someone, that is a crush. Crushes come and go. The reason why crushes intensify and last for a long time is because you keep entertaining those thoughts. The reason they eventually subside is because you eventually move on, and stop thinking so much about that person and the possibilities of immense happiness with them. The reason why it hurts so much is because the expectations, wants, desires, needs, and hopes are so great. Crushes come and go though. The brain has momentum, so the more you think about something the harder it gets to stop thinking about it. If you meet a pretty girl, and she's everything you want in a woman (in your case probably sad and lonely like you, and I mean no offense by that so sorry if you feel like I'm calling you a loner or something. That's not my intention). But if that encounter is brief and you never see her again it will fade quickly. However, if you run into that person regularly then it keeps triggering, and the more you get to know her the more you like her and want to be with her. If all of those hopes keep building and then suddenly you see that she just got engaged to some other guy, they come crashing down and it's very painful. That is not love though. That "feeling" is just endorphins in your brain, desires for happiness, and probably sexual lust because sex feels great (orgasms are euphoric). Love is not a feeling or an emotion. Love is an action. Love is when even though your family makes you angry you forgive them and work hard at restoring and building up the relationship. Love is when you make sacrifices for people you care about. Love is when you go out of your way to make someone else happy for no reason other than you have a personal connection with them that transcends genetics and biology. The greatest love of all is when a person lays down their life to save the ones they care about. Love is not caring for others. Love is not affection. Love is doing something for the ones you care about. Love is an expression of affection.

I can tell you from first-hand experience that there is no such thing as good things and people. You dig deep enough, you'll always eventually find out why a particular thing is crappy and why a given person is actually a grade A prick, just like the rest of us. As for situations and opportunities, sure, some of them can be good. It's just the ratio of situations which appear nice at first and then turn into a major poostorm vs. the ones that actually are good, period, that bothers me a bit.

Also, could you tell me what compels you to believe that negativity is something that can only be destructive?

Because there are many people who are downright unapproachable and yet great at what they do. Negative emotions can drive a person to do great things. For instance, I had a very annoying English tutor when I was a kid. She made me feel like I was a hillbilly. She stressed me out a lot. I got grounded numerous times because of the things she told my mother about my progress. I absolutely hated her but if it wasn't for her, I probably wouldn't have become an English teacher because as much as she clearly didn't care about making me feel good about myself, she did care about the grades I got at school so that my parents would keep sending me to her so she gets paid. And if I didn't want to prove to her that I'm not a moron even if I hated her, I wouldn't have studied.

Happiness is just one of the things you can use to motivate yourself. Not the only thing. we continually convince ourselves that it is because it gives us that warm, fuzzy feeling. And because we've been taught by the society that it's the only right emotion.

And how does one exactly "create and cultivate" happiness in all situations? How about when people don't have money to feed their kids? How about when people's houses get burnt down to the ground and they couldn't afford insurance? How about when people get terrible, painful terminal diseases? How about people with depression who struggle to get out of bed in the morning and have to fight themselves every day not to drink bleach? How are they supposed to find happiness in those situations?


Edit: Zotis, I'll gladly call myself a pessimist. I do have pretty good reasons for that though, hence this thread.

You're absolutely right about misery feeling good in a twisted way. It's actually been compared to an addiction. Hard to get out of it, though, when life constantly keeps feeding me my mojo.

And you're wrong about the crush part. I can tell the difference between that and actual love, don't worry about that. Notice that I haven't shared the specifics of my story. And I don't want to, since this is the internet and at least some things should remain personal. Please don't judge my experience without a solid basis for it.

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Check out my blog: Yasashii's Retro Game Playground

Yasashii - so much to respond to, so little time.

You probably view me as an adversary in debate form, but you actually sound very much like the voice in my head - the one that's always been there - the one that made me a pragmatist, an analytical thinker, that drove me from Christianity to Agnosticism and which makes me rant to people on the truth about terrorism.

A certain degree of negativity, pragmatism, realistic thinking, anticipating the worst so you can plan for it (call it what you will) is okay as long as it's channelled to productive ends, but when kept unchecked it tears one down and effects all those close by. Balance is always the answer. As Siddhartha Gautama said: "If the string is too loose, the instrument will not play. If it is too tight, it will snap."

Yasashii, you say there are no good things or good people, but there can be good situations and people can be good at what they do even if they're negative. This to me sounds like a contradiction. How can someone be good at what they do and not be good? For someone who teaches English your vocabulary is a little bit lacking. I'm going to do my best and try to actually determine what you mean without taking what you say out of context. So I think what you're getting at is that you don't think people can be morally upright, but you do think they can be skilled. I'm not really sure what you mean by good things though. If there are no good things, but people can be good at what they do, why can't people make and do good things?

This is the definition of happiness according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, "A state of well-being and contentment; a pleasurable or satisfying experience." Okay, so the motivation can be the desire to reach that state, if that's what you're getting at, but happiness itself is a state that you are in, and it's an emotion that you feel. You can't say it isn't genuine. That's like saying the word should be stricken from the dictionary because it is a lie. No, happiness is a real thing that people experience. I'm sorry if you're life is miserable and everything in your life sucks, and you don't know any good people, but you're experience doesn't dictate reality. I'm genuinely happy most of the time because it's a state that I cultivate. You have to work for happiness. You can't just sit around and feel sorry for yourself and expect to be happy. It's no one else's job to make you happy. It's your job to make yourself happy. If you don't want to be happy, then you don't have to be. But I think you need to face reality here and stop deluding yourself.

