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fez- i like your jokes.......well, almost all of them.
and sades......i like the short name ones too.....my doormat say's HI I'M MAT
here are a few jokes to add ............hope they get some chuckles...
-------------------------------------------------------------
poison:
Jake was on his deathbed. His wife, Susan, was
maintaining a vigil by his side.
She held his fragile hand, and tears ran down her face.
Her praying roused him from his slumber.
He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly.
"My darling Susan," he whispered.
"Hush, my love," she said. "Rest. Don't talk."
He was insistent. "Susan," he said in his tired voice.
"I have something I must confess to you."
"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Susan.
"Everything's all right, go to sleep."
"No, no. I must die in peace, Susan. I slept with your
sister, your best friend, and your mother."
"I know," she replied. "That's why I poisoned you."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Got Balls?"
The Brooklyn Mafia was looking for a new man to make
weekly collections from all the private businesses that they were
protecting.
Feeling the heat from the police force,
they decided to use a deaf person for this job.
Using Mafia reasoning, they figured if he were to get
caught, he wouldn't be able to communicate to the police
what he was doing.
Well, on his first week, the deaf collector picked up well over $50,000.
Foolishly, he got greedy and decided to keep the money.
He then stashed it in a safe place.
The Mafia soon realized that their collection money was late.
The godfather sent a couple of his toughest hoods
after the deaf collector.
When the hoods found the deaf collector they asked him where
the money was.
The deaf collector couldn't communicate with them, so the
hoodlums dragged the guy to a local Brooklyn interpreter.
The Mafia hood said to the interpreter,
"Ask him where da money is." The interpreter signed,
"Where's the money?"
The deaf man replied, "I don't know what you're talking about."
The interpreter told the hood, "He says he doesn't know
what you're talking about."
The hoodlum pulled out a .38 pistol and placed it in the ear of
the deaf collector.
"Now ask him where da money is."
The interpreter signed, "Where is the money?"
The deaf man signed, "The $50,000 is in Central Park,
hidden in the third
tree stump on the left from the West 78th Street gate."
The interpreter turned to the hood,
"He says he still doesn't know what you're talking about.
He also says he doesn't think you have the
balls to pull the trigger!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"An Honest Mistake"
A woman was in a coma. Nurses were in her room giving
her a sponge bath.
One of them was washing her private area and noticed
that there was a
response on the monitor when she touched her.
They went to her husband and explained what happened,
telling him,
"Crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the
trick and bring her out of the coma."
The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that
they'd close the
curtains for privacy. The hubby finally agreed and
went into his wife's room.
After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no
pulse, no heart rate.
The nurses ran into the room. The husband was
standing there, pulling
up his pants, and said, "I think she choked."
and sades......i like the short name ones too.....my doormat say's HI I'M MAT
here are a few jokes to add ............hope they get some chuckles...
-------------------------------------------------------------
poison:
Jake was on his deathbed. His wife, Susan, was
maintaining a vigil by his side.
She held his fragile hand, and tears ran down her face.
Her praying roused him from his slumber.
He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly.
"My darling Susan," he whispered.
"Hush, my love," she said. "Rest. Don't talk."
He was insistent. "Susan," he said in his tired voice.
"I have something I must confess to you."
"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Susan.
"Everything's all right, go to sleep."
"No, no. I must die in peace, Susan. I slept with your
sister, your best friend, and your mother."
"I know," she replied. "That's why I poisoned you."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Got Balls?"
The Brooklyn Mafia was looking for a new man to make
weekly collections from all the private businesses that they were
protecting.
Feeling the heat from the police force,
they decided to use a deaf person for this job.
Using Mafia reasoning, they figured if he were to get
caught, he wouldn't be able to communicate to the police
what he was doing.
Well, on his first week, the deaf collector picked up well over $50,000.
Foolishly, he got greedy and decided to keep the money.
He then stashed it in a safe place.
The Mafia soon realized that their collection money was late.
The godfather sent a couple of his toughest hoods
after the deaf collector.
When the hoods found the deaf collector they asked him where
the money was.
The deaf collector couldn't communicate with them, so the
hoodlums dragged the guy to a local Brooklyn interpreter.
The Mafia hood said to the interpreter,
"Ask him where da money is." The interpreter signed,
"Where's the money?"
The deaf man replied, "I don't know what you're talking about."
The interpreter told the hood, "He says he doesn't know
what you're talking about."
The hoodlum pulled out a .38 pistol and placed it in the ear of
the deaf collector.
"Now ask him where da money is."
The interpreter signed, "Where is the money?"
The deaf man signed, "The $50,000 is in Central Park,
hidden in the third
tree stump on the left from the West 78th Street gate."
The interpreter turned to the hood,
"He says he still doesn't know what you're talking about.
He also says he doesn't think you have the
balls to pull the trigger!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"An Honest Mistake"
A woman was in a coma. Nurses were in her room giving
her a sponge bath.
One of them was washing her private area and noticed
that there was a
response on the monitor when she touched her.
They went to her husband and explained what happened,
telling him,
"Crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the
trick and bring her out of the coma."
The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that
they'd close the
curtains for privacy. The hubby finally agreed and
went into his wife's room.
After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no
pulse, no heart rate.
The nurses ran into the room. The husband was
standing there, pulling
up his pants, and said, "I think she choked."
__________________
on dance seul, on dance seul.....
on dance seul, on dance seul.....