Now, I know you were talking to Captain Steel, but I found this really interesting and wanted to respond to it. I don't really think that you can be happy in every situation at all times. When bad things happen to you it hurts. But the point is that the pain doesn't last forever. It's okay to be sad when you're hurting. I don't know you, and I don't know what you've experienced, but let's say hypothetically that your wife died shortly after marrying her and that's ruined your life and hurled you into an endless nightmare of depression. How would someone cope with an experience like that and find happiness again in life? The answer is by living for something greater. I gather that you don't believe in God, but he is who I love and live for, and he is the source of my greatest joy in life. Because my hope is for something more than anything this world has to offer it does not depend on suffering here in this life. I look forward to the life to come, eternal life. When you have a relationship with God then you are truly free. Nothing can take it away. No prison can hold you. Pain is temporary, and his love endures forever. You may think that's silly, but it's not just a hope for a happiness that will come after death. It is happiness now and it can never be taken away from me. God is not something I hypothetically believe in. He is a person that I interact with every day. If you don't believe me then you should read the historical accounts of the martyrs. The people who Nero put in the gladiatorial arena with wild beasts. They went happily to their deaths full of joy. Jan Hus was burnt at the stake, and he died singing hymns.

I wasn't judging your experience. Your definition of love is not inaccurate according to the dictionary. But I was challenging that definition and redefining love as an action. I love my father. And how I love my father is by doing good things to and for him. I help him, I spend time with him, I do him favors, I make sacrifices for him, I give him gifts etc... Those are the expressions of my love. If I say I love him and don't do those things and treat him like crap, then it begs the question. Do I really love him? But the world is full of people who felt the same love that you described, and twenty years later didn't love that person anymore and got divorced. I don't think that's real love, because it doesn't necessarily last. I will never stop loving my father, but that is a personal choice of mine. Even when he hurts me I forgive him and refuse to give up on him. That is a different kind of love. It's a promise. It's unconditional. It's hard work.

I think about the bad stuff, I think about the good stuff. But if you're a person who prefers to think about all the good in the world (even if it's pretty much every day, some people really do feel that happy), then there's nothing wrong with that.

Describing love as chemicals is really only half of what it is. Your brain is interactive at all times, including then. You might be a misjudge of character sometimes (or maybe even often), but that doesn't mean it's all artificial.

Where I agree: Yes, love has a lot to do with looks. However, there's a reason why you can find some people sexy but you're not in love with them, and why you for some people feel stronger emotions. Unless it's someone on the internet (and you still have to meet the person before you know how you really feel), it also has to do with behavorial patterns. Body language (especially how the hands move) and most notably the sound of the voice. Maybe the voice sticks out somehow? He/she talks in a way which sticks out in a positive way. I can't fall in love with someone I haven't even heard speak. This is a fact. It just is impossible. Maybe I've become so infatuated with the face the voice automatically attracts me, but then it's still a lot about surface isn't it? If you meet someone in REAL LIFE first, not second, then uuh...

What the ***** am I even talking about? Oh well, I hope I made my point. Just wanted to liven up a thread I found too cynical for my taste.

I only got this far

What makes you think people who are positive are avoiding or ignoring the sht that happens in the world? That's a pretty massive assumption, Yasashi.

Finally a positive reaction. So sad that it's enthusiasm for so much pessimism.

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"I don't want to be a product of my environment, I want my environment to be a product of me" (Frank Costello)

i want to reply to this thread so much it makes me wiggle!!! but, sadly, i cannot. it will do no good. oh the humanity!!!

*runs away giggling like a 10-year old Japanese school girl, then stops to look back in resignation. sulks off in guilt and grief instead.*



EDIT:
typos galore. holy hell.

Wow, nice subject. While I don't necessarily agree with every little detail of your post, I see and appreciate the overall message.

As for why nothing lasts forever, a few wise people over the ages discovered that nothing in the world of physical form is permanent. They called it "impermanence".

And, as for why there is so much anxiety, depression, conflict, etc., it can all be traced to the human ego and our conditioning, which is nothing short of insane, if it is looked at with openness.

True love is not conditional. "I'll love you as long as you make enough money and our home doesn't get foreclosed." or "I'll love you as long as you don't cheat on me." Desire and attraction are conditional, love is not ... it is only mistaken to be.

We are great at putting on the appearance of happiness and sanity, masking insanity, as we go about our daily routines like pre-programmed conditioned puppets of our desires and fears (again, courtesy of the ego).

For the longest time, I wondered what's up with that bu11$#1t about "focus on the positive" and the meaningless and fake smiles and "How are you doing ?"s ! When there are two polarities, why arbitrarily pick one ? Why not see things just as they are ?

The worst thing is the illusion of control ... over our lives, over others, over external circumstances. And, we put our happiness in the hands of these millions of external variables everyday - the stock market, the news channel, other drivers on the road, coworkers, the housing market, the weather, terrorists, etc. If that's not insane, what is ?

I've been pointed to these truths by a very wise man named Eckhart Tolle